AN: AH. Yes, yet another story. haha. I will finish the others soon. Promise. I have some Zangeal stuff I wanna work on. XD Don't worry, I haven't abandoned VexDem. ^^ Who could? Its just LexZex needs so loving. :DDDD

Every chapter of this story has to do with a Emily Dickinson poem. (ahhhhh such angst. 3) Which means, that's it you guessed it! Angsty!Zexion! (plus a very Horny!Lexaus. XD)

Chapter 1:
Failure

"It's been too long, Vexen."
The once ice mage smiled at the schemer. "It has indeed." He stood up as the boy approached him. "Please have a seat."
Zexion took his seat which had him across the scientist. He held on to the cup of tea the elder had given him. It was warm in between his hands. "I see you're doing well. Quite well in fact..."
"Cut to the chase, Ienzo."
Zexion jumped, unused to the man using his real name.
"I know what you're really here for. Aeleus, isn't it?"

Zexion froze when he heard the name. It was a haunting reminder that it was he, who sent Lexaus to his death.
It was odd at first, coming too in the ruins of Castle Oblivion.
He remembered Riku stabbing him, killing him. He remembered the blood running down his chest. The way his vision faded. The soft face of the Silent Hero he saw before he was consumed by the darkness.
Oblivious to why he was alive, he looked down at his teared coat.

Then, subconsciously, he placed his hand on his heart. Eyes widen, Zexion felt something he never thought was possible.

A heartbeat. A steady, rhymic beat in his chest. He almost cried!
He felt a rush of joy, then it was gone as quickly as it came.
He was alive and well.
But Lexaus...

...was gone forever.

Or was he?

Zexion made it his mission to seek out the old members of the fallen Organization.
In doing so, he found pretty much everyone but Vexen and Lexaus, the two he most wanted to see. He heard a rumor from Luxord that Vexen had taken up residency in Radiant Garden.
He frowned upon hearing the name of his hometown. Of all the places Vexen could go...he choose the one place where this nightmare had begun?
The name alone drew bad memories for the poor ex-illusionist.

"...is he here?"
"Yes." Vexen sipped his tea, ignoring that the boy was practicality peeing his pants. "Lexaus is in the library, organizes books. Do you wish to see him?"
"Oh...no. I mean yes...I mean..." Zexion shook his head. Why couldn't he make up his mind. "Not...not yet."
"Very well then." Vexen peeked at him lazily from one opened eye. Demyx must of been rubbing off on him. That was a trait that did not belong to the chemist.
Zexion looked down at his hands, he was gripping quite tightly on the tea cup. He sat it on the table, afraid if he held it any longer, he'd break it.
His new heart beat wildly in his chest. This was one thing about having a heart, Zexion did not miss.
"How...how is he?"
"Well. He appeared in the lab shortly after I did. He was in very poor condition." Stab. "The man was near half dead even after being reborn." Stab.

Zexion looked down, ashamed.
"Where...where did you say you found him?"
"The lab."
"In the Oblivion?"

Vexen narrowed his eyes. "No. Afraid not. The lab in which we originally lost our hearts in the first place." He sighed. "You noticed your heart, correct?"
"Yes. When I awoke." Zexion laid his hand over his heart as if to shield it from the pain that surrounded in around him. He remembered the shame he felt when he realized his situation.
"I've come to the conclusion," Vexen set down his cup on the table. "that we wake, after we have been killed by the Keyblader, in the place we feel most guilty in. You awoke in the Castle whilst Lexaus and I woke there..."

In all of Vexen's rambling, Zexion found himself thinking of his silent friend.
Lexaus awoke in the lab...which meant he regretted losing his heart. Even, from Vexen's rant, felt bad about failing the experiment.
Zexion knew why he was in the Castle.
He felt horrible about Lexaus; having, more or less, sign his death warrant. How could he do that?
Didn't he care for him?
Love him even?

I was a Nobody then, he told himself. I had no feelings...

He was so submerged in his guilty conscious, Zexion didn't hear the elder talking to him.

"Zexion? Is something amiss?"
The younger boy shook his head. "I...I'm just tired. Think nothing of it."
The two stood up, awkwardly as if coping each others' moments.
"Ah I see. " Vexen nodded. "It is indeed getting rather late. You may stay with me for tonight if you wish. That is if you don't mind dealing with Demyx..."
Zexion managed a small smile at the thought of the mullet haired boy. "Thank you, Even."
"You're most welcome, Ienzo."

The two shared a moment of silence. The ex-mentor and student could say so much without the hassle of words.
Most would find it odd to just stare at each other. However, you could tell alot about a person by looking into their eyes. Eyes were, after all, the windows to the soul.

Zexion was the first to look away. His ex-mentor could always tell when something was wrong. It was like he's sixth sense.

"Ienzo..."
"Please. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go to bed."
Vexen nodded. He started to head towards the door. He passed the boy and said; "Very well then. I will go start the car. Come."
"Can you give me a moment?"
Vexen closed his eyes and sighed. "Take your time, Ienzo. I'll be waiting."

Once the footsteps were but distance echos, Zexion bit his bottom lip and slammed his hand on the wall beside him. The tears stained his cheeks and he made small hiccups.
He was glad Vexen hadn't stayed and seen him like this. Sorrow was something that ate away at a heart but anger made it feel better. It was hot and warm...then just like that you were cold and alone again.

Zexion found himself mumbling small apologies to no one.
No...for Lexaus.

Zexion was, and always had been, prone to failure.