Keeping secrets from Sarek
Ok this is just a plot bunny that's been nuzzling at my brain all day…it's difficult to focus at school in English literature when this baby is running through your head
SPIRK SPOCK/KIRK KOCK SPORK…whatever fandom name you prefer
Anyway just another admission of feelings, some angst, little bit of fake unrequited love…I basically wanted to write a spirk fic that wasn't pure fluff and happiness, little bit of rejection, personal battle, defiance of culture…
Obviously I do not own Spock or Kirk, or Sarek or any of the star trek people – Gene Roddenberry / JJ Abrahams get the credit for them
Based on nu trek/star trek 2009 peeps ZQ (Zachary Quinto) and Chris pine for the win
Rated t for little bit of sex suggestion…nothing nosebleed-worthy but still
Hope people like it x
"But…but spock… I love you…don't you understand what I'm-" Jim protested to a retreating Spock, who hastily covered his captain's mouth with his hand, as to stop him letting the whole bridge crew know his feelings. They were standing in Jim's quarters, Jim having just told Spock that he loves him…
Spock is dumbfounded by the admission and knows that, whatever his heart is telling him, he cannot possibly reciprocate the feelings…or at least he cannot tell Jim that he does. He decides to lie, to deny his desires to uphold his vulcan traditions, he must marry a vulcan woman and start a family, not go cavorting around with gorgeous emotional tanned beautiful captains in every position, in every possible place and at every time of the day available…
No he must not do that…however much he wants to and fantasizes about it.
No, he must lie to him, throw him off the scent of a relationship or even just sex, oh god the sex would be amazing, but no, he must dissuade Jim (and himself) from these sinful (yet perfect) thoughts
"yes, captain, I understand perfectly well what you are saying"
spock hissed through gritted teeth, as tingles rippled down his arm as he felt Jim's plump lips moving against his palm. All the pleasure he was feeling was worth it to shut Jim up at that present moment. Spock closed the door he had been about to walk through a few minutes earlier.
He needed to tell Jim straight (to convincingly lie to Jim); he wasn't gay, he was Vulcan, and the feelings Jim was admitting to were foolish, emotionally charged and unfortunately for him, unreciprocated. But Spock could not form the sentence in his mind. He merely stared at his captain's young face before him; his eyes shining brightly, a slight blush fading from his chiselled tan cheekbones, his brow furrowed slightly at being restrained. God he was so damn beautiful…which made lying to him even harder.
He removed his hand from Jim's mouth and stepped back from him, and took a calming breath.
He needed to tell Jim straight…he could never love him (even though every fibre of his being knew he did); however aesthetically pleasing the younger man may be.
Pushing Jim into a sitting position onto the bed, Spock proceeded, carefully.
"Listen to me, Captain. I am not attracted to males, however much you might wish me to be. I am Vulcan, we mate for necessity, and not for pleasure in this respect we are very different to humans, as you may have observed over the time you have known me."
Yes, thought Spock, throw in the Vulcan argument, that always works.
Kirk eyebrows furrowed again, his face cracking at the rejection he was being subject to. He did not reply, so Spock carried on.
" I do not love you…I am sorry captain but your feelings are unreciprocated…I am however very touched that you feel that way for me…but I cannot make a similar admission to you…I am your colleague and of course your friend…but nothing more can develop from our current relationship…you must understand that?
Spock looked down at his captain's face again…tears were welling in those bright blue eyes, and he was blushing again. Spock felt as if his heart was ripping in to inflicting such pain on his captain was harder than he first thought
"Yes…no…it's…its ok Spock…I understand…of course…fuck I'm so stupid for telling you my stupid feelings! I should've just kept them to myself…fuck fuck fuck! I'm such a dick….and now its going to be awkward and there's going to be animosity and tension and it's all my fucking fault…I…I'm sorry spock…just forget I said anything about…love…fucking hell I don't know what I was thinking…of course you don't love me…how could you…your vulcan…vulcans don't feel anything like love…Jesus!"
Kirk cursed, hitting himself on the forehead with his palm and standing up abruptly. He wiped the tears away angrily and closed his eyes tight, frowning and sighing deeply.
"Captain…I am sorry that your admission did not have the desired effect…I do not know what to say to make this situation any better for you"
Spock said, stepping backwards into a wall and leaning against it.
Kirk found himself staring his first officer up and down, admiring his beautiful physique. The midnight black hair, his gorgeous and lickable pointed ears, the tinge of green that rested on his pronounced cheek bones, the dark mysterious eyes, his perfectly shaped lips that Jim really wanted to taste, his tight uniform clinging to his chest muscles and strong vulcan arms, his abs underneath the uniform, moving slightly as he inhaled and exhaled, his tight black Starfleet slacks clinging in all the right places.
Jim looked away almost angrily, inwardly cursing himself for being such a wanton whore, for needing to jump spock's bones so much, and for knowing he could never look at his first officer like that again, knowing he could never touch the pale skin or taste the parted peachy lips, or run his hands through the hair…he could never have the thing he wanted most, the person he wanted most in the world.
Tears sprang in his eyes again as he replayed the conversation they had just had…one tiny phrase was running over and over like a stuck record "I do not love you". It rang in his ears like a horrific bell, pain shot down his spine and stars popped in his eyes.
He realised that the gorgeous Vulcan was still standing against the wall, staring intently at his captain.
"just go spock…it's not your fault, I was an idiot to make myself think I could actually be with you, like, in a relationship…I'm sorry I said anything about it…just forget it ok?"
