Lily kept a careful eye on Madame Pince as a group of second year boys became progressively louder in the opposite corner of the library. Then, just as the woman's head turned in reprimand, Lily slipped up the stairs into the Restricted Section. Tip-toeing through the stacks, she found the shelf she was looking for-Potions: Dark, Dangerous, and Disturbed.
Running her fingers over the dusty bindings, she selected a few that she hoped would aid her in her search. Most Potente Potions. Poisons and Their Remedies. Dark Brews for the Dark Creature. Finding a small desk, she quietly pulled out its chair and began skimming through the volumes. Professor Slughorn had assigned an essay a few weeks back on harmful potions, but despite all her research, she could not find the potion the Marauders were cooking up.
Three days ago, while Lily was doing her rounds, she followed the noises of James Potter and Sirius Black bungling around in Professor Slughorn's private store. She wasn't able to catch them due to that blasted cloak, but the next day she, herself, snuck into Slughorn's closet and saw a variety of ingredients-including aconite, which was commonly used in dark potions-missing. Upon asking them what they were doing, she was shooed away without even a flirtatious glance from Potter. She knew two of them were, for the most part, harmless, but the fact that they were so wrapped up in this "project" had her intrigued. So, she took it upon herself to find out what they were up to.
Remus had snuck into the Restricted Section of the library about an hour ago to get a head start on a Herbology assignment due in two weeks when he noticed Lily Evans bent over a stack of books near the Potions section and decided to say hello.
As she was so intent in her reading, she didn't notice the faint whispering of her name from the shelves behind her. Nor did she hear the approaching footsteps. Which is why she jumped out of her seat when a voice whispered furiously in her ear, "Lily!"
She flew around, wand drawn, and glared violently at the person in front of her.
"Remus?" she said, relaxing her shoulders, and he stood with his hands in the air, eyebrows raised.
"I would hate to be the one to wake you up in the morning," he muttered as she returned her wand to her robes.
"Oh, believe me, Marlene gets the fright of her life," she chuckled.
He grinned. "What are you doing back here?"
"I could ask you the same." She smirked, leaning back against the table.
He cocked his eyebrow. "Don't be cheeky." Remus was always her favorite Marauder. He understood her-her love of books, her work ethic, her not being accepted for her blood (granted, he had it a little harder). It was easy to talk to Remus. She could see in his warm, brown eyes that he really cared. Not to mention, he was quite handsome.
She rolled her eyes. "If you must know, I'm trying to find the potion Black and Potter are brewing."
"James and Sirius are brewing a potion?" he asked incredulously.
"You mean, you didn't know?"
Remus shook his head.
Well, that was odd. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter Pettigrew were thick as thieves. They did everything together. Surely, brewing a dark potion was something James and Sirius would share with the others.
"Well, what could they be brewing then?" Lily asked, now concerned. If Remus didn't know, they were definitely doing something against the rules, and if they were doing something against the rules, they could be doing something dangerous. As much Lily hated to admit, she had sort of a soft spot for Potter. He had laid off her quite a bit this year. Despite his undying arrogance, she was beginning to consider him her friend. All in all, she didn't want to see him hurt.
"They can't be doing anything too horrible…" said Remus, "Perhaps they're stocking up on antidotes? They have been talking about collecting doxies, and hiding them in Sirius' mother's curtains as a sort of going-away present to her. Sirius is moving out this summer. Going to live with the Potters."
Although the doxy scheme seemed quite palpable, Lily doubted they needed aconite to ward off the venom of those pesky fairy creatures. However, at the mention of summer, Lily noticed Remus' expression grow distant. He looked down at the book in his hands-The Wonders of Wormwood-and back up at her.
"I should probably get reading-"
"What are you doing for the summer, Remus?"
He shifted uncomfortably, his sandy hair falling in his eyes, "Oh, you know, just staying here." He drew in a breath. She knew he hated going home. Without Hogwarts, he had no way of controlling himself during transformations. He had no place to go. He visited his parents every so often, but besides that, he was locked in the castle. Essentially, alone.
"You could come to my place if you want," Lily suggested. "I have quite the library myself."
"You know I would love to, but I couldn't," said Remus, a twinge of regret in his voice. "I wouldn't want to impose." She knew he wouldn't. He thought he was a danger to others, which is why he chose to stay. She had tried several times before. He wouldn't allow any other arrangements to be made.
"Remus," Lily whispered, taking a step closer, looking straight into his sad eyes, "you don't have to lock yourself up like this. People care about you; they want to see you-to spend time with you. I know I want to." She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers between his, feeling an unexpected tingle as she did so. Her voice dropped even lower."Just because you're a werewolf, does not mean you are a monster."
"Lily," Remus whispered, noticing, not for the first time, just how green her eyes were."It, really, has nothing to do with that-it's rather…complicated."
