Nightcall

by Aya of Rivia

Shinjiro's Social Link from Persona 3 from his perspective rather than hers. Enjoy. Edit: Corrected several mistakes and typos.

9/7

I brought her to the ramen restaurant. I honestly didn't know where else to go. It's her fault anyway. She just came to me out of the blue asking to go out with me. I don't know what's up with this girl. She insisted that she wanted to thank me for saving her from Strega by taking me out.

Minako. Aki told me about her. She's confident and happy. I wonder if Aki likes her.

"Sorry to bring you here. I don't know that many places to go eat."

"That's alright. I like it here. I come here with the rest."
"You're an odd one..."

I couldn't help but to laugh a bit. I never seen a girl who likes to go to a ramen place to eat. All girls like fancy food and classy places. She didn't. Minako... You already surprise me. I never thought that would a girl would be happy with my lousy taste.
We ordered soup. You just seemed happy with it that. I can understand, there is nothing better than a warm soup after walking in the cold winter evenings. It will warm up your thin body.
You looked at me with no words. I wonder what's on your mind...

"Watch the soup, it's hot."

"Oh! Thanks for the warning, Shinjiro-senpai."

I always forget Aki cut my mouth when we were kids. I always hurt myself with hot food.

When I complain, Minako gets worried and asks me if I'm alright, if I burned myself, what do I need, she even orders some water for me. She shows great kindness for a total stranger like me, so I feel like I must explain her that I was punched by Aki.
She's curious too. She asks all these questions about Aki and I fighting. It makes me feel awkward, but at the same time I feel like I can trust her, so I smile and tell her.

"I gave him a little "lecture" on how his fighting style's too reckless and this is what I got in return."

She giggles a bit.

"Well, we get in fights all the time. Just get used to it."
"Senpai, for the sake of the group, don't fight with Akihiko-senpai. We need union in the group in order to keep balance and defeat the Shadows."

It's strange and almost scary how much her expression changed so fast. One moment she was giggling and in the another she's looking at me seriously. Mitsuru told me that she's leading the group on that damned tower, but damn she does play the part very well.

"All right, all right, stop glaring me like that."

It's strange to say these words, I'm not used to this. I'm not used to have someone above me, it always me and Aki fighting for some sort of leadership and now I have this girl, younger than me, ordering to follow this bullshit about order and balance. But I better do as she says. I don't want Aki to fuck up my mouth any further.

Then I think a little... She is younger than Aki... But damn, she fights well. And she's a leader. You never get to see cute girls doing these kind of things outside movies and shit and here I have one eating ramen with me.

"But, man, you're actually younger than him?"
"Yes, senpai. I'm only 17."

"We're lucky that you're such a reliable leader."

I try to mess around with her, but she knows the truth in my words and thanks me with a big smile on her face.

Senpai, words like yours make me feel more confident about my position!

Her voice is calming and she always smiling, as if I make her happy somehow. Maybe it's my imagination playing tricks at me. I lose myself in thoughts about what she's thinking or not. I can't read her.

"Ouch!"
"Senpai! Are you okay?"
"I cut the inside of my mouth the first time he punched me. I'll be fine."

"If you need anything, tell me, alright?"
"Don't worry about me, Minako. I couldn't eat for a while, though."

"When did that happen, Senpai?"

I stop to think a little about what happened, but I don't want to tell her. I don't want to worry her, I'm not worth her time. She's too precious as a leader to worry about such a worthless ass like myself.

"I forget. I was back when we were kids."
"I see."

I laugh. Things used to be so simple when it was just me, Aki and Miki. No longer it's like that.

I got back to the soup and sigh, frustrated. I can't eat it like this.

"This ain't gonna work... I'll have to wait for it to cold down."
"I can wait for you, senpai."
"Eat up, Minako. You'll need it."

"Are you sure?"
"I'm."

Minako... You're a strange, strange girl.

9/9

She came to me after school saying she wanted to go out with me again. Apparently she enjoyed the last time we went out and she thinks I'm a nice guy. How ironic...
I told her I didn't care where we were going, so she took me to a place in the Iwatodai strip mall called Wakatsu.

It seemed very different from the ramen restaurant we went to last time. I took my sweet time looking around. It was a well lit, bright place with a lot of green and white on the walls.

"What is it, Shinjiro-senpai?"
"Do you here eat often, Minako?"
"Yes, I like eating here."
"I see..."

I felt a weight being lift off my chest. She's the leader, she must keep her body in shape and healthy. It's amazing, she's so fragile yet so powerful. She must be a healthy eater. And balanced too. I wonder if she can cook...

I remember Aki. Aki is a shitty eater. He only cares about eating proteins and those shitty energy bars and forgets how important it's to have a balanced diet. She's good at it. She's good at everything so far.

"It'd be better if Aki ate here, too. That guy isn't getting a balanced intake of nutrients..."

I let out a sigh. Aki always makes me worry over him with stupid shit.

"Do you worry about him?"
"Yes. We're friends."
"I see..."

She smiles and orders something for us both. I let her. I trust her judgment when it comes to food. It seems good enough for me.

But then I remember Aki. I need to ask her about Aki. I always get so worried about him, even when I tell him to fuck off.

"Oh yeah... About Aki... In your opinion, do you think he's fighting well?"
"Of course! He's very strong, the right balance I need when I'm busy playing healer."
"I see. All right, then. You understand a lot more about fighting than I do, after all. I'll leave it up to you."

"Really, Senpai? You're such a strong fighter!"
"Yeah, that's all I have in my favor. I work on pure strength. I don't have Aki's discipline."
"You're a very disciplined eater considering your worries."
"Yeah, but that's all I am. And so should you."

She giggles a bit. Maybe that's why she likes to go out with me, because I make her giggle. That must relax her between school and that goddamned tower.

"It's not that I don't approve of you... It's just how I am."
"It's alright, Senpai. I understand your concerns since you don't know me that well. That's why I want you in the exploring group and also why I'm going out with you. I want us to get to know each other since we're going to work as a team from now on."
"I see."

She smiles at me.
I look away and keep on talking about fighting to distract myself. She... She has a pretty smile.

"Aki and Mitsuru both seem more comfortable with fighting than when I was around. Back then, we were just fumbling our way through..."

"They seem quite insightful about fighting and have taught me a lot. I would like to learn more..."
"You're a good leader. That's all you need. Besides, your powers are helping our a lot."

"I hope so! I want to put them to good use and help everyone!"

I wasn't wrong. She's kindhearted and her smile is really beautiful. I smile at the sight and the thought of having such a young and thin looking girl trying to protect me from the Shadows. It's not silly. I admire her devotion. Maybe I can protect her in return if my body lets me do shit.

"Don't strain yourself too much. You gonna have to face a lot of things soon..."
"Senpai..."

I can see the surprise in her eyes. She's surprised that I care. I always care, I hide under the mask of the tough bad guy because I don't want to hurt anyone. That includes you, Minako.

I laugh at the thought. It's strange to laugh about this, but it feels nice. It feels good to have her laughing with me.

She's a nice girl, I hope she stays that way until the very end.

"...Eat up. It's gonna get cold."
"Yes, senpai!"
"Don't call me senpai so much. I'm not even going to school any more."
"But you're my senior..."

"Just call me Shinjiro."
"Alright... I'll need to get used to it."
"That's all right. By the way, is everyone eating a well-balanced meal like this?"
"As far as I can tell yes. Yukari-chan cares a lot about being thin, far more than I do."

We talked a lot about food over dinner. I felt a sudden joy in listening to her speak, especially when she confessed she could cook as well. I'm not telling her anything yet. I'm a bit ashamed. Cooking is not a man's job, I've been told. Maybe later I'll tell her.

Minako... Our talks fill me with enjoy.

9/11

I asked Minako to go to Wakatsu again. She agreed and seemed happy to have me with her again. I was happy to be with her, but I didn't show her. She didn't seem to mind it, tho. That's strange. She's strange, in a good way.

"Hey, this crossed my mind last time we eat here... Those guys eat on their own, right? Well... Are they doing okay?"

"What do you mean by 'okay'? I told you that Yukari-chan is doing fine."
"Your body's the most important tool. Still, all those guys ever eat is instant noodles and stuff like that."

I sigh and look at her. She's listening to me carefully. She even stopped looking at menu to listen to me. Does she care that much about what I say?

"Well, Persona is supposedly the strength of the heart... So, I guess it might be better if they eat what makes them happy. But..."
"You're so kindhearted."

"Don't be stupid."

She looks at bit surprised at my harsh words, but then notices my embarrassment.

I feel a thief catch by the cops. She saw a bit of me I don't show anyone and she called me out on it. I almost blew it by calling her stupid, but she smiled instead. I don't know what's on her mind. The more I talk to her the less I can read her and the more I wanna be by her.

