Kurt pulled his Navigator into the right side of Blaine's driveway and turned the engine off, easing the key out of the ignition with a shakily exhaled breath. His hand fell to his lap as if it were too heavy to hold aloft, the keys clutched tightly in his palm. He knew that this was what he wanted. He didn't have a doubt in his mind that it was time for he and Blaine to consummate their relationship, as it were. He wanted; wanted with an ache that left him seared and raw. The main problem was that he didn't know exactly what it was that he wanted so badly.
As he considered himself one of the most decisive teenagers ever to grace the planet, this did not sit well with Kurt Hummel. He knew exactly what he wanted out of life: he wanted to graduate at the top of his class, get into NYADA, move to New York, and make it big on the Broadway stage. He had those big landmarks as well as every ladder-step in-between planned, waiting to be checked off on his list. And he also knew that right now he wanted to go inside and ravish his boyfriend, but he lacked a sufficient carnal vocabulary to go beyond "ravishing" and into specifics. He had a hard time picturing someone "ravishing" someone else. He attributed this to the simple fact that the verb "to ravish" was not a specific action itself, but rather one that implied other actions, actions Kurt desperately wished he knew more about. Blaine, at least, was just as inexperienced as Kurt, but that made Kurt think about a phrase he'd heard or read somewhere: "Two virgins in a bed is one virgin too many." As he lacked any inclination to go lose his virginity to a stranger or to ask Blaine to do the same, the phrase simply added another anxiety to weigh on Kurt's already anxiety-ridden mind.
Kurt groaned and let his head fall against the steering wheel. When he finally sat back up, it was to find Blaine approaching his driver side window, a white rose held in one hand. He rapped on the window with the other, grinning at Kurt.
Kurt grabbed his messenger bag, opened the door, slid down from the seat, and closed the door behind him. Blaine stepped close and wrapped his arms around Kurt. He tilted his head to look straight up into the eyes of the taller boy. Kurt smiled.
"Well, hello there," he breathed, his breath hitching in the back of his throat as he registered the delicious smell of Blaine.
"Hi," Blaine said, pushing up on his toes to press a quick kiss to Kurt's lips before unwinding himself from Kurt, taking a step back, and holding out the rose. Kurt took it.
He knew it was cheesy and romantic, but Kurt happened to be a cheesy romantic. The love he felt for Blaine was always a presence in the back of his mind, but it was at moments like this when it rushed forward and filled him completely, pushing all other considerations out of his mind. He still wanted, and badly, and he was still nervous, but those things were no longer foremost in his mind. The thought that took precedence was that tonight, he was going to make love to his boyfriend. Tonight, he was going to find out exactly what that meant.
"I seem to remember you saying something about being bad at romance," Kurt said, lightly tapping Blaine's chest with the rose.
"For you, I'm learning," Blaine said, his cheeks flushing. He reached for Kurt's keys and locked the Navigator. He dropped them inside Kurt's bag and laced his fingers in his boyfriend's now-free hand, leading him to the front door. Kurt allowed himself to simply follow. The two of them stepped inside, Kurt in the lead. Blaine closed and locked the door behind them.
"Your parents?" Kurt asked as he turned to face Blaine.
"They left yesterday for a business trip," Blaine said. "We've got the place to ourselves."
An idea popped into Kurt's mind.
"Blaine…"
"Yes?"
"Can we light a fire?"
Blaine chuckled. "Great minds think alike."
They walked into the great room where a modest fire was already crackling merrily in the hearth.
"I guess they do," Kurt said absentmindedly. His thoughts were on himself and Blaine and what they were so close to doing. He was nervous, but it wasn't that he was afraid of Blaine; not at all. It was more that he was afraid of himself, of discovering a part of himself that he might not have full control over. For Kurt, the idea of losing control was a frightening one, regardless of how much he trusted Blaine. It was still himself that he didn't trust. He started toward the couch but stopped abruptly, causing Blaine to stumble into his suddenly immobile boyfriend.
