Hi, guys! Super sorry I haven't been updating much lately. I've been working on new stories, and trying to finish old ones, so yeah . . . How are y'all? Hope you're ready for some epic random weirdness, cuz this brain o' mine's going WACKO!

This is an actual adaptation of a conversation between me and my brother, and it turned out the exact same way. I'm represented by Zane, and my l'il bro's represented by Kai. Everything else is made up.

I've got more craziness on the way if you enjoy this! And see if you can catch the in-joke, even though it's pretty obvious, in the section where Cole and Jay are talking.

Oh, and I forgot to mention: I'm changing my username. I will now be TitaniumMasterOfAquaLightning, a tribute to my three favorite Ninjago characters: Zane, Nya, and Jay! The ultimate dream team!

So, see ya, and I hope you like this little one-shot! Like I said, I'm planning to put more, so I hope you likey!

1. Food-eater

Kai covered his nose at the smell of the cat food Zane was dishing out to his pet. "Why does cat food have to smell so bad?" he complained, trying to wave away the unpleasant odor fumes.

Zane shrugged. "I wouldn't know, since I technically have no need for smell, but I choose to use it anyway," he said, rubbing Hermione on the head as she started to eat. "I don't think it smells as bad as all that, though."

Kai rolled his eyes. "You told me it reminded you of Spam the last time I rhetorically asked why cat food stinks," he pointed out.

"And it still does," Zane said coolly, getting up and sitting down at the kitchen table with his book. "And I'm certain that you'll say it doesn't, like you did last time."

"Well, then it doesn't smell like that," Kai said.

"Did I call it or did I call it?" Zane mumbled, setting down his book.

"I think you called it!" Cole called from the couch.

"That was a rhetorical question!" Zane yelled back.

"Rhetorical questions are meant to be answered!" Jay teased, also sitting on the couch as he and Cole were playing Lego Dimensions. "Aw, come on!" he complained as the Wicked Witch of the West killed his character. "Scooby-Doo stinks when it comes to fighting that witch!"

"Then choose a different character, Zap-trap," Cole said with a roll of his eyes. He pumped his fist in the air as his character knocked the stuffing out of the Wicked Witch. "Take that, broom lady! Batman is da boss!"

Jay face-palmed. Lloyd, who was interestedly watching their game, laughed. "Hey, Cole, you're stealing Jay's line!"

"I would never stoop that low to call the Wicked Witch of the West 'broom lady'!" Jay retorted. "At least he's got Batman. I can't find that character with the super cool lightning power, and until I do, I'm stuck with Scooby!"

"You mean the blue Ninja guy?" Cole guessed, once again fixed on the game.

Jay frowned. "Why is it that I always feel like I'm having an identity crisis whenever I look at that minifig?"

"Same reason I have an identity crisis whenever I use that black Ninja," Cole shrugged.

Zane rolled his eyes. "Good grief, haven't they figured it out by now?" he muttered.

"Figured out what?" Kai asked, confused.

"Oh, never mind."

There was a few minutes of silence while Jay switched his character from Scooby-Doo to Emmet, who was promptly blasted to smithereens by a blast of evil magic. "Take my advice, Jay," Lloyd grinned, "you're probably better off with Unikitty. At least she's got Rage Mode."

"But she can't fly!" Jay pointed out.

"Neither can Emmet," Cole snickered as Batman hit the Witch again.

"Brilliant!" Jay dove under the coffee table and produced a vehicle.

Cole gave it a skeptical look. "What good is the Ecto 1 when you haven't even upgraded it? Does it even have a flying mode?"

While Cole and Jay were busy bantering, Kai turned back to Zane, who was placidly reading his book. "Sooo. . . explain to me why you think cat food smells like Spam?"

Without looking up, Zane replied, "They're not too different, if you think about it. They're both technically processed, canned meat products. I'm not surprised they have a similar odor."

"How you can still eat Spam after noticing that is beyond my imagination," Kai mumbled under his breath.

"I can do many things while realizing a more peculiar side to them," Zane replied calmly, turning another page while he spoke.

"Then can't cats eat dog food?" Kai persisted. "Isn't it basically the same thing, only with different labeling?"

Zane frowned over the top of his book. "I'd honestly expect you to be more intelligent than that, Kai," he said. "Dog food has a different-uh-" He was getting so mixed up, trying to read and answer Kai's question and not get distracted by Cole and Jay's video game all at the same time, that he couldn't think straight. "-it has different ingredients that cats can't eat," he finished lamely.

"Garfield steals Odie's food all the time!" Jay called from the couch as the flying Ecto 1 with Emmet blasted the Wicked Witch clear to bedlam. "And he doesn't have any problems!"

"Garfield's a cartoon character!" Zane cried, dismayed as his own mind was going berserk.

"But other cartoon cats don't do that!" Now Kai was getting befuddled. "Why does Garfield steal dog food and eat regular human stuff-"

"-Because he's a food-eater!" Zane squawked.

The others looked at him, completely confused. Then, Jay couldn't stifle a laugh. "Duh, he's a food-eater," he said. "What else would he eat if he couldn't do that?"

Zane was so bewildered by his own idiocy that he just stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, trying to regain his thoughts. Then, he grinned stupidly at his friends. "Next time someone asks me a question like that," he said, "could someone else slap me before I answer?"