A/N: What happens when Olivia Jane (Nag Hammadi) and Mags meet in the middle of the street? Bam! An otherworldly white light engulfs the whole town, and there's a loud explosion and two barks, and everything goes dark. When The Danes Family and Middle Management collide. One shot, and we're out.
Middle Mayhem
Lorelai awoke with a start, sitting straight up in bed and pressing her hand to her chest, trying to calm her pounding heart. She turned to look at Luke, and bit her lip as she studied him as he slept. When her breathing began to regulate, she cautiously lifted the sheet and looked down at his legs. "Stupid sweatpants," she muttered as she dropped the covers with a huff. She looked at his face again, and then lifted the covers one more time.
"What?" Luke demanded in a sleep raspy voice.
"Take your pants off," Lorelai commanded.
Luke opened one eye and said, "Good morning to you too."
"Do you have a steel rod in your thigh?" Lorelai demanded.
This time Luke opened both eyes and chuckled as he said, "I can if you want me to, but it would be near my thigh, not in it."
"Seriously, Luke," Lorelai said impatiently.
Luke blinked rapidly as he tried to process what she was getting at. "Why would I have a steel rod in my thigh?" he asked.
"From the accident," Lorelai answered as she started to tug on the waistband of his sweats.
"What accident? What are you doing?" he asked as he tried to bat her hands away.
"Checking for the scars," Lorelai said stubbornly.
"I don't have any scars. What is your problem?" Luke asked incredulously.
Lorelai blinked up at him and asked, "What are our kids' names?"
"Do you have amnesia?" he asked as he began to sit up against the headboard.
"Was it a dream?" she wondered aloud.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Luke said, started to get frustrated.
"I didn't elope with Christopher, did I?" Lorelai asked him.
Luke's eyebrows shot up as he said, "Not unless you've become a Mormon."
"It was a dream?" Lorelai asked softly.
"Sounds like a frickin' nightmare to me," Luke grumbled.
"Josh and Jake," she whispered.
"Our sons, yes," Luke said dryly. "Are you trying to tell me that they're Christopher's? If you are, I'm not buying it. They look just like me, and I look nothing like that nancy-boy," Luke snarled.
"I had the weirdest dream," Lorelai told him wide eyed. "It's like I'm Pam Ewing. Is this Dallas? Am I on Dallas now? Man, I loved that show. The whole 'Who shot JR?' thing. I totally knew that it was Kristin Shepard," she said with a dismissive wave. She shook her head and asked, "None of it really happened, right? Or maybe this isn't really happening. Is this really happening?" she asked him in a bewildered tone.
Luke frowned at her worriedly and asked, "Lorelai, what is going on with you?"
Lorelai eyed him suspiciously and asked, "When you're feeling all mushy, what do you call me?"
Luke blinked in confusion and answered, "Lorelai."
"No, when I call you Babe, what do you call me?" she asked, getting agitated.
"Sweetheart?" Luke asked cautiously.
Lorelai nodded and asked, "We're married and have twin boys."
"Yes," Luke answered with a nod.
Lorelai looked around the room and murmured, "We live in the old Twickham House."
"Are you going to tell me what you dreamed about?" Luke demanded.
"It was so strange. So real, but not real, you know?" she asked in a lost tone of voice.
"No, I don't know until you tell me," Luke said with an exasperated huff.
"I don't know if I can remember it all," Lorelai murmured as she moved back to sit up against the headboard. "We were engaged, and then you had this kid come out of nowhere," she said as she shook her head.
"A kid? I had a baby with someone else?" Luke asked with a guffaw.
"No, a teenager. You didn't know about her. She just showed up one day and plucked a hair from your head to do a DNA test," Lorelai explained.
"You have very strange dreams," Luke grumbled.
"That's not even the weird part. We broke up because things got all weird between us. I married Christopher, but I still loved you," she said, staring off into space as she tried to piece the dream together again.
"Nice," Luke hissed.
"We got divorced, and you figured things out with the kid, April was her name," she told him. "We got back together and got married."
