Shadow hearts
I don't own Final Fantasy 7 or any of the characters mentioned. Enjoy!
It was strange how he was in the same position she was all those years ago. He now knew how it felt to have your heart broken by someone you held close to you for your whole life. So this is what she felt like all those years when the spikey haired blonde was oblivous to her love towards him. He had finally told her he loved her and they were happy for a while but that was before everything started going pear shaped. He guessed he was to blame. He always was. Funny how he could forgive himself for Aeries' death but not for this. This place seemed so empty without her. How did she keep it open? The first day she left he opened it but it was just too hard so he gave up. He lived here alone. Denzel and Marlene went to live with Barret after he was deemed incapable of looking after children. Barret lived in North Corel somewhere he thought. Atleast that's where he was when he last heard from him. No one visited anymore. So he became lifeless just like his telephone. He began to think the only reason why they came was for her but now that she was gone why would they visit? Now the bar was never open. The warrior lived here alone, wollowing in self pity and remenising about their time together. He used to have a reason to wake up every morning but that was now gone and each day it was getting increasingly harder to get up. Somedays he didn't move at all. What was the point? he tried to correct his faults. She said he was never around so here he was always around but she was no where in sight. Not to mention the pain tearing his heart in every direction. Sometimes he went whole days without saying a word to anyone, sometimes it was weeks. He peeled himself off the couch to check out the commotion coming from outside. He peered out the window as a few drunks passed by. They stopped and peered back at him.
"Hey ish a bar!" one yelled to another "Yoush shink ish open?" They stumbled towards the door and began pounding on it. "Open up!"
"We're closed" he yelled back.
"Jusht one dwink!" the drunks slurred.
He opened up the door and they looked him up and down "I said we're closed"
"Hey, you're not that hot chick"
A rage poured inside him and before he knew what he was doing the drunk was on the ground and he was craddling his fist "Shit" he swore under my breath. He fell back as the others fist connected with his face. He wiped the blood off his lip before straightening up. He must of had a rage look behind his strange blue eyes as the aggresser backed off.
"Sorry man" he said bending down and helping his friend up "Come on lets get out of here" and then they ran off down the street.
The blonde turned around and sighed, unsure about what to do with his fist. She was always there when he was hurt and made it better. He found the first aid kit and dragged it into the bar. It was more like a trunk and weighed a ton. He guessed he needed this, he did come back hurt alot and not once did she yell at him or refuse to take care of him, well except the last time. He shifted through the stuff in the kit before finding something he recognised, a bandage. He wrapped it around his knuckles before resting his head in his hands wondering where it all went wrong.
When he finally lifted his head a single picture caught his attention. Out of the many sitting on the cabnet it was the one that he always spotted first. He got up and slowly walked over to it before picking it up and running his hand over the glass. Tifa Lockhart. She left without a word to anyone, to him. He had no idea where she was or even if she was alright but she could take care of herself. He started to doubt if he could take care of himself though. The fight they had was so sudden and out of place that it caught him off guard. He had no idea she felt that way and he guessed he would never know the reason behind it. Tifa broke his heart, ripped it out of his chest and smashed it into a million pieces before stamping on it and left him to try and piece it back together but he never did. It was a complicated puzzle that he couldn't put back together by himself. He was beginning to wonder it it would ever be whole again because the truth is Tifa took some of the puzzle away with her and he didn't think she would ever bring it back.
Would she still be here if he never told her he loved her? Sometimes that was the only thing he thought about. If he had never told Tifa they would have never got together, never had that fight but fate was cruel. He never believed in destiny. He always thought that if you couldn't see it and it hadn't happened that you could change it but boy was he wrong. He was beginning to doubt himself, the way he had always lived. He was beginning to believe that it was always fates plan for him to be alone. That he was never meant to be happy. He tightened his grip on the frame as a singel tear slid from the corner of his eye and splashed onto the frame. In a moment of anger he hurled the picture at the wall with force. The glass shattered as it made contact with the wall and it fell to the ground with a clatter. The anger immediately left as he went to retrieve the picture. He went to pick it up but cut his hand on the glass. The blood poured off it and he quickly shielded the picture from the crimson mess. It hurt like hell but not as much as the pain in his heart. He placed the picture with the others and picked up the other pieces of glass, each piece leaving a new cut on his rough hands. Somehow the pain in his hands was taking away from the pain in my heart and he welcomed it.