Jim said waving his hand towards the door of his room, while tears streamed down his tanned cheeks and over his jaw-line.
"Jim…I…I'm so sorry…this can never…it would never work…you are human, I am Vulcan…even if we did try to…not that I haven't thought about it…oh god how I've thought about it…but I can't …I don't think I could…can we just try one thing before I leave?"
Spock said, moving towards the door.
"What? You mean you have been thinking about…us? I mean it sure sounds like that…would it really not work…I mean I could teach you how we humans court their mates…I mean…yeah sure…what do you wanna try? I'm up for anything…surely you realise that by now?"
Jim said looking up from his hands, he had been trying not to look at his vulcan crew member and think of all the things he could do to him given the chance.
" yes, captain, I am aware of your tendency to jump into situations headfirst without looking first…stand up, and walk towards me…but stop just a few inches away?"
Spock commanded as Jim stared vehemently up at him.
The younger man complied with Spock's will and did as he was told.
"Ok, now what? If you're going to hit me, do it quickly so it hurts less?"
Jim prompted, thinking about all the possibilities of what could happen in the next few seconds.
"I am not going to hit you, Jim…close your eyes…if you would?" Spock said placing his fingers lightly on the tanned eyelids before him and gently closing them.
Jim flushed under the blind scrutiny and silence he was receiving from his first officer. "What is this spock? Hurry up and do what youre gonna do coz I don't have all day to stand here waiting"
He said moving from foot to foot awkwardly. Spock placed his hands at Jim's hips and slowly ran them up his superior's sides, moving them to stroke the muscular tanned biceps and rested them at his shoulders for a millisecond.
He then proceeded to stroke his way along Jim's neck and rested his hands either side of Jim's face.
"What the fuck? I thought you said this could never happen…not gay? I'm beginning to think otherwise…if you were straight you wouldn't know how to-"
Before Jim could raise an eyelid a fraction or finish the sentence he felt hot Vulcan lips on his, pressed lightly against Jim's open mouth. He tried to speak but was silenced as the burning Vulcan tongue enveloped his own. He complied eagerly, wrapping his arms around the vulcans waist and moved his leg between the first officers'.
Spock flushed greener than Jim had ever seen, as kirk moved his hands to rest in the back of his star fleet slacks.
Spock withdrew from kirk and panted lightly for a second.
"I thought you said you didn't love me? I think what we just did constitutes more than friendship in my book…I am utterly confused now"
Jim said, stroking his first officer's face with a calloused fingertip.
"I…I…regret saying that I did not reciprocate your loving feelings…the look on your face damn-near killed me…but you must understand that if my father found out…he…I don't think that he would approve of this arrangement…I am asking you a large favour…to keep us a secret…we can carry on in this manner for as long as we both see fit…but it must be kept a secret…is that possible? Jim??"
spock said moving towards his new lover and placing his hands either side of Jim's head again…
"Jim? Would you focus please?…can you keep it a secret? I need you to tell me if that's possible"
Spock asked again, a desperatation flickering in his dark eyes.
"sorry, I'm just mesmerised by how beautiful you look standing in front of me…yes I can keep it a secret…of course I can…would your father really disapprove… If I could make you happy? Would he still disapprove then? I love you…and you feel the same…right?"
Jim asked looking deep into the eyes of the Vulcan quivering before him
"yes, of course I love you…but I am not sure my father would see it that way…vulcan males are supposed to marry and have children, with women…happiness and love don't really come into it…I know this must be odd for you to imagine…but it is the way vulcans understand relationships…I will be happy…but persuading my father of the fact that I am romantically, even sexually involved with a man, a human man, will be quite a difficult task…but, yes I love you, and we will be together…the crew can know, as long as they do not tell my father…I want him to hear it from me rather than idle crew gossip…it is paramount that you understand this…it is important to me"
Spock finished, breathing out and leaning in towards Jim.
"If it's important to you, then it's important to me…I understand Spock, I do…I can keep a secret"
Jim winked, pulling Spock flush against him and kissing him hard on the mouth again. Spock moaned into the kiss and hugged his captain tightly.
He could deal with all the shit later, right now all spock wanted to do was stay in his beautiful captain's warm embrace for eternity…telling his father would be difficult, but right now spock couldn't care about anything other than the beautiful man wrapped around him and the wonderful things he was doing with his mouth to his
collar bone.
AS I SAID, JUST ANGSTY PAINFUL YET CUTE SPIRK LOVING
NOTHING TO RACY OR SEXUAL… RATED T JUST TO BE SAFE THOUGH
I HOPE IT ISNT TOO CRAPPY…
I'M SURE SAREK WILL BE VERY HAPPY TO FIND OUT THAT SPOCK AND SEXY JIM KIRK ARE GETTING IT ON…HE'S AS GOOD A MATE AS ANYONE ELSE RIGHT?
WELL HES PROBABLY PRETTIER THAN MOST OF THE VULCAN GIRLS ANYWAY
LOVE LOVE LOVE 3
SAD Jim IS PRETTY HEARTBREAKING TO WRITE, LOTS OF CRYING…HE JUST NEED A BIG HUG…I'M SURE MOST PEOPLE WOULD BE HAPPY TO GIVE CHRIS PINE (OOPS I MEAN JIM) A BIG BEAR HUG ANY DAY…TOO BAD HE BELIONGS TO SPOCK
X REVIEW PLEASE