What's up with me? Shit. I don't like this feeling at all. I need to get back to the talk.

"If you get the chance, let them know. Tell 'em they need to eat better."

"Why don't you tell me them? You know more about this than I do."
"They won't listen if comes from me. Especially, Aki... Beside, you're the leader."

"I'll. Thanks your the advice, se-Shinjiro."

She almost called me senpai again.

I guess she'll never really stop calling me that. Japanese people are like. They like to be formal. It's fucking shitty mask. And I don't want her to be formal with me. It doesn't feel right, I feel like an equal to her.

I look at her. It seems like she's more busy looking at me than eating her dinner, so I make her focus on the food again by glaring at her.

She doesn't look at me again and cleans her plate.

I rest my head on my hand. She's cute on top of everything else. Fuck my life, really.

9/12

Minako comes to me again. She's smiling in her uniform, just gotten out of her daily routing. She didn't even undressed her uniform and just came to meet me. It makes me warm inside.

Fuck. Not this feeling again.

"Well, then let's..."

Then the worse smell I ever smelled in my whole fucking life enters the room. It's horrible and I can't help but to show disgust. It makes me want to vomit.

"Do you smell that, Minako?"
"Yeah... I think comes from kitchen... It must be Fuuka-chan!"
"It is coming from the counter!"
"Then it IS Fuuka-chan!"

We go to the kitchen fastly. Minako actually runs to keep up with my long steps. Poor thing, I forgot that I much taller than her.

When we arrive, I see the small blue haired girl clumsy trying to cook something. The smell is even stronger and worse here. I try to keep my usual self, but it's hard with such a strong smell. Minako actually turns away and covers her nose trying to get rid of it.

"Hey... Are you causing this smell, Fuuka?"
"Huh!? Does it smell?!"

Fuuka seems surprised by the fact that me and Minako are in the kitchen abut seems to know what it means. I can see the disappointment in her eyes. She seems to know very well the answer to her question, so I don't answer it. I believe it is better than being too harsh with the poor girl, she has enough issues with herself already. I don't want to cause any others.

"What're you doing?"
"Um... I was trying to make beef stroganoff..."

I looked to her meat. It looked nothing like stroganoff, so I asked her shit tone of questions about how she cooked it and she seems ever more confused than before. She doesn't seem to be aware of most of the things I'm talking about so I decide to make some for her.

"I'll make some. Watch and learn."

Minako seems to have got used to the smell now and is looking at us curiously. It seems like she's interested in learning too.

"Arisato... You okay if we have this for dinner?"
"Actually, I'm very happy about it!"

I automatically smile at her and she smiles back. Fuuka seems very oblivious of our meetings. Or maybe she's worse than Aki.

"Don't get your hopes up like that."

Is Minako happy because I'm cooking for her?

We start laughing with each other and Fuuka seems even more confused than before, but then her expression changes to a more apologetic one. I guess she realized we were going out for dinner.

"I-I'm sorry, Minako-chan... Weren't you going to go out with Shinjiro-senpai?..."
"It's alright, Fuuka-chan. I have many more nights to go out together."

I turn away to cook and smile. I feel a mix of sadness and hope that is keeping me from breathing.

No, Minako. We don't have many more nights to talk about food and eat together. I don't have much more time to be with you. I suddenly feel sad, but I must focus. I can't let my feeling get the best of me! Fucking feelings... Always getting in my fucking way... I hate that shit.

"Hey, let's get started, Fuuka."

It's the only way too keep me from thinking this way, thinking about something that keep my mind busy. Like correcting Fuuka's disaster.

"Oh yes! Please!"

Minako stays close, watching us cook. Sometimes I look at her. She's there, just looking, curiously. Looking at me. Smiling.

Please, Minako. Stop. For your own good, stop smiling at me. I can't make you happy.

I get my mind off it by asking more questions Fuuka doesn't understand and explaining her things she didn't know. But she is always there, with her big redish eyes and brown hair. Looking at me. Why? Why me? Go out with Aki or Junpei or some guy from your class. I ain't a nice guy. I ain't a guy for such a pretty girl.

I start to scroll Fuuka again and explaining her not to mess around. The girl is totally oblivious about how to cook. I hear her giggling when I do. I keep myself focused. I must focus.

I show Fuuka everything, I take her notepad away and tell her to watch me. You learn by watching, not by noting shit down.

I feel her looking at me until the dish is done and we finally sit down.

When Minako looks at it she seems very surprised and happy at the same time.

"Wow! Senpai! It looks take from a cookbook!"

"Thanks, Arisato."

"It looks so delicious" Fuuka is still here I better not forget her

"Just shut up and eat up before it gets cold."

Thanks for the food!

Jesus fucking Christ not this shit!

I feel my face getting hotter and I don't know what to say! Don't do this to me, Minako!

"Y-Yeah."

She finally eats and I can't wait to see what's going to say. Is it salty? Is it too well done to her? Did I put too much wine?

"It's so delicious, senpai!"

"Uh..."

Shit. It made it worse. Now I'm blushing again. But, at least, she likes it. I feel happy that she likes my cooking. Maybe I can cook for her again Fuuka is not around. Fucking Fuuka... If she wasn't here I could have cooked this another way. With the patience she devotes to me.

"You're amazing, Shinjiro-senpai!"

And she reminds me of her existence, again. Fuuka, just go.

"I mean anyone can do this..."
"No, they can't! Please! Teach me again!"

What a drag. I just want to cook for Minako. And Koro-chan. Koro-chan and his gentle, soft furr... He's so playful and intelligent he's the only other living being I can actually tolerate without feeling annoyed. Other than Aki.

After eating, Fuuka goes to do the dishes and Minako stays with me. We sit in the sofa, where I complain about Fuuka dragging me around to teach her stuff. It feels so annoying. She didn't even care about what I had to say. Minako notices this and tries to calm me by saying she's trying to teach her as well at school. Apparently, she improved a lot. I don't even want to know how she was like when she first started.

"Shinjiro, why don't we make a party next time?"
"A party? Here?"

I'm surprised by her idea. She wants to make a party? In the dorm? What for? Over my food?

"That's kind of pushing it, Minako..."

"Come on, Senpai... You'll be cooking for Akihiko-senpai and for me. And everyone can sit together and eat like one big family!"

You'll be cooking for me.

Those words... It was all I need to be convinced to cook for her party. I smile again, but I don't let her know why.

"Well, you got a point. Maybe, it'll be okay to do once in a while..."

She smiles, knowing I didn't fight much over it. She seems happy that I'll be cooking again. I let her in even further. I feel like she likes to have me around her as much as I like to have her around me.

"I like your food, Shinjiro. It bring back memories..."
"Of home?"
"Yes. My parents and my family."

She seems nostalgic. I don't ask any questions and just feel happy that I make her feel home. I don't want her sad, so I bring the talk back to the party. She looks beautiful when she's happy and smiling. It would hurt me to see her sad.

"Well, we'll talk about that that some other time. I'm gonna go check on Fuuka... I don't want her to fuck up the kitchen."

The cracking noise. Damnit, Fuuka.

"...Too late."

She giggles a bit and has me heading back to the kitchen and help Fuuka clean up. When we're done, Minako says she's going to bed.

"Good night, Minako-chan. I still want to do some more things before I go."
"Good night, Shinjiro-senpai and thanks for everything."
"Yeah."

She ends up waiting for me for some stupid reason and we head up the stairs one after and other and stop on the first floor. She comes to me rather than letting me go to me room.

"Good night, Shinji."

She... She called me Shinji... Holy shit.

"Good night, Minako."

I head back to my room and smile like silly idiot. She called me Shinji. Probably it was a mistake, but still... I hold my pillow like a fucking moron and sweet like a child. I didn't sleep so well in a very long time...

Thanks, Minako.

9/14

She came to me again right after she gotten home. It was too early for dinner, but it seemed like she wanted to go out with me again. I still don't know why she keeps expending so much time me. It's not like I mind that she does, I like when she comes to me. I just don't think I'm the right guy for her. I can't make her happy like Aki can. I don't have that kind of potential.

Still, I can't help myself but to ask her out. I like to have her around. It makes me feel like I'm actually 18 years old and I can date a girl just because I want to.

"Where are you going?"
"Paulownia Mall."
"I'll go with you, then!"
"C'mon, let's go!"

Smart girl. You always ask someone where they're taking you before going with them. You never know what will happen. But I'm not a liar. I do take her to Paulownia Mall, to the Chagall Cafe.
She looks surprised that I'm taking here, but she smiles anyway.

"Uh... What do you want?"
"Tea."
"Tea's always been a girly drink."
"Senpai! It's not girly! I'm just cold!"

"No need to explain yourself to me. But next time you can ask for my jacket."

"Thanks, Shinjiro..."

