At This Point

by therpist

We weren't prepared. We didn't hear the Tank and barely had our guns out by the time it got to us. Rated for character death. Nellis if you want to see it that way, but can be viewed as friendship.

We weren't prepared. We didn't hear the Tank and barely had our guns out by the time it got to us. Ellis became its target because he was the first to shoot. He made the biggest difference- shot the shit out of that Tank- but he paid the biggest price.

I knelt beside his body and sighed deeply, Coach and Rochelle grieving behind me. We had no defibrillators. There was no way to bring him back this time. I gently pulled the hat from his head and ran my fingers through his hair, ignoring the rain as the storm picked up again.

I told him I hated him a long while ago. He said he still liked me. I never told him I was kidding, never said "I like you too." This kid (kid, fuck, what is he, 20?) must've died thinking I hated him. All those inbred jokes, telling him to shut up constantly, calling him names, threatening to leave him behind because I wanted to take my bad mood out on him. When I released my rage onto him, he just laughed and smiled and he never asked for an apology.

My eyes burned with tears and I sighed again. I got too attached. I don't remember the last time I hurt this bad. No physical pain would be able to compare. "Hey, Ellis," I said softly, not even hearing myself over the pouring rain. "All those things I said... You know I was just joking, right? I never meant any of it. I don't hate you, El. I... Hell, I like you too. I wish I'd told you that before." I picked up his hat and stood, walking with Rochelle and Coach to Virgil's boat.

I don't know if we'll make it through this. I don't think I even care at this point.