A/N from both JennBenson and Marigold Musings:
Hello Tuckson Fans! We know this is combining two worlds, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So open up your minds and come along the journey with us as Brooke, Sarah, and Charlie Tucker join forces and fix the mess that was last night's "break up".
Sarah entered the restaurant and squinted in the dim light. Her Kate Spade tote clung just above her elbow, threatening at any moment to crash to the floor. She held her phone precariously under her chin because her other hand clutched Charlie's wrist. Although Charlie was warming up to her newfound sisters, the relationship she shared with Sarah was still a little rocky. The two had found common ground, but Charlie would often duck away when Sarah got in a mood much like the one she was in that evening. The pub was crowded for a weeknight and Sarah shuffled between the too-close-together tables and chairs, trying to catch a glimpse of Olivia or her Dad or Brooke. They were there somewhere, but nobody was texting her back. She constantly craned her head around to demand information from Charlie and then to implicitly insult her.
"Have you heard from them?"
"You come here all the time with Dad, where do you usually sit?"
"Gawwwd, I hate this fucking place."
"I don't know how the two of you stand it here."
With Sarah slightly agitated, Charlie opted to act as though she couldn't hear her sister's incessant commentary.
Finally, Sarah spotted her dad and sister in a round corner booth.
"Jesus," Sarah huffed, collapsing almost violently into the faux leather cushion, "Can anybody text a girl with a specific location? I almost got swallowed up out there! And also, what is going on? It's Wednesday for Chrissakes."
Charlie shook her wrist a little and examined it. Sure enough, small, half-moon-shaped indentations lined the skin of her inner wrist.
Nothing happened. Nobody spoke.
Neither Brooke nor Ed responded. They both wore the blankest stares Sarah had ever seen.
She waved her hand in front of their faces. "Helllllo? See who I brought? Dragged her away from work." Brooke and Ed turned to Sarah but their expressions were still emotionless. "Where's Livvie? And also…what the fuck is going on?"
Charlie eyed her father, as well as her other sister, and suddenly got an awful pit in her stomach.
"What's wrong?" She whispered, no stranger to awful news, but not expecting it that night.
Ed took a generous sip of the bourbon that was already in front of him, before looking both Sarah and Charlie in the eye and delivering a blow they were not ready for.
"Olivia and I...well...she asked for a break tonight."
Sarah looked like she'd been punched in the face. "A break? Tonight?" Blood rushed to her cheeks and she skeptically set her jaw. Her father's eyes betrayed a larger truth. Sarah slapped the table and the brown liquid splashed against the sides of the glass. "Dad?"
"She's not coming." There was an eerie finality in his voice.
Managing to peel her eyes away from Ed, Sarah focused her attention on Brooke and then on Charlie. The lack of information was killing her.
Brooke put a hand on Sarah's wrist more to stop her from throwing a drink across the room in frustration than to comfort her. "Olivia and Dad...they...broke up."
Charlie, having remained perfectly still and silent this whole time, gripped the edge of the table and didn't make eye contact with anyone as she tried to process the information.
Brooke was pretty sure Sarah was on the verge of splaying herself across the table in an attempt to make contact with their father who was now staring despondently into his drink. A deep crimson hue spread across his cheeks, and he obviously wanted to be anywhere but here, facing his three daughters with terribly disappointing news on a night they were all supposed to have a fun, casual dinner together.
Now it was Sarah's turn to feel fingernails dig into her skin.
"You. Broke. UP?"
Ed muttered something that sounded like "yeah."
"And he doesn't want to talk about it," Brooke said.
"Oh he's gonna fucking have to talk about it," Sarah said, her volume rising and her tone becoming shrill and insistent, "Because you can't say you broke up and then expect me to order a burger and get on with my life." She peered across the table at Charlie, hoping for an ally, but when their eyes locked, all she saw were tears bubbling up in her eyes.