I don't mind getting cold, really. The jacket doesn't help that much anymore. If the winter doesn't kill me, this year, probably it will next year. They're getting harder and harder for me. Minako doesn't know that and she doesn't need to. I don't need to worry her with my problems. And yet I smile at the possibility of having her wearing my jacket and order for us both.

If wasn't for this stupid chest pain I could come here with her more often. I know she would enjoy it, this seems like her type of place.

I can't help it. I coff. She looks worried at me without a word. She'll probably think that I have a cold or some shit like that and it's better that she thinks so. I don't want her to know what I've done and the reason for this pain. I would like to enjoy her company a bit longer before that shit hits me in the back of the head.

"Are you alright?"

She waited for me to be able to talk again to ask me again. She's thoughtful on top of everything else.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's not contagious or anything, so don't worry. It happens once in a while."

I can't help but to feel the irony in my words and smile at them. It's been getting worse, but I still tell her it's nothing. She doesn't need to worry about me. I'll be gone soon, she needs no pain from it. Knowing that Aki will scream like an idiot is enough for me. Having to bring pain to a girl like that would just... I don't think I can express it words, but I guess sad is the closest word I can find to what I feel.

"Is the coffee making you coff?"
"Hell, no, Minako... I feel bad for the workers here if there's someone like me sitting here coughing all the time."

"Then why did we came here today?"
"I came here to buy something..."

"Coffee?"
"Yes, ground coffee. I need to make sure I don't forget to buy some on the way out."

"Do you drink coffee at the dorm? I never see any coffee there."
"If I have any left over."
"Is it for the party?"
"I'm... going to use it for cooking."

She caught me again. Damnit, Minako. We could have talked about this somewhere else.

She laughs joyfully, just for me to hear and looks at me.

"You look so cute when you're embarrassed, Shinjiro."

"Hey, you're the one who brought it up. You said the stuff about treating the guys from the dorm..."

She knows I'm running away from her compliment. It's strange. She doesn't seem to mind that at all. She doesn't insist that I'm cute. She lets it go and goes back to talk about cooking.

"I want to help you, senpai."
"No."
"Why?!"

"First you called me senpai. I'm not your senpai. Aki is your senpai."

She looks away, knowing she did a mistake. There is no need to look like scrolled puppy, Minako...

"It's all right, really. Don't get all offended. It's not that I don't trust your cooking skills. It's just that, how do I put it..."

I smile and her and she looks at me again. The long face is gone. Her face brights up again when she realizes that I'm not really angry at her. Her smile is a bit more shy than usual, maybe because of that senpai shit, but it looks good on her. Any smile looks good on her. Any.

"...You won't be able to enjoy it if you help out."

She looks a bit confused at me. She doesn't seem to understand what I mean and I feel too weird to explain her that I want to cook for her. It's embarrassing to say that, especially in a place so filled with people.

"I... I want you to enjoy it..."

"Shinjiro..."

"We'll do it once I decide what I'm gonna serve. And if it tastes awful you better be responsible and tell everyone it's great."
"I don't believe you would cook bad."

"I can always have a Fuuka moment."

We laugh together over coffee and tea and discussed plans for the dinner. I had fun talking to her and listening to her having ideas for what to cook. She makes suggestions, unlike Fuuka who throws shit me at me like the world will end tomorrow.

"Should we go? They'll worry if you're out too late..."

"Yes... Too bad we can only go out during the evening, isn't it? I like going out with you."

Minako... I like being with you too.

9/16

"Well then, let's do it today."

"You have decided on what to do, senpai?"

"Yes."

She notices then that she has called me senpai and apologizes, I tell her it's okay to do it the dorm. People will think it's weird if she doesn't call me senpai even though I dislike it. It makes no fucking sense, she's the leader.

Still, I smile to her.

"You better not go anywhere, all right? Just be patient and wait about an hour. Tell the other guys too."

"What are you going to make?"
"Dinner."

She laughs at my answer. It's the obvious one, but I want to surprise her and cook something she'll like. Otherwise it will be no fun.

"Come on, senpai! Tell me what you're cooking!"
"Dinner. You're going to eat too, right?"
"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world."

I keep smiling at her and she smiles back a bit, until I see Fuuka arriving and take her into the kitchen where I try to forbid Minako from going, but she goes anyway and watches us. Is she really going to watch Fuuka being taught how to cook? I would like to believe that she's there for me and not for Fuuka. I don't think Minako is the type of girl that would laugh at her friend's failures. She's patient, I can feel that. She stands there listening to what I say to Fuuka, while I cook something else for dinner. Sometimes I look at her and feel like I'm showing off, like a bird. But she smiles at me, so I guess there is no problem in doing that.

"Senpai, what's for dinner?"
"I told you. Dinner."

"That answer doesn't even makes sense, Shinjiro-senpai."

Fuuka is right, the answer doesn't make sense, but I laugh anyway. It feels like it's a private joke between me and Minako because she laughs too.

"We're keeping it a surprise until it's done."

The small girl notices my smiling at Minako and looks confused about it, but I tell her to pay attention to her dish rather than to my face. I keep an eye on her, even though I'm explaining Minako why I'm not telling her what's for dinner.

"I mean it can be something totally different once it's done."

"I-I'm sorry, Minako-chan. If only I was better that cooking."

If you were better at cooking I could go out with Minako instead of being her scrolling you.

"Just hush up and watch what you're doing. A piece of eggshell just fell in there."

"Huh? Oh you're right. It's amazing that you noticed that, Senpai."
"He's amazing, isn't he, Fuuka-chan?"

Are we going down the same road, Minako? Are you going to call me cute in front of her too? But you shut your lips and let me go back to my thoughts about scrolling Fuuka, but all I can focus on is cooking for you. Each time I scroll Fuuka, each time I teach you, I see it as being for you sake. So you can eat well and be the best leader SEES as ever had.

"Man, it smells good. Huh? Is that you cooking, Fuuka?"

"H-he's teaching me right now!"

Oh shit! Junpei is here!

"Koromaru-san seems to be very anxious."

Koro-chan? Aigis? Oh shit, everyone is arriving at the same time!

"So Shinji's cooking..."

No shit, Aki. Now, get the fuck out of my kitchen. I'm not a performer, I'm cook.

"...Will there be any left overs?"
"Can't you tell?"

"You're supposed to be a good friend and make larger servings when you cook in front of lots of people."

"You're supposed not to be an idiot. Look, there's obviously more than twelve servings here."

I can hear Minako laughing over their ignorance. Only me, Fuuka and her knew about the dinner we were doing and she told nobody about it. It's a surprise for everybody.

"There's enough for everybody." She watched us, so she knows.

"Shinji..."

"Shut up and siddown."

I could hear them speaking about it from the kitchen. Minako was there with them, laughing and talking. I was kinda happy she could have so much fun with her friends, but I didn't show it. I couldn't show it to Fuuka. She doesn't need to know how I feel about Minako. But from time to time someone would get too fucking, loud usually Junpei, so I screamed at them to shut the fuck up. Fuuka seemed a bit shocked by my bad language. I told her I was sorry and she quickly carried on.

It took us two hours and all I could think of was Minako's reaction to all this food. Her smile. I hope it's good enough and Fuuka didn't shit on my dishes.

Everyone is surprised by all the food we put on the table, but Minako simply smiles. She knew beforehand that this was party. A treat to them for all the hard work.

"Oh Mitsuru-senpai isn't here! I'll and get her."

I remember then that Ken isn't around. I wouldn't like to hurt any further with my presence, but I want to make up to him even though I know nothing can pay back that kind of loss. Still...

"Oh... And, Aki."
"Yeah, Shinji?"
"Go get Ken, too."

"Go it."

Aki looks at me surprised, but he knows why I asked him to call Ken. He smiles a bit and goes to get him while the others still talk about the food. I just hope Ken doesn't decide to blow up today. Minako doesn't need to know about my shit.

"Did Shinjiro-san did all this?"

I did, kid. I did it for you too. I hope it takes you home too, like it did to Minako.

"Everyone sit."

And they sit all down in the table.

"Now, pick up your chopsticks."

They all obey like puppies. It's almost adorable.

"And dig in."

I smile at them a little and they all smile back at me, even Aigis.

"Thanks for the food!"

Aki, never change. Last to start and first to finish. I decide to focus on Minako again. Nobody notices me if I look at her they're too focus on the food to even notice that I care for her.

Thank you, Shinji.

I read her pink lips and she smiles at me. I look away again, I don't want to get caught blushing or anything stupid like that.

"Aren't you going to eat, Ken-kun?"

I hear Fuuka asking him that. My chest hurts, but this time it's different. I know what I did to that kid and nothing can erase that, not even Minako's kind heart. I feel guilty for what I've done and that's why I've become so sick. To suppress my Persona, so that nobody else has to suffer because I lost control of it. I'm sorry, Ken. I can't bring your mom back. I can only wait for your actions and see how they'll affect me.

