Photo
by simplyawfulx3
a.k.a.
Srijoni Rhea

A/N: I am a horrible 7th Heaven fan, and I haven't been watching it in SOO long. I recently got back into it, (go figure right? just when the show is ending…) and I love Ruthie and Martin. I've seen bits and pieces of the episodes, and I realize that a lot of what I've seen was part of Ruthie's daydreams in Love & Obsession. I'm not sure that Martin ever tells Ruthie he loves her out of her daydreams, so if he didn't, for my story purposes, please pretend he did.

Thank you to Gabby for beta-ing this for me.

She was lying on her bed again, clutching the picture as if it would disappear otherwise. It was a photograph taken a year ago, at the annual summer fair. He was tickling her, smiling brightly and she was laughing uncontrollably. Another tear rolled down her cheek, as she stared at their happy faces.

This was us a year ago… look at us now. You're gone. You left for good. You got a girl pregnant, and left to take care of her and the baby. This picture, can say so much about how we were… but it can't say anything about us now. It can't say the words I want it to say. The words I want you to hear. Cause you're gone. We were so happy, and now, now you're far away. You don't even bother to call. But would I be able to talk to you if you did? Would I be able to tell you the things that I want to tell you… would I be able to talk at all? I thought I knew you, Martin. I really did. But I guess I didn't know you after all. It was all a lie.

Were your words a lie too? When you said those three words that changed my life, did they mean anything to you? Or were they just words to you, with no meaning at all? Did you just decide to throw them out of your mouth without thinking it through? Is that what I meant to you, something that was there when you needed it, but worthless otherwise? Is that why you're not here, because you don't need me anymore? 'Cause that hurts Martin. It hurts a lot. I'm staring at this picture in my hand, 'cause it's the only proof I have that we were once friends… but maybe that was a lie too. This photo is the only piece of you I have left.

It's been four months. Four long, and lonely months. Sometimes I wonder what we would have been doing these four months if you had kept your promise. If you hadn't had sex before marriage. Would we have grown apart anyways, or would life be as it was before? Happy. Ha, happiness seems like such a long time ago. I haven't been happy in so long. I haven't been happy since that night. Before you told me, that is. When I thought that we were something more. And then… She couldn't form a coherent thought. She choked back a sob, thinking back to that night. The night everything was ruined; the night she broke.

Then you told me. I was in denial then. I told myself you were kidding, lying. But I knew you weren't. You wouldn't joke about something like this. And I'm thinking about all this lost time, and I realize that I'm lonely. Really lonely. But I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of anything. Except maybe seeing you again. I don't think I would be able to face you again. I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to think of me as the weak girl who cries over everything. 'Cause I don't. I don't cry over everything. Just you. I only cry over you. It only takes a second for all our good memories to come back to me. And the second that follows, brings all the bad. Nothing is forgotten. I remember everything about you. From what you wore that first day when you followed me and Peter home, to the look on your face as you said goodbye.

You didn't know how much you meant to me, did you? How much I loved you. How much I looked up to you, striving to be the person that you would love back. How much our friendship meant to me, or more importantly, how much I wanted to be more. I never wanted to be just friends, Martin. I loved you. I still love you. I lived for you. You made me feel so much better than I was. Any problem I had, you were there for me. You made me believe in myself. You gave me the faith and the confidence that I needed. You were the reason I woke up every morning. Why I tried to get through the day. Seeing you in the morning and in school was the highlight of my day. The reason I put effort in my looks for you, even though you weren't the kind of guy who only went for looks. You made school worth it. You made life worth it. And it's not worth it anymore. I don't bother to look good. Don't bother to do good. I'm broken inside. And I know everyone can tell. But they don't say anything. I know they can tell that the smiles on my face are fake. I fake happiness for the world, but inside I am anything but.

I still find myself wondering what you were thinking when you told me you loved me. Did you mean it Martin? I wanted to believe you. I actually did believe you. I guess maybe you did love me. Just not the way I wanted you to. I didn't want to be loved as a friend. I wanted more. I still want more. Maybe I'll get it. Maybe one day you and me will have one more shot. Just maybe. But for now, your photo will have to do.

End A/N: For those who haven't figured it out, or haven't heard the song, the fic was loosely based off of Photo by Ryan Cabrera. Read and review please.

♥
Srijoni Rhea