"You...you really broke up?" Charlie whispered, looking over at Ed with both compassion for him, but immense pain for herself. "Like, for good? Or one of those...Ross and Rachel things?"
"Who the hell are Ross and Rachel?" Ed deadpanned, clearly not up for talking but confused at the reference that was just made.
"Just...nevermind," Charlie said, shaking her head at her father's continual lack of trivial knowledge. "So that's it?" She asked, a lone tear finally making it's way down her cheek at the thought of Olivia Benson not being in their lives anymore and she shook her head before looking away again.
"Look, girls," Ed said, trying to muster up some strength to have this conversation, when his own heart was breaking. "Olivia...and I...well, it's just...complicated."
Sarah's eyes shot lasers at the explanation. Obviously unhappy, she snapped, "Complicated? Fuck that. What in the hell was so complicated?"
"Sarah," Brooke said softly.
"Shut up, Brookey," Sarah retorted. "I want to know what happened. Dad," she switched to a venomous, accusatory tone, "What did you do? Everything was going great and now we're broken up?"
"Look, Sarah...girls…" Ed began, clearly not wanting to have this conversation but realizing he owed his girls some kind of explanation, given just how deeply they had connected with Olivia. "Relationships...at our age...are hard. Lots of baggage. And Olivia," he almost smiled just saying her name and envisioning her face, but quickly focused back on his devastated girls. "Well, she felt spread thin. It just...well, she needed space. To focus on Noah. On her job..."
Sarah was still glaring holes into her father's head, but Brooke was more concerned about Charlie at the moment. Looking over at her younger sibling, she saw the shoulders bobbing and the tears streaming, as the girl clearly tried to hide how much this news was upsetting her.
"So that's it?" Charlie asked, finally looking up, her own blue eyes meeting Ed's identical ones. "She's just...gone?"
"Oh, no, no, no," Sarah wiggled a finger at Charlie, "She's not fucking dead. Damn, stop being so dramatic. He said she needs space. Okay. A little break. No biggie." Sarah noticed tears still streaming down Charlie's cheeks. "Oh, for fuck's sake, stop crying."
"Shut up," Charlie said, eyes blazing into Sarah's. For all they had done to really build their relationship, the two personalities just couldn't help but grate at each other. "Just...stop it…" she said, shaking her head. "I need some air."
Charlie stood, throwing the napkin down, and headed towards the bathroom before changing her mind, and quickly exiting the bar, the door slamming behind her, bells jingling. The trio left at the table looked at each other for a bit, Brooke glaring harshly at Sarah, who didn't seem too concerned about her outburst towards Charlie.
But Ed had had enough. He slammed his hands down on the table, before scooting himself out of the back corner and stretching as he stood.
"Charlie has the right idea," he muttered. "I need some air."
Ed hastily made an exit, checking his back pockets for cigarettes on the way out, leaving two of his three daughters behind in stunned silence. He caught up to Charlie, who hadn't made it far, and grasped her jacket.
"Hey…" he gravelled out.
"Hey," she whispered back, not making eye contact. "Got a spare?'
Ed looked at her, shocked that she was asking for a smoke. "You smoke?"
"I do now."
Ed chuckled a bit and handed her a smoke and a light, as they settled into a slow walk along 9th Avenue. Neither Tucker spoke, just puffing clouds of residual Marlboro into the air. Finally, Charlie cleared her throat.
"Are you okay?"
Ed let out a little grunt, signaling to Charlie that his answer was no, so she took that at face value and continued on.
"Didn't see that coming…" she mused, but Ed stopped her and put a hand on her shoulder.
"I did," he admitted softly. "I think I scared her last week, when I brought up the idea of retirement."
"That's still not a reason to break up…"
"I know," he said. "But Olivia...well...you two are a lot alike, I figured you would be able to get inside her head."
Charlie smiled and nodded a bit, seeing a bench outside of yet another bar along their walk, and led her father to sit down.
