What Goes Around

JE owns the characters.

Chapter One

So here I sit outside the Vincent Plum Bonds Office in my new, old, 2004 Honda Civic. I used to have a cute little Mini Cooper but that's another story. I need to head inside so I can collect on some bond receipts but Connie and Lula are in there. Plus there is a shinny black Porsche parked down the street which means Ranger is also inside and I definitely don't want to see him. I know as soon as walk through that door I will get grilled about what happened last week. In fact I'm guessing the whole Burg is wondering. My mother is most likely ironing right now. My love life has always been a hot topic in the Burg. It started when I had my first sexual encounter behind the counter at the Tasty Pastry, continued with my divorce from my cheating ex-husband Dickie Orr and now everyone seems to think it's their business to know exactly where and with whom I spend my nights.

This is different. I just went away for a week with one of the hottest, sexiest men in Trenton. He showed up at my apartment, told me to pack a bag and off we went. We stayed at a bed and breakfast in Martha's Vineyard, It was amazing and let me just say that this was my first visit and I still don't know much about the place because we never left the room except to eat and let the maids change the sheets. We got back two days ago and I've been recuperating ever since. I mean even a sex goddess needs time to start walking again. He went back to work the day after we got home and told me the guys gave him a hard time about the whole "going away" thing. So I knew as soon as I set foot in the bonds office I was going to be asked all kinds of questions I didn't want to answer. I decided I'd take the coward's way out and leave before anyone saw me. I was about to take off when

there was a knock at my window that startled me so much I almost wet my pants. I looked up to see Ranger standing there.

"You just have to do that don't you?" I said.

The corners of his mouth turned up, "It's my job" he responded.

"Are you going to sit out here all day?" He asked.

"No! I'm going in" I growled back.

By this time Lula was watching from the office door. "Get your skinny white ass in here before I come over there and drag you outta that car; we are dying to know where you were and who you were doing!"

Lula is not a subtle person.

I looked at Ranger; he just gave me one of those infuriating grins and I accused, "You told them I was out here!"

"Babe" was all he said and then he was gone.

"So give it up girlfriend." Lula ordered.

"It must have been good she can hardly sit down." Connie added.

"Okay, okay I'll tell you. Joe and I had a big fight, he said some things then I said some things; it wasn't pretty. I thought maybe we had broken up."

"Damn girl! That's why you were hiding out in your car; you snuck off with Ranger and didn't want Officer Hottie to know about it!"

"No, can I finish please? Joe showed up at my door with this trip idea, just the two of us, to clear the air, to make up, so off we went."

"We didn't know what had happened to you. You're not knocked up; you two didn't get married or anything like that cause those are the rumors going around." Lula was too happy to tell me.

"Again No we just went away for some alone time!"

"Well good," Lula huffed "cause that kinda shit you gotta tell us about first, I don't wanna be hearin' about it at the Shop and Bag."

Great, my mother is going to be ironing for the next month, my phone will be ringing off the hook and Grandma Bella is going to put the eye on me. Not to mention the fact that Joe and I are supposed to have dinner with my parents tonight and go to his nephew's birthday party tomorrow.

I left the bonds office, checks in hand, after a few more pointed questions from Lula which I refused to answer. I needed to cash them but didn't want to deal with any Burg gossips I might run into; instead I went to Joe's house. I had plenty of time before dinner; Joe was still at work and I didn't have to answer the phone here. Plus I got to see Bob. I couldn't believe how much I missed him while we were gone. We went for a nice long walk, watched some TV, had a snack of leftover Chinese, took a nap and then I started a shower. I needed to be my most presentable tonight in front of my mother who will most likely give me the "why me" speech. Joe, of course, chose that moment to get home; the shower lasted a lot longer than I had planned. I just hope Grandma Mazur doesn't have the same 'Morelli induced orgasm radar' Lula does.

We arrived at my parent's house right at six. As my luck would have it my sister Valerie, her three girls and husband Albert were also there. Pulling up to the curb I noticed not only my mother and grandma waiting at the door but also Val.

I looked at Joe, "We're doomed."

"Yeah but think of all the fun we had getting here!"

"You think this is funny!" I started to get mad.

Joe reached over and took my hands in his. "No but if we go in there all defensive it will just add fuel to the fire. We didn't do anything wrong Cupcake."

Then he kissed me right there for my family and a few neighbors to see. I started getting butterflies in all the right places. If Joe's cop car had tinted windows I would have climbed on his lap and repeated what had just happened in the shower.

The usual fanfare took place before dinner. My father was already in his seat. Ma and Grandma were loading the food on the table and Val was rushing around trying to get her girls in their chairs. Albert was holding a screaming Lisa who was getting more and more worked up by the minute. Joe walked over, calmly took her from Albert, held her close and whispered into her tiny ear. Within seconds she quieted down, smiled up at Joe and started making soft cooing noises at him. I guess the Morelli charm works on women of all ages.

