"When you said you were going out I thought you'd go for a run" Steve's voice came from behind him. He was at the Smithsonian, and kids were running all around him, eager to see Captain America's exposition, as Bucky stared at his own image "Coming here once and again won't do you any good"
"Then go and tell my therapist" Bucky turned to look at him. Steve was wearing glasses and had his jacket's hat on, visibly trying to ignore everyone around him and wanting to go unnoticed.
Steve guided him outside, avoiding a group of scholars that were running inside. It was Friday morning and yet there were barely people on the streets. They walked in silence for a while until Bucky turned to his best friend, a guilty look in his blue eyes.
"I'm just trying to remember, Steve"
It had been months since he had remembered who his friend was and who he was supposed to be, and during all those days he had whispered to himself that he was okay, that he was Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, best friend to Steve Rogers, and a hero of the Second World War, and yet he did not remember being a hero, just like he didn't remember being Sergeant Barnes. It was Steve he remembered, not just the Captain that he had become after they had injected him the serum, but also the little guy that he had always loved and cared about. And as well as he remembered his friend, he remembered most of the deeds he had committed while being The Winter Soldier.
"I know" the blonde promised him "but forcing your mind won't help. You heard Dr. Standen, you need to let the memories come to you"
Bucky rolled his eyes at the mention of his therapist. He had been seeing him, under Fury's commands, since SHIELD had decided to forgive him for everything that he had done, taking Steve's word that it had all been because he had been controlled by HYDRA, and it would be Dr. Standen's final report about his mental state that would decide if SHIELD considered that he was worthy of a second chance.
"I'm just tired of feeling useless" he muttered more to himself than to his friend, and was glad when Steve didn't answer, even if he knew that he had heard it.
As they walked back to their apartment, Bucky tried not to look at the people coming their way, both because he knew that it was weird to wear leather jacket and globes in the middle of august, and because all the people who ever looked at him in the eye seemed to be scared of him. Steve had once suggested that he could smile, but he just didn't feel like it, mostly because he felt like every stranger he met was watching him, waiting for the right moment to take him back to HYDRA.
As they crossed through the National Mall, Steve stopped to answer his phone.
"Captain Rogers" he said with a serious tone and then listened quietly at what they were telling him before saying "I'll be right there" and hanging up.
"Fury?" Bucky asked as they resumed their way.
"Sharon" Steve replied and upon seeing the little smirk his friend gave him he shook his head "It's just job"
Bucky nodded "Of course it is"
Steve didn't say anything, but observed Bucky closely, recognising the smile that was dancing on his lips from all those times that he had seen it before when they were younger. He knew that his friend was not aware of how many gestures he made that resembled his old self, just like he knew that telling him would only make him worry, so he decided to say nothing and enjoy those little moments of peace in silence.
Steve left to meet Sharon as soon as Bucky walked into their building. There was no elevator, so he had to walk up the stairs to get to their apartment, which was on the 3rd floor. He took his jacket and gloves off as soon as he was inside, and avoided looking at his reflection on the bathroom's mirror before getting into the shower. Although his metal arm was as good as his real one, even if it didn't feel the same way, a part of him felt ashamed of it, and yet he had come to accept that he had to live with it, even though at first he had wanted Steve to make SHIELD rip it off his body. It was probably the only thing he had accepted from his past, even if he was not ready to show it to the world, and that's why he kept it hidden every time he walked out of the house.
Fury had wanted Steve and Bucky to go to live in New York, with Tony Stark, who had kindly offered them a couple of floors on his tower, but Steve had rejected the offer, knowing that Tony would never had left them out of sight. SHIELD was still keeping an eye on them, of course, but Steve had managed to not have them wandering around their apartment, even if he had to agree to Sharon living on top of them, on the 4th floor, although the Agent, who was currently working for the CIA while doing undercover jobs for SHIELD, was almost never at home.
After getting out of the shower and getting dressed, he went to the kitchen, looking for something to eat, as he tied his hair in a bun at the back of his head. Opening the fridge, he sighted, and grabbed his phone to call Steve. He still wasn't sure about how to properly use a smartphone, but he knew that if he pressed the call button on Steve's name it would call him, and if he pressed message, it would write to him. It took his friend a moment to answer.
"What is it?" Steve asked.
"We are out of food and I'm hungry" Bucky informed and heard his friend laugh.
As Sharon looked at Steve to tell him to hang up, because they were almost at the entrance of SHIELD's secret, and officially inexistent, underground quarters, the blonde smiled and shook his head, knowing that Bucky would rather stay home and starve than go to a supermarket due to his fear of anyone recognising The Winter Soldier and of being found by Hydra.
"You could go to that bookshop down the street that sells coffee and muffins" he proposed "and I'll make sure to grab some real food before going back home"
"Fine. Be safe, buddy"
"Always am" Steve told him before hanging up.
Putting his phone in his jean's pocket, Bucky went to take his jacket and put it on, before talking his gloves. He kept his head down while he walked down the street, no wanting to risk meeting anyone's eye, because every time that happened the look on their faces would tell him that they were afraid of him and, even if he didn't truly understand why they feared him, he made his best to try not raise his eyes from the ground.
