Greetings from me. So, I apologize sincerely for dropping off the face of the earth for so long. I also want to apologize for my writing abilities, or lack thereof for that matter. I seem to have not finished a good 90% of the stories I've written for this fandom, and I'm sorry because I probably won't, ever. I still hope to finish Passed Away, because it was written for someone else and I feel terrible that I'm letting you down. So I've been feeling guilty for several reasons. First off, because of my lack of writing anything for you lately. I'm not sure if you've even noticed because I've seen a lot of new faces on here that probably haven't even read my stories, so they wouldn't know anyone was missing. But I've been writing - drumroll - an actual story of my own with my own characters. Not that I've never tried that before, because obviously I have, but this one is going really well. It's called The Pacifists and it's partially based on the French Revolution. Secondly, I am guilty I haven't finished any of my stories, which haven't been particularly long either. That is why I'm writing this one, which I hope to make longer than usual. I have my reasons. Thirdly, I apologize for my most recently uploaded fanfic, Choose. (To be fair, I did warn you that you would hate me for writing it.) For those of you that haven't read it, it was an Oscara story. I'm sorry. I was laying in bed at the beach and thinking "You know, Oscar isn't so bad. He's actually sort of sweet and handsome. No one in this fandom gives him any credit. Maybe someone should. I sort of even like Natara and him together. They're kind of sweet. They make a nice couple. WAIT AM I SHIPPING OSCARA? Eh, I'm not even sorry." And thus, Choose was born. I wrote the ending first, on my phone, at three a.m. after thinking all of this and scolding myself mentally. I'm still not sorry, I think they're adorable together and I'm starting to ship them harder than Mal and Natara. But I doubt EA will let them happen, and I'll cry. But everyone will laugh at the ONE Oscara shipper (me) and will party while I cry. I don't even care. c:

So after all of that, I realized that what I hate more than anything else is the feeling of guilt. It, like, weighs on you and slowly crushes you into sad oblivion. So that is why I'm going to make this (or try to make this) a longer fanfic than I've ever written. Longer chapters, more chapters, more exciting, the whole ten yards.

I would just like to say hello and welcome all of the new writers that I'm just meeting since I've been half-dead for a while now, and say I love your stories. I'm one of those readers that seldom reviews, mostly due to pure laziness. (Yes, I'm the queen of lazy and procrastination.) And I usually read on my phone, and I'm rarely ever signed in on there. So if I really have the need to review, sometimes it's anonymous. I hardly ever log in just to review. So, even if I haven't reviewed your story, I read pretty much every single one I see and I love them all. You're all fantastic writers and I am continuously beaming with pride to be a part of the Cause of Death fandom.

And now, please, enjoy my newest addition to my messy collection of fanfics, Deviate.

Deviate
Chapter One – There's a Note

Tell Natara I'm sorry.

"Oh my God. What do we do?" Amy cried. "What do we-? …Mal?"

Mal Fallon felt his knees shaking and he sat heavily in the chair next to him. His hands were shaking in anger and the paper in his hand rattled.

"Mal?" Amy repeated uncertainly. "…are you okay?"

"I'm going to kill him," Mal whispered shakily. "I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him."

"Well just hold on a minute!" Amy said. "We have to find Natara! We need to tell her!"

"No!" Mal yelled. "No, we can't! How could we hurt her like this?"

"Mal, it isn't us hurting her," Amy said gently. "It's Oscar."

"They were supposed to get married tomorrow," Mal yelled, louder yet. "How could he just leave her?"

"Mal," Amy whispered urgently. "Please calm down. Natara will be here any minute. How…how are we going to tell her?"

"I don't know," Mal answered. "How do you tell someone their fiancé ditched them the day before their wedding?"

Flash forward four years, I sit on my bed in my house. My fiancé is out in the living room, going through last minute details for our wedding, which will be in exactly two days.

I try not to think about the last time I was engaged; the last time I was someone's fiancé.

My ring glistens on my finger as I move my hand so it catches the light. It was the prettiest ring I'd ever seen. I remember the night I got it.

"Nat," he said, down on one knee. The wind whipped through my hair. We were on the pier where we'd first met. His bangs blew across his face and I swept them away with my finger, a tear running down my face.

"I love you," he had continued. "I love you more than anyone. I didn't know if I would be ready for this; I was so terrified. I knew we both had bad experiences with this kind of stuff… But I thought, maybe if we really tried, we could get through it together. I love you so much more than I have ever loved anyone in my life, Natara. I never, never want to lose you. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Will you do me the honor of being my bride?"

I smile as a tear slips out from between my eyelashes at the same time in my memory I begin crying.

"Yes," I had said. Yes.

"I'm scared," I whisper to my ring. "I love him, but I'm scared and I'm talking to a ring. I'm not good at this. Any of this. This relationship, wedding, love stuff." I laugh, despite myself. "I suck at it."

I need Amy right now; I need my best friend. Well, obviously Mal is my best friend, but he's the last person I want to think I'm having doubts about everything. But I can't talk to Amy; none of us have in years. I wanted her to come to the wedding so badly. We don't know where she is.

