Question: any older ichiruki fans here ever get confused over the childish flames orgs leave on ichiruki fics/tumblr posts/general content and then realize it's probably because….they really are kids…and we're the dweebs still messing around in a fandom meant for kids trying to use adult logic?
but then remember you dgaf because you're ir trash for life!
Fool's Paradise
When they were younger nothing seemed impossible. Ichigo was so strong, sososo immensely incredibly inconceivably strong and had the kind of single minded determination most called foolish but Rukia saw it for what it (he) was. Passionate. Unyielding. Driven. Together they were supposed to change the world.
Somewhere along the way she fell in love with him too. Not exactly part of the plan but she always neglected to account for those silly things like feelings and hearts and while dreams can be abandoned the soul never forgets the feeling of its counterpart.
She wasn't sure when the paradigm shifted, but somehow that dream got lost among the duty of keeping bloodlines going and settling down and growing up except it didn't feel like actually growing more like finding a spot in their worlds that wasn't unbearable and stopping there, saying yup it could be worse than this and forgetting their past selves and their dreams of turning the cosmos upside down.
When Rukia was still younger but no longer young, not a headstrong girl but a mother of one, she used to ache for his presence in her life. She constantly searched for him in her world and it's not hard to find someone that's as much a part of you as your own self so she would see him in all the things her husband didn't do, couldn't do and it only served to poke at an already overexposed wound.
And then when they were younger not young, still foolish enough to remember what it was like to believe in dreams and cynical enough to understand they would never be brought to fruition, during what should've been an innocent visit when Inoue is out shopping with Kazui, they kiss and she remembers what it's like to breathe again. He is so familiar and warm and it's like being directly under the sun after too many rainy days as his weight settles comfortably on top of her and he whispers her name.
As often as they could they would disregard those mediocre paths they had assigned themselves to and fuck like teenagers high on hormones and rebellion. He'd scream her name and she'd drag her nails down his back to make scratches so deep he couldn't be shirtless around his wife for days. She'd lie to her husband and he'd mislead his wife and it was like being alive again, feeling like the world could be changed through the fire in her veins and his relentless will and so what they didn't actually change the world they had changed their worlds and maybe that could be enough for this lifetime?
It was the kind of arrangement she knew couldn't last; life experience had taught her these kinds of wrongs had a way of righting themselves at any expense and it comes in the form of his sister, dark haired and morose and always far more observant than anyone ever gave her credit for. It comes after a particularly heated weekend when everyone was supposed to be gone, a few carefully chosen words, a simple "Don't you think you're just making it worse?" She was right and Rukia was wrong wrong wrong; they were wrong in the way that they had made it impossible for them to be righted; to correct an incorrect arrangement; to fix a mistake that was beyond repair.
Rukia is the one to end it. He understands but she still sees the hurt and anguish in his eyes and she feels a part of her breaking as he kisses her softly one last time and they both agree some space would be best. She watches him from afar, because that is all they have after fireworks and destiny gone awry, watches him do all those human things she used to think were so important but really are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
He saves lives that have very little potential compared to his own. He is a good father, a considerate husband yet it does not matter; he will always be her moody, misunderstood boy who made her believe in miracles.
But they were never meant to exist in a corporal space. They are the casualties in a system that intertwined their souls then yanked them in two, leaving only a red string left to always remind them what should but can't be. He will always be the man in her heart, the one who she sees when she closes her eyes and is free to dream what might have been if not for forces greater than they working against them.
(Rukia always wakes up.)
I have twelve days until this hell prep is over and I get my life back after four miserable months. Don't ever get into bodybuilding kids, it's a trap. And makes you write ichiruki trash angst when you're 22 and should have grown out of this by now.
Just kidding we can thank Kubo and his even more trash ending for that.