"She's scared," Charlie said bluntly. Despite her own emotion at the bomb her father just dropped, she had something to say and she was going to be heard. "She's almost 50, she's been through hell and back...you know that. Every person that she has ever trusted has eventually walked out on her. She's...trying to stay ahead of the game here. Protecting herself."
"Go on," Ed said, lighting another cigarette and leaning back, taking in each word his daughter was saying.
"Dad," she said, turning to look at him and taking the cigarette from him, taking her own puff, then throwing it out. "Her reasoning? It's a cop-out. You know it and I know it. Yes, she's scared. But she wants you to fight for her. You told her you weren't go anywhere, and now is your chance to prove it."
"I'm not going to force a relationship on her," Ed said quietly, but with a firm tone. That was not who he was. If Olivia needed space, he would comply.
"You don't have to," Charlie said. "Just don't give up on her. Don't walk away. Stay steady. Prove to her that you are in this with her, 100%, no matter how many times she tries to run."
"Charlie…." Ed began, kissing her forehead and smiling at his daughter. "You know, if this is the end, Olivia...she's still going to be there for you…"
Charlie just choked back a sob and shook her head.
"I know you mean well Dad, but it never works out that way." Charlie spoke, through tears, but honestly. "I just...fight for her. For us. She loves you…"
Back inside, Sarah and Brooke each wore dumbfounded expressions, and they stared at the spaces abruptly vacated by Ed and Charlie. The server came over. They'd planned to order dinner, so the waiter seemed a bit put out by Brooke's request for the check.
Sarah looked at her quizzically. "What the hell? I didn't even get a drink."
"Here," Brooke shoved her beer directly in front of Sarah's face.
"Uh-uh," Sarah whined. "No beer. Gimme Dad's."
There was a half-inch or so of watered-down bourbon left in the tumbler. Sarah easily swilled it and slammed the glass down on the table. "They're not coming back, are they?"
"Let's just go. See what they're doing."
Sarah grabbed Brooke by the shoulders. "Are you crazy? See what they're doing? Nuh-uh. We're going to Livvie's."
"No," Brooke replied hesitantly, "No we're not."
"Oh yes we damn well are." Sarah was already bouncing herself out of the booth.
Before Brooke could protest further, Sarah had grabbed her hand and, in same fashion as she'd yanked Charlie into the bar, towed Brooke toward the exit.
"My purse," Brooke said.
"I have your fucking purse," Sarah stuck out an indignant arm, and, sure enough, there was Brooke's bag, its straps entangled with those on Sarah's tote.
"I don't really think this is a good idea."
Sarah didn't respond until they were out on the sidewalk. "We don't have the luxury of deciding that at the moment." She flung her head back and forth wildly, "Where the fuck did they go?"
"Let's just go home. We don't even know-"
"Shut up. We're-"
"You really need to stop telling people to shut up, particularly your sisters."
Sarah had no patience for her sibling's reprimands. "I just texted Livvie. She knows we're on our way."
Brooke reluctantly followed Sarah into the cab. "Oh Jesus," she murmured.
"Not Jesus," Sarah corrected, "We're playing fucking God tonight."
One by one, Sarah lightly tapped her fingers on Olivia's door, barely touching the surface. On the way, she briefly considered what to do about Noah, but when they arrived, she realized it was late enough, and the little boy would be in bed. Just as she was kicking herself for not picking up a bottle of wine, Olivia opened the door.
The woman they had come to know and love had done nothing to hide her anguish. Whatever makeup she'd had on earlier in the day had either collected in certain crevices on her face or had worn off completely. She was dressed in a black sweater and jeans, and her hair hung in uncombed, scraggly waves. Sarah appreciated Olivia's refusal to put on a show, but her disheveled appearance terrified Brooke.
Olivia greeted them with a weak, "hey."
Sarah took two steps forward and stood, arms akimbo. "Livvie."
Brooke wedged her way around Sarah and put a hand on Olivia's shoulder. "We're sorry to barge in, but…"
"What happened?" Sarah asked desperately, draping herself across Olivia, apparently trying to smother rather than hug her.
