You were never supposed to know
A/N: This is an incredibly far stretch because I've somehow made it so that Oliver and Diggle are back in Starling around noon the day after Felicity sleeps with Ray (gross). So please just use a heavy dose of imagination as I certainly did. I am a solid Olicity shipper but this just came to me and I just needed to write it. My apologies for ruining your day/night!
Warning: Heavy angst like a large dose, it isn't a fix-it and it isn't a happy ending.
Felicity was walking to her car outside Ray's apartment when her phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and answered without looking.
"Hello?"
"Hey, I need you to get to the foundry ASAP." Oliver's voice said urgently on the other end. Felicity winced and looked at her phone screen where Oliver's name and picture were staring up at her. She really wished she'd looked at her phone first. After last night she wasn't in the mood or head space to be interacting with him.
"Umm ok can you give me like an hour? I'm kind of busy." She unlocked the door to her and got in the driver's seat dumping her bag in the passenger's.
"Can't it wait until later? It's pretty urgent and we don't have a lot of time. It only takes you 20 mins to get to the foundry from your place so just leave now and you'll be here in no time." Shit. He thought she was at home and she wasn't. She was currently sitting in her car still wearing the same dress and shoes from yesterday, her hair thrown into a messy ponytail. Felicity started to panic; she couldn't come up with a reasonable excuse as to why it would take her longer than 20 mins. From Ray's place to hers it took half an hour, Felicity would then rush inside her apartment do a quick change of clothes and be out the door again, that would take her an hour in total.
She brushed her hand over her ponytail and exhaled sharply, she didn't know what to say.
"Felicity! Are you there? Have you left?" Oliver's insistent tone snapped her out of her daze.
"Oliver I just need an hour and I promise I'll be there, just give me that long. I won't take a minute longer I swear." She was pleading, the last thing she wanted to do was the walk of shame in the foundry.
"What is going on with you? Are you ok? Is something wrong? Do you need me to come over?"
Felicity interrupted him before he could take action, "NO! Nothing's wrong, don't come over!" She closed her eyes and cursed internally, "I'm leaving now; I'll be over as soon as I can." Then she hung up and hit her head against the steering wheel. Oh god Felicity what have you done. She could feel the emotions crawling up her throat and the tears that threatened to leak. She shook her head, took a deep breath and started the car pulling out of the parking complex. Felicity willed herself not to think of the outcome of what was about to unfold and prayed to any higher power listening that everyone was more preoccupied with Oliver and John's safe return than her state of dress.
Felicity walked down the foundry stairs and saw everyone huddled in the middle of the room; she quickly moved towards the circle and stood between Laurel and Roy. Her coat was still firmly wrapped around her, pulled up to her neck; thankfully her dress was completely hidden and the only thing she couldn't hide was her shoes. In a room full of men, she hoped Laurel didn't notice.
"Ras Al Ghul didn't kill me because he made me an offer. He wants me to take over for him as Leader of the League of Assassins. He wants me to be the next Ras Al Ghul."
That was pretty much all Felicity heard from the conversation. Those two sentences. She could see mouths moving and arms waving but she heard none of it because all she could think about was last night.
Last night when she spent the night with Ray.
Ray, who had listened to her.
Ray, who had told her that he trusted her judgement.
Ray, who told her that when he was with her, it was just her. No mission or job or suit, just her.
Ray had said everything she ever wanted to hear from the man standing in front of her.
Instead here she was listening to him considering the possibility of running the League of Assassins. Not even refusing it outright but actually thinking about it. Thinking about leaving this life for good, leaving Starling, leaving her.
Felicity suddenly felt really hot, she couldn't breathe. All she knew was the coat that was protecting her right now felt suffocating. She needed air, she needed to sit down. Without thinking she took a step away from the circle and started untying the belt of her coat. She pulled it open and had the whole thing off and slung over her arm by the time she had got to her chair. She dropped the coat in her seat and leaned her forearms against the back and leant her forehead against the headrest. She was trying to make sense of what was going on but she just couldn't.
Then she realised it was silent. Eerily silent. Like she could hear a pin drop.
"Holy Shit." She heard Roy mutter from behind her and looked up to find four pairs of wide eyes trained on her.
It took Felicity a moment for the wheels to start turning in her brain. They could see her dress; they could see all of her, exactly as she was when they saw her yesterday. She made the mistake then to look at Oliver and wished she hadn't. If she had to guess what his face looked like when Ras had 'killed him' it would have looked like this. Utter pain, complete devastation, like the wind had been knocked from him, lips slightly parted. Felicity knew she would cry now.
"Oh god." She whispered loud enough for them to hear before a sob escaped her mouth and she tried to cover it with her hand.
Felicity ran, as fast as her 6 inch heels could carry her, towards the back alley. The Alley of Drama as she'd dubbed it.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to beat something, punch something, kick someone and right now she wanted to do it to Oliver. She was crying full-fledged tears now, silently streaming down her face as she tried to regulate her breathing.
She heard footsteps behind her and prayed it wasn't Oliver because she couldn't handle a loaded moment between the two of them right now. Not here, not in this alley again. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Laurel face full of sympathy and a small tentative smile.
"I have nothing to feel guilty about!" She started to defend herself. Laurel nodded as if she understood but also to get Felicity to continue. Somehow she knew there was a lot the blonde needed to get off her chest.
"I don't regret a single thing I did last night and I sure as hell don't feel guilty. I didn't cheat because we aren't together and I didn't do it to hurt him!" She said angrily. She took a breath and wiped some of her tears. "Ever since he came back from "the dead" all Oliver has done is declared that he's literally going off to die again. Lian Yu, Nanda Parbat, every time he leaves I think 'is this the last time I'll see him alive' and then he comes back and does it all over again, honestly I don't think I can take it anymore. Caring about him when he was fighting a different criminal week in and week out here in Starling was one thing, but having feelings for him and then watching him travel half way across the world to face death is completely different." Felicity paused then to recollect herself. She'd stopped crying but her cheeks were still stained with tears and her breathing was back to normal.
She swallowed before carrying on, "I begged Oliver to give me one hour so I could drive from Ray's to mine, to change clothes and then come back to the foundry. I told him all I needed was one hour; I didn't want him to find out, not like this, not ever. I was hoping he never would because it's none of his concern who I sleep with and I knew it would hurt him to find out. Despite our problems, I know Oliver loves me, he really does, but he's pushing me away to keep me safe. And if I decide to pursue a relationship with Ray I have no intention of rubbing it in his face or flaunting it when he has enough problems to worry about. He shouldn't have to deal with the fact that I've moved on, because I have, I need to."
Felicity looked at Laurel then, done with her cathartic monologue she'd said her peace, maybe not to Oliver but she'd said it aloud and acknowledged anything she had previously denied. She took a deep breath and noticed Laurel was holding her coat in her arms.
"I noticed you'd left it inside and I thought if you wanted to leave straight away you should have the option so I brought it out." She handed it over to Felicity so she could put it on. It was a cold February day and there was a chill in the air.
"Thank you Laurel, not just for my coat but for listening too." Felicity's lips turned up slightly at the corners, a hint of appreciation for the other female. Laurel nodded and then turned around to go back inside.
Felicity looked up at the sky; it was grey and covered in a blanket of angry clouds. When she looked down again she straightened up, pulled her shoulders back head held high and walked back to her car. Felicity had made her decision then. Oliver would continue to do what he wanted so she would do the same.