"I'm all over the place, I can't sit in one place, I'm not ashamed at all…" - Jungle by H.E.R.
"Ms. Castillo, glad you could finally join us," my teacher said pointedly with a look of disdain on his face. I smiled briefly, rolling my eyes as I made my way to my desk. There was literally a week left before finals. Did teachers honestly still expect us to come to school on time? Granted, I walked in with like 5 minutes left for class, and this was 3rd period, but still.
"Sorry. I had a bit of trouble getting here. Personal reasons."
"Very well. But we're covering for finals. If you want to get that last recap of information, I would advise you to try to be here on time tomorrow." I saluted lazily, sitting down at my desk.
"Yes, sir. Will do." He nodded once, then continued on with his lesson. I'm not really sure why he didn't just choose to give us a study hall instead. We were in our junior year, entering our senior. The only thing we were worried about is getting this over with and surviving finals without falling into a pit of depression and off the face of the earth. We had spent 3 years listening to the teachers drone on and on about things most of us never cared about and would probably never use, I think a week before school ends is the time to give it a rest.
My best friend Camille glanced over at me, an eyebrow raised, asking why I was so late. I waved my hand absently with an eye roll, never planning on explaining what happened. I hated having to come up with stories. That's what my sister and I used to do when we were younger. But since then I've just tried to avoid the questions as a whole.
"So care to explain why you missed first and basically second period?" she asked, pulling her dark hair into a knot atop her head, her eyes narrowed with one thick, perfectly arched eyebrow raised.
"Uh, you know. Personal stuff."
"Personal stuff? Like what? You've never been late before. Is something wrong?"
"I just overslept, ya know." Her eyebrows knitted together, a confused look on her face. Please stop asking questions. I had to get rid of her. "I'll explain later. I gotta go." I rushed ahead, practically sprinting, leaving her dumbfounded. I didn't have any more classes with her, so I was safe until lunch. I could find a place to duck out until it was over. I wouldn't have to see her until after school. Hopefully by then she'd have forgotten everything. I doubted she would though. Four hours just didn't seem like enough time for Camille. Anyone else, sure, but not her.
But four hours of bliss with no questions and no awkward glances is exactly what I needed. Now only to get through lunch. I packed up my stuff and patiently made my way through the crowd of people. My phone rang and I pulled it from my pocket, expecting it to be Camille wondering where I am. I answered without looking.
"Hello?"
"Where are you?" I froze, eyes wide and staring straight ahead. I forgot to breathe, and I knew it, but couldn't get my brain to work. "Maya," he pressed, his tone hard, like he was straining himself from losing control.
"I-I'm at school."
"I told you not to leave."
"Dad-"
"Come. Home. Now." I shivered, fear rising and swelling into my chest. Or was it my lungs straining because I wasn't breathing?
"I can't. I-I can't...I can't just leave scho-" The line clicked and I released the breath. Oh god. I looked around me, seeing if anyone even paid attention to me, then continued walking, changing course from the cafeteria to the back of the school, plopping down on the cement, still damp from the rain we'd had this morning. It didn't matter though. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on top, letting my sandy brown curls fall down and pulling my hood over my head before wrapping my arms around my legs. There was no point in holding it in anymore. Just as the thought crossed my mind, the tears fell, as if they had been waiting for permission. They were hot against my skin, seeming to burn permanently in their path.
I heard the back door creak open loudly and heavy footsteps follow.
"Oh crap, sorry, I didn't know anyone else was back here." I shrugged and sniffed a little. "Hey, are you okay?" I didn't respond, wiping my face along the sleeve of my hoodie. I heard him walk closer then sit down beside me. There was an immense amount of heat radiating from him. It was weird but it felt good, being I was probably seconds away from hypothermia. It was kinda comforting. "I come out here to think sometimes. Get away from everyone else. Find a bit of peace in the day." I could feel him turn to me, but didn't look up or let him see my face, even though he probably already knew I was crying. "What about you?"
"I needed to be alone."
