December 26

Dearest Diary,
Dear Journal,
Blond-Chick-whose-name-I-don't-remember,
Ah screw this-To Bob,

A journal, huh? "Something where you write down your 'personal feelings' in"? Where does Elena get this crap? There's nothing much to do, so fine- feelings. I wish I owned Don Corneo's Place, I wish I had a free membership to the Honeybee in, I wish I remembered that hot blond chick's name, and I wish I got something better than this stupid journal for Christmas. But that's what you usually get from Elena. Something really, really stupid. And she expects you to like it! Like this year, she gave me this stupid journal, Rude a hairbrush, Reeve a bag of dog food, and Tseng a ten-pound bag of Beef Jerkey. Since Rude loves meat and Tseng's a vegetarian, and Rude is bald and Tsengy has that ugly mane of hair, they swapped. But lucky me gets stuck with this Diary. Even President Rufus wouldn't swap, and he got a plastic megaphone. Really, Elena is crazy this year. She sent flowers to the AVALANCHE gang!!!! She's going to get shot some day, I swear.

Ah Damnit, no! I'm getting used to writing in here!! Arrrgggh!!! And it's only been- what, a paragraph? I didn't know I could write that much in one sitting... Rude told me he didn't even know I could read. I went to school people!!! I'm not Yuffie or Vincent who spent their whole lives wasted. Heh, okay, maybe that's a bit of a lie.

The only thing good about this book is the security stuff on it. For a stupid little journal, there are some pretty good tricks to it. It took me like ten minutes to open this cause it said "push" on the front when you were supposed to "pull" it. Some new chick, Rayna, helped me with that. Then I said something pervy and she slapped me. Note to self: Avoid Rayna!! Yeah, anyway, I can write in here and pretend to be actually working. So if Tseng looks over my should he'll just see the paragraph I'm currently writing. All others will be invisible! Spiffy, huh? Crap-

To Whom It May Concern,
At ShinRa, we have heard of this "Male Belly Dancer" problem you have. We needed to take notifications of this catastrophic event due to the factorial event that Male Belly Dancers have the largest-

Hahahah I didn't even know what half of those words meant. Tseng's as dumb as a doorknob, so he just looked down, saw a bunch of big words, nodded, and walked away. Hahaha that stupid-

stomaches. So, Male Belly Dancers are a threat to your community as they will each all your children crops. You are advised to take some spades and-

Yeah, he's seriously gone now. Where was I? Oh who cares. Yeah... what to write... Um, My name is Reno, I am approximately 25, my hair color is red and spiky in a mulletish style... And my birthday is unknown!! Isn't that horrible? Rufus always says I was found under a cabbage leaf. That idiot, he keeps forgetting it was him that was found there.

I work at ShinRa industries. There are a couple different divions there, and me, Elena, Tseng, and Rude work in the Turk one. Turk really isn't the official name though. We're supposed to be called the Investigation Division of the General Affairs Department, but who the Hell wants to say all that? We decided that since President ShinRa was pretty much all Turkish, Tseng wanted to name us the "Turks" in his honor. Biggest load of crap I've ever seen. We basically go out and kill a bunch of people for the company. But the best part of the job is our on theme song hah. Beat that. But we've had rough times too. We almost got fired a couple years ago 'cause of that anti-ShinRa group AVALANCHE. We all really screwed up with them. They killed Hojo and a ton of our SOLDIERs. Then about two years ago, some girly-mans Kaj, Zol, and Zooya or soemthing like that went psychopathic and tortured poor 'lena and Tseng. I still think that's what caused Elena's... loopyness. But then again, she has been crazy since I first met her. Heidegger and Scarlet also died triying to kill spiky-haird freak. They're not much of a loss, really. The only loss that kinda surprised us was Hojo's, since he's like the best madman you can find. I've heard that he's alive somewhere though. Him at that Vampire are in a fight, or... something like that.

President Rufus has assigned some guy to be ShinRa's top Scientist. Rumor has it that he's even better than Gast AND Hojo. Whatever, I just hope he doesn't try any sick experiments on us.

Whoa, I just noticed ShinRa suddenly got quiet. Elena's stupid Country music isn't playin'... Reeve isn't bothering Rude for gum... Eh, really, I don't hear anything. Am I going deaf? CRAP! NOOO!! I'm too young to die!!! Wait- hold on! I'm not deaf- I heard something shatter! What the Hell's going on? I'm going to check things out... Reno, over and out.