HI

so basicaaallly, how this goes is that you request your pairing and the object you'd like your oneshot to associate with. I haven't seen this been done before and i dunno how good or bad this will become, so I'd thought I'd try it out and stuffs

(i will change the title when i think of something more related)

Pairing: Kyman

Object: Celery

"What the fuck is this?" Cartman frowned at the long vegetable he held in his hand.

"It's a celery stick." His Jewish rival, who was sitting opposite, muttered through his can of diet cola.

"A what?"

Kyle blinked, placing his refreshment on the cafeteria table. "A celery stick."

Cartman eyed the green vegetable in disgust, obviously alien to his knowing of foods. The redhead across from him rolled his eyes and took the stick from the brunette's grasp.

"Don't tell me you've never heard of celery before?" The last word ended with a crunch, as Kyle bite down hard on the celery, taking a considerably large bite from it. His munching lingered through Cartman's ears as the half eaten vegetable was placed back into his palm. He watched Kyle's jaw chew up and down numerous times, before deciding that he wasn't really that hungry in the first place.

The redhead pulled his can up to his lips again, only to take another gulp of soda. He moved his emerald eyes to the tray that was momentarily being pushed to the side.

"Diet not going so well then, huh?"

"Shut up, Jew."

"Look, eating healthy shit isn't all bad. You just gotta look at the good points."

"There is nothing good about.." Cartman gestured to the abandoned vegetable on the tray beside him, "Well, whatever the fuck that is."

"Sure there is." Kyle moved to pick up the celery stick. He rolled it around in his palms, trying to think of a way to make the tasteless green more exciting to eat. "Okay, well.. for starters, it's minus two calories."

"So?"

"So.. you're burning fat just by chewing it."

"Ey!" The brunette snapped. "I'm not fat! I'm simply.. festively plump."

Kyle scoffed, knowing that it was only March. "Whatever." He continued, "It's also tasteless, so there's no need to complain about how much you can taste the herb in the plant."

He took a second bite from the stick, though this was a slightly smaller chunk. The redhead shrugged at the perplexed look Cartman was giving him. "It's just a fucking vegetable, dude. No big deal." He swallowed, handing the celery back to him. The brunette hesitantly took it and brought it up to his mouth.

"Yeah, no big deal for you." He muttered, "I bet you got the taste for it, 'cause you shove it up your ass every night."

"Just fucking eat it, you pussy."

"Hey, fuck you." He lamely retorted, but placed his lips on the side of the stick anyway. Already regretting what he was doing, he slowly opened his mouth and clamped the side of it. He sunk his teeth into the green produce and pulled away the smallest piece possible. With slow grinding, his slightly plump face twisted from curious to repulsed in a matter of seconds. He resisted the urge to splutter up the stringy green and instead, swallowed hastily.

Kyle watched the event with a raised eyebrow, not at all surprised by the outcome. "So..?"

Cartman glanced at the celery stick one last time, before dropping it onto the plastic tray in front of him. He, once again, pushed it aside and stood up from his seat. "I'm getting some fries."

Kyle sniggered as the brunette dumped the contents into the trash and leave to find something more appetizing.

Just as he left, his two friends arrived at the table, joining Kyle for their hour long lunch break. The blond jumped into the spot Cartman had just sat in, while his best friend sat beside him. With the flustered look on Stan's face, Kyle knew this was going to be another normal day at school.

"Man, Wendy is such a bitch!"