But Lily wasn't listening. Her mind was reeling. A wolf, but not a monster… where had she heard that?
Then it clicked.
She had read an article a few weeks back about a fellow named Damocles who was researching the effects of Lycanthropy. He was said to be developing a potion that could potentially diminish the symptoms of werewolf transformation, or help prevent it completely. One of the main ingredients to this potion was aconite.
"Remus!" Lily said quickly, grabbing on to the front of his robes and shaking him fiercely. "Have Black or Potter mentioned anything at all to you about a man named Damocles."
"Damocles?" Remus asked, completely frazzled by her sudden outburst, "I don't know. Maybe? Why?"
"Because!" she exclaimed. "He's researching a potion to cure Lycanthropy! It uses most of the ingredients Black and Potter stole from Slughorn! That's why they didn't tell you! They're trying to help you, and they knew you wouldn't let them!"
Lily threw her arms around him and squeezed him tightly.
Remus' eyebrows furrowed, but he cautiously wrapped his arms around her anyway. "Why wouldn't I let them help?"
Lily loosened her grip on him, and took a step back, her hands remaining lightly on his shoulders. "Because you won't allow yourself to be helped."
Remus studied Lily's sudden change in expression. She looked upset. Almost angry. "What do you mean?"
"I mean you never let anyone reach out to you! You don't think you're worth it. Like just now, when I offered you a stay at my house for the summer, you refused, even though I know you want to come."
"Well, of course I do, but-"
"No buts, Remus," Lily cut in with a heated whisper. "You always come up with some kind of excuse to stop yourself from experiencing any kind of pleasure."
Lily saw Remus' warm brown eyes change; they flickered with something-determination, a resolve. "I do no such thing," he spat.
"Oh, yeah?" she whispered. "Prove it."
And, much to her surprise, he did.
He bent forward, eyes aflame, and kissed her.
And not with the tentative, gentle kiss she would expect from a boy like Remus Lupin, but a fiery and passionate one. Letting his book drop to the floor, he tangled his fingers in her hair, and pulled her closer.
Much to her surprise, Lily grasped his robes, and kissed him back, full force. As if she had wanted this to happen-as if she had waited for this to happen all year. Perhaps she had. But any coherent thought washed away as he pushed her against the table she'd been studying at minutes before.
The kiss deepened, and Lily wrapped her arms around Remus' neck, preventing him from letting go. But that didn't matter. He poured all his emotion into her. All his anger, his pain, his self-hate. And all he thought of was Lily. Generous Lily, intelligent Lily, compassionate Lily, beautiful Lily, wonderful, glorious marvelous, perfect Lily...
As his lips moved down her neck, his hold on her tightened, and he couldn't help moaning at how expertly she weaved her hands through her hair and down his back. When finally, he reached her lips again, she held him there, pulling him closer, if possible. She drew his lower lip into her mouth and wrapped her leg around his.
He tore himself away from her and looked at her fiercely.
"There," he whispered between breaths, "you have your proof."
Lily, also breathing heavy, looked into his eyes, still lit with determined passion. But she also saw there a wild mixture of emotions. Wonder, anger, sadness, and, most prominently, longing-things she had only glimpsed in him before, now revealed openly and honestly.
He picked up his book, and began walking down the aisle toward the main room. "Remus, wait!" she called, a little too loudly. She ran forward, grabbed him by the collar, and kissed him one more time. "Please spend the summer with me," she breathed.
He looked down at her, hair wild, lips red and swollen, green eyes sparkling with hope. He cracked a smile. "I'll think about it."
She threw her arms around him, and squeezed him again.
Just then, the bustling of Madame Pince's robes threw Remus out of his thoughts. "Who's causing a ruckus back there!" she called.
Remus and Lily scrambled as quietly as they could, zig-zagging through the stacks to the other end of the room, and waited with bated breath, against a shelf of commonly used potions ingredients. Lily slipped her hand into Remus'. "I'm surprised she didn't hear us earlier," she whispered. He looked at her, and smiled fondly. She pecked him lightly on his cheek. "This summer will be amazing," she breathed. He blushed, despite himself.
"Lily?" he whispered quickly, "Will you do me a favor and keep this a secret? For now, at least." She nodded, grinning widely, and they both slipped out of the library, unnoticed.
Lily and Remus parted ways in the corridor, she went one way to be with her friends, and he went another to spend some time thinking in the courtyard. He didn't see her slip a book about the uses of aconite in her bag, and she didn't see his eyes flicker with determination once more.
He said he'd think about spending the summer with her, but he knew he wouldn't. He couldn't.
Not because he felt sorry for himself, or even because he was a danger to her and her family. But because James loved her madly. Much more than Remus ever could. James was his best friend. He trusted him. And Remus would never betray that trust with his own selfish desires again.