Day 1.
Today my stupid-ass cousins arrived.
They're going to stay with us for ages coz the rest of their family is off being wealthy in America. Lucy keeps on whining about this and that and Edmund keeps telling her that they'll get to go someday soon.
As if.
Their parents completely do not love them enough to do anything of the sort. I informed them of this seemingly obvious fact and they told me to get out, the ungrateful weasels.
I have to share a room with Edmund. Don't think I'll be able to stand the stench. He's brought a whole horde of stupid books to read along with him – most of them filled with fanciful rubbish pertaining to singing spoons and God knows what else (though of course God doesn't know what else, because as I am an antagonist in this Christian story, I must be an atheist). I told Edmund he'd probs be much better off with a box of porn, but he told me to mind my own business. It is true, though. Mother says pornography is good for the soul. She also says drinking will cleanse my system, but I don't have enough money to buy a case of whisky yet. Maybe I'll get some for myself when the infamous English drug lords offer me a job in a few years and I can actually buy things. For the minute, though, I'll just stick to V and Red Bull.
Edmund doesn't even have roll-on deodorant. He uses this spray stuff that gets everywhere and makes me cough. I'm sure he's trying to kill me. This fact is also supported by the constant strumming of the guitar thing he's got going for himself. I tried telling him that it's only bimbos who go for guitarists, but he argued back that girls shouldn't be classed like that and he played it for the enjoyment of the instrument. Not for the girls my arse. I told him how I tried getting in the pants of that Jessica girl a few years back with my drumming skills but failed. He gave me a blank stare and left the room.
I see how it is.
Lucy's even worse than Ed if that's possible. She doesn't wear any make up at all which doesn't help the fact that she's a bit on the ugly side. And she keeps going on about that imaginary country with Ed like the gullible bitch she is. I told her to stop being childish and she told me to go away. Bet she's having her period.
I gotta go now – Alberta says it's dinner time. Mmm. Vegetarian meals.