"Kurt?" Blaine's tone was slightly worried. After he regained his balance, he wrapped his arms around Kurt lightly from behind; supporting rather than restraining.
"Blaine, I… I just…" Kurt sighed, frustrated. He leaned his head back against Blaine's conveniently placed shoulder, content for now with this simple embrace.
"You can tell me anything, Kurt," Blaine murmured. "You can even tell me that now's not the time. We don't have to… do anything at all tonight, not if you don't want to, okay? The south pole can remain unexplored."
Kurt had to chuckle at that. Blaine always knew what to say to make him feel better.
"It's not that, it's just… it seems so stupid," he said.
"Is it that getting frisky in front of a roaring fire is too cliché? 'Cause we can totally go up to my room, although it's a little messy, but if you'd be more comfortable…" Blaine trailed off. Kurt pulled away with a light chuckle and went to sit on the couch.
"Really, Blaine? 'Getting frisky'?"
Blaine's cheeks colored. He went and collapsed on the couch next to Kurt.
"It's just a saying. And you still haven't told me what's bothering you," Blaine pointed out, nudging Kurt's shoulder with his own.
Kurt dropped his eyes to study the carpet's subtle, tan-on-tan pattern intently as the fire popped in the background, seemingly punctuating Kurt's silence. Blaine waited patiently for Kurt to explain, linking the fingers of his left hand with his boyfriend's right.
"I don't know what will happen," Kurt said in a single whispered breath. It seemed like such an obvious thing, now that he'd said it. Of course he didn't know what was going to happen; it hadn't happened yet! No one knew exactly what would happen their first time, or their second time, or their thirty-second time, unless they were porn stars and the sex was scripted for them. But Blaine didn't point out the obviousness of this statement to him. He also realized that Kurt wasn't talking specifically about the mechanics of sex, either.
"I don't either, Kurt," he said. "But I know that if we trust each other, and we just… do what feels right, what makes us f-feel good… we'll be okay. Because we'll be doing it together. And I love you. So, so much. So much that I think I'd still love you even if you start… singing the French national anthem, or you cry out 'Pavarotti!' or something."
"That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," Kurt said.
"The French national anthem or the 'Pavarotti' thing?" Blaine asked. "Because I think you should prepare me, if one of those two isn't a totally ridiculous thing, and might, like, actually happen."
Kurt's eyes met Blaine's and they burst into shaking, uncontrollable laughter. Just when Blaine had almost gotten himself under control, Kurt cried out "ohh, Pavarotti!" in his best sex-voice and Blaine lost it again. Kurt had his giggles contained when Blaine pounced, mercilessly tickling his sides, his knees, anywhere he could reach. Kurt slipped off the couch onto the floor to get away, laughing so hard that he could hardly catch his breath.
Blaine sat motionless on the couch, finally recovered, and watched as the now slightly disheveled-looking Kurt regained the ability to breathe as he slumped against the side of the couch. Kurt stretched one arm out towards Blaine and Blaine grabbed it and allowed himself to be pulled off the couch and onto the floor. He sat next to Kurt, chancing a glance into those perfect eyes before grinning and leaning in for a kiss.
When they parted, Kurt let his head come to rest against Blaine's forehead. As he stared into his boyfriend's eyes, he could see not only the love but also the deep trust Blaine had in him. Oddly enough, realizing that Blaine needed to trust in him just as much as he needed to trust in Blaine made it so much easier to take this first step. Like Blaine had said, they'd be taking it together. Kurt smiled suddenly and pressed a kiss to Blaine's cheek before unfolding his long arms and legs gracefully before standing up.
"Come on," he said, grabbing Blaine's hands and pulling the other boy to his feet. "You were right. This is entirely too cliché. We'll have to brave your man-cave. God help us if you and Finn share the same aversion to allowing any bit of actual carpeting to show. I swear he thinks he needs to attire his floor appropriately for winter or something."
Blaine laughed and walked over to the stairs.
"I'll show you the way," he said.