In a flash I become scared for Minako too. How will she react to it? If Ken decides to take my life, how will she react? Will she be able to carry on? I might be just a friend of hers, but losing a friend is always a big thing.

"Oh-oh! I'll have something... Thank you for the food..."
"Yeah..."

I'm sorry, Ken. I'm sorry I can't express it words.

After all was done and everyone was gone I sat down in the lounge resting a bit. It was a tiresome day...

Minako comes to me with two mugs of tea and gives one to me.

"Thanks."

"It must have been tiresome, so I decided to treat you with a little tea."

"Well, seems like everyone enjoyed it."

I smile. The best treat you could have given me is sitting down with me and peacefully drink some tea with no other care in the world.

"It was a lot of fun."

"Is that so?"

I laugh and she smiles very happy at me. I'm glad she had that idea and I was able to cook for Aki, for Ken and for her. The rest doesn't really matter. I'm glad Ken ended up eating as well. I hope Minako keeps an eye on the kid and has him eat well. He has his whole life ahead of him.

"If you hadn't brought up the idea, I probably never would've done something like this. It was so simple and all I had to do was do it..."

"Are you glad I suggest you to do so?"

"Yes."

I feel like she gave me courage to do such a thing when everyone in Japan thinks that cooking is not a man's job. She seems surprised to realize so, but she quickly smiles.

"I'm glad then!"

And I'm glad that you're happy.

But soon the pain my chest is back and I start coffing again. I'm sorry, Minako, I don't think I can cook much more for you. Even the things I like make me tired.

"Totally really tired me out. I'm gonna go to bed. You should head off to bed soon, too. 'Night."

"I'll go too soon. I'll just finish the tea and go. And..."

"Hm?"
"Good night, Shinji."

I look back and smile. Thanks for today. I had fun.

9/23

She came to me again. I felt something in my heart... This is not right. I can't be with her today.

"Mind if we stepped out?"

"Is everything okay, senpai?"

"It's just... I feel uncomfortable..."

"Did something happened?"
"It's nothing like that, but..."

I can't express myself in words very well. It was never one of my strengths. Aki might shout like the son of a fucking dragon, but he can express himself. I can never find the right words to say to anyone in any situation. If I could I would have apologized to Ken and said something more to Minako... I know I blushed, I don't care. That's the only way I have to express myself.

Besides they're all bugging for food and Fuuka to teach her. Wasn't enough that I had to be feeling these feelings? These people...

"Alright. Let's go."

We stepped outside and sat near the stairs, by each other. I felt much better here than inside the dorm.

"Sorry. Those guys keep yapping me."

"Yapping?"
"You remember how I cooked for them the other day?"
"How could I forget it? It was heavenly."

"They keep telling me that and I should do it again. Aki keeps these requests on me, Fuuka's throwing cookbooks at me..."

"Oh..."
"And when I walk pass the kitchen, they all stare at me like they're just waiting for me to do something..."

"I'm sorry, but it can't be helped... It was very good. I can only hope I can cook as well as you do."

I'm sure you can cook well enough to make Fuuka grasp some of the basic things and that's a lot.

I smile at her again. She seems to feel guilty that she had the idea and now everyone nags me to cook again. I don't blame her it. I agreed to do it. It makes me happy.

"Well... I'm glad they liked it."

I do want to cook more for, but I'm scared it'll make me tired and I'll not be able to finish it. I want you to taste new things, things I've learned to cook by watching TV.

"Do you think it's funny that I did that? You think it isn't like me?"
"Not at all, I think it's very sweet of you to be so thoughtful about us."

Don't be silly. I'm only think of you.

"I mean there is nothing wrong with having good memories to grow up with. We've got two kids at dorm, anyway. One big one and one tiny one..."

She giggles and looks at me more closely than times before. Maybe because we're alone and nobody can suddenly come down from the straits and make stupid assumptions about her.

"Say, Minako..."
"Yes?"
"Did you have fun too?"
"Definitely! And it was all thanks to you!"
"Good to hear it."

We laugh together loudly, like nobody can listen to us here. We're just outside the dorm, but it feels safer here. She's more relaxed and talks more freely to me. She touches my arm sometimes, tho I don't think it's intentional.

"Making memories is important. People can go on as long as they have good things to go back to."
"You think so?"
"I'm sure of it. They're able to go on without being led astray because they have something to hold on to."
"I guess you have a point..."

She looks down to think a bit and I let her, but after a while I look directly at her.

"You know..."

She looks at me again, being brought back from her thoughts about memories. She waits for me to say something, but it's not easy to put this shit on words.

"You..."

I can't do it. I can't tell her what I want to. She shouldn't even be here. Why does she spend so much time with me? It's worthless. I'll not be around her for much longer anyway. Go back to your room, study, date Aki. Not me. I'm worthless. I'm not worthy of your attention.

"Shouldn't you be doing something else?"
"Not really. Evenings are really boring when someone decides not to fight."

"You shouldn't be with me like this... Don't you have more fun things to do?"
"No. It's fun being with you."

Minako... Not this shit again... I'm not good for you. Don't do this to me... But... You like being with me. That makes me happy somehow. I feel my face getting warmer. It seems like I'm blushing again. I can't hide it. You're going at me, smiling again. I can't help but to smile at you as well. You make happy, like there is nothing else. Like I'm just one more guy in this fucking world. Like I never fucked up. It's good to have this feeling, I forgot how it was. I like being with you. Maybe more than I thought... It doesn't matter really, as long as you're here with me.

"Well, might as well stop by somewhere, since we're already out."

She smiles. I want to give you nice things. Good things. Things I can't give you.

"You want some ice-cream from convenience store? My treat."
"Yes! But let's have tea, next time."
"Alright. I liked the tea from the other day."

We went there and walked around for a while before heading back to the dorm. She was so happy...

I need to tell her to smile more and more before I go.

9/26

I went for walk with her. I feel better talking to her when nobody else form the dorm is around. She feels safer too and we talk about far more things. It feels nice to walk around town without having the others looking at me like I'm doing something wrong, especially Aigis.

She still freaks me out. She's a robot, but her face is so human-like... And she learns to act just like a human. It's like something out of an 80s sci-fi movie from Hollywood.

Before I could notice it was back in that alleyway with her...

"...Here we're again."
"Yeah..."

"That reminds me, I meet you here, too..."
"You remember?"
"Yeah. But back then I never imagined I'd go back there..."

"Do you regret coming back?"

"No."

I meet you.

"Now that I think about it, I'm glad I did."

It's the only way I have to talk to you and see you and be close to you. I wouldn't want any less.

"There only somethings that only I can do after all."

"Like cooking!"

We both laugh, but my laugh is far more bitter than hers. She's happy and carefree like tragedy never hit her while I... I can't ignore it.

I turn away from her. I can't see her face. She'll be sad, I know it. But I must go, sooner or later.

I'll let her down. It's because of me that she'll be sad in the future. I know what my future holds. Still, I can't help but to smile. She's here. She's always here and comes to me when she's free or just feels like hanging out.

"You're a pain..."

"Shinjiro?"

"You keep messing things up for me..."
"What do you mean? I hope I haven't hurt you in anyway..."

I turn to her again. I have to say it sooner or later. I can't just let it stay in my chest and regret being a fucking pussy and not have said anything. I can't get her become a senior without telling her anything at all. That would be so idiotic.

"Hell no. But I think my life is the way it's supposed to be, but... Seesh. Your face keeping popping up in my head..."

"Shinjiro..."

Everywhere. Especially in my dreams. Sometimes I wake up holding my pillow because I dream of holding you. I dream of you in that orange kimono in a garden filled lilies of all colours. You always look at me and smile. I can hold you in my arms in those dreams, but I shouldn't do it in real life. It'll only bring you pain.

You blushed and looked at me. You seem confused, lost, without any words, so I try to leave that conversation alone. Maybe some other day. But I feel better that I told you this.

"We should head back."
"Y-yes."
"We actually have a place we can go back to."

I smile at her. She looks at me with sweet eyes, I think she understood what I meant.

"Let's go home, Shinjiro."

"Let's go home."

9/28

She came to me again today. She had her uniform on. Busy days, aren't they?

"Where are we going today?"
"Why don't we stay here? Sit over there."

"Sure."

I feels like I'm ordering you around, sometimes, but you don't seem to mind. You're always so kind to me. You let me sit next to you, like no other girl would. Do you really like me that much? I can't keep thinking like this. I can't look at you. The black jacket suits you so well... And the red ribbon... Red really suits you, Minako.

"C'mon, say something."

"I don't know what to say..."
"Anything, whatever."

Now you don't know what to say? C'mon! You're better than this! You always know what to say. You know what buttons to push. You always push them. Push them now.

"Something that would make you laugh would be great."