"We're worried," Brooke said.
Olivia gently peeled Sarah off her body. "How about we sit? Do you want a drink?"
Brooke declined. Sarah readily accepted. Olivia removed the cork from an already-open bottle, double-checked with Brooke, and then poured two glasses. Knowing Sarah wanted the close proximity, Brooke took a seat in the armchair and, despite the tense circumstances, smiled a little as Sarah plopped down in the center of the sofa. When Olivia took her own spot, their knees were touching.
"I'm sorry," Olivia began softly, "I know, we were supposed to all have dinner tonight. Things have been…just…hard."
"So hard you and Daddy had to break up?"
"Sarah!"
Olivia gave Brooke a gracious smile. By now, the older woman was accustomed to Sarah's passionate and impulsive nature. She expected a precise and skilled interrogation, but she appreciated Brooke's often futile attempts to temper her sister.
"It's...there are a lot of challenges...with your Dad and me," Olivia said with the intention of continuing, but Sarah beat her to the punch.
"What challenges?" Sarah interjected, squinting.
"Mostly my job," Olivia replied. "It's all consuming. And when I'm not there, I need to be with Noah. He needs his mother. I don't want him to be raised by his babysitter. I...your Dad and I are in two different places. He's ready to retire. I'm not. I can't ask him to wait for me. He deserves more than that. Better than that."
Both Sarah and Brooke crossed their arms and studied Olivia. Sarah's cheeks had begun reddening at the pub, and they now blazed, almost throbbed with consternation. Her lower lip trembled ever so slightly as if she was either going to lash out at Olivia or burst into tears.
"We didn't know you were...having trouble," Brooke said, trying to remain calm.
"Not trouble. More like...there never seemed to be enough time. For us to connect. Really connect. For a while, last spring and summer, things were great. We took the trip...I, well, after, you know, I eased back into work, but everything got back to normal. And...now we seem to want different things."
"Daddy wants you," Sarah said, almost whining. "What did he say? He's a cop. He knows how it is. Did he make you feel guilty?"
"No. The opposite. He...he said he gets it. He understands Noah is the priority. And he also understands I'm not ready to leave the job. Not yet."
Sarah twisted her lips and furrowed her brow. "Wait a minute. So what exactly is the problem?"
Brooke groaned, "They never see each other, Sare. Are you listening?"
Sarah inched closer to Olivia, held her hands, and looked her directly in the eyes. "Do you love him?"
Perched on the edge of her seat, Brooke wanted to scold her sister yet again, but she also wanted to hear Olivia's response. In the few months they'd known each other, they had all grown close. Brooke, Sarah, and Charlie thought of Olivia and Noah as family. Given both their Dad's and Olivia's private nature, Brooke wasn't surprised they'd been kept in the dark about the relationship's apparent demise, but it was no less shocking.
Olivia bit her lip. Sarah squeezed her hands even more tightly and repeated the question, more slowly this time. "Do you love him?"
Blinking back tears, Olivia managed to croak a shaky "yes." Wrestling one hand free, she reached for a tissue and dabbed at her lower lids, "But I don't...I don't know how to make room for him in our life. He doesn't deserve to constantly be in third place."
Silence engulfed them for a few minutes. Brooke nervously chewed a hangnail. Sarah re-gripped Olivia's hand, tissue and all. Lacking the use of her arms, Olivia sniffled and choked back the lump in her throat.
"Is there anyway he doesn't really, um, need a place?" Brooke asked to the consternation of both Sarah and Olivia who shot her confused expressions. She continued. "I mean...if you're a couple, a unit, one, if he's just there...doesn't that, um, kinda fix things?"
Once again, Olivia freed her hand. "What do you mean?" She asked, blowing her nose.
Sarah broke into a jubilant grin. "You need to just get married."
"No," Brooke snapped, "That's not what I mean, well, it would be nice, but, Olivia, can I tell you something?"