That day replayed in his head over and over. Everyday scarring him more. If he had of stopped her instead of letting her walk out on him. If he had of forced her to listen to him, grabbed her hand and pulled her back, maybe, just maybe she would still be here but maybe he was just in deniel. Because of those memories he tortured himself by living here. Here where he was constantly reminded of her. Where he wouldn't be allowed to forget. And in a way maybe he deserved his fate but no one should have to feel the way he does now. He guessed one reason he stayed here was the hope that one day she would return. He could dream couldn't he?
He tossed and turned in his bed. He didn't even know why he tried to sleep, it never came. Why would he be allowed the pleasure of sleep? Instead of torturing himself with something that would never come he dug deep in his pocket for a cigarette. He next felt in his front pocket for a lighter. He placed the cigarette in his mouth before lighting it. He inhaled deeply before exhaling. He looked at the cigarette in his hand. He wanted death but he didn't deserve quick so he began to slowly kill himself with these cancer sticks. He laughed to himself. Tifa would kill him if she ever found out he was smoking. She gave Cid a black eye the last time she caught him smoking in the bar. He just wished she was here to give him the same treatment.
In a way he was glad no one came to visit anymore. He guessed he got what he always wanted. He got to be alone. But sometimes he couldn't help missing the kids and the way Yuffie always got him in trouble with Tifa. He wondered what everyone was up to. Last he heard Yuffie was living in Wutai and helping clean it up with her father. Red was in Cosmo Canyon again. He was sad when his grandfather died but he quickly stepped up to the plate and protected the village. Vincent went in search of a way to be forgiven for his past. Barret as he said before was in Corel with the kids. Ciat Sith was at the gold saucer as their mascot and raking in the money. Cid went back to rocket town and proposed to Shera after a few short months. He never went to the wedding though. He wondered if Tifa went. But all that was over eleven years ago and contact had been long lost. His life was just on a downwards spiral leading to his inevitable end. After all he was sick again. Geostigma. He never dared thought of going to the cure at the church. It had been just over 3 years since he was infected but he never thought about curing himself. The Geostigma was different in a way. It was slower moving and it was always pulsating in his chest unlike before.
He snapped out of his daze as there were loud bangs on the door. He shook his head. He must have dozed off or something as it was now morning.
"Come on! Open up!" they continued to pound against the door.
He threw himself down the stairs and to the door "Do you have any idea how...Barret...?" Cloud looked the large black man up and down. He had hardly changed except for a few grey hairs. He still wore the same shirt that covered hardly anything and showed his huge muscles. And maybe his beard was a little longer but it was hard to tell.
"Hey Spikes" he looked him up and down before he sighed.
"Cloud!" two voices said in unison. Marlene and Denzel appeared from behind Barret and went to hug me before noticing his unwelcoming stare. "Cloud...?" they questioned.
He turned and walked into the bar. Marlene and Denzel sure had grown. Marlene must be about 19 and Denzel around 21. "Do you want anything to drink?" Cloud asked in a husky sleep deprived voice.
"Umm yeah...Wouldn't mind a glasss of water"
He lazily walked to the fridge before peering in and coming out with two beers. He chucked one to Barret before opening the other and skulling it.
"Thanks..." he said taking a small sip. "Long time no see" he said taking a seat at the counter.
"Spose" He mumbled.
"How are you Cloud?" he studied the obviously down man.
"Fine" he replied unenthusiastically.