I smile and she gains some more confidence and starts talking about many different things. I look at her gently. She's just a normal girl with fears, likes, dislikes and dreams. She smiles and giggles and tells me the times she went out with Aki and the others. She tells me about going with Koro-chan to shrine. She talks about school, clubs, Aigis and the shenanigans Junpei pulls. She tells me about going out shopping with Yukari, how much Fuuka improved and about the chairman's puns.

Man, the guy is lame as he always was...

She speaks about other shit. Manga, anime, video games, shit I don't read or watch. She explains me those things and shows me some she's reading. We talk about design and food. We spend a lot of time on cooking, but then she just stops.

"Are you done? C'mon, tell me more! Encore, encore!"

I don't have that many chances to listen to people just talk away. It feels lonely like this, but it is the only way I know. But talk way, Minako, I can listen to you until my life ends.

"Alright I'll tell you more..."

She talks for hour to no end and I don't mind it at all. I just smile, listening to her talking and talking. She doesn't mind it all. I've become her confident. The one she can tell anything to. I'll just sit there and listen.

"Sounds like you're enjoying your days."
"Always. Everyday you must give yourself something. It doesn't matter if it's a smile or some coffee and pie."

"You look your best when you laugh."
"Shinjiro..."
"So don't cry, go it?"
"Of course I won't!"
"Yeah... Keep smiling, just like that..."

I look down. I can't bare looking at you after saying that. I know you're smiling and looking at me. I'm a bit shy. I didn't even know this until now.

"I gotta make sure I don't leave anything behind. No doubts, no regrets..."

"What you mean 'no regrets'?"

"I keep telling you what to remember and what not. What to want and not want... I'm... ...selfish... aren't I?"

I feel selfish. I keep making you come to me. I keep having you close, saying you're mine even if it's just a dream. It feels like I'm stealing you from your life. Please, Minako. Go... I'm no good for you... You're young and look good on orange kimonos. I don't want to steal that away from you. I don't want to steal your youth. I'm not going to stay for very long with you. Don't get so close me. Oh, c'mon, Minako... Don't make that face... I like you. But I don't want to hurt you.

"That's not true..."

Minako...

"Hey... As long as I'm already being selfish, I want you to do one more thing for me."
"All right."

"You don't have to forgive me... But forgive everything else."

"What are you talking about?"
"You'll understand later."

You don't need to know that now. I don't want to destroy that pretty smile of yours.

"It should stay like this for a little longer... I just want it to be... normal."

I know you don't understand, but I just told you something very important about myself, about Ken. What happened, what I did to Ken ins unforgivable and I'll be punished for it. It doesn't matter what happens or what I do, it'll happen. So I wish it to stay like this for a little longer... These calm days with you. I wish I had meet you sooner.

"Hey Minako..."
"Yes?"
"You look good on a kimono."
"How-How do you know, senpai?! I mean, Shinjiro."
"Aki dragged me to the Summer Festival. I hate that shit, but I got to see you in a orange kimono."
"Oh.. That... Thank you..."

She blushes and looks down, embarrassed by my words.

"You looked elegant. Very woman-like. But I don't blame you if you don't use it more often."

She says nothing and just looks at me for a little in silence. I say nothing either, but then she makes a worried face.

"Is it getting late? Urgh, I forgot that I don't have my watch."
"Your watch?"
"Yeah."
"Did you lost it?"
"Yeah, I lost it somewhere. I was a shabby old... pocketwatch. I got it from someone a long time ago."

She just listens to it. I see a resolve in her eyes. What are you thinking, Minako?...

"Damnit."

I let out a sigh while just keeps looking at me like she's waiting for something. I don't know what, tho. Junpei says women can be weird, I guess we can agree on that.

"So? You have any more? I want to hear to what you've got to say. You've got more stories up your sleeve, right? Anything is fine."

He nodded and keep talking to the point she was talking about meaningless stuff.

"Shinjiro."
"Yes?"
"You're a good listener."
"Thanks."

"I've grown to like you. I never thought this would happen."
"Same here."

I touch her face a little and she doesn't even complains. She just smiles and looks at me.

I wish this moment could last forever, Minako.

9/30

She gave me the watch on the dorm. I don't how she got hold of it and I never thought she would be the one to give to me. I took her to Naganaki Shrine to talk about it. I can't talk to her about this in front of the others. They would notice and that's not good for her.

Nobody is around. Perfect. Nobody will see her with me.

"Where did you find this?"
"I went to the police station after class. I remembered what you said about your lost watch... It was there. I claimed it to give it to you."

"I see..."

At least this time she didn't do anything dangerous to get the pocketwatch. I would be worried if she had run into some punks or even Strega for the watch. She wouldn't deserve being hurt because of me. I don't deserve such an afford. I don't even deserve the change of plans...

I play with the watch. It's be a while since I've seen it. It's still silver and it seems to work.

"I thought I would fine if I never saw this again. But I never imagined that you of all people would bring it to me."

"I just remembered what you said, Shinjiro... I thought it would make you happy to have it back."

I decide to grab something I got a while ago. I didn't plan to give her this until Christmas but I might not be here for Christmas. I might as well give it to her now.

I reach into a pocket inside my jacket and take out a watch with a leather bracelet and look at her. She looks confused to why I took out a watch out of jacket as if I'm a magician.

"This isn't really to pay you back, but I want you to have this. I was hesitating about if I should give to you or not."

"Thank you."

She rises her arm and takes the jacket away from her arm as I put it around her wrist. It looks good her. Orange really does suits her. And her skin is very soft on top of everything else. I had touch her face, but I was half asleep and they say all girls' face is soft.

My body feels very light. Maybe it's because I'm giving her something, a proof that I'm real and was there with her.

"I thought it'd look good on you..."
"Thank you very much!"
"Yeah..."

I look away. She's smiling again. It makes her happy and I feel embarrassed about that. I've figured out why. It's because I like her. I like her and I can't stay for very long with her. It pains me to see her happy face and be the cause of her pain.

I look down at my feet. I can't bare the sight of her smile any more.

"I like it, Shinjiro."
"Yeah..."

I didn't look at her for a very long time. I didn't spoke either. I wasn't sure of what to tell her. I took quick looks at her to see her admiring the watch. I know it isn't polite to give watches to people, but I think that's bullshit. Just because words sound alike. What idiots. What matters is how much the person likes the gift. So what if it sounds like "death"? I don't give a shit as long as she likes it.

Then I realize there is a funny irony in all of this.

Giving away watches is like wishing death upon someone and I'll be gone soon. All she'll have to remember me is a watch. My end.

"Look after Aki."
"Hm?"
"You know he's an idiot."

I smile. I know he's a hot headed honest guy, he's kind and soft hearted, though. He'll need someone like Minako to guide his way, otherwise he'll never know how to speak to anyone. He's like one of those crazy otaku people who never leave their rooms and doesn't talk to anyone. I understand Aki, though, he has his reason to be the idiot he's. Life wasn't easy or kind on him, so he had to make up in other ways, but I know he's not moving on either. Maybe Minako can help with that after I'm gone. That's why... That's why I don't want her to like me. I'll be gone soon and after it she'll not be able to help Aki because she'll crying over me. I don't want to make her cry.

"I wouldn't describe him as an idiot, though..."
"Do you remember the story the first fight we ever had?"

"The one you told me when we ate ramen?"
"Yes. It was because... I stole a doll from a toy store."

"Stole? Why would you do that?"

I remember that I never told her that me and Aki are orphans. I wonder what she thinks of me now? Maybe she finally thinks I'm no good.

"Aki's sister couldn't make any friends. I stole because I thought it'd make her happy."

"Aki has a sister."
"He had a sister."

"Oh.. I'm sorry..."

There is a great heaviness in my chest and it's not the pills this time. My trough is sour and it hurts. I always feel like this when I talk about Aki's sister. She was a precious child and used to hang around me and Aki because there were no other children her age. When I think back to this, it brings me a sadness I can't explain. I miss her, but I don't. I would like her to see me right now. She used to look up to me and Aki and my shitty state would disappoint her so much.

"Aki found out about it and beat the crap outta me... And he was crying the whole time."
"You and Aki know each for a very long time? I would never imagine it..."
"We grew up together."
"Did you return the doll?"
"Yeah. We both went back to the store to return it... And apologize for what I did. The toy store's owner smacked us both."

"But you were trying to do make someone happy."
"People don't care about that, Minako. People like that only care about the money they make. They can't see the suffering of a single child."

Minako seems sad. It seems like the realization that me and Aki didn't always have a nice life and friends has affected her. Aki told me she lost her parents when she was young, so maybe she can identify with what I told her.

I want to light things a bit so I smile and tell her about Aki.

"He hasn't change at all from back then."

"Really?"
"He's stupid, honest, proud, kind... And a crybaby. That's why someone needs to be by his side."

