A/N: Hey kids. It's been a while, sorry about any absences of haitus' on any stories, I've got a lot going on. Anyway, this piece is for my younger sister (A. Isabel, if you want to look her up), as a Christmas gift, even though I bought her a pretty sweet book. So yeah, this'll be my first shounen-ai pairing... Stick with me here, okay?

It's DeiTobi.

Yeah, I could've done much worse. SasuNaru, for example. Good thing Isa would never ask for that in a million years... I'd have to kill myself.

It's a Christmas story, too...

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Anime: Naruto

Characters: Akatsuki (Maybe + Orochi and Sasori)

Rating: 15+ for Pain's dirty-mouthed narrative and the language of the other Akatsukiites.

Pairing: DeiTobi, PainKonan (only a bit though)

Notes: Madara did not create the Akatsuki in this, and Tobi is NOT Obito (not that he is in the manga, anyway, that'd be so freakin' lame!!!)

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Prologue : Getting to Know You - Recording Pain

It looked like a compromising position to be in, let alone to have on tape, but on tape I have it. Apparently, I have picked up the nasty habit of documenting what happened at the Akatsuki Christmas parties and I proudly decided to flaunt it this year, much to the chagrin of the resident artist and self-proclaimed "free-spirit" of my crimson and black clad secret society. But there are a few things that Deidara (and I) still don't understand about the whole thing.

One: Why do we have Christmas parties in the Akatsuki?

Two: What is Christmas, anyway?

Three: How had he gotten underneath the mistletoe in the first place?

The answers to these burning questions are all very simple, my children.

One: Because I said so. (Fuck Madara. I'm God.)

Two: Who knows and who the fuck cares? (I know I don't!!)

Three: He was drunk (Shit, they were all drunk, save Konan and I.), and I pushed him.

Hello my adoring public. Yes, I am narrating myself, got a problem? My name is Pain and I am the leader of the covert organization called the "Akatsuki" which means something... not too sure what... I just thought it sounded cool...

Oh right, the story, sorry. Where was I? Oh yes, this is the story of the moment I knew that Deidara was a complete flamer and how I decided to exploit that fact to my own personal benefit, and started calling him ridiculous nicknames like "Dei-koro" and "DeiDei-luu".

So it all started three days before the annual Christmas party (Or "Holiday Extravaganza, as the freaking Queen of PC has started calling them. And I do mean Konan, not Dei-pupu), which would have been... let me see... The 18th? No... the 20th, I think. Shit, I don't know... I don't have dates memorized, that's Konan's job...

Well anyway, it started three days before the party and...

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A/N: So...? What'd you think? R/R please! And no flames, please, but if you REALLY have to, I won't stop you. And please, no remarks about the layout. is PISSING ME OFF because I don't know what I can and can't do and... ARGH.