"Do you want me to leave you alone then?" It was an odd question being he's a complete stranger, but I found myself shaking my head. Something about the warmth and his presence made me feel better. Safer. "Okay. Do you wanna talk about it?" I shook my head again. "Alright." It felt good to have the company, even though we were completely silent. Camille was cool and fun to have around, but she asked too many questions and she never let go until she got an answer she thought made sense. But this guy, he didn't even introduce himself. He simply sat and just…existed. Which was exactly what I needed. At least for now. "I'm Seth, by the way." I saw a huge tanned hand move into my peripheral view and extended my own, allowing his to engulf mine. They were odd, different than I would have expected. Gentle and kinda rough, but soft to the touch at the same time.
"Maya." He shook it lightly and I sighed in content. "Why did you stay?"
"You looked like you could use some silent company. So… why not? I planned on sitting back here anyways."
"But in complete silence?" I saw him shrug.
"Words aren't always necessary. It's nice to sit in silence every once in a while. Gives you the opportunity to really think. Open up to yourself in ways you never thought possible." I pursed my lips and nodded. "Or at least that's what my mom says. I just like it. Kinda just think about pizza and tacos majority of the time." I smiled a little, but he probably couldn't see it. Something in me told me he knew it was there, though. "What about you? What do you think about?"
"Nothing. For once, I let my mind draw blank. Give myself a chance to relax and be free of morals and humanity and what's right and wrong. I just sit and just...be." He was quiet for a while and thought he would disagree or think I'm insane. Girl sitting in the back of the school crying alone and not even thinking, but then he kinda laughed.
"Your idea is way better. Makes mine sound dumb." I just shrugged.
"There's no such thing. You look for simpler thoughts. I look for none. It's all the same. An escape either way."
"Well, hey, take my number and anytime you want to talk about those endless thoughts, you can. As I said, I don't think too much. I try not to dwell on anything." His hand reached over again, this time a cellphone was held in it. I took it and input my number and contact and gave him my phone to do the same, finding it very easy to do. Something about him just made me feel safer. He didn't even know me; didn't even know what I looked like, yet he still was being so nice. It was an interesting change of pace.
Everything seemed to move slower and too fast at the same time, the time seeming to have frozen, but still was gone too quickly and I just wanted to stay here forever in this moment, never worrying about anything again. I stood and pulled my hood from my head just as the bell rung and glanced down at him. Seth Clearwater. Now I remembered. I had seen him around a few times. And we had classes together in 9th grade. But he looked a lot different now. Puberty hit him hard, and in a good way. He was tall, I could tell that simply by how long his limbs were, legs almost touching the ground from where they dangled. His hair was longer, hanging down to his shoulders, and he had muscles that I don't think any junior should have. He seemed older. But there was still this childlike aura about him. It was nice.
He looked up at me and his dark eyes were wide, his form frozen. I turned away quickly, thinking it was because of my eyes. He thinks you're weird now. But no. There was something in the look. I turned back to him briefly as I headed for the door and the look had changed. I couldn't place it. Well, I could, but it didn't make much sense. It was almost like adoration. But that didn't make sense. Then everything was moving too fast for me to comprehend. I know the door had swung open, the familiar creak louder, and it should have hit me. But I never felt the impact. All I felt was warm.
I came back to reality, eyes shut probably as an instinct, then I realized I was being held in an iron grip. I opened my eyes and looked down at the arm securely wrapped around me then up at Seth, who was obviously the owner of the arm. He was staring down at me, lips parted slightly, then the corners turned up into a smile. There was that look still in his eyes, but they seemed kinda here but not here. Like he was dazed.
"Uh… hey, should I come back later or…" I snapped out of it and looked in front of me, seeing Camille standing there waiting, a smirk on her face but a confused look in her eyes. How did she find me? I tried to walk but couldn't, then remembered Seth's arm, then looked back up at him, his eyes still trained on me.
"You can let me go now." His eyebrows knitted together and he looked at his arm as if just noticing it was around me, then let go. I felt empty and cold as soon as it was gone. Pushing the thought out of my head, I hurried past Camille into the school and to my last class, ignoring her calling after me. I'd never hear the end of this. But maybe she'd think that was why I was late this morning and leave that alone.