"Is everyone stupid to you?"
"People make stupid things."
"Am I stupid to you?"
"No. You're an idiot for hanging out with me."

She giggles again. I'm not sure why. I don't get why she's giggling at the fact that I called her an idiot. You're still hard to read, Minako and it's been a fucking month.

"We'll be by his side, senpai."
"Yeah... I'll be counting on all of you."

She smiles again. That's good. I like you the best when you're smiling.

"I ain't worried at all, because I know you're with him. I'm leaving the rest to you."

"Do you want me to stay with Akihiko-senpai?"
"Yeah. It's the best."

Even though I would like you stay with you, that these moments could last the rest of my life, I know that's an impossible dream, something I can only have in the middle of lilies when I'm asleep. My life is nothing but a second while you'll go on to grow into a beautiful woman. And I'll not be here to watch you... I'm sorry... I'll be gone soon. Don't cry for me.

"The wind is starting to pick up, Minako..."
"Yeah..."
"I kinda want to stay here a little longer if we can, but aren't you cold?"

"I'm fine."

She's trembling and holding herself to stay warm. I can't let her get sick. Not now. We're very close to the end of it all.

"You're gonna catch something. C'mere..."

She comes near me and rests her head on my arm, but I have a better idea. I hold her with one arm and keep her close. I know she's blushing, I don't have to look at her to know that.

I smile kindly at her and she returns the smile.

After such a heavy moment we have a happy talk until late. We talk about everything. Me, her, SEES, her friends at school. I like listening to her. I could stay like this forever but it's too cold.

We walk talk to dorm. She's holding me by the arm, staying close and warm. I'm not very warm now, but I guess my jacket is. Either that or she likes to be next to me. Nah. She's just cold.

"Why are you so tall, Shinjiro?"
"I don't know, maybe my parents weren't Japanese."
"Well, you look Japanese."

"If you say so."

We get inside the dorm. Nobody is around. That's good. The warmth from the heating system feels nice.

"It's just... If you were as tall as any of the others it would be easier to kiss you."

"Kiss me?"

I look her surprised. She's putting her school jacket away and doesn't even looks in my direction, but she says it anyway. Maybe it's easier to say it like this for her too.

She looks a bit in my direction, but not directly at me. She's blushing heavily.

"You know. A kiss."

"I told you, you're an idiot."

"At least your face."

Minako, what the fuck are you doing? This isn't right. I can't do this do you. Don't ask me to kiss you. I can't. I can't bare it. You're too precious. I can't kiss those lips of yours. I can't let you touch my face.

"No."
"Just this once. Please... We can all die the next full moon and I don't want to die without at least thanking you for everything."
"Then thank me."
"It's not enough."

Minako, no. Don't stop.

"Shinji... I... I just want to kiss your face."

"I can't let your do that."

"Why?"
"Because I'm no good."

"I don't care."

I sigh deeply and I look clearly annoyed, but inside I'm happy. My heart is beating fast and I'm trying not to sound like I'm breathing fast and looking forward to it.

I bend my back forward so she can reach me and kiss my face, but fooled me. I was fooled by a 17 year old girl.

She pecks on my lips, eyes closed, and my heart races so fast it feels like it's going to explode. Why did you do this to me, Minako? Why did you kiss me? Do you like me? No... You must curious, that's all. You're still young. You're confused, you dumb girl.

You're... You're gonna be the death of me.

You're confused and you confuse me. You make me life upside down. I thought I could life without these feelings but you gave them to me anyway.

Your lips are so soft... Like silk. No... It's softer than silk. It's softer than anything I ever touched.

"Thank you, Shinji."

I...

Minako...

The things I can't tell you.

I love you.

10/2

She comes to me again, after what happened, but just stares she doesn't say a word. The others don't seem to mind or they don't mind it. Though I doubt they don't mind.

"You can stare at me like that all day. I got nothing for you."

She smiles and stares at me. I don't mind it all, it's just, it shouldn't be this way.

"Haven't you wasted enough time on me? What more do you want?"
"I love you."

No! Minako! No! You fucking stupid girl! Don't fall in love with me like that! I should have known! The peck on the lips... She wasn't just curious. She only said we could die on the full moon as an excuse! She was telling me about her feelings... My ears were made deft by my denial. It should have reminded that way.
We can't be together, Minako. Go... Go date Aki.

I blush. I'm lost. I don't know what to say. For a while, all that comes out of my fucking mouth are meaningless sounds. You look at me, hoping for an answer, hoping to know what I think. C'mon, Minako!

"D-Don't tease me like that!"

"I'm not teasing you!"

I've learned too well what buttons to push. I'm lost again. I don't know what to tell, so I just make a sound. You know how to make me defenseless.

"I mean, why just blurt out something like that? In here of all places?"

"If you're so worried why don't you come with me to my room?"

"I-I can't do that."

You... You fucking tomboy. I knew you were going to be the death of me!

My heart starts to race at the possibilities and my breathing gets heavier and faster. I can see it in you as well. We're in the same mood, sharing the same feeling. Why can you read me so well, Minako? It's the first time I can see clearly what's your mind. Do you really think I'm better than Aki? Stupid girl.

"I mean, you're... Well, people are gonna get the wrong idea."

"Then, what about your room?"
"Y-Y-Y-You moron!"

We're both blushing heavily, but the others don't seem to know what's going on between us. Even Aigis and Koro-chan are totally oblivious about it. I wonder why. This is too good to be true. What did you do to them, Minako? Did you told them? Did you put Marin Karin on them?

"I-I ain't a nice guy. I can't let you in my room. Don't you get it?"

"That's bullshit. You're not a bad person. You saved me from those punks, you take care of Koromaru, you cook for me and you go out with me. You even gave me a gift. I still want to be with you tonight."

She's fired up and is trying very hard to go with me, but I can't let her. I know how that's gonna end and I don't want to hurt her. I don't want her first to be a guy like me. Minako, please understand. I'm not your prince charming. I'm not a knight in a shining armor. I'm taking pills to suppress my Persona so I don't fuck up again like I did with Ken. Go away now. Forget you ever knew me. Forget that kiss. Forget everything.

"No way. Not gonna happen."

"Shinjiro..."
"Look, you need to watch yourself. Don't bother with someone like me."

"I still love you, senpai."

"Idiot..."

"You keep protecting me and you're just lying to yourself. I know you like me too. I'm not stupid. You said so yourself."

You win, Minako. You win.

I took you to my room. Nobody noticed it. It's strange it's like they don't even care. What a bunch of fucking retards. They shouldn't let her alone with me.

"So? Happy now?"
"Yes."

"You're always pushing me around all the time..."
"I thought you like to spend time with me."
"I do, but you're just gonna ignore what I want, huh?"

"I have the right to be selfish too."
"Yeah, well, two can play that game..."

I embrace you tightly. I've been wishing for this to happen for almost a month now and now that it happened I don't want it to happen, I don't want to hurt you. I close my eyes and rest my hand in your shoulder while you holds me back. I can feel your smile... Your skin... So soft.

"This is all your fault, you know. I'm all confused. You're all I can think about, day and night. Damnit, this isn't how it's supposed to be..."
"I know... I feel the same... I want to stay close to you. Just like this... Forever."

Forever...

I let you go. I hope you have gotten the idea and leave. I don't want to go any further. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to do anything that you don't like. I... Minako... You confuse me so much. I can only see you laying down, pretty as you are. My breathing gets heavy again. I can feel my heart beating fast. Ah damnit. My mouth is getting dry. Just go!

"You get it right? Go to your room."
"But..."

"If you don't go now, you're not gonna get another chance."

I watch you and see if you leave, but you stay in the same place. You look down for a bit and then you look directly at me. You face shows determination, your eyes are redder than usual. I see the fire in your eyes. I'm screwed. Damnit, Minako.

"I'm not going anywhere!"

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

"I know now."
"I'm going to make myself. I ain't holding back any more."

"I don't expect any less of you."

I pin here against a wall and she doesn't even moves a muscle.

"Is this what you really want?"
"I told you didn't I? Stop running away, Shinji."

"I'm not running away."

"Then kiss me already. I'm waiting."

I blush, but get closer to Minako. She's not making it any easy. I guess there's no turning back now...

Our lips touch, my eyes are closed. They just touch, but she pushes me towards her and kisses me deeper. I don't think she knows what she's doing, but she does it anyway. She kisses me, holds me and takes off my jacket. I can't even react to it. What happened to me? Since when a girl leaves me so unarmed? But I guess I'm asking for it. If she wants it, I better do it. I don't want to disappoint her while I'm here. I want her to remember me. I want her to look back and remember that I existed, that I loved her more than anyone else.

So, I undress her. Like I thought, she's pretty laying in a bed like that. I can't resist it. My mouth is still dry.

Minako...

Why? Why do you this to me? Why do you confuse me with that angelical face of yours?

