Okay, so I've had this story in my drafts for a while and recently got on a Harry Potter kick(when am I not on a Harry Potter kick, though?) and finally decided to revise it and post it. I will never not be completely enthralled with the Marauders Era and Sirius Black so I hope you all have as good of a time reading this as I know I'm going to have writing it!
-You can howl, you can wail, you can scream, you can flail.
You know that feeling when you're really trying to focus on something, someone, but you just can't bring yourself to? You can't help that their voice has become a low hum in your ears as you drift further and further away into your own head?
Well I'm currently struggling through that exact dilemma.
Sat with my friends in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express, I can't help but stare blankly out of the large window, the outside surroundings blurring; the greenery and the skyline becoming one. My mind's anything but blank though; the vivid experience on the platform from about an hour ago is on replay.
The energy of Platform 9 and ¾ had been loud and sparking with the excitement of the new school year as usual; students reuniting with friends they hadn't seen over the summer, the chatter of new teachers, the fight for the best spots on the train. First years and seventh years alike, all crowded together on the stone walk way.
But that was only on the surface.
The underlying tone of darkness was almost palpable if you took the time to look for it. Parents held their children too close; aurors dressed "inconspicuously" keeping an eagle eye on everything. It had left me with a nasty feeling liken to stones in my stomach, and I'd clutch tighter to the poufy gray cat in my arms in an attempt for any kind of comfort.
My Aunt Jem had hovered for much longer then she had in past years. She had tried to fake nonchalance, tried to keep a sunny disposition, but her amber eyes betrayed the apprehension she couldn't conceal.
It's only when Ser and Alyssa, my little sisters, finally broke away, giving their hugs goodbye and fighting our aunts smothering and lectures about 'no cutting classes' and 'staying out of trouble' that the older, golden haired woman's false pretenses had dissipated a bit. When it was only her and I left together, she seemed to harden and soften all at once.
"Aunt Jem? It's going to be okay" I had told her in a teasing tone, more for my own reassurance I think. "I'll write every week" she had given me a skeptical look "I promise. And we'll be back for Christmas break"
"I know, I know. I just don't know what I'm going to do with myself while you all aren't home. I haven't been away from you all since…well I'm just going to miss you is all. It's going to be so quiet" She had choked a bit during the middle of the sentence, not wanting to bring up what neither of us wanted to think about at the moment.
We were both definitely thinking about it though.
"Okay, I'm sure Jackie will make sure you don't get a moment of peace" I'm in a constant attempt to break up the tension, and thinking of my eight year old little cousin and her new obsession with levitating made me feel better. Or it should have.
My Aunt Jem had snorted and said something about her child being a 'bloody handful' and how she 'didn't know what she was going to do with that girl'
"Plus with us gone you can focus on more important things…like crocheting" That had earned me a playful slap on the shoulder. Her hand had stayed there though, and her face saddened a bit.
"I want you to try and enjoy this year, okay? You're seventh year is going to fly by; I swear it still feels like yesterday that I graduated. It's crazy how much you'll miss the castle when you're not going every year" She had sounded wistful, like she was reliving some memory in her head "I...I know your mom's with us today, she would have been so excited to see you off"
That had panged in my chest, the dull ache that I had become all too familiar with over the last few weeks of the summer.
"I think she would have just been happy I made it to seventh year" I can't help but joke. I'd rather joke then wallow, any day.
"Back in third year when you blew up the bathrooms we all had our doubts" She had only sounded half teasing and I let out a theatrical gasp and glare. That had been an accident! "Make sure you take your potions okay" that comes out in a lower tone and it had made me uncomfortable, made me take a cautious look around to make sure no one had overheard her.
I had just nodded, and attempted to brush it off. She knew I hated talking about that.
"I love you so much" Aunt Jem's voice had been raw with emotion, a lot like it had been when she'd seen me off my first year. The way she's looking at me is the same too. Like I'm eleven years old again.
"Awe, please don't cry. I love you too" I had hugged her tightly, earning myself a face full of flaxen hair.
She'd squeezed me so hard it almost hurt, the tightness of the embrace had made my eyes prick with tears that I refused to let fall, but that had nothing to do with pain. At least not the physical kind, anyway.
Ziggy, my cat, protested being squished between us with a loud, slightly strangled mewl.
"I'll see you in three months, it will be fine" I muttered.
"Owl me when you get to the castle, okay?"
"Okay"
"And keep an eye on your sisters?"
"I promise"
"And don't get into any trouble?"
"I'll do my very best"
When we had pulled away, she held my face between her two hands and I laughed and tried to resist a bit but she was stayed firm.
"I'm so proud of you, you've been such a big help over the last few months, you've grown up so fast" She'd spoken, her eyes scanning over my face. "It's not been fair, but you've handled it, and I just want you to know how proud I am, kay?"
It had felt weird; I never did know how to take heaps of affection or praise, even though if I was honest I loved both. So I just nodded with a smile.
"Alright no more soppy stuff" She pats my cheek and lets me go. "Your friends are waiting"
"You'll keep me updated right? Tell me what's going on?" I had sounded a little desperate, even to my own ears and even though she agrees hesitantly I don't believe that she would tell me what was going on in the world outside of Hogwarts. I'd have to ask someone else…
"I will. Now go on" She urged, but again, her light eyes said anything but.