"Well, thank God you got your head straight in the end," Luke growled.
"Me?" Lorelai said as her jaw dropped. "It was just as much your fault!" she said defensively.
"Of course it was, it was your dream," Luke said with a laugh.
Lorelai shook her head and said, "Anyway, we had like four more kids. The eldest was this weird little girl named Grace; she wanted to be a ballerina, total daddy's girl. Then there was the boy, Xander," Lorelai said with a nod.
"Xander? Is that even a name? Xander?" Luke asked with a scowl.
"I guess so, as in Alexander, I think," Lorelai said with a slow nod.
"Huh, weird, but okay, go on," he prodded.
"The little girl called you Poppy, and you let her," she said with a grin.
Luke snorted and said, "Ain't never gonna happen." He shook his head as he smiled at her and asked, "What else?"
Lorelai frowned and said, "Well, then you were in this really bad accident. Horrible. It screwed your leg up. You had to have surgery after surgery, and walked with limp," she told him, tears beginning to shimmer in her eyes.
"And you didn't want a gimpy husband?" Luke asked with a teasing smile.
"I almost lost you," she whispered.
"It didn't happen, Lorelai," he reminded her gently. "Tell me about the kids," he cajoled. "You said four."
"Then we had twins. A boy and a girl. Andrew and Samantha. Drew and Sammie," she said softly. "They were weird too, always sucking each other's thumbs or something," she said with a frown. "It was so real, but so weird. Almost like watching one of those movies that they make for Lifetime. You know, where they condense two whole generations into a two hour time slot?" she asked.
Luke shook his head and said, "I don't watch Lifetime, I watch ESPN."
Lorelai rolled her eyes at him and said, "I saw them all grow up. Babies, teenagers, adults, getting married, having kids. Xander pitched for the Red Sox," she told him with a grin.
"Good boy," Luke answered with a nod.
"Gracie married her childhood sweetheart, Dave, and had a baby that they named Lucas," she said with a soft smile.
"Poor kid," Luke said as he shook his head sadly.
"Sammie ran the diner when you retired, and Drew took over the Dragonfly," she told him.
"All in all it sounds pretty good. Well, with the exception of Christopher, and the strange kid I didn't know about, oh, and getting mangled in the accident," Luke said with a chuckle.
"Oh! Oh my God!" Lorelai said as she pressed her hand to her heart again.
"What? What?" Luke asked anxiously.
Lorelai turned to stare at him open mouthed as she took a gulp and then whispered, "Rory married Jess."
"No," Luke said in a stunned tone.
"Yes, yes, and had kids!" Lorelai insisted.
"What did you eat last night?" Luke demanded.
"You were with me the whole night!" Lorelai retorted.
"Obviously you added some mushrooms or something to whatever, because you are whacked," Luke said with a snort.
"You should be nice to me. You'll be sorry when I'm gone," she intoned ominously.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Luke scoffed.
"I died first," she told him.
"Hey, now that's not even funny," Luke said as he sobered instantly.
"I did," Lorelai insisted.
"I reject your subconscious' pseudo- reality and replace it with what is real," Luke said as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You and I have only been married to each other, and that's the way it's going to stay," he said firmly. "We have twins, but they are boys, and their names are Joshua and Jacob, not Xavier or whatever it was," Luke said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I wouldn't mind having a little girl, but I can tell you that I will never, ever respond to the name, 'Poppy,'" he said stubbornly. "Rory would never look twice at Jess, I am healthy and whole, and you are certifiably insane," he said as he pointed a finger at her. He reached out and touched the finger to her lips, outlining them gently as he said, "And you can never leave me here without you, got it?" When Lorelai nodded silently, Luke sighed and said, "Now, you have officially ruined the only morning this week where I get to sleep in. I suggest you make it up to me," Luke said petulantly.
"How can I do that?" she asked innocently.
Luke settled back against this pillow, pulling her over on top of him. "Add a little Debbie Does before the Dallas reference, and you'll be on the right track," he answered with a wolfish grin.