Kinda Love

Disclaimer: I don't own Zoey 101

June 9

Dear Dana,

It's been so long. Really long actually. How have you been I guess? I'm not really sure how to talk to you. I haven't seen you in almost 7 years. I just kinda stated the obvious. Sorry... I think. Um. How was France? Did you like school there? We never really heard anything from you after you left. Everyone took it kinda hard. Especially me. Not that I'm trying to make you feel bad or anything. We just missed you. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

Did you go end up going to college? You always talked about going someplace far away. I always just assumed that you ended up going to college somewhere in France. I bet it's great there. I hope you enjoyed yourself.
I tried calling you several times, but you're number was disconnected...and when I would call your parent's house to try and see if you got a new number, no one ever answered. You never really answered your e-mails either...So when Zoey gave me this address of where she thought you were I decided that it was time for me to write.

I really hope that we can have a chance to meet up sometime. I've really missed you. I just hope that you haven't forgotten any of us from PCA.

To be honest. I really hoped that you would've come back to PCA for Senior year, or even come back just to visit. I remember we always talked about running off after we graduated and just driving around until we found a place where we would want to stop. I kinda miss those days. Just the two of us, being crazy teenagers. It almost felt like love to me.

We were together for quite a while weren't we? It feels like such a long time ago, but almost like yesterday. I remember having to keep it a secret that we were together, which was fun for everyone. Having to keep is from our roommates, even though they clearly knew something was up. I'm sorry again. I don't mean to be bring up old memories. It's just that's all that I have of us...old memories, fun times together. And then one day you were just gone. I was heartbroken.

And worst of all, I couldn't find it in myself to be mad at you. Actually I was more mad ay myself than anything. I knew you always talked about leaving, I felt that if I was stronge enough, kind enough, loving enough that maybe that would make you stay. But when you actually left, packed up all of your things and were out, it felt like a slap in the face. That I hadn't done what I could to keep you safe, to keep you with me. And being the coward I was, I didn't go after you. I was afraid. Afraid that you left because you no longer wanted anything to do with me. That you wanted space, time away from me. And that hurt because I loved you. At least that's what it felt like for me. You were the only person I had ever cared for so deeply.

There are so many reasons that I'm writing to you. And I can't tell which is the one that is most important, or which is the reason that I want to give you. More than anything I want to see you, but I don't want to put that kind of pressure on you. I don't want to be the one to hold you down to something like that.

If that's not good enough of a reason to write to you, then it's because I want to make sure you're still out there somewhere. That you are still...alive. I don't exactly know if that's the right word to use. I'm half hoping that you don't ever read this letter, simply because I feel like I'm pouring out my heart and knowing both sides of you, you would either laugh at my stupidity and throw this away or you'd think it was sweet and maybe even write back. It's hard to tell though because clearly, people change.

It's hard for me to get everything that I'm feel down on paper. I feel like I keep back tracking and then I'm stuck. See, stuff like that doesn't even make sense. In all, I suppose I just miss you. And am in desperation to know what you're doing. To know who you're friends with. What you do for a living. How you go about your day. I'm curious. And even after all these years apart, I've still never felt like this.

I feel like I need to keep apologizing. My main purpose was not to sit here and write about...well everything that it seems I've been writing about. Besides from me hoping that you won't get this letter, I know that I have to send it because attached is an invitation to PCA's reunion. It was debatable whether or not to invite you because you didn't graduate from here…but Zoey and I decided that it would be best if you came. And we all hope that you do.

I wanted this letter to be easy going. But I fear that I came off a little too straight forward. But you know me. And that just seems to be how I am.

Write me back?

Much love,
Logan