Title; How it happened
Author; JxIHarkness-Jones
Disclaimer; Not mine! Joss Whedons! Humph =/
Spike stepped into the Summers' house and was jumped by an armful of brunette.
"Lil-Bit, I'm dead but I still participate in the breathing part of living." Dawn pulled away, smiling.
"Sorry, Buffy said that if you need her she'll be upstairs."
"Not her I'm looking for Dawnie. Where's.."
"Kitchen." Spike nodded and walked into said room, watching as his lover moved around the kitchen. He stepped up behind his lover and wrapped his arms around the warm body.
"Mmm Spike."
"Hey Xan." The man pushed back into Spike's chest, burrowing deeper into the blonde vampire's arms. Xander titled his head so it was resting against Spike's right shoulder.
"I'm scared Spike." The worry was obvious in the brunette's voice.
"Of what pet?" Xander turned in Spike's arms to look him in the face.
"That we're not gonna make it out of this." Spike cradled Xanders head in his hands and pressed it to his chest.
"Xander we are going to be fine. Then when this is all over we're gonna go somewhere, the whole gang, and just relax. No demons, no vampires, present company excluded of course." Xander nodded and lifted his head, looking into the vampire's eyes. He leant forward and brushed his lips of Spike's. The vampire cupped Xanders cheek, deepening the kiss and pressing the younger man back against the kitchen side as he clutched onto the back of Spike's duster. Xander pulled away and threw his head back, exposing his throat, allowing Spike to lick, suck and kiss his way to Xanders collarbone and back up to his pulse point. As his hands made their way down Xanders chest, unbuttoning his shirt, Spike sucked on Xanders pulse hard enough to leave a deep purple bruise that would be blatantly obvious in the morning. Spike ran his hands over the carpenter's tanned chest, savouring the heat. Xander lifted his hands from spike's waist and grasped his hair, pulling the vampire from his neck. The look in Xanders eyes was enough to tell Spike what he wanted.
"Are you sure pet? It could make you weak." Xander ground his hips into the blonde's.
Xander pushed Spike's duster off his shoulders onto the floor and pulled his tight red t-shirt over his head, latching his mouth onto the vampire's neck as soon as there was no material in the way. Spike pulled back one last time, his now amber eyes meeting Xanders chocolate ones. The brunette nodded.
"Please." The trust in Xanders voice was phenomenal and Spike leaned down to kiss him one last time before sinking his fangs into the young man's neck. The crimson liquid flooded into his mouth and the exquisite taste had Spike needing to force himself away, licking the puncture marks closed, before he drained him too much and had to turn him. He lifted his right wrist and bit into it, placing it over Xanders mouth. The younger man wasted no time in latching onto the wrist and sucking. Spike growled as Xander clutched at his arm, which Spike soon pulled away leaving Xander panting. As he looked down at the man beneath him Spike knew, this is what he was in this fight for. He pulled Xander up and moved them both to the back door. As Xander stood looking at the stars Spike pulled his family ring off his finger.
"Xan, I want you to take this. It's my promise, that when we get through this, we will do anything to be together as much as humanly possible. Hell I'll even marry you pet. Yeah, that's what this is. Xander Harris, when all this is over, will you, for lack of a better word, marry me?" Xander nodded and smiled as Spike slid the ring onto his left hand.
Later that night, as Spike held Xander, he turned to the vampire.
"Spike?"
"Yeah Xan?"
"I love you."
"I love you too – now get some sleep. Big day tomorrow." Xander nodded and snuggled into Spike's arms, truly believing that they were going to make it through this.
The Battle
As they made their way into Sunnydale High School, Xander caught hold of Spike's hand, who squeezed his gently. Xander, Spike and Faith moved all the potential-turned-slayers to the basement and watched as they all lined up around the seal. Spike moved to take his space to the right of Amanda when Xander pulled him back into a kiss. As he pulled away a tear slipped down his cheek. Spike kissed the tear off his cheek and rested their foreheads together.
"I love you Spike."
"I love you too. Be careful."Spike caught hold of Xander's left hand and twisted the ring around on his finger. Xander pressed a gentle kiss to Spike's lips before making his way back upstairs just in time to see Willow send Kennedy to set up in the principal's office. Xander wiped his eyes before moving to stand between Buffy and Giles, he watched as everyone moved to their positions, and watched Dawn move away. As Buffy, Willow, Giles and Xander bickered about what they were going to do the next day the other three could tell that Xander's head wasn't in it, that it was down in the basement where Spike was.
Throughout the battle Xander told himself, that he had to get through this to see Spike again. Just as he was about to decapitate an über-vamp, all the surrounding ones were dusted. Before they had time to try and comprehend what had happened, three uninjured potentials pushed them towards the entrance of the school. As they were crossing the courtyard, Xander keeled over, clutching his chest, Faith pulled him to his feet and carried him to the bus. As they started up Xander screamed, sobbing. Down in the seal Spike stood, the energy from the amulet slowly killing him, silently, as tears streamed down his cheeks, knowing that he was never going to see Xander again.
Xander's breathing slowed as they pulled further away from the high-school. Once he was able to fully control his body, he joined Dawn at the back of the bus to look for their missing family, Buffy and Spike. As they looked, there was a crash on the roof of the bus and both of their heads shot up, hope obvious in both of their eyes, Xander the one to notice that there was only one bang. Once they were clear and the bus had stopped, Buffy pulled herself of the roof, landing feet first on the ground. Dawn threw herself out of the bus at her sister. As more people joined her no-one noticed that Xander wasn't with them until Willow spoke up.
"What happened?"
