The dust of the war had settled hours ago, but Hermione was still heaving. She wasn't quite sure why. She had tried drinking water and clearing her throat. The house elves had even offered her tea. But she had turned it down. They had other things to worry about right now. Just the thought of them tending to the bodies and the wounds in Great Hall...It brought on another fit.
"I'm going to take a walk," she managed to choke out. She didn't really know if Harry had heard her. He was pretty out of it which you would expect from a boy who had just killed the man who had wanted him dead since birth.
Without waiting for him to come to his senses, she turned on her heel and made her way away from the common room, away from the Great Hall, away from the people. She physically couldn't listen to one more person tell her how heroic she was. She felt anything but heroic today. She felt like a little girl again, the one who carried her best friend to the Hospital Wing from a giant chessboard in…
Her thoughts strayed to Ron as the fresh air finally hit her skin. It was only days ago he had sobbed at her bedside in Shell Cottage. Of course, once she's opened her eyes, he had wiped them away. Typical Ron, she smiled lightly and shook her head.
She stopped herself as her face turned a crimson shade. She'd kissed him. In the Chamber of Secrets tonight. She'd kissed him. She felt her veins flooded with embarrassment. Did she really have to be that desperate? Any more subtle would've been great, but, of course, she threw herself at him in the middle of the battle. She'd thought they were going to die. She really had. But now they hadn't...she couldn't even bare to live with the consequences that would no doubt ensue.
She smiled as her ankles were brushed with grass as she reached the hills. Without any real sense of purpose, she wandered towards the Lake. At least she'd have a giant squid to keep her company. Better than people at this point.
As soon as her feet hit the sand, she let herself fall to the ground, head in hands. She couldn't cry really. All she could do was cough. She'd be vomiting if she'd had enough food to do so in the last few months. Her stomach agreed. But, not wanting to walk back into the castle, she ignored it. Her hair bunched around her neck as her coughing calmed and her breathing sped up, her mind racing. Tired. Hungry. Useless now. She was useless now. The war was over. She'd been fighting it since she was eleven. She didn't quite remember how to live otherwise.
A hand touched her shoulder. She shot to her feet, but the sand sent her stumbling towards the water. She reached for her wand but fell once more, making a splash as her legs collapsed into the shallow water. Whipping her head around, she aimed her wand at...Ron.
"Goddamn it, Ron, you scared me to death!" She shrieked, wading out of the water and brushing sand off of her pants.
"Sorry," he muttered, sheepish but with the ghost of laughter on his lips.
"You think this is funny, don't you?" she meant to yell, but the venom was gone from her voice.
Ron didn't answer. He only gave a small smile and moved towards the grass slightly uphill, sitting down and patting the spot next to him. She reached down to take off her sopping wet shoes to cover up the fact that her face was red. She'd thought she would have more time to prepare for this talk. Not now. Not right when she was already on the verge of screaming. She wasn't ready for him to sit her down and tell her this was all a mistake. It was all a mistake, she told herself.
Slowly, she forced herself to stand up and walk toward him. Sitting down next to him, she began to wring out the water in her pantlegs before she felt an arm around her waist. She turned to look at his face as he pulled her to him. It was only then when she realized he was crying.