AN: Alright, so this fic is special. Why is it special? Because it's based off of a rpg chat that my friend and I have going on. It's kind of hard to transfer everything from im speak to actual sentances, so the first chapter's a little messed up, but that's mainly because I needed some reason for the Uchihas to be together without killing each other. Anyway, it's going to be good. Just trust me on this one. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or anything to do with it. I don't even own a purple bow or a squashed onigiri.
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"You know what, Kisame?" Kisame turned to look at his partner. Itachi had an odd expression on his face, and Kisame found himself putting his guard up. "Wh-what, Itach-san?"
"I think I'm going to go see my brother."
Kisame shot him a confused look. "You mean you're going to attack him?"
Itachi shook his head. "No. I think I'm just going to go see him. You know, try to repair the relationship and all."
Kisame shook his head as Itachi disappeared into the darkness. "That Itachi-san really needs help."
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Meanwhile, in Konoha, Sasuke was stepping out of his weekly therapy session. "Stupid Itachi. Makes me have to pay for therapy." Suddenly, the therapy methods popped into his head and he began thinking of unicorns (emo ones, of course) and floating clouds. He had been making some good progress lately, mostly because whenever anyone said the word "Itachi," he'd go into his own little world.
Still, it was better than him being emo.
Suddenly, Sasuke slipped on a smashed onigiri and hit his head. Standing up, he winced. "That wasn't very good. It was probably Itachi's fault." Oddly enough, for the first time in years he didn't find himself recoiling at the name.
Shocked, he said it again. And again. Nothing seemed to happen. "My curse is broken!" he yelled, not entirely sure of what he was saying. Suddenly, right there in the middle of the street, Sasuke broke into the Uchiha victory dance.
"You need help. And I, of course, will lead the dance!"
Sasuke stopped to look around. The voice had come from his right, but when he looked that way, no one was there. "Strange," he found himself saying. Shrugging, he walked onward.
"Come on! I told you I'd lead you in the dance!" This time, Sasuke flung around the moment he heard the voice. Standing before him was his brother, Itachi. Flying backwards, Sasuke shook his head. "What are you doing here?"
Itachi laughed, shaking his head. "Nothing, nothing. I'm just here to help you out, otouto-san." Sasuke winced slightly at the use of the title, but stayed calm otherwise.
"Help me out with what? My only goal in life is to kill you, you know. That's my only issue!"
Itachi shook his head. "Sadly, my brother, that is not your only problem."
"What does that mean?" Sasuke asked, crossing his arms. Itachi was beginning to tick him off.
Itachi responded by merely pointing. Sasuke turned to see what he was looking at and blushed. "The bow? The purple bow? What's wrong with that?"
Itachi shook his head again, a pitying look on his face. "Brother, if you can't see the problem with a purple bow, you must have more problems than I thought. Come." He grabbed Sasuke's hand and pulled him down a street. Once they were out of sight, he looked back at Sasuke.
"To start with, Sasuke, you messed up my Uchiha victory dance, and that's something I can't allow." He placed a hand on his chin. "Now tell me, what did you plan on doing after that?"
Sasuke looked down at his feet. "Um, well, I was um…going to … um…"
"OUT WITH IT!"
Sasuke winced. "I was going to rap, onii-san."
Itachi didn't have a response to that. All he could manage to say was, "What?"
"Rap, Itachi. You know, like string words together with tight beats and rhymes and rythms. You know, rapping, Itachi!" Sasuke bounced on the balls of his feet, trying to convey to Itachi why this was so important.
"Rap?"
"Yes! Look." Sasuke spun around, messed up his hair a little, and spun back, attitude all over his face. "Uh. Uh! The name's Uchiha, and I'm down and I'm hot! All around Konoha you know I can't be stopped! My bro's a killer and that's my big problem, cuz you know whoever tries to fight him, oh he can just stop 'em. Uh! Yeah! Peace out, y'all!"
Itachi looked at him like he had five heads.
"Take it, Itachi!" Sasuke yelled, still in the moment. He bounced to the non-existant beat and started beatboxing.
Itachi blinked a few times. "Sasuke, I DON'T RAP!" Sasuke immediately stopped beatboxing. "I just thought a brotherly rap…"
"I don't rap, Sasuke. Ever. I sing!" Sasuke's face fell, totally afraid now. "Hit it, Kisame!"
Somewhere around the rooftops, a song Sasuke had never heard began playing. And, to Sasuke's horror, Itachi began to sing along with it.
"LA LA LA! I'M HOTTER THAN MY BRO AND THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!" He broke out of the song for a moment. "Holy crap! That rhymed!"he said to himself.
Sasuke shook his head. "C'mon, Itachi. You know when I get older I'll at least be close! That is, if I ditch the bow and Orochi gear."
Itachi, however, was still in his own little world. "MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO! MESS WITH ME AND I'LL KILL YOU!" He stopped singing for a moment. "Yes, when you're older, you might be close, but your looks won't ever be better than mine."
Sasuke shuffled his feet, grumbling. "At least my nails aren't purple," he mumbled.
"And put your hair in a ponytail," Itachi demanded. "You need to grow it out. It'll look better then."
Sasuke shook his head. If I hadn't hit my head, I know none of this would be happening. I just hope this is all a dream.
Itachi, however, was still rambling. "And wear less emo makeup, and fix your hair, and stop curling your eyelashes, and keep your sharingan on, and paint your nails, and wear less blue…."
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AN: Pardon my OOCness. Yeah, so the first chapter isn't very good. Just stay with me. It'll get great. I promise. The amount of insanity is going to be overwhelming. Just wait until Neji gets in here. Wow.
Massive thanks to you, Onii-san, for making this entirely insane! (and for not protesting, as of yet, for me posting this.)
Please stick with me. I promise it'll be good.
Please review!