It didn't take him long to get to the bookshop, which was about five blocks away from his apartment. He got in trying not to make much noise and his eyes quickly studied everyone and everything around him. There was a girl behind the counter, at his right, checking a little oven and giving him her back. A boy and a girl were chatting happily on one of the tables and, further away inside the shop, there was a girl sitting on a sofa with a book between her hands, right next to a wall that was entirely covered by shelves full of books.
The girl behind the counter turned around and smiled politely at him, but he saw her eyes looking at the customers inside the shop, like she was wondering if she was going to need to ask for help. Bucky sighed.
"Welcome" she said "What can I do for you?"
"I'd like an Americano and a couple chocolate muffins, please"
The girl frowned.
"I can serve you the coffee right now, sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait about" she turned around to look at the oven "ten minutes for those muffins"
He nodded and she moved to prepare the coffee. When she came back with it in her hand and handed it over to Bucky, she added.
"You can take a look at our books while you wait and I'll let you know when your order is ready"
He nodded again and, after changing the coffee, that was so hot it burned him, from his right hand to his left one, he walked to the back side of the bookshop, walking next to the girl on the couch and staring at the books. He didn't know any of those titles and he wasn't sure if it was because they had been written after the Second World War or because he had forgotten about them, but he assumed that it was the former. He looked through them, taking them on his hand to read what they were about and then placing them back on the shelf, while drinking his coffee.
"Are you looking for something special or are you just too indecisive?" someone asked from behind him and Bucky turned around to find that the girl on the couch had put her book down and was staring at him. Is she not afraid of me? He wondered when his blue eyes met her green ones.
"Just looking around" he replied.
She rolled her eyes at him, taking him by surprise.
"Well, stop looking and pick something, because I'm trying to read and you are distracting me"
The annoyance on her face almost made him want to laugh.
"In that case maybe you'd like to help" he snapped back, not liking her tone.
He could see her pressing her lips together. She put a bookmark on the book that she still had on her hands and, after leaving it on the couch, she stood up to face him, which was funny because he was taller than her.
"Give me a topic"
Bucky shook his head.
"How about…the fight between good and evil?" he took another sip of his coffee as the girl gave him a cocky smile and moved towards one of the shelves with confidence. Bucky almost expected her to come back with some fantasy novel about mythological figures or about angels and demons so, when she handed him the book, he was taken aback by it "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?"
Putting a lock of her black hair behind her ear, she shook her shoulders.
"You chose the topic" she moved to the couch, taking her book back and sitting down "Now, please, stop walking around"
The girl from the counter walked towards them at that moment to tell Bucky that the muffins were ready and, without another look at the girl, he went to take them. When he was about to pay, he told the tender to add the book too, and a moment later he was walking out of the bookshop with his coffee still on his left hand and a bag that contained the muffins and the book on his right, not entirely sure of what had happened.
Steve went back home late on the afternoon and left the bags of what he'd bought on the kitchen table. Looking about to the living room, were Bucky was sitting on the couch, he asked:
"Want some coffee?"
"Sure" his friend answered and stood from the couch to help Steve store what he had bought "So, how was your day with Sharon?"
As the blonde made the coffee, he turned to look at Bucky, a warning on his blue eyes.
"Even if I tell you that there is nothing between us you won't believe it, will you?"
Bucky shook his head.
"I know that there is nothing, Steve" he admitted "But you can't blame me for wanting my pal to be happy"
Steve finished making the coffee and poured a cup for each of them. They walked to sit in the couch and, as Bucky focused on changing from one channel of the TV to another, Steve answered a test from Natasha. When he put his phone away, he noticed the book on the little coffee table in front of him, and looked at his friend.
"You bought that?"
Bucky seemed confused at first, like he didn't know what Steve was talking about but, following his friend's look, he nodded, before turning back to look at the television. As he didn't say anything, Steve pushed the matter aside. Truth be told, Bucky had started reading the book, and he kind of liked it, but it had disturbed him, because even if she had read but little of it, he had a few theories about what really was going on with the mysterious Mr Hyde.
"What did SHIELD want from you?" Bucky asked, drinking his coffee.
Steve shook his head.
"Sharon used some of her influence on the CIA to find information about an underground Hydra lab on the south of Canada"
"But you have no jurisdiction there" Bucky noted, gaining a little smirk from his friend.
"That's why we made sure no one saw us. It was futile anyway" he finished his coffee and left the empty cup on the table "We found the lab, but it was empty and there was no one around"
Bucky nodded and Steve didn't dare to say anything else. He knew that, even if his friend liked to hear about his mission's, it wasn't good to give him details unless he asked for them, because it made him uneasy. He had made the mistake of telling him about a basement they had found months before, without knowing that the machines they had found had been those who had once served to torture Bucky and to make him forget who he was. Bucky hadn't left their apartment for almost a week after that, not even leaving to go see his psychiatrist, fearing that someone was still out there looking for him, trying to turn him back into the Winter Soldier.
"I was thinking about going running tomorrow morning" Steve informed after some minutes of silence "Want to come?"
It took him a moment, but then he nodded "Sure"