Disclaimer: Pride and Prejudice belongs to no one other than Jane Austen. As it is my favourite story, I hope I can come close to doing it justice.
Chapter one
It's a truth universally acknowledged that when one gives away ones virtue before fully securing her match, one is surely left for ruin.
But she had been so sure of his feelings, he had proposed not once but twice. She had given into her desires and had allowed him to make her, his, before she had made him hers. But standing here in front of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Elizabeth Bennett soon realised that she had made a huge mistake.
"Elizabeth," he began nervously "I'm sorry but my aunt has made it quite clear that she won't support our union. She will shun the Darcy's in society and I must think of Georgiana's future, her standing,"
Anger rose through the tears that threatened to fall. "But my future and my standing can be thrown away so easily," she spat bitterly "You Mr Darcy have ruined me,"
Guilt rose through Fitzwilliam's stomach, flooding his senses. "No one need know what has passed between us Lizzie," he whispered
"I will know," she yelled. "The man I may one day marry will know on our wedding night," she said in more hushed tones " When there is no blood on the sheets,"
Mr Darcy looked down at the floor in shame. He had no excuses, he had no justification.
"You just can't muster the strength to fight for me," Elizabeth had always been a strong person, but at this moment she could feel her resolve begin to crumble. He instinctively tried to reach for her, to hold her but she quickly pulled away.
"Don't touch me!" she screamed "You lost the right to do that the moment you discarded me,"
Darcy retracted quickly looking ashamed.
"GET OUT!" Lizzie sharply turned away from him and stared out of the window.
"Lizzy, please," he begged "Don't let us leave it like this,"
Calmly turning to face him he felt both her cold tone and stare " This is not my doing Fitzwilliam, it is yours," His heart sank as hers broke and he quickly retreated from the room, leaving a devastated Elizabeth behind.
Jane watched Mr Darcy rush from the house and instinctively knew that something was wrong. Opening the door to the drawing room she found her sister crouched over on the floor sobbing. Fear rose through Jane, she couldn't imagine what Mr Darcy had done that could evoke such devastation from her sister.
"Lizzy, what ever is the matter?" she asked taking to the floor beside her sister. Lizzy threw herself into Jane's arms, sobs shaking through her body for the longest time. Jane held her for the longest time before her cries subsided to a soft sniffle and finally she was able to speak again.
"Mr Darcy has broken off our engagement,"
Jane's expression was one of surprise. "But I was sure that your heart belonged to Mr Darcy. He adores you"
"Apparently not,"
"I'm there must be some sort of misunderstanding,"
"No Jane," Lizzy began composing herself "He has broken my heart and I fear I shall never get over it,"
Autumn began to move into winter and Jane's wedding was fast approaching. As was her inevitable meeting with Mr Darcy. The thought was turning her stomach. It had only been six weeks since he had broken her heart. Only two months since he had taken her innocence and made her a woman. She was determined not let him see her broken. She would face him with all the strength and dignity she could muster, even if she felt like she was dying inside.
"Lizzy! Lizzy!" she could hear her mother's squawking from downstairs "Girl where are you?"
Internally sighing she descended the stairs in search of Mrs Bennett. Her mother had taken the termination of her engagement nearly as bad as she had. Mrs Bennett had spent most of the season cursing the moment Fitzwilliam Darcy ever graced the streets of Meryton, the Halls of Netherfield and heart of her second daughter. She had called him a scoundrel, a cad, a wretched man who had treated her daughter very ill indeed.
"My poor dear Lizzy," her mother began "Have you heard the news that Mr Bingley has insisted that, that wretched man be present at his and Jane's wedding. He has no regard for my feelings… or yours for that matter,"
"I am well aware that Mr Darcy will be there Mama," Lizzy sighed. She wanted to discuss her ex fiancé as little as possible.
"I told Jane that it shall take all my strength not to tell that man exactly what I think of him," Mrs Bennett wasn't ready to let up on her onslaught of Mr Darcy "I have never trusted him, not from the moment we met him. He slighted you then Lizzy, even with his ten thousand a year he was not a good match,"
"Madam please…" Lizzy begged "…I will never get over Mr Darcy if we constantly speak of him. I will bear the pain of seeing him again for Jane and Jane alone. Then I will do everything in my power to never set eyes on him again," Turning on her heal Lizzy left the conversation before her mother had time to protest. Ascending the stairs she felt her stomach lurch and the urgent need to empty the contents of her stomach. Reaching her room just in time she grabbed the chamber pot and wretched up everything she had eaten that morning.
