Terrible Lie
by Holly Jolly
"Why are you doing this to me?
Am I not living up to what I'm supposed to be?
Why am I seething with this animosity?
I think you owe me a great big apology."
"Terrible lie!"
"I really don't know what you mean.
Seems like salvation comes only in our dreams.
I feel my hatred grow all the more extreme.
Can this galaxy really be as sad as it seems?"
"Terrible lie!"
"There's nothing left for me to hide.
I lost my ignorance, security, and pride.
I'm all alone in a life you must despise.
I believed your promises, your promises and lies!"
"Terrible lie!"
"You made me throw it all away,
My morals left to decay.
How many you betray,
You've taken everything."
"My head is filled with disease,
My skin is begging you please.
I'm on my hands and knees.
I want so much to believe."
"Terrible lie!"
Darth Vader awoke with a start. The remnants of his dream had left him shaken and short of breath. His breathing regulator worked to gain control of his breathing once again. If his depleted body had been capable of still producing sweat, Vader knew he would be drenched.
For his entire life Vader had been plagued by vivid dreams…..but this one! This one had left him badly shaken. However he was shaking not with fear but with rage.
"YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!"
He heard his former mentor, Obi Wan Kenobi's accusation ring through his head. It had been six galactic months since his ill-fated confrontation with his former Master. In moments of weakness, Vader often endured this unwelcome memory that seeped in like a bad chill.
As he swung his heavy frame off his bunk, Vader allowed his thoughts to turn back to his dream, which as bad as it had been, was certainly less painful than memories of the past.
In his dream, Darth Vader had been screaming at the Emperor, hurtling accusations at him. Screaming about a terrible lie. Lately in his dreams, Vader had seen himself in his old body, whole and strong and this one had been no exception. Vader had been confronting Lord Sidious about the lies he had told, about being able to save Padme. Vader put his heavily-masked head in his hands and sighed deeply. Padme. He never allowed himself to think of her, it was just too painful.
"YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!"
"STOP!" Vader roared, trying to push back the memories.
But the despair was too much this time, and he could not make them retreat. Vader sank back down heavily onto his bunk. He had failed her. Padme. His angel. His love. His wife. He had failed her just as he'd failed everyone important in his life: Qui Gonn, his mother, Obi Wan, his unborn child. Vader supposed he had even let down the whole Jedi Order. Perhaps even the whole galaxy.
"YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!"
"IT WAS SAID YOU WOULD BRING BALANCE TO THE FORCE…..NOT LEAVE IT IN DARKNESS!"
Yes, he had failed. And failed miserably.
"No," Vader moaned. "He deceived me."
Sidious had lied to him, had manipulated Vader into getting what he wanted. And in the end, Vader had lost everything, even nearly his life. He thought now that it would have been better if he had died there in the ash of Mustafar. But now he was trapped. Trapped in this suit and trapped in this life. And oh, he had decided, how he would make everyone suffer as he daily suffered, both physically and emotionally.
Vader hated his Master, Sidious. But Sidious had given him what he'd always wanted: power and importance, a life with meaning. But in the process, Vader had lost the one thing that had made his life worth living for. Padme.
In one instant, Vader hated and wanted to destroy Darth Sidious for not allowing him to die on Mustafar, for turning him into this THING. In the next instant, Vader revered his Master and knew he would do anything for him to repay the power he had given to Vader.
How ironic that this was exactly how he used to think of his former Jedi Master, Obi Wan Kenobi, with both hate and reverence in the span of a moment.
Vader's thoughts were too jumbled tonight, jumping from subject to subject with little real sense. He decided he needed more sleep, but a dreamless sleep. To anesthetize not only the constant and paralyzing pain in his body but also the constant and paralyzing pain in his mind, Darth Vader pressed a button on his suit that caused a very potent and very swift-acting pain killer to course through his depleted veins.
But as he drifted toward the blessed oblivion of deep sleep, Darth Vader was plagued one more time:
"YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!"
The End.
11-19-05
Author's Note: The characters mentioned in this short story are the property of George Lucas and are being used here for entertainment purposes only. Likewise, are the lyrics from Nine Inch Nails' song, "Terrible Lie." No profit is being gained from any part of this story.