A/N: This is the first fanfic I've written in years and the first creative work I've done in a long while, so I'm probably gonna be quite rusty. This is based on a prompt I read a while ago, but just now I bothered to write it. Please review. Hope you enjoy it!

"Dude," said a nervous Hunk, looking at a grinning Lance. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

The blue paladin chuckled. "Relax, Hunk, this is gonna be hilarious!"

Hunk had all the right to be scared. Pidge really loved her coffee, and any and all attempts to sabotage her enjoyment would be met with a punishment that could be considered a war crime in any Earth country. In fact, the yellow paladin was once reduced to tears for accidentally burning her coffee one morning. That memory still kept him up at night. Which is why he had a hard time believing that Lance would be crazy enough to replace all the sugar in the container with salt. Leave it to Lance to risk his life, or worse, his relationship with Pidge, by playing such a cruel prank.

As soon as Lance finished closing the "sugar" lid, they heard footsteps coming from the hallway. The two paladins quickly ran to the other side of the kitchen and hid behind a wall, slowly peeking their heads to watch the disaster that was about to unfold. As if she was being called out, Katie Holt, aka Pidge Gunderson, appeared in the kitchen in her casual jacket and short, baggy pants. She had been attracted by the smell of the bitter nectar all the way from her room. She casually approached the coffee machine, which had a sticky note on it that read:

To my Pidgeon:

I'll be in the training room with Hunk. Since I know you'll get up late, I took the liberty of making the coffee for you. I made sure it's perfect. Nothing but the best for you. See ya later!

Love, Lance

Pidge scoffed at both the over-the-top affection in the letter and the stupid nickname Lance gave her. She'd make sure to properly thank him later. After feeling the pot and confirming that it's still warm, Pidge took a mug from a cabinet and poured the black liquid in. After looking around she found the sugar container and proceeded to pour in a generous amount. She once told Lance in private that the amount of sugar is what made her "sweet" to everyone, which prompted a laugh from her boyfriend.

"What is she doing?" Hunk asked with a whisper.

"She's really doing it, the absolute madwoman!" Lance nearly exploded in snickers.

Pidge heard a suspicious sound in the kitchen. After quickly looking around and seeing nothing, she attributed the noise to her still-sleepy mind making things up. She stirred the coffee for a couple of seconds and brought the mug to her mouth. She sipped. What followed was the unfortunate, yet unsurprising, realization that Lance is an asshole who deserved whatever plight was brought to him. Pidge nearly spit out the liquid still in her mouth, but then decided otherwise and swallowed; the poor coffee had no fault. Lance is here, she thought. Oh, he is not getting the satisfaction of seeing me lose my cool! Pidge braced herself and drank the entire mug of coffee in one swig, silently cringing at the foul taste.

"Oh, crap!" Lance whispered in surprise.

Hunk was even more afraid. "Either she figured it out and she's braving it, or she has no taste buds. And I don't know which is worse!"

The two watched in amazement as Pidge placed the mug in the sink and quickly leaned over the note Lance left her. After what seemed like a few ticks of her doing something to the paper, she headed straight out of the room, looking pissed. As soon as the doors closed, Lance and Hunk ran out to the kitchen counter.

"Did you see her face?!" Hunk exclaimed. "Oh, she is gonna murder us!"

"Don't worry, Hunk. Everything's gonna be okay."

Everything was not going to be okay. Lance picked up the note and turned it over from where he had written. What was on that note made his blood chill and his face turn white:

My dearest Lance:

I've been putting up with your crap ever since the Garrison. And for so long I've let it all slide. Botching the test flights, interrupting my space scans, touching my equipment, and so much more, I can take. But you have crossed a fine line here, mister! You have messed with my coffee! And so, help me whatever deity out there, I will make you pay for this! You will suffer! Get ready for this, because this means WAR!

Your currently not "sweet" girlfriend, Pidge

Yep, he was screwed.