It had been harder to leave her this year than any year before, even my first year when I was eleven and scared and friendless.
Something about the look she'd given me as I left her in the crowds, had seared it's self into my mind.
I couldn't stop thinking about that look.
"Kayleigh? Hello?" the call of my name snaps me back to my current surroundings and I turn away from the window, from thoughts of my aunt, and bring my attention to three pairs of questioning eyes.
"Sorry, I'm all zoned, what's wrong?" I explain, shrugging off their loaded looks and readjusting my body on the cushioned bench so that I'm facing them more in an attempt to really make myself focus.
I had to start living…in the moment.
"That manticore hash you smoked earlier really got you, huh?" Cassia laughs it off and I chuckle at the raven haired girl seated across from me.
"We were just talking about how much of a rude hag Laurel is" Arline goes back to her conversation and I make a questioning face at her "Like, we've sat together every year since first year and now she has some loser Hufflepuff boyfriend and she can't be bothered? I see how it is"
I had been a bit salty about it too, but had shrugged it off. We couldn't force her to sit with us, and her persistent apologies as she was dragged away by her new boyfriend had cushioned the blow.
"Oh my griffa, don't be so dramatic" Mery rolls her eyes at our curly haired friend as she snaps another photo with her new camera she'd gotten in Diagon Alley. I blow kissy faces towards the lens.
Arline? Not be dramatic? How?
"I mean yeah, she sucks for not sitting with us, but can you blame her? Wyatt's fit as a motherfucker" I reply as though it's obvious.
She rolls her eyes but lets the subject drop.
Especially with what Cassia brings up.
"Another attack, this time right outside of London, this is getting fucking ridiculous. Why isn't the ministry doing anything?" Cassia has a copy of the daily prophet spread wide, covering her face as she holds it up to read.
I shake my head "That's the thing, they're trying. My uncle says they have crazy amounts of aurors on it and they can't get it under control" I explain, recalling a conversation I'd had about a month ago with my Uncle Christian who worked in the Ministry, in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catasthopies or D-MAC as he called it. 'Theses fuckers are starting to think their untouchable'
I also recall hearing the word 'Genocide' over and over.
"It's a bunch of pure-blood mania freaks who think they can make the world a better place by starting fires? What kind of fucked up shit is that?" Arline leans over to beside her to look at the paper with Cass.
"Let's just hope they stick to pyromania" Mery takes the words right out of my mouth, as she shakes the polaroid photo absent mindedly, looking down at her hands with an expression I hated to see on her pretty face.
Because this feels like…the beginning of something. I stare at her feeling prickles of sadness and anger and unbelievable disgust that she was even having to think about this.
It's not like her worrying was unprecedented. She was muggle born, and this gang; these death eaters as they called themselves had made their distaste for muggle borns more than clear.
"It won't get that far. It can't right? It's a couple dozen people against the entire Ministry" Arline's voice is unbelieving and dismissive and I bite my lips, thinking about telling them the entirety of the conversation I'd had with my Uncle Christian….
I decide against it. Not sure I even want to talk about this anymore.
"Right. They're just going to earn themselves Azkaban sentences and good riddance" Cassia flips the page in the paper, instantly changing the conversation from wizarding terrorists to 'Signs of Each Sign; How to Know if He's Interested in you or Not'
"Ugh, I hate these. Whatever idiot wrote this trash has clearly never made their chart" My face contorts as Cassie begins to read the article.
"You just hate them because they expose how psychotic you Gemini's are" Mery ribs, her fuchsia hair shaking as she laughs. I very much like that color on her, I think to myself. Her hair had never taken on that particular shade before.
"Hey, I take offence to that" Cassia chirps before she takes a large bite of a cauldron cake, reminding her there was more than one Gemini in the compartment.
"I'm Gemini sun. Not that they'd know anything about planetary aspects, because if they did they'd be writing about Venus signs. Fucking idiots" I'd always been very into astrology, I'd gotten O's in both Astronomy and Divination a couple years back on my O.W.L's
The train rides faster than the years before or at least it seems like it, and it feels like it's only been minutes before we're approaching the castle.
"This is so sad, you guys, this is like our last train ride to school ever" I sigh, melancholic as I shrug into my robes, flicking my long hair out of the hood.
"It's not like it'll be the last time we're riding in it though, we'll be on it again during Christmas" Cassia reassures.
"But still" I cry, glaring when she laughs at me.
"Remember when we had to share that compartment with Robbie Cabbot in third year? Most awkward train ride of my life" Arline reminisces, her brown curls bobbing, her tone laced with disgust.
"Ew" I dramatically gag "He kept blowing snot bubbles in his sleep. And staring at Cass' tits" I add with a grimacing laugh as I pick at the remnants of the lemon tart I'd gotten from the trolley.
"I didn't even have tits back then, you guys are bitches"
This is what I'd remember, I think to myself pursing my lips to hide a smile. My stupid best friends, being stupid, during the last, first train ride to school.
So I'm thinking about doing a small playlist at the end of every chapter. Would that be interesting and helpful in setting the tone or super tacky? I can't tell so you guys give me your opinions.
Lorn- Acid Rain/ TOP- Stressed Out/ Ziggy Stardust- David Bowie