"No offense but you look like shit...Have you been in a fight, your face is swollen" he pointed with his index finger.
He glanced over to the broken mirror and sure enough it was.
"And you could atleast dust a little and let some light in"
He stared at him impatiently "What are you doing here?" he growled.
"Whoa...aint I allowed to come visit and the kids wanted to see you"
"Were not kids anymore" Denzel spoke up.
"After eleven years you decide to come see how I am. Why don't you tell me why you're really here?" Cloud hissed.
Barret sighed shifting his attention to the floor. He was beginning to feel guilty for his absence when Cloud needed him. "We were all just wondering if you had heard anything from Tifa" he mumbled her name so it was almost undetectable.
"Does it look like shes been here?" he said with hate.
"Sorry man" The rather large black man said guiltily.
"It's fine" the blonde warrior crossed his arms and looked to the side almost child like.
"We didn't see you at Cid's wedding" Barret pointed out.
"I didn't go" he said skulling another beer.
"It was the last time we saw Tifa"
"She was there?"
"Yeah she came. I think she was a little disappointed that she didn't see you there"
"It was probably for the best"
"You miss her don't you?" he said with deep sadness in her voice while his eyes bore into the broken man before him.
"...No" Cloud lied shifting his eyes from Barret and averting them to the floor.
An eerie silence washed over the bar until two kids made themselves known.
"We made this for you Cloud"
He looked up and they thrust a card at him. On the front was a drawing that he guessed was suposed to be him. It was actually a pretty good one. Although the hair was a little off it almost looked exactly like him holding his buster sword. He took pride in his spikey hair. You would find no one else with hair like his.
"We made it for you when we were little and went to live with Barret"
He opened it up and read the inside as they started to get excited.
"I don't know it it will count for anything now"
Dear Cloud
We miss you so much. No matter what we want you to know that we love you and that you can visit any time. We want you to come visit so we can be a family like before.
Love Marlene and Denzel.
"You're right, it doesn't" he placed the card on the counter and turned away.
The two kids gave him a confused stare. Nothing could be like it was before. They held too many memories of her. It tore him up inside to see their innocent faces.
"Cloud have you faught any cool monsters lately?" Denzel asked his most frequently asked question when he was around me.
"I don't fight anymore" Cloud stated simply.
The group in the bar was dumbfounded. They knew Cloud had been depressed but didn't know he was this bad. They never thought that he would give up his fighting. It was his most prized attribute besides her. Had Tifa Lockhart really scarred him that bad. Tifa most certainly had. Cloud gave up everything that night that she left. Even the will to live and his friends turned their backs on him. Barret sighed turning away from Cloud's cold eyes. Something about his eyes had changed. They were colder, more unwelcoming. Everyone tried to forget about Cloud when Tifa left in the hopes that it might have brought her back but that was only partly the reason. They were scared. Scared of what he was. Scared that if Sephiroth ever came back that he could be controlled. Atleast when Tifa was here he had something to hold on to. So that's why they took the kids away.
"What do you mean?" asked a confused Denzel.
"I mean what I said. I haven't picked up a sword in years" he spoke disinterestly.
"But you told me you would never stop carrying your sword" the browned haired boy took a step forward and raised his fist.
"Well things change"
"You've changed" Denzel whispered.
"Hmph" he snorted and turned away from the boys brown eyes.
"Cloud?" Marlene asked wrapping her arms around his waist.
He looked down to her with hate for the unwanted attention. He didn't want anyone to touch him ever again. They would just end up leaving like they always did. Everyone in his life always left.
"You'll come visit won't you?" she asked hopeful.
"I don't think so" he shook her off.
"Cloud man, what's your problem?"
"Mine? You show up out of the blue after eleven years and pretend like you actually care about me. How can you act like everythings fine? It's not. It hasn't been for a long time. You wanted nothing to do with me then and I want nothing to do with you now. I don't need any of you" With that said he stormed up the stairs and slammed the door.