The Lieutenant shrugged. Her home had already been somewhat invaded by Ed's daughters. There was no point in holding them back now.
"Okay."
"Dad loves you. He loves Noah. How come you don't at least try to live together? I mean, you've been seeing each other for months, almost a year, and not on-and-off…"
"You're kinda too old to beat around the bush," Sarah said, tag-teaming her sister's point, albeit a bit crudely.
Brooke rolled her eyes. "It doesn't have to be this hard," she said softly, "If you love him and he loves you...well...the only complication should be which apartment you'll take. Yours or his."
Olivia considered this for what seemed like forever. Sarah bounced up and down impatiently. Hope surged in Brooke's chest. They saw Olivia's tears almost become reabsorbed by her brown eyes, as if her body had stopped being sad even before her heart knew what was going on.
"Where is he?"
"Daddy?"
Brooke scoffed, "Jesus, Sarah, yes, Daddy!"
Olivia laughed a little. Sarah yanked her phone from her bag and furiously typed a message to Charlie who she assumed was still with Ed.
Where the fuck are you? Livvie wants to see Daddy. Oh. btw. Sorry for making you cry.
She fired off several heart and happy face emojis and flung herself at Olivia.
"You scared the fuck out of me, Livvie. Don't you ever do that again."
Brooke kicked off her shoes. "We'll stay here with Noah. Go."
Charlie and Ed were just finishing off a drink at another bar somewhere along W. 56th Street, when Charlie's phone went off and she turned it over from where it was facedown on the counter.
"It's Sarah," she said. "Guess they went to see Liv…"
"Oh, Christ," Ed said, his eyes closing as he imagined what his spirited, yet clearly upset daughter had said to his, well, ex-girlfriend. "Please tell me Brooke went with her at least…"
"I'm assuming so," Charlie said. "But either way, Olivia is on her way here. She wants to see you."
Ed's eyes shot to Charlie's, a glimmer of hope shining through both pairs of identical blue eyes. "Really?"
"Really," Charlie said, a small smile on her face. "Do you mind if I wait until she comes? I just...wanna hug her, then I'll leave you both alone."
"Please," he said softly, signaling for the bartender to bring them another round. "I definitely want you to stay for now."
The duo sat mainly in silence, though every now and then they would look up at the television and watch the ESPN commentators go on and on about the most recent football game.
"Did you have Clemson or Bama?" Ed asked, trying to keep the conversation going and aware that college sports would do it with Charlie.
"Bama," she said. "But it was a good game. Clemson deserved it…"
They continued their own analysis on the game, as well as the upcoming NFL playoffs, before the door chimed signaling another patron was entering. Both Ed and Charlie turned just in time to see a rather flustered and cold Olivia Benson clamber into the bar and shake off the cold.
Ed waved a bit, trying to get her attention as she looked around, and as soon as their eyes locked, her tears returned, though they didn't quite reach her cheeks. She made her way over to the bar and gave him a soft smile, before turning to Charlie.
"Hey, Charlie," she said. "Sorry to just barge in…"
"Hi Liv," she said, quickly standing and engulfing her in a gigantic hug, much to the older woman's surprise. Usually Sarah was the overly affectionate one, but she realized this almost break-up hurt more than just her and Ed, and it gave her even more resolve to fix it.
She held the girl close, kissing the side of her head before pulling away.
"It's gonna be okay," she said with a smile. "I just...well…."
"I'm on my way out," Charlie said with a smile, grabbing her bag and throwing a couple twenties on the table. "Are Brooke and Sarah with Noah?"
"Yeah," Olivia said, "And they are expecting you to join them…"
"Sounds good," she said, before kissing her dad on the cheek and whispering in his ear. "It's gonna be fine. Fight for her. Don't let her go."
And with that, Charlie made a quick exit, leaving her father and the mother of her dreams at the bar to work through their minor road bump.