I love you. I love you so much it pains me. It hurts. It really doesn't. I'll leave you alone. But for now... Let me hold you. Let me press you against your body. Just for a while, you're mine. Only I can hear you.

I can feel the tension from muscles and your bright light brown hair looking beautiful when it spreads across the bed... If the pills don't kill me, if Ken doesn't kill me, you'll.

My mouth is dry. Can I kiss you?

Minako... I hope you never forget me.

And after everything, you still find it in you to convince me to let you stay for the night.

Damnit. I can't resist you.

11/4 – Morning

I open my eyes slowly... My head feels heavy and I feel like I didn't sleep at all. Is she still here?

"Good morning, Shinji."
"Oh hey..."

She's still here and awake. What time is it? But she just smiles like nothing really happened. She knows it did. Her eyes are shinning. I wonder if she's happy...

"Should you be in school?"
"I'm missing the first class."
"Don't miss class, you silly girl. I'm not a good example."

"I feel bored at school. Like I'm ahead of everybody."
"Well, you're more matured and lots of girls your age."

"You think so?"
"You're savin' the world."

She giggles and looks at me. She looks happy and peaceful. I'm glad that she feels this way. I'm glad this have turned out this way.

"You look peaceful when you sleep."
"That's so creepy, Minako."

"You do look better when you're not hiding half your face"

"It's cold."

I can't tell her just yet. I can't tell her at all I'm always cold and that's why I must wear this much clothing, but with her here it's as if the cold is gone. She heats me up. Kissing her is like facing death right in the face and telling her to fuck off. It's what makes me alive right now. The feeling I never had of wanting to survive just to see her again. I want to hold her and make it all over again. I wouldn't even question it, I would live it all over again, with the same path, if that meant I was going to see her again.

Her red eyes and rose lips... She speaks fondly to me, with a melodic voice, playful as always.

"Shinji, I have a request."
"Yes?"
"Let's have a date on Christmas."

I smile as if I was going to make it.

"Of course, sweetie."

How did I did that? Most importantly why? I called her something I never called anyone, but feels good somehow. She deserves that I call her that. Her words are sweet and caring. I wouldn't want anything else in world.

She stares at me for what it seems like a very long time. I don't think she believes it either, but she does smiles at me.

"You just called me sweetie."
"Yeah..."
"You're so adorable I could die."
"You dork. Don't you care dying."

"Don't you dare either."

I smile without a word. Sadly, I can't promise you that, Minako. I can't promise you stay alive and watch over you. Push you away from an attack or cook for you ever again. I'm sorry, but this temporary promises and happiness is all I can give you. It's not much, I know, but memories it's what really matters. Like I said, making memories is important.

"You should go."
"You're a dork. You should let me stay."
"And skip class? No fucking way. Be a good girl and go to class. I'll be waitin' for you when you come back."

"Promise me."
"I promise."

Forgive me. I've lied to you again.

11/4 – Evening

I went to the hallway under Ken's request. I know exactly what he wants but I feel no regrets. If I'm to give up of my life, I better do it looking forwards. I don't mind if Ken takes it, it's only his right. I lost control of my Persona that day. I'm already paying with my life but he can cut it even shorter, but I don't think he should trade away his innocence for revenge.

"You came... I'm surprised you abandoned the operation."

Don't taunt me, kid. I didn't want to leave it. I didn't want to leave Minako alone.

"Do you know why I asked you to meet me here?"

I know the whole fucking story. Don't you think I regret doing it? I don't think you could understand it, you're just a kid...

"Two years ago today... October 4th. That was the day my mom died here. They called it an accident, but it wasn't... I saw the whole thing!... You murder her! Since then, it has been one bad thing after another... And all I get from people is sympathy, no matter where I go."

So you want to be a hero? You want no sympathy? Stupid boy.

"What's the point in living? I even thought about killing myself, but Mom wouldn't want that... That's why I decided I had to find her killer – YOU!"

So you joined SEES to find me? Just to find me and kill me? What are you going to do once I'm dead? If you fail to kill me, I'll die anyway.

"You said once that you wanted to forget what happened on that day... So, when I found out it was a full moon today, I knew I had to confront you. Today, Mom is watching over me. I'll make you remember what you did to her! I'll kill you!"

It isn't my death that will make me remember what I did. I left school because of what I've done. I decided to drown myself in pills to suppress the one thing that makes me special and to live in misery as an outcast. That was my mistake. I didn't want to do it. I couldn't control it. Aki was right all long, but I wanted to be close to him, he was all I had. I had to leave him too. And I'll leave again. And Minako too... I want Minako to be spared from the pain of knowing what I did. She doesn't deserve it.

"Do it."

Ken looks at me confused. I'm sure he didn't expect me to say that, he expected a fight, I'm not giving him one. If he wants to kill me he should do it now. Spare me the pain. I don't want to leave in Minako's arms.

"Do it. I wouldn't stop you."

The boy looks down at the floor. It's clear he's confused about my about words and actions. He expected to play hero, but it was an accident. I simply lost control of Castor.

"You're right... I wanted to forget. That's why I left the group and tried suppress my power. But, nothing I did could erase the memory... Not the pills nor Minako. And now I find myself here, the last place I want to be."

"Minako-san?"

He's confused to why I dropped Minako's name. He doesn't need to know that.

"It's my fault... This is what I deserve. But... Let me give me one warning."

"Warning?"
"If you decide to take my life, you'll end like me."

Look very well into my face, Ken. I'm your future if you go down this path.

"Just remember that..."
"Is that supposed to change my mind?"
"Even if all you have now is hatred, one day you'll regret it."

I regret it now, all the hate I've put on myself. If I hadn't I could be with her for a little while longer. I could go back to school, do something like my skills. This last month as convinced that I could do more if I wasn't holding on to my mistakes.

"Shut up! That's a hold of crap!"

He is correct.

That voice... I have to take Ken out of here! If he stays here something can happen to him! I can't leave him alone with these people! I'm not strong enough to defend him from all of the on my own. He can die! I don't want anyone else to die because I'm so fucking worthless!

"There is no reason for him to feel regret... That is the nature of revenge. Is it not permissible to kill those who are themselves killers?"
"Th-That's right..."

Ken, don't go down this path... You're throwing away your life, you're young. Nothing is worth more than your youth. Enjoy it. Don't throw it away by killing someone.

"Whaddaya want?"

"The loss of Chidori has posed a bit of challenge for us..."

He's talking about Junpei's gothic chick? Don't you tell me they're after our informant... Shit! I must tell the others! I must protect Fuuka and the others!

"But, we cannot simply ignore your meddling."

He point his revolver in my direction. I feel no fear for myself, only for Ken.

"You bastard!..."
"Do not fear. This life is but a stepping stone. Salvation shall be yours."

His gun turns to Ken's direction. I can't allow that to happen, so step between him and the kid. I'm giving you the satisfaction, Jesus. You're not going to take Ken's life away.

"My... Trying to protect your would-be murder?..."

I've realize that there is no salvation for me. I'll die tonight, but it doesn't matter. My mission is to save the life I ruined. Bring him new hope and a new reason to life other than revenge.

I think if Minako.

I'm sorry, Minako. The day has come. I'm sorry to worry you but I'll be going tonight. It was such a pleasure to know you.

"You cannot defy fate... Whether or not it comes at this boy's hand you will die tonight."

"What he's talking about?!"

"You've been taking those pills for quite some time now... You don't have much longer."

Ken look at me in shock. He just realized I'm going to die whatever he kills me or not.

"That's bullshit!"

I want to deny it. I want to fight it, for Minako's sake.

"Listen to your body... You know it to be true."

He's right. My body hurts. It's weak, I don't even think I can use my power, but I want to fight it. I want to see everybody one last time. I want... I want to see Minako's smile.

"What does he means?... You're going to die?! No matter what I do?! That's not fair! All this time! I've been waiting for this!"

I'm sorry, Ken.

"The cause of death is not of importance. Besides, the breath of life is faint in you as well, child."

I'm letting you do this, you bastard!

"...After killing him, you were planning to join him, were you not?"
"Ken, don't..."

Ken, don't do this to yourself. You're eleven. You're just a kid. Don't make your live so miserable... You deserve so much more than this.

"Since you're both destined to perish allow me to do the honors..."

He takes out the revolver again, but I stand my ground. I must stay here.

"A slight change in timing shouldn't matter too much."

He points the gun at me.

I feel nothing.

My love for Minako. My wish to keep Ken alive.

Fear is gone.

"Go to hell!"

He shoots. The sound is loud and clear, it rings on my ears. It was so fast. I don't even feel the pain. I can only see the blood. My legs shake. I can't stay up. I become dizzy soon and fall on the floor. I can see Ken looking at me. His eyes big in surprise.

"N-No..."

Run, Ken...

