How Itachi Chose Deidara
I own nothing but the plotless epicness that you will read .
This is purely my imagination.
I do not make any money from this!
Enjoy!
Itachi was walking through the forest picking flowers and sing about murdering people when suddenly two buff self-proclaimed manly men with giant swords walked out into his path. Itachi quickly covered his ass so he wouldn't be raped.
"Hey there cutie, what do you say to coming to my place for some hot, hard sex?" Asked the one with a mask.
"You don't wanna go home with him; his dick is so small you won't feel a thing. But I can make it so you can't walk for a week." Said the… blue? one. The two started arguing, both grabbing one of Itachi's arms and tugging him back and forth.
"Don't I get a say in this!" Itachi shouted. The two let him go and stood facing him.
"So which do you choose me or Kisame?" The masked one asked.
"Remember, Zabuza has a tiny dick… bordering on nonexistent." Said the blue one, now known as Kisame.
"Neither." Itachi said definitively.
"Uh-uh. You have to pick one of us." They said in unison.
"Um-uh…" A cat with some blocky thingy in its mouth walked up and sat between the two. "I chose that one." Itachi said pointing to the cat.
"That's not a choice." Kisame whined.
"It was in the lineup." Itachi replied picking up the cat and cuddling with it. Zabuza and Kisame drew their swords and took the cat shredding and cutting it to bits.
Meanwhile… Elsewhere in the forest…
Deidara was walking through the forest searching for his cat C-4 who stole his C-4. Deidara was beginning to think that it wasn't a good idea to label his C-4 C-4 because his cat seemed to recognize its name and thought that Deidara's C-4 was for C-4 and so it took the C-4.
"C-4, un, where are you, un!" Deidara called. Deidara noticed a group of three men and decided to ask them. "Hey, un!" He called walking up to them, "have you seen a cat, un, carrying a thing of C-4, un?" By this time Deidara was now standing between the two men with the really big swords.
Back to Itachi…
Itachi was desperately looking for an escape, when a blonde man called over to them and walked in between the two men with really big swords.
"I pick him!" Itachi shouted pointing at a confused looking Deidara. "Oh and by the way those two killed your cat." He informed the blonde.
"What!" The blonde shrieked and proceeded to blow the two men up into smithereens. And then he blew the smithereens up into even smaller smithereens. Itachi found this incredibly sexy. When Deidara was finished Itachi jumped Deidara and proceeded to do very naughty things to Deidara that Deidara enjoyed very much and even begged Itachi to do more naughty things to him.
"And that, un, is how your daddy and I met, un. Any more questions, un?" Deidara asked his two children while feeding his and Itachi's third child a bottle. All the while sitting in Itachi's lap, both pantless, and Itachi rubbing Deidara's pregnant belly. Itachi turned Deidara's head and shoved his tongue down Deidara's throat.
"Mom, dad, that's gross." Their oldest whined at both her male parents.
"Shut up Ino, un!" Deidara yelled at his daughter.
And that is why Ino looks like Deidara.
The End?
A/N:
Ita-chan: Is that right? I don't think that's where this was going.
Dei-chan: It is completely right, un. I was told by Itachi and Deidara themselves, un.
Ita-chan: OSZJ! You can warp between dimensions! *Awestruck*
Dei-chan: No, un. I only have a dimensional phone, un, not a portal, un.
Ita-chan: Awwww….. Can we prank call Sasuke? *Excited*
Dei-chan: *Thinking* I don't see why not, un. *Starts dialing*
Ita-chan: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY *Glomps Dei-chan* I WUV U DEICHAN!