Ed and Olivia watched her exit, before the brunette took the girl's vacated seat and sipped what was left of a gin and tonic.
"You don't like gin...lemme get you something else…" Ed said, grabbing the bartender's attention and ordering her the wine she liked. Olivia smiled, though struggling to make eye contact, and thanked him softly. Once the drink was placed in front of her, she downed a sip, closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then finally looked up at the man in front of her.
"I'm sorry," she began, her voice all of a sudden shaky as she wasn't even sure where to begin. "I didn't mean to hurt you...or the girls…"
"Olivia…"
"No, lemme finish," she said. "Brooke...she said something tonight that made so much sense."
"Oh yeah?" he asked, before grinning at her. "Sarah not so much?"
Olivia just laughed a bit, shaking her head, and responding.
"I love your girls. All three of them."
"They love you too, Liv. But don't let them guilt you into a relationship with me…"
"They aren't," she said, her voice and tone so firm that Ed had no choice but to believe her. "I...I admit I was scared. Last week, and tonight. But...when you walked out of my apartment. When the door clicked...I felt like my world just crashed around me. I fed you this line about needing to be there for Noah, but once you left and I went to check on him, I was anywhere but in that room with him."
The conversation paused a bit, and Ed still eyed her as he took another small sip of bourbon and reached a tentative hand out to rub her back a bit.
"It's okay," he said. "I'm here."
"You are, aren't you?" she responded, looking into his eyes and finally getting what everyone around her; Fin, Rollins, Charlie, Brooke, and even Sarah had been saying all of this time. "I keep thinking that I have to choose...but really, I don't. Because you're just here."
Ed kept his hand on her back and his eyes on hers, as he let her continue to process what she was feeling. He was steady, never leaving her, just like Charlie had advised him to do.
"Ed...I want this to work," she said finally, her eyes clear and her voice finally calm. "And I don't want to try anymore. I want to just do it."
"Do what, exactly," he pushed gently, not quite sure he knew where she was going with this.
"Us," she said simply, shrugging her shoulders and smiling at him. "I want to be us."
They sat silently for a bit, just enjoying the feel of losing themselves in each other's eyes, before Ed cleared his throat a bit and tapped his fingers on the bar.
"Ya know," he said. "Charlie...she was talkin' to me after this. And I swear that girl can get inside your head like no one else…"
"She really can," Olivia said. "Scares the shit out of me."
They both laughed a bit, before Ed continued.
"I know that you are afraid of me walking away. That you'll get hurt again. And I don't know how many times I can tell you I'm not going anywhere…"
"Ed…"
"Not done, hang on…" he said, grinning a bit before moving on with his mini speech. "But maybe I don't have to tell you that anymore. I'm just going to show you. And if that means...you want a day to yourself, just with Noah, then you tell me and I will occupy myself. If that means I need to cool down the office drop-ins, then I'll just make sure dinner is ready at home and Noah doesn't overdose on candy. But Olivia...I'm not going anywhere. You can push me away, and you can run the other direction. But I will always be right here, waiting for you."
At this point, Olivia had tears streaming down her face, but her eyes stayed locked on the man in front of her.
"I trust you," she whispered through the tears. "Please...please don't go anywhere. I'm sorry."
"Hey, hey, hey," Ed said, quickly pulling her into his chest as best he could being they were both on barstools. "You don't have to beg. I had already decided I wasn't going anywhere, baby. I decided that a long time ago. I'm just glad you finally believe it."
They stayed like that for a few minutes, before Olivia pulled back and used a cocktail napkin to dab at her poor face.
"God, I must look like a train-wreck," she said with a little laugh. But Ed just reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.
"I've never seen you look more beautiful," he said. "Now, whaddya say we get outta here. I'll take you home, we can put the girls out of their misery, then maybe...well, maybe kick them out?"
"I like it," she said, her eyes shining and her smile back. "I like it a lot."
See, SVUWritersRoom? That wasn't so hard. Feel free to hire us. We are available.