Barret placed his head in his hands. Cloud was right. They had treated him badly over the past years. They never once thought how he felt about the whole thing and now he was too far gone. "Cloud..." Barret whispered to himself as he stood up "Come on guys lets go"
"But what about Cloud?"
"He's not the same Cloud we used to know"
Both children bowed their head as they let their hero slip through their fingers. Cloud had been their role model for years and now he was cold hearted towards them. Denzel turned and took one more look at the bar he used to call home. He had considered Cloud his father. He shook his head and followed after Barret.
Cloud didn't need any of them. He didn't need them then and he didn't need them now. His anger was beginning to boil over. Since Tifa left he had had a bad temper and he couldn't control it. Denzel's comment had really stuck with him though. He had said he would always fight so he gave it up to punish himself. Cloud gave up the sword and vowed never to touch it again. He just stared to where it hung on the wall in front of his bed. It always seemed to be mocking him and it was driving him insane. There wasn't much else in Cloud's room. Just a few things here and there and a picture frame turned downwards. It was of Tifa, the kids and Cloud, back when they were all happy. He reached to the chain that hung around his neck. He traced his fingers over the delicate silver ring that was positioned in the centre of his chest. The ring that he kept to remind him of what he had lost. The ring that he was going to propose to Tifa with. The ring in which he was late getting home because he had to get. The ring that ruined their relationship. Cloud slipped it on and off the tip of his thumb remembering all his failures. All the times Tifa got hurt after he promised to protect her. He tightened his grip on it leaving an imprint in his palm before releasing it and sighing. His whole life he had been doomed to fail from the beginning. After all he did have Jenova cells inside of him, another thing that hung over him.
Cloud clutched at his heart in pain as the Geostigma's pain increased. Would he ever feel whole again? He hated this world and every thing in it. He even hated himself.
"Cloud"
He rolled over trying to block out the familiar voice. Not the sweet voice of Aerith the cold one of another.
"Cloud!"
"Leave me alone!" He cried.
"Hahaha Cloud. How does it feel to be alone" he mocked.
"Go away!" He groaned.
"And why would I do that when it's so much fun tormenting you. Cloud you need a new hobby"
"I need you to just die"
"Now that's not nice. I would never leave you like she did" his voice grew icier.
"I hate both of you!" the ex-soldier screamed clutching at his heart.
"Don't you want your number?" he questioned.
"My number...?" he asked barely above a whisper.
"That's right Cloud. It will soon be my time to rise again and you will help me"
"No! I won't help you. Not this time. I won't be controlled by you anymore" a he spoke as if trying to convince himself.
"You have no choice, puppet"
"I do" he stood strong.
"Your will is not strong enough to stop me. Not anymore. You're weak now and only with my help will you become strong again. I can take the pain away"
"The geostigma?"
"And the pain in your heart. I know the pain you feel inside and I can help take it away"
"I want you to take it away" Cloud said gruffly.
"I will Cloud but you gotta do one thing for me"
"What?"
"The black materia" he said. This was all going to be too easy.
"I'll get it and the pain will be gone?"
"That's right. What have you got to lose?"
"Tifa?"
"Don't worry about her" he laughed.
He sat up in a cold sweat. Cloud's eyes having an unnatural black tint to them. The pain inside was too much to bare. He had nothing to hold on to anymore so he had two options. Stay alone and suffer or take the pain away. They all turned their backs on him so it was his turn to do the same. He grabbed his sword off the wall and clutched it in his hands, feeling the power circulate through him. It was good to have it back in his hands again. Cloud sliced the air and felt a slight cocky smile creep up on his face. Part of it was him and part of it was the new evil living inside him. All he wanted to do right now was hurt people. Hurt everyone that hurt him. He was going to get his revenge and hopefully die afterwards.
So theres the first chapter. Hope you guys liked it. Please R&R. If story gets good reviews might do a second chapter and make this one more detailed. Loves ya!!