My first Naruto story so please use flames as much as you like!

…..

God, I sound like a masochist, don't I?

But maybe that links me and Hidan…

Anyway…

Pairings: HidanxFem!Dei, ItachixFem!Dei, SasorixFem!Dei

Final pairing: SasorixFem!Dei

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"No way in hell, un" Deidara said, making Pein sigh.

"Deidara, we've been through this. The only reason I kept your gender a secret is because you said you'd tell them yourself."

"Well, I don't want to tell them anymore, un."

Pein sighed again, and narrowed his eyes at Deidara. "If you're not going to tell them, then I'll tell them myself."

Deidara glared at him, and they both had a stare off until they heard Hidan scream, "Get back here, you stupid pig! I'm making you a sacrifice to Jashin!"

Deidara looked at Pein. "Do I really have to, Leader-sama, un?"

Pein nodded. "Yes you do."

Deidara sighed and looked down at the ground. "Fine then, un. I'll tell them that I'm a girl, yeah."

.

"He just had to call a meeting when I was counting my money" Kakuzu muttered, entering the room with Hidan.

"And I just caught the damned fucking pig as well" Hidan added, "I was going to bring it here, but then I decided not to."

Pein had called all of the Akatsuki for a meeting. And at the wrong time, it seemed. Only Kakuzu, Hidan, Konan and Pein were there yet.

They sat down at the table, when they noticed that there was a big, tied up potato sack on the floor between Konan and Pein.

Kisame entered and caught sight of the wriggling sack. Smirking, he said, "Isn't that the sack we use when Hidan won't stop running around like a beheaded chicken?"

Hidan covered his face with his hands. "Don't remind me."

Kakuzu grunted. "It's probably Deidara or Tobi in there"

Kisame smiled even wider, "But Itachi wasn't in his room when I left"

"The brat wasn't in his room either" Sasori said as he entered the room.

"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi didn't do anything bad because Tobi is a good boy, so he wouldn't be in the sack! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said, entering the room and sitting down after Sasori.

Kakuzu's eyes widened. "Do you think that...Deidara...and Itachi...um..."

Hidan smirked, an evil glint in his eye. "The fucking tranny and Itachi must have been found by Leader-sama and Mom making out in a closet, so they decided to tie them up and give them a punishment"

Suddenly, a plate with cheese and crackers smashed upon Hidan's head.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS-" Hidan turned his head around, to find Itachi with the Mangekyo activated and glaring at him, surrounded by a dark aura.

"He, he...um, I was kidding..." Hidan muttered.

"Good" Itachi sat down after retrieving another plate of cheese and crackers.

"If Itachi-senpai isn't in the sack, then it must be Deidara-senpai in there!" Tobi exclaimed.

Pein stood up. "Let us begin the meeting"

"So the brat is in there" Sasori grumbled.

Pein ignored Sasori. "The reason why I have called a meeting right now is because of something about Deidara"

Pein nodded to Konan. "Let Deidara out"

Konan immediately complied, untying the sack and dropping Deidara onto the ground.

"Why'd you tie me up?!" Deidara complained, earning stares from the rest of the Akatsuki.

Zetsu suddenly appeared. "Sorry I'm late. Why was Deidara in the sack?"

"Tobi knows, Tobi knows!" Tobi yelled, "Senpai was watching porn and-"

"I DO NOT WATCH PORN! ONLY HIDAN AND ITACHI WATCH THAT STUFF!" Deidara roared.

Itachi had a gloomy atmosphere around him. "Everyone thinks that I'm a pervert..."

Konan stood up. "Everybody shut up and let Pein-sama speak or I will cut off your manhoods and personally feed them to Hidan's pig sacrifices, and get Sasori to make wooden ones for you."

Everybody shut up.

Pein coughed awkwardly. "As I was saying, I have news about Deidara..."

Hidan snorted. "He still looks the same as ever."

Konan glared at him. Hidan immediately shut up.

Pein sighed. "Deidara, undo the jutsu-"

Deidara stood up, untying the ropes and interrupting him. "Well un, I'll just go now..." Deidara sped out of the room like a mini hurricane, knocking over one of the vases by the door.

"There goes 18 million yen" Kakuzu muttered darkly.

(A/N: Ha, 18 million yen...yeah it's from Ouran High School Host Club)

So Deidara ran out of the room. Well, at least TRIED to. One of Sasori's puppet's reached out and grabbed Deidara's ankle, causing him to stop and trip, face-first on the floor.

"Deidara..." Pein towered over Deidara, a scary look on his face. "Undo the jutsu."

Deidara stared at him. "No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"I said no way in hell, un"

Pein lost his temper. "JUST DO IT OR I'LL UNDO IT MYSELF!"

Itachi frowned. "I can't see any chakra. He's not using a jutsu."

Deidara smirked, and peeled himself off the floor. "That's because I invented a jutsu that not even your OH-SO-AMAZING Sharingan can see it, un!"

Kisame sweatdropped. "And this Jutsu is..."

Deidara froze. "Um... I'm not telling you, un..."

Sasori sighed. "Go on brat, just tell us."

"Tobi wants to know as well, because Tobi is a good boy!" Guess who that was.

Deidara turned to Konan with a pleading face. "Please don't tell them..."

Konan sighed. "Either me and Pein-sama tell them or you tell them."

"Then you tell them, un!" Deidara shouted and ran out of the room, successfully evading any objects that stopped him from leaving.

"Tobi wants to know what Deidara-senpai is hiding!" Tobi called.

Pein and Konan sighed in sync.

.

*2 hours, one pig sacrifice to Jashin-sama and a new puppet later...*

"UNTIE ME RIGHT NOW, UN!" Deidara screamed, wriggling in the chair.

Pein sighed for what seemed the millionth time that day. "No, because you'll just run away again."

*FLASHBACK*

Deidara ran to the shared room of Sasori and Deidara. Suddenly, Pein was towering over Deidara with an even scarier expression (a bit like the Tanaka from Haikyuu).

(A/N: If you haven't watched Haikyuu, I suggest you watch it, but if you don't want to, just search up 'Tanaka scary face Haikyuu')

Pein dragged Deidara back to the room.

Deidara blew up the chair Itachi was sitting on.

"Eeeeewww, Itachi, did you fart?" Deidara snickered.

Itachi was frozen.

Deidara ran out of the room again.

Konan got annoyed.

And I mean REALLY annoyed.

And you do NOT want to stick around to see that.

A murderous aura started forming around her, even scarier than the 6 Peins combined.

"Deidara-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn~!" She had a devil's aura and an angel's smile.

Hidan burst out in laughter. "HAHAHA! SHE CALLED HIM '-CHAN'HAHAHA!"

Konan glared at him (again). Hidan immediately shut up (again).

Pein sighed, then coughed, probably because he'd been using his breath too much today. "Deidara, I am serious. Tell them your secret or I will undo the jutsu."

Deidara sighed and faced the rest of the Akatsuki, head down and muttered, "I'm a girl."

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Reviews are appreciated~!