"Mal," I say quietly. I peek around the corner into the living room and see him sitting in his favorite chair reading the paper. His eyes are narrowed angrily. "Mal? Can we talk about…?"

"Can you believe this? These idiots in the paper…"

"What happened?" I ask uncertainly.

"There's this man in the paper who was engaged to a woman. And the day before the wedding, she said something to him and he got angry that she didn't 'trust him' or some bullshit and he put a bullet through her head."

"Wait, what?"

"I know! I mean, that's bad but the fact that it was because she didn't trust him? That's just awful."

"Um…so Mal?" I hesitate and wait until he looks up from the paper at me.

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to talk to you…about the wedding."

"Sure, love. What about it?" he asks.

"I'm sort of, um, worried about it. Well just scared I guess. Are you?"

"Mmmm. I guess so," he answers distractedly.

"Like, I mean, you've actually had a failed marriage, and I can't imagine how hard this is on you if it's this bad for me. I just…you aren't having any second thoughts are you?" I stop when I see the look on his face.

"You think," he begins, voice dangerously low, "that I would leave you? Like he did?"

I gulp, aware of the passive reference to my previous fiancé.

"So what if I am? You aren't telling me you aren't worried I will cheat on you like Sandra did."

"I would never imagine you would cheat on me," he says coldly. "The thought had never entered my mind. But clearly it's all you've been considering. Haven't you thought at all about what it would be like if nothing went wrong?"

"No," I say quietly. "I haven't. I'm scared."

"Well now I am too," he says and stands up. "I'm scared that you aren't ready for this. Maybe it was a mistake."

"No, Mal!" I cry. "Please, I didn't want to talk to you about this at all. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," he says coldly. And he walks right out the door.

Today is the day before my wedding. I think I'm handling things pretty well considering everything that is going wrong. Mal hasn't spoken to me since last night, and after he came home, he slept on the couch. My phone rings and I answer, slightly distracted.

"Hello?"

"Natara? You're getting married tomorrow."

"Dad? Really?" I answer sarcastically and sigh. "I wasn't aware. Must've slipped my mind."

"Natara, listen to me," he says, ignoring my comments uncharacteristically. "I can't come."

"What?" I perk up immediately. "What do you mean?"

"I can't make it. Work things. I'm sorry darling. I'll make it up to you."

"Right," I say. "You can't give me away at my own wedding, but you'll 'make it up to me'. It's fine. Everything else is going wrong, I should have expected you to bail." I hang up the phone, uninterested in his excuses any more.

"Mal?" I call into the house. "Mal, can we talk quick? I know you're mad but I really need the final decision on the…" I walk into the kitchen and see a note on the counter, but no Mal.

Good, I think. He's finally done something useful and gone to the store. We have had nothing but eggs and milk for days.

I leave the note and go to shower and get dressed for the rehearsal dinner. As I pull my curled hair up, I try not to remember the last time I did this.

I had walked into my apartment where I knew Mal and Amy were waiting for me. Amy was going to help me get ready for the rehearsal dinner and Mal would be there because he was Mal. He was always there for me, and he wouldn't miss this.

"Hey, guys!" I called, closing the door behind me. "So I was thinking we start with my makeup, Amy, and then do my hair. I know this isn't the real thing, but I still want everything to be perfect, you know. …Amy?"

I had found them in my bedroom, sitting on the bed. Amy looked like she had been crying. Mal sat in stony silence. When I entered, they both looked up. Mal stood stiffly and walked over to me.

"Natara," he said.

"Hey! What are you guys doing? I need to get ready! This is so exciting!" I laughed. Neither of them smiled. "Well?" I asked expectantly. "Are we…are we starting now?"

"Natara," Mal repeated gravely. "Nat…Oscar's gone."

I finish with my hair and pull on my red dress, pushing those thoughts from my mind. Mal was perfect. He was right; he was no Oscar. Nothing was going to go wrong this time.

I glance at the clock on the wall above my dresser. It's already four o'clock. I had made Mal promise this morning that we would be there on time. We were sort of expected, being the guests of honor and all. I assume he had heard me, although I didn't actually get a response. He knows how important this is, right?

I try his cell phone about twelve times, but after the first seven calls he appears to have turned it off. That's odd. I go back into the kitchen for some water and pick up his note.

Natara,

I love you. I always have and always will. I know how hard this is for you, but if you're actually thinking that I would do the same thing that asshole Oscar did, you obviously don't know me well enough to be marrying me. You aren't ready, I get that. I'm doing this for you. We shouldn't do this if you aren't ready. I won't let you ruin your life until you're sure you want to be married.

I love you, and that's why I'm leaving. Maybe I'll come back. When you're ready.

When I'm ready.

When we can handle this. Goodbye.

-Mal.

The note shakes in my hand and my vision goes black.

In other news, who out there likes ponies? My Little Pony .win. FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC, guys, FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC. Never forget.

Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I like books.