"I must be more nervous than I thought," She told herself, two more days until the happiest day of Jane's life and she was dreading it.
The morning of Jane's wedding should have been a happy one, but for Elizabeth it was the most dreadful day of my life. Waking up with a nauseous feeling, the day was only ever going to go from bad to worse.
She wanted to be happy for her sister, but all she could think was that she was never going to be happy again. Lizzy tried everything she could to look busy while her sisters helped Mrs Hill dress Jane. She did feel guilty for not sharing the laughter but it really was too much to bear.
Sitting at the table in kitchen she made her way through another one of the cooking apples sitting in the basket. "Miss Elizabeth," Cook scolded, "Those are cooking apples, you'll give yourself a belly ache,"
Elizabeth shrugged; the need for them outweighed any stomach ache she might get. Besides if she was ill she could leave Netherfield early and not have to be in Mr Darcy's presence any longer than she needed to endure. Reaching for the pot in front of her she coated the apple in its sticky contents. "What on earth are you doing?" Cook enquired with a shocked yet bemused look upon her face "Is that Marmalade?"
Lizzy nodded "It is,"
"My girl you will be sick," Cook announced shaking her head "Why don't you go and get ready for the wedding. I'm sure Jane would appreciate some help,"
Sighing Lizzy put down her apple and headed for the door. Cook was right she needed to push aside her jealously and be happy for her sister.
The ceremony was perfect and Jane looked beautiful, just as Lizzy knew she would. Jane's dress was simple in design but made her look so elegant, so regal! Not a fallen woman like Elizabeth. She would never look that beautiful, that elegant, and that innocent.
She had spent most of the day trying her best to avoid Mr Darcy. It hadn't been easy; he had tried to approach her several times. Every time he made a beeline for her she disappeared around a corner or grabbed hold of the nearest guest. She had to admit; she loved the hurt and angry look on his face every time she danced with another man.
It made her sad though, thinking that no other man would ever want her once they knew what she was. She was ruined, she was damaged and she was broken. Closing her eyes she could still feel his breath on her skin. She could still feel his soft kisses tingling on her neck. His hands under her skirts, fingers trailing up her thighs. He stroked her so intimately, that she couldn't help but push herself into his touch. He had taken his time with her, bringing her pleasure several times before claiming his own. She expected it to hurt, she had heard the horror stories from married friends and of course her mother had made comments that this act of intimacy between man and wife was only pleasurable for the gentleman. But it hadn't been like that with Darcy. It had stung briefly as he took his place inside her body, but soon after that pain was replaced with immense pleasure that she would have spent an eternity chasing to come close to that completion.
She was pulled from her thoughts by his presence. "Elizabeth," he whispered. His eyes filled with admiration when theirs met. She made to leave but he caught her hand "Please Lizzy," he begged "I needed to speak to you, I needed to see you one more time,"
"Why?" she asked sharply. She stared at him with defiance burning through her sole.
A small smile reached his lips as he nervously answered, "I have missed you,"
Elizabeth's anger had been slowly simmering throughout the day, building gradually until it reached this point. His words took her over the edge. All her pain, all her heartbreak and all the fears she felt cultivated into this one moment. He hadn't seen the slap coming! Lizzy hadn't planned it, but in that moment she wanted to cause him some pain.
He let go of her and clutched his stinging cheek in surprise. Shock etched across his features, he could feel his eyes pooling. Pulling back his emotions his face became like stone. "Forgive me Miss Bennett. I won't delay you any further," With that he turned on his heal and quickly walked away.
Lizzy stood frozen to the spot; she let out a silent cry as she dropped to the floor. How had he made her feel terrible about his behaviour? This pain was unbearable, all consuming. She needed an escape from it. Drying her eyes, she composed herself and headed back to the party. Spying a waiter handing out champagne, she strode over and grabbed the bottle off the tray. "Miss," he called after her in surprise.
"Thank you," she called out.
'If I'm going to have to live with the consequences of being a fallen women, I might as well have some fun becoming one' she thought to herself with determination, before heading into the gardens.