"Viktor fell."
The memorized violin came to a haunting end - brain suddenly losing the song I'd learned to click of my blades against the ice was almost deafening in the numbing silence that followed the shattering words. A blind haze clouded my mind as I unconsciously skated toward Minako in record time.
"It's bad, Yuuri."
Her face was pale, large eyes watching my every movement as I stepped shakily from the ice - mind at a complete halt; failing to process anything.
If there was one thing that Viktor Nikiforov never did, it was fall. Beyond that, he never fell badly. And even more horrifyingly, he never fell at a competition.
Much less the Russian Nationals.
I pushed through the doors without a word to her, fingers shaking against the cold metal. I wasn't sure if she continued talking to me, I couldn't hear her voice through the blood pounding in my ears.
The blood forced from my racing heart drowned out all other sounds. It was like a fog had slowed every movement, taken every breath - my chest was collapsing.
The phone rung out - dead tone - and his voicemail prompt made my heart stop. The phone slipped from my fingertips, hitting the floor with a clatter before I heard her voice again.
"He's at Mariinsky Hospital in St. Petersburg - we just saw the news…"
I had my skates off and slipped my shoes on in a second, leaving my blades abandoned behind. I shouldered through the doors, stepping into the on my first step down the stairs, I fell down the remaining three. I landed in a puddle, trying to break my fall with my wrists I scraped my hands against the cement.
The following throb that entered my wrist triggered every fall I'd ever taken - especially with him. It finally processed and I sucked in a desperate breath, scrambling to my feet.
"What happened?" It came out weaker than I expected as I turned to watch her run down the steps toward me.
I blinked - not sure if the water in my eyes was the rain off my hair or the rising tears coming with a hacking sob.
Why didn't you go to Russia with him? How could you stay behind?
She herded me to the car. "He fell during a jump and hit his head."
Why? What for? Is anything more important to you?
How could you not go?
She didn't even ask where to go and we were at the airport before I opened my mouth again. My mind was frozen in the time we'd last said goodbye when he'd left for the competition.
I'm not sure if she hugged me before I left. I'm not sure when I bought my ticket or when I boarded the plane or how long the flight was. All I heard, thrumming in my ears, was that haunting violin.
Stay close to me...
I could hear his voice in every memorized vibration of the strings.
Why didn't you stay close to me?
Minako called Yurio I think. I'm not sure why else he and his Grandpa picked me up when I arrived - I don't think he talked to me, I know I didn't talk to him.
The hospital was shockingly white - blinding as I stumbled through the halls after the boy, winding my way toward him.
Stay close to me…
Where are you?
I knew it was his door the minute I saw it.
I could feel him.
Yurio paused outside, ever-present frown tightening as he stepped aside to allow me to enter alone. He didn't follow my shaky steps through the door.
The bed was white - almost matching his skin, his hair.
I tired to say his name but my breath was gone as I took in his skin, pale, sweaty… pain.
I gathered his cold hand in mine in a moment, fingers intertwining with his as I gripped him harder then I should have. I tried to grip his hand close to me, rewrite the wrong of my absence, tell him I'm sorry a million times, reassure him I was here…. Keep him closer than ever before...
Stay close to me...
My head slumped against his shoulder as I tried to feel him, find my breath…
"Yurri…"
It was a breath - the breath I needed.
Icy blue eyes, half lidded, watched me - a small smile spreading across his sickly skin.
"Viktor?!" I barely heard my own whisper, choked as the moisture from my eyes blurred out all vision. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" My voice rose in a rasped sob, clinging to him I felt a shaky hand on my back, a sigh from his lips touched my skin.
"I knew you would be here..."
Forcing myself to look at him, I blinked as his weak grin spread.
"No, no I wasn't here! I'm sorry I didn't come!" I felt a tear - hot, angry - I blinked it away with gritted teeth. "I should have dropped my whole competition and came with you! I'm so sorry I failed you, Viktor!"
He was barely able to shake his head, hand reaching my neck to pull my head against him gently - his sigh tousling my hair. "You were always here with me. No matter where you are...you will always be close to me."