A.N I know, yet another new story… it's not my fault, I get distracted. An update for Virtues is promised by the end of the month though. Rebel Angels followed Gemma, Felicity and Ann, while Pippa stayed in the Realms. This is her story.

Why live life from dream to dream,

And dread the day when dreaming ends?

-Moulin Rouge

I look at my pale palm, where the icy river has tinged my skin blue. I am holding berries. At first they appear small and insignificant; I know in the real world I would send them back with the maid. Then I remember. I am to become Mrs. Bartleby Bumble. I will be the wife of a man who is older than my father. I know that I will not - I cannot, not ever - love him. That's all I've ever wanted, really, someone to hold me close, to admire my beauty; who would want a man not attracted to them? And yet, I want him to see beyond that to see me, to see Pippa.

I wasn't raised that way. My reasonable side knew I'd never marry for love. But if Ann could read her romance novels and hope to become a rich heiress maybe add an example from one or both of the other two girls?, then I could read my romance novels and dream of a day when a dashing pirate, or a savage Viking with a warm heart, or Prince Charming would come and sweep me off me feet.

I start, gazing at my palm and the berries I hold. I had met my Prince Charming; he was here, in the Realms. He listened to me, my stories. The berries begin to look more appetizing, just one bite and I would be here, forever - with him.

The berries are no longer small. They're large, ripe and juicy, as tempting as the fruit from the Garden of Eden. I realize Gemma is talking to me. Her words of persuasion jumble in my head; my thoughts clouded by the blinding beauty of the fruit that lies in my hand.

"It could change."

Gemma's voice cuts through the thoughts running though my head, playing over and over again, the good and the bad, what will happen if I eat the berries, a broken phonograph that nobody has turned off. I know now what I have to do.

It somehow hurts me to shake my head. My brown curls hit my shoulders gently. I know I can't go back. "I'm not a fighter. Not like you." The truth is out. It hurts a bit as well. Not as much as I thought it would.

I envy Gemma. She is strong, and Felicity, Felicity is brave. I am simply, only, beautiful. I know now that that was my gift, and I used it as best I could. Now though, I can't live with it. It turned from a blessing to a curse. I need Gemma's strength… or Felicity's bravery…or their combined courageAnd I can't have those. This may be the easy way out - I don't care. I simply don't care any more. I know I can be happy. I never was when alive. If I eat the berries, those berries of immortality, I will be. I'll die and I'll be in ecstasy. I'll live in this garden of paradise forever.

Gemma's voice is strained now. "But if you eat them…"

I know what happens. I know. It isn't so bad - really it's good. I need to find a way to explain. I'm not leaving her, her and Felicity, oh, and Ann, prudish, fat Ann, because I want to. I don't have a choice, not anymore. Not a real one anyway. Gemma always admired Miss. Moore; I did too, I think. She was an enigma, another thing I'm not. The only thing that's hidden, my only secret, is my epilepsy. And that, that won't matter anymore.

"Remember what Miss. Moore said?" I asked, trying to comfort her. After all, I'll be here, in rhapsody, while she'll be in that imperfect world. I can have anything I want here: love, laughter, and no more sickness. "There are no safe choices. Only different ones." Maybe she'll understand. Maybe she won't hate me.

I glance towards the river, wondering what would happen if Gemma hadn't come back. She did though. I'm holding such succulent berries. Without time for more thought they're in my mouth. The skin breaks, and the most delicious juice I have ever tasted coats my mouth. I want to dance again, naked. I am free. Down my throat I can taste the fruity tang, sweet, sweet nectar. And he is here. My love.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the beginning. It is meant to be chaptered but I think you can read it as a one-shot, just so you won't be desperate for more. Many thanks to my beta Destiny's Darkness, she made my story legible, especially with my terrible tenses. Read and review!