I was floating through last period on cruise control. I was there, but not there. I couldn't stop thinking about the way he'd looked at me, like nothing else mattered. And I'm positive I wasn't so out of it that my brain had been moving in slow motion. He had moved to me almost instantly. Not to mention how safe I'd felt being there with him, even though he did nothing until the door incident. I smiled a little and looked up in shock as the bell rung overhead. That was fast.
"Maya Castillo, you have some explaining to do." I rolled my eyes as Camille walked into my classroom. Had she seriously been waiting outside the door for the bell to ring? We're talking about Camille, here. Right. That's exactly what she did. I don't have time for this. Normally I'd welcome the escape from home, but with the way my dad was this morning and earlier, I needed to get home as soon as possible, preferably before he did.
"Cami, I can't do this right now. I'll talk to you later, okay." I hurried out the room and to my locker, seeing Seth already waiting there. Wha… I approached quickly, wanting to hear what he had to say but also needing to get home ASAP. He turned to me, as if he'd felt my eyes on him, then smiled, his teeth as white as his clean white tee shirt. Is he happy to see me? Don't be stupid. He doesn't even know you. Right. But that look…
"Hey," he said as I reached my locker.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, sounding a lot harsher than I intended to. He didn't seem bothered in the least, smile still planted on his face.
"I want to show you something." I raised an eyebrow, packing my things into my back from my locker.
"You do realize you're a complete stranger, right?" He frowned a little, then smiled again.
"I know, but I'm hoping to change that." I furrowed my eyebrows, then relaxed. You have to get home. I know. But he just looked so hopeful...and happy. "It's nothing weird, I promise. Although I realize now how awkward and very creepy it is that I'm...here." I just stared up at him, hesitant. Then I nodded.
"Okay."
"Seriously?" he said, almost yelling and causing people to turn and look in question. I dropped my curls over my face as they did, keeping my head down as I closed my locker and sped out of the school, pulling my hood over my head. I was practically running but he kept up with me easily, long legs stretching out in front of him and keeping pace with my quick little steps. "Sorry. I got a bit excited there. I'll drive."
"Why?" I asked, glancing up at him.
"I mean, you're welcome to drive. I guess it doesn't matter who does."
"No, why did you get excited?"
"Oh." He shrugged, a small smile on his face. "I dunno." He looked down at me pointedly. "I just did I guess." He pointed, looking up briefly then his eyes met mine again. "This is me." I looked at the shiny black motorcycle in front of me and froze. I'd never ridden on one before, but I always have been interested. I smiled a little and I swear his face lit up more - which I didn't even know was possible - as soon as he saw my reaction. "Do you like it?"
"This is the coolest thing I've ever seen." He picked up one of the helmets and handed it to me.
"Safety first." I put it on quickly and watched as he climbed on, then slid on slowly myself, wrapping my arms securely around his waist. Is it normal for people to physically be this hot? Like, body temperature. Well, he is hot as far as look go, too. And is going to get you in loads of trouble if you do this. I imagined my dad's face and blinked it away as soon as it appeared. "You okay? Holding on a bit tight there." I hadn't even noticed my arms had tightened. I let go quickly, eyes wide. "I mean, not that I mind. But if you're scared, we can drive a car. Or you could ride up front." I shook my head. He sat there, as if waiting. "Maya?" My dad is going to kill me. "Maya?" But the way he says my name...And those pretty brown eyes and perfect lips, moving… I snapped out of my daze, focusing again. He'd gotten up and now crouched down beside me, a worried look on his face. "Are you sure about this? I could just take you h-"
"NO!" His eyes widened and I shook my head, opening my mouth and trying to force the words out. "No. I'm fine."
"You sure? You look scared." I nodded, looking away. "If you're scared, it's cool. I don't want you to feel like you have to or anything."
"I'm fine." He hesitated and I gave him a look, trying to reassure him. "Positive." He stood, taking the heat away momentarily before climbing back in front of me. He started up the bike, kicking the stand back, then glanced back expectantly. I wrapped my arms around his waist again, not too tight this time, and he took off, speeding through the parking lot just in time. I saw the all too familiar old black Ford pickup pulling up to the school and turned my head, quickly tucking my curls into my jacket. I doubt he saw me, but you could never be too sure. We drove for a while, it was almost too fast for me to really take in the scenery, but it was still the coolest thing I've ever experienced. I couldn't stop myself from beaming. This is amazing. I hope it's worth it. "How did you find this?" He smiled and looked out too, shrugging.
