It doesn't hurt as much as she would have expected. It hurt worse the last time she died. That would be the last time she remembers dying, just to be correct. Obviously, the previous her is currently dying as well – she's executed that one quite well, she must say – but she has no recollection of that.
She rather doubts she ever will now.
The door of the lift has closed behind him and she is all alone now. We stab each other in the back. Well, she supposes he had the right of that. Although, to be completely fair, that's usually more of a metaphor than the actual, literal truth. Then again, she never was one for subtlety, back when she was him. Really, she's done herself a favour, dealing with him. At least there's her now.
There won't be for much longer, she can feel it. He told her not to bother trying to regenerate. She tries anyway, just to be sure. Missy knows as well as he does that she's always been quite good at lying, even to herself.
Unfortunately he was telling the truth this time. It doesn't work.
And so here she is, on the ground of a forest on a spaceship that's quite Cyberman-infested, dying. It's really anti-climactic, honestly. She always thought she'd go out in a blaze of fire. It is really more her style.
She is alone. Without witness, as the Doctor said. She didn't really know what that meant until now. All she's ever done is try to impress him. Or she was just trying to get his attention; there were times when she wasn't that picky. Even this new leaf she's turned over never felt really like her. I just want my friend back.
And she had been so close.
He had started to believe in her. And it was strange, because she had almost started to believe in herself. Obviously, she was never really going to be like him – she does not understand kindness the way he clearly does, if she understands it at all – but she might have come close, if she'd had more time.
But time has run out, for her and for him.
It's ironic really, because she had meant it. It's time to stand with the Doctor. If annoying old previous her had been a bit less of a twat, she would have gone and joined him. Of course, she might still have died, but at the very least she would have had her friend back. And she likes the idea of that. It's been so long since they've been friends.
They have always been complicated. They were so close once, young and daring and dreaming of stars. He had nicked a TARDIS and flown off to see them. Missy on the other hand found she liked burning them better. It turned out, the Doctor was never so fond of that. But they were finding each other again. They had fallen apart and now they were drifting back together again, as they had planned long ago. There might have been stars in her future.
Until she had quite literally stabbed herself in the back. Honestly. It's ridiculous.
The irony hits her that if the Doctor were here, he'd admire her for what she did. Not for killing the previous her – that's a personal matter anyway; he doesn't get to have an opinion on that – but for making the right choice. But he's not here. She made the right choice – what a strange sort of feeling – all alone, with no-one around to impress. Of course, the plan was to go back and impress him back at the farm. That did not work out as planned.
And so she is dying here. There is no-one to witness this, no-one to reward her for making that right choice. She would have liked there to be. She really would have liked the Doctor to be here. After all, she's done all of this for him. It seems a bit rude that he won't be made aware of that.
It's strange that despite all that, Missy doesn't regret her actions. Well, she doesn't regret choosing the Doctor. She would have happily bashed her previous self's brains in just for good measure. Probably best that he's floors away already; she wouldn't want to endanger her own timeline. She's sane enough to know that is never a good idea.
There are no stars in this holographic sky. The bunch of mentally challenged cheapskates who commissioned this ship probably didn't have enough brainpower to realise people might like there to be. Really, if you're going to make a holographic sky, you can at least try to make it look like the real one. Every child knows there are stars in the sky.
She realises she might have liked to see a few up close.
As it is, even the stars are not here as witness.
Just a really short piece on Missy's dying moments. I don't think I've ever written something this short before.
Thank you for reading! Reviews would be most welcome. I'd like to hear your thoughts.