Finally the table was set, we were all in our places and the food was being served. Ma hadn't said a word to Joe or me and Grandma kept looking at us with a shifty grin on her face. That couldn't be good. Valerie was trying her best to make small talk but we could all feel the tension radiating from Ma.

Finally Grandma couldn't hold it in any longer.

"So do you have a bun in the oven like your sister, did you two get married or was it just a week of hot monkey sex."

The whole table went silent. My father's hand tightened around his knife as he turned to Joe.

"You better think real hard before you answer that question Morelli." My father warned.

Joe didn't miss a beat, "How about none of the above. We simply enjoyed some sightseeing in Martha's Vineyard."

Grandma wasn't fazed, "So you two didn't hit the sheets the whole time you were there."

Mary Alice piped in, "Why would you hit the sheets and what is hot monkey sex?"

Next it was Angie's turn, "We are learning about sex in health class but we talk about people not monkeys. How can people have monkey sex?"

Before anyone could even think of how to answer any of those questions Joe's cell phone rang. He excused himself from the table to take the call in the kitchen. When he returned his cop face was firmly in place. This can't be good I thought.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"I need to meet up with the Prosecutor who's handling the Cruz/Martel case. The trial date has been moved up so we need to go over my testimony." Joe answered.

This got Grandma going again, "Is this the big drug case you went undercover for in February? I saw that lawyer on TV, she's really something. I didn't know lawyers looked like that."

"What does she look like?" Albert asked.

"Like someone I wouldn't want my boyfriend going to see late at night." Valerie added, eyes narrowed at Joe.

Grandma jumped right in, "You sure this is about your case, I heard at the beauty parlor that you two have worked together before. And that it was real friendly. I also heard her boobs are fake, just like Terry Gilman's." At this point my blood pressure started to rise.

"Wow Joe, you know lot's of women with fake boobs, that's really neat! How can you tell?" Albert asked, "Do they feel different, do you like the fake ones better?" Valerie smacked Albert on the back of the head.

I shot daggers at Joe and he had the nerve to grin at me.

"Nothing can beat the real thing Albert!" With that, he thanked my mother for a wonderful meal, kissed me on the forehead and headed out the door.

Once Joe was gone things calmed down a little. We finished dinner. I helped Val clean up and then we served dessert. I soon realized that I had no way to get home. I had ridden here with Joe. Val's car was full so I was either going to ask my dad for a ride or walk. I knew if I asked for a ride it would open the whole "you killed another car" discussion so I thought maybe it would be best if I walked.

Before I could slip out Ma asked how I planned to get home so late at night carrying a bag of leftovers and of course dessert for Joe. I swear the guy could do no wrong in the eyes of my mother. Such a change from when we were kids. Oh well, I guess if we ever break up I better find a new place for home cooked meals cause I think Joe would be more welcomed here than me.

"I can walk, it's a nice night and it's not that far." I told her.

"You could call Joseph, I'm sure he is finished with that lawyer by now." Ma said.

"Too bad you don't have your own car here; then you could go back to your apartment instead of waiting around for Joe. Val offered still fuming over Albert's implant enthusiasm.

What exactly are you driving now?" my mother asked.

Before I could answer my dad added his two cents worth.

"Your never listen to me, I keep telling you to by American but you just have to go with those foreign heaps that just keep giving you trouble."

"This time it really wasn't my fault!"

A while back when the crime business was good, I bought this cute little Mini-Cooper. But then bounty hunting got slow and I got behind on my car payments. The bank turned my account over to a collection company and I started getting those nasty payment due letters in the mail. Joe offered to help me out with a loan just until things got better. After a few arguments about borrowing money and stubborn Italian pride I decided to take him up on the offer. I really didn't want to lose my car. We went down to the bank, paid off my loan, had dinner at Pino's to celebrate, then went to Joe's house.

The next morning Joe went to work and I slept in. Celebrating with Joe usually leaves me in a satisfied stupor. Just as I was finishing a late breakfast with Bob I got a call from Joe. He sounded amused and annoyed at the same time. Apparently the collection agency and the bank got their signals crossed. The repo guy came to Joe's while I was sleeping, took my car, then ran a red light and was hit by a Tasty Pastry delivery truck. The Mini was totaled.

"I'm driving a Honda." I told Ma. "And it's very nice; I haven't had any trouble with it." I added, making a face at my dad.

The front door opened and Joe walked in, "Did I miss dessert"

"How was your meeting?" I asked.

"Fine, and thankfully short, so about dessert?'"

I could tell Joe didn't want to talk about it, his cop face was firmly planted and I thought the best thing to do was get him out of my family's three ring circus.

"It's all packed up. We can head home and you can have it there. I'm sure Bob is ready for us to be home. He hates when we leave him too long." I replyed.

Joe looked relieved.

We said our goodbyes, took our bag of food and headed out.

"I can't talk about it." Joe stated as soon as we got in the car.

"Okay, I won't even ask."

"Thanks" Joe said. We drove to his house in comfortable silence, had dessert then took Bob for a walk. It must have been a stressful meeting cause Joe didn't waste any time getting us to bed. I guess I'll be sleeping in again tomorrow.