"I was just out patrolling...walking through and came across it. It's my favorite place to come and think and get away from everything. Better than the back of the school with the faint smell of rancid fruit and garbage juice from the dumpsters." I laughed, nodding in agreement. "I figured you'd like it. To come here and not think. It's kinda perfect for that, don't you think?" I didn't respond. Why was he worried about finding a place for me not to think? You'll never be able to come back here. But he doesn't need to know that. And I'll enjoy this while it lasts. I sat down in the grass and stared up at the sky. He said nothing else, then just plopped down beside me, lying back and stretching his long form out, arms resting behind his head. "How did you get your name?" I turned to him and he was already staring up at me expectantly, a small smile on his face. Is it normal to always look this happy?
"Ever wondered how you got yours?" He thought a minute then shook his head
"Not really. Seth is a pretty generic name. There are lots of Seths. I honestly think my mom named me after Seth Meyers, but I never thought to ask."
"I never really got around to asking my mom."
"You should ask her. I'm positive there's a whole story behind it." I blinked then looked away. He doesn't know, Maya. He doesn't need to know, Maya.
"I haven't seen my mom since I was 5," I blurted out, feeling my chest release some of the tension that had been compressed in it. He was silent for so long, I had to look and make sure he heard me. He'd still been watching me. It's because of your eyes. I closed them and looked away. I had noticed he always looked me directly in my eyes when I spoke or when he spoke.
"Where is she?" I shrugged. "Why do you hide your face once you realize I'm looking at you?" I shook my head and he sat up, looking down at me now, looking a lot more serious than the usual happy go lucky attitude he had. "Do I make you uncomfortable?" I laughed and shook my head. I wanted to tell him I felt safer with him than I've ever felt in my entire life, basically, but decided against it.
"No. I just...my eyes." I glanced at him and he furrowed his thick eyebrows, genuinely confused. Maybe he didn't notice.
"What about them?" I gave a frustrated breath and looked at him pointedly. He still seemed confused.
"They're 2 different colors, Seth. One hazel, one blue." He still looked as if I was speaking a foreign language. I sighed, annoyed. "You can't tell me you don't see it."
"I see them. What I don't see is the problem. They're beautiful," he said, face too serious. Why did he have to talk like that? I huffed, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them before resting my chin on them. I thought for a second, the way he looked at me earlier. The way he was looking at me now.
"Why do you look at me like that?"
"You...interest me. I like you."
"You just met me."
"Not really. I've seen you around. And we've had classes together before."
"Yeah in like 9th grade. I'm completely different than I was back then."
"I mean, we just met and you rode here with me." I stared at him then nodded.
"Touche." I didn't need to get into why; didn't need to tell him that he was my escape. My solitude. My peace, if only for the moment.
"Why did you agree to come with me?"
"I don't know. I don't really have much to fear from you, so why not," I said with a shrug, turning back around and lying back in the grass, staring up at the sky.
"You're not scared of me?"
"No. Should I be?" He shook his head. "There's not much that could scare me these days. I've seen a lot." He watched me a while, probably waiting for me to explain, but when I offered nothing further, he laid back alongside me. We sat there for what felt like forever and only a few short moments at the same time, but by the time I sat up, it was pitch black out, the moon shining down over the field, but it was only a quarter moon, so there wasn't much light. I checked my phone, seeing there were 14 missed calls from Camille and 1 from my father. The 1 was what scared me. One voicemail from Camille. I listened to it.
"Hey, Maya, where are you? Your dad is here looking for you and he's like storming around the school. He looks pretty pissed. You better not be with Seth. Call me." I deleted the message, trying to push out the sound of fear in her voice and glancing at the time on my phone. 10:43. Seth was already watching me when I looked over, something I guess was common for him.
"Everything okay?" he asked, an odd look on his face, like he knew something was up. I nodded, quickly standing and heading for the trees.
