Letters to the Master Pt. 1 - The Beginning of the End
I met you again in one of the worst, I am now able to actually acknowledge, days of my life. You were alone, stranded next to the Citadel with no one to watch your back, no shoulder to cry on. I was, at last, a fully functioning member of our Timelord society, a fresh, new and ambitious woman now. I was dressed smart, in an orange gown with Gallifreyan symbols in it.
I saw you. You were sitting on one of those long red lawns were we used to play when we were kids, merely 90 year old children. We used to run through the nearest valley and watch the sunset as the Gallifreyan twin suns succumbed to their nocturnal sleep. We were practically neighbours, as I recall it: we both lived in the Mountain of Solace, where we would wake up to the sound of silver leaves rattling. You used to tell me you woke up to the sound of drums. I had never heard such sound, but you insisted it was calling for you and kept on asking whether I could listen to it. Sometimes I said I could, just so you wouldn't feel different from the rest of us. Oh, but you were so, so different.
Even then, sitting right in front of me, you looked just like that disturbed child, your heartbeats matching the drumming in your head. You were wearing a black sweater and black pants. You were barefoot. You loved being barefoot, you once said to me - you said it made you feel grounded, like you were your own man, the master of your domain... And how appropriate. Master was the name you chose.
I approached you quietly, trying not to disturb you, but you caught my scent. I don't think you recognised me immediately. You were too caught up in your own thoughts, all that tangled mix of hatred and evil all bubbling up in your head. For a moment, you tried to read my mind. I didn't let you.
You looked at me. Your eyes were blood red. You had been crying. Your lily white complexion was by now tinted, like you were ashamed of something, like somebody had told you something you didn't want to hear. I know now you had had a meeting with the Lord President, which hadn't gone too well. Your hedonistic, egocentric behaviour was being punished. You stood there and listened to our Lord, and didn't even mutter a word. Somehow, you didn't find the strength to. You knew your behaviour was utterly and completely wrong. So you obeyed. You were not to return to Gallifrey from the day you were told to leave. You had two days, two short days to leave the planet... Your TARDIS had been discommissioned, and there was nothing you could do about it. You were lucky our Lord was, by then, merciful and kind... in a way. You could have been sent to the Death Zone. You could have been executed right after your trial. You know you deserved it.
Suddenly, your head turned the other way. You looked so, so lonely and so helpless I wanted to help you. And so I did. And look where it got me.
This is the story of how you destroyed my universe. And I shall never forgive you for that.