"Now then... With what life you have left, answer me this... There is one like Chidori among you, is there not? This has enabled you to locate and defeat those we wish to protect. Now tell me... Which one of you is it? If you don't expedite your answer, then this will hurt you more than it hurts me."

Now I can feel it. His foot. He's going to kick me until I either answer or die and then he's going to move to ken. It fucking hurts like hell, but I can't say a word. I'll stay silent. Fuuka can't fight and God knows what you would do to the the rest. I don't want you to touch any of them.

Ken gasps in surprise. He's still here... Why?... You should have ran.

"...What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

"I like dogs better you idiot. And there is no one like that."

It hurts to speak, but I still want to taunt the crap outta him. He's a piece of crap. He's useless, worthless, only looking for the world to end because mommy didn't love him enough. Go back to watch Evangelion, you fucking moron!

"Wait!"

Ken. Don't. Don't fucking do this. I don't deserve to be saved by you.

"It's me!"
"Is that true?"
"Yes. That's the only reason they let me join!"

"Ken! Don't!"

The fucking bastard kicks me again. This fucking hurts, but I can't let Ken suffer this. He can't end up like me. He'll live through this Dark Hour.

"Quiet! You had your chance!"

"It doesn't matter anymore... I'll never have my revenge. I have no reason to live..."

Ken, don't say that... You'll find your own reason soon enough. If anything I want you to take care of Koro-chan.

"...I see. So, you have achieved resolution. How enviable..."

The point the fucking gun at Ken. I can't... I can't let this happen!

"Then you shall be first."

In my despair, I try to get up, I put all the strength I got left into getting up to have Ken, if I can do it, then it's alright if I die. I died for cause, a good one.

"Rest peacefully."

He aims the gun to shoot and all Ken can think of is his mom. Kid, your time isn't now. I'll take the shot for you.

I fall again, more violently than before. I try to catch my breathe and Ken realizes that I took the shoot for him. I saved his life.
Here you have it bastard! I shall die tonight, but you'll take no one else!

"What is the meaning of this? Why would you risk your life to save the child?"

Ken is beyond shock. He realizes what happened. He realizes what I've done.

"Shinjiro-san..."

Shinji!

Aki? Is that you? Am I dreaming? My ears can't hear what the Jesus poser says, they're buzzing again. It guess it's from the loud shot. Or maybe I'm ignoring his shit.

"Shinji!"

It's really you, Aki. I'm glad to see you.

"Shinji! Hey! Hang in there!"

All the others scream for me, but I can't hear Minako. Is she here or can't she speak?

"Ken... Hey, why the long face? Isn't this what you wanted?... It's alright. Give yourself time... Let your anger be your strength. Your still just a kid, Ken. You have your whole life head of ya.. Don't waste it... Make it your own, okay?"

"But I... I...!"

"Aki, take care of 'im."

"...I will."

Thanks, Aki. I can't stay for much longer.

I look the other way. Minako is there, crying so much I swear it could be rain. She has her face washed in tears... This the last thing I wanted... I try to reach her with my hand, but I can't it. She holds it.

You're so warm, Minako...

"Don't cry, Minako... This is how... It's supposed to be..."

"Shinji! Don't! Don't go! There is so much more I want to tell you!"
"Remember... You look your best when you laugh..."
"Shinji!"

Her voice echoes in my head.

Minako, thank you for everything, but now, I must go. I'm sorry to let you down.
Goodbye.

?/?

Where am I? Is this heaven? I feel like my brain has stopped since that night. Why can I think now? Am I not dead? Have I just woken up to Heaven?

I feel the smell of lilies and the wind blowing calmly. It seems safe. Maybe I should open my eyes...

Wha...

"Minako?"

She smiles kindly.

Her hair is well arranged and she's using the orange kimono. Then I realize that this is just like my dream. The lilies, the kimono... Minako...

"Are you dead too?"

"No, Shinji."

"Then what is this?"

"A dream, maybe?"

I'm laying in the middle of the flowers. I can feel their cold, I can smell the dirt and see the blue sky. I can see you, Minako. Is this really a dream? Am I not dead? I'm so confused. My head hurts.

She sits by me and kisses my forehead. I don't know what this all means, but it seems pretty real. Did you took me here, Minako? Why are you using that kimono?

"It'll be alright soon."

"Minako?"
"I want to stay with you, Shinji. Even if you die soon. I want to give you the life you never had."

"I... I'm dead, Minako. Stop talking like that."

"Then why are you here?"
"Maybe this is heaven."

You laugh so loud it echoes throughout the whole filed. I sit and look at you confused. I don't know what're saying. It all sounds like bullshit to me.

"It's not over yet, Shinji."
"What you're talking about?"

You embrace me tightly. I can smell your perfume and feel your soft skin and I remember the reason why I didn't want to go. I wanted to hold you again. I wanted to cook for you.

I remember the things we shared. The smell of tea in the lounge. The cold of the nights. The sunlight in my room. Your laugh. Your smile. I want to see you again. Please! Let me see you again! Minako!

"I love you, Shinji."

"I know."

"I must go now."
"To where?"
"You'll find me, don't worry."

The scenery is black all around us and you fly away from my embrace.

"See you soon, Shinji!"

"See ya, Minako!"

I smile. I smile so much my cheeks hurt.

I feel like I'm falling down. I don't know to where. I can only close my eyes and wait for me to fall to the floor. I feel nothing but a great joy for this moment. Thank you, Minako. Thank you so much for this wonderful month. It was the happiness month of my life.

I feel nothing now, but that doesn't matter. I can remember you for the rest of my life. Even if I fall forever, it doesn't matter. Aki will take care of Ken and you'll take care of Aki. I have no worries. I know you'll be happy.

I can hear voices. Who is it? I don't recognize them.

I can only see darkness again, so I open my eyes. It's so bright and white.

"Aragaki..."

It takes a while for me to realize that I'm in a room of some kind.

"The patient is waking up!"

I'm alive, Minako. Just a bit longer now. Wait for me. I'm coming.

3/5

I dress up quickly and get to school. I felt like I had to get there. I knew why. It was graduation day and this could be my last chance to see Minako. Not because it was my last day at school, not because she could move out, but because the doctor said I was sick. The pills fucked me up even more than what I thought. Today I had to run as fast as I could.

I caught the train, ran to school, ran up the stares and even more stares. I open the door to the rooftop to see the blue sky and her looking at the sky line with her black school uniform. I wanted to run to her as well, but I feel exhausted so I catch my breath. My breathing is so heavy, it almost works.

"Don't make a sick guy push himself so hard!"

I take some deep breathes and coff, I can barely stand up, but for her sake I stay on my two feet. My voice sounds strange even to me.

She turns towards me, surprised to seem me there and run towards me to help me stand up. It seems she understand my condition, maybe she noticed. No matter what it's, I smile at her. This may very well my last time with you, Minako.

"I'm sorry, Shinji. I didn't mean to. You should have stayed and rest."

Stupid girl, I couldn't have. If I stayed I might not even woken up to see you. This is my dying wish.

"It's pretty pathetic of me to forget the way I did... But even then, my feelings for you were always the same."
"I know that. I never stopped believing you would come back to me."

"I got one thick skull."
"Don't worry, we're the same. I could never ever forget that month. It meant the world for me. I felt loved, not needed. It wasn't just the leader, I was a human. A human someone liked."

I look directly in her eyes, they're as bright as always. They look so red now. It's so beautiful.

"The girl I saw in my dreams... It was you... That's why I woke up."

"Me?..."

"You were crying and laughing like usual..."

I let go of small laugh. It wasn't been long but it already sounds nostalgic. I know a few months passed by, but it feels like a long lost thing now. Something that I'll never have again. It makes my chest heavy and hurt, but maybe that's just because I'm nervous and sick.

I embrace you tightly. You didn't expect this move, did you? I can stand up now, don't worry. I'm gonna miss you once I'm gone, you know?

I feels real. Very real. I can feel your breathing, you're warm as you always were. I'm sorry if I ever made you cold.

"Yeah... This ain't a dream..."

"Of course. We won."

"You're really here..."

I can hear the steps and noises. Voices. It's them coming up the stares. What a waste. I would have liked to stay like this a bit longer.

I laugh tho, I can't help it. You seem confused. It's an ironic sad laugh, you seem to see it in my eyes.

"Man, those guys sure know how to ruin a moment..."
"Yeah... But all is not lost."

"All is never lost, Minako. Maybe one day we can be together again."
"I promise you."

I keep embracing you and the sun shines brighter in the blue sky. You close your eyes, probably tired from everything, and I take in myself to hold and lay you down in the nearby bench. You try to fight you as I pet your hair and keep smiling at you.

You look one more time at me with those red eyes and smile kindly at me.

"Shinjiro-senpai..."
"I'm glad I meet you."

And all that left for us is nothingness.