"I need to go home." I didn't turn to see if he was following, I just knew he was. I didn't want to see the look he was probably giving me. The one silently asking for an explanation; the one that'd make me give an explanation. All of it. Eventually he ended up in front of me, leading the way a lot easier than I had, and took me home as fast as he could, but it still didn't seem fast enough. "Right here is good," I called over the noise and he slowed to a stop. We were a little ways away, but I didn't want my dad to see Seth. The trees should block us enough.
"I can take you to your door, Maya." I shook my head, climbing off the bike and quickly snatching the helmet from my head.
"It's fine. I'll be fine." I looked through the trees, seeing the old black pickup. Oh god. You knew this was coming. I did. "Thanks for that. It was nice." He gave a small smile, which was genuine, but his eyes were still curious and seemed a bit worried. Please don't ask me anything else. Please let me go.
"No problem. And, hey, if you wanna-" I was rushing away already.
"Just text it to me," I whispered loudly, trying to not draw attention to us. I took out my keys as I walked up the steps, glancing anxiously at the windows to see if he was watching already. Had he seen Seth? He's going to kill you. I opened the door and it was pitch black inside. And too quiet. My heart was racing in my chest, but I shut the door anyways, not wanting Seth to see what was about to happen, since I'm positive he was still there. I stepped in a bit more, hesitant but ready to get this over with. Hands grabbed me immediately and I screamed, whipping around and clawing in front of me, fighting with everything I had. He isn't fighting back. Why isn't he fighting back? A voice registered to me and I came back to reality, seeing my step sister staring at me in shock. Hillary?
"Dude, it's me!" I froze, backing up a little.
"Hillary?" I said, echoing my thoughts. What the hell was she doing here?
"Yes! Jeez, Maya, what's your problem? It was just a joke."
"Where is dad?"
"He left for his fishing trip earlier. He'll be back tomorrow night. Are you okay?" I nodded and walked towards the steps.
"Just tired. I'm going to bed. Good night." I knew she was probably watching me in confusion, but I didn't feel like making up stories right now. There was a frantic knock on the door and I froze.
"Maya? Are you okay?" Shit. Seth. I looked at Hillary and she raised an eyebrow. "Maya?" Hillary opened the door and I cursed under my breath. Seth stood there, eyes wide and frantically searching the room until they rested on me. Without warning, I was scooped up and he was looking and touching everywhere like I was a kid that fell and hurt themselves. What the hell?
"Seth, hey, I'm fine. What are you doing?" He stopped, probably realizing how weird this all was, and stepped back a little.
"I heard you scream. Are you okay?" He heard me? I didn't think I had been that loud.
"Yeah, I'm fine. My sister just scared me." He then turned to Hillary, who waved, a small smirk on her face. Oh gosh.
"Hi, I'm Hillary. Maya's step sister. And...you are?"
"Seth. I'm a...uh...friend of Maya's." She raised an eyebrow, her smile widening.
"Really? Well, it's nice to meet you. Would you like to stay over a bit? I was just about heat up a plate. I cooked dinner, but Maya came home later than usual. I'm sure you're the reason why."
"Yeah, sorry. I didn't know she had plans-"
"Seth actually has to go. Right Seth? School tomorrow?"
"Nonsense. Stay a bit. Just for an hour. Nothing too late." I shook my head, but I knew I would lose this battle. He's going to find out about this. I cleared my throat, shaking my head again. For once, I was going to listen to that voice.
"Hillary, you know how dad is about people in the house."
"Yeah, but dad is gone. Therefore, we're free to do as we please."
"No." My voice had been harder than I thought it would be, the fear in it more than obvious, but it worked. Hillary looked at me, her smile gone, actually paying attention to me now. I glanced at Seth and noticed he'd been staring at the fresh hole in the wall. I closed my eyes, the image of the scene playing. The hole was centimeters from where my head had been when my dad had punched it, pieces of plaster hitting my face and sprinkling my clothes. I blinked it away and focused on Seth, who had turned to me now. "Seth, please go." And without a word, he walked out the front door. I heard the motorcycle start up almost seconds later, way shorter time period than I remember walking, then looked at Hillary before turning and going upstairs. I shut and locked my bedroom door before pressing my back against it and sliding down to the floor, having every intention of staying there.
Ok, so RR, let me know how you guys like it. Any feedback is welcome.