"Spike." Buffy's voice shot through Xander's body. Xander's sobs suddenly became audible as he broke down, leaning against the back of the bus. Giles caught him as his knees gave out and held him as he cried. As Buffy made her way over Xander whimpered and pulled away, Buffy looking at him curiously. Xander started whispering to himself.
"Spike was never meant to be there, it was Angel's amulet, he said it himself, he was meant to wear it, so why did Spike have it?" Buffy interrupted his musings.
"I gave it to him." Xander's head shot up fire blazing in his eyes
"Why?"
"Because I.. I.. I didn't want Angel wearing it. It was too risky."
"But it's okay to give it to my boyfriend, to my fiancé, because he doesn't matter. Are you kidding me?"
"Xander..."
"No! This is your fault, Spike was never meant to wear that stupid thing. And he was, all because you couldn't bear to risk your precious Angel."
"Don't you dare act like I did anything wrong in protecting him. People need him. He doesn't deserve to die!"
"WHAT AND SPIKE DID? Don't you DARE say that you did this for anything other than thinking about yourself. Spike is just as important as Angel, people need him just as much as they need Angel."
"Like who Xander? Who really needs Spike?" Xander looked up at Buffy his eyes blazing
"What aside from the obvious..."
"I do." Buffy and Xander both looked at Dawn
"What?" Buffy said
"Spike was my big brother, for all intents and purposes. I needed him. He promised me, that he wouldn't let anything happen to me, that he would always protect me, that..."
"If you ever needed him he'd be there." Xander finished for her "I know the feeling Dawnie." Buffy walked away from Xander as Dawn wrapped her arms around Xander.
That night, after finding a hotel the gang could stay in, Xander and Dawn lay together, Dawn's head on his chest, as they cried, sobbing for their fiancé and pseudo-older brother.
A year later – Rome, Italy
Buffy, Willow, Dawn and Xander stood in the kitchen of their apartment, watching as the potentials-turned-slayers settled down for the night. After hundreds of arguments over the past year, Buffy and Xander had finally made peace, Xander understanding that she protected Angel because she loved him and he admitted that he would've done the same if it had been Spike in Angel's position. Dawn had been unusually quiet, until she piped up with a suggestion.
"Hey, who fancies a trip to LA? We can check out if Angel's new law firm is really as changed as he says, and we can see if we can catch up with Andrew whilst he's there, you know, make sure he hasn't been eaten or anything?" Willow looked nervously over at Xander. No matter how many times he had insisted he harboured no ill-feeling towards the vampire, he still tensed up every time he heard Angel's name. Eventually they all agreed that the four of them would make a trip to LA to visit Wolfram and Hart.
A couple of hours after they left Andrew appeared in the Summers house, obviously back from LA. He sprinted upstairs.
"Xander, XANDER!" Kennedy rushed into the room
"Kennedy, where's Xander?"
"He's gone with Buffy, why?"
"And where's Buffy?"
"LA." Andrew's eyes widened.
"Right, please, please, PLEASE tell me they have not gone to visit Angel."
"Okay, I would but I would be lying. Andrew what's the deal?"
"Spike's not dead."
"WHAT!" The disbelief in Kennedy's voice was obvious
"The amulet he was wearing when he died somehow brought him back to life."
"Oh my god, Xander. How long has Spike been alive for?" Andrew's eyes shifted to the ground and he turned uncomfortable.
"Andrew?"
"About 8 months."
"WHAT? And he didn't let Xander know? Oh this is not going to end well."
LA
Buffy, Xander, Willow and Dawn walked into the main lobby of Wolfram and Hart. Xander whistled.
"Whoa, definitely a step-up from the mansion in Sunnydale."
"I'm glad you think so Willow." Buffy smiled and ran to Angel, throwing her arms around his shoulders, her being the only one to miss the uncomfortable look on his face. As she pulled away she saw Wesley, Gunn, Lorne and Fred move down the steps behind him.
"Hey Angel." Dawn hugged him quickly, followed by Willow, whilst Xander stood and watched.
"Buffy." Wesley nodded his head in greeting
"Wesley. Angel your office?" He nodded towards his office and she made her way there, Willow and Dawn followed. As Xander walked at a slower place behind them he noticed Wesley lace his fingers into Angel's. He raised his eye-brows at the ex-watcher who just smiled, pressing a quick kiss to Angel's cheek, and released Angel, moving into the office, the rest of the gang following behind. Xander moved into the office and sat next to Dawn. As the conversation progressed Angel grew steadily quieter, as he sat, watching Wesley intensely as he contemplated how to tell Buffy he was dating the younger man. As he became more and more agitated, he felt Wesley slip his hand into the Angel's under the desk, calming the vampire. He turned to Xander.
"Isn't that Spike's ring? Wasn't it his mother's?" Dawn caught hold of Xander's hand as tears gathered in his eyes at his ex-fiancé's name. Xander nodded gently.
"Yeah, we were engaged when he died. He gave me this as a sort of engagement ring, I never take it off." Once he had finished speaking he looked around to see Fred almost in tears, and the rest of the LA team looking guilty.
"Guys what is it?" Angel shook his head, and Wesley knew it was down to him.
" Xander, Spike..." He was cut off by Harmony's voice outside
"Seriously, Blondie I wouldn't go in there." The office doors burst open, and Spike strode through the doors, completely missing the 4 from Sunnydale.
"Listen Boss-man, you sent me after a demon, that I get, but THAT demon, it could have killed me!"
"Spike."
"I mean come on.."
"Spike!"
"I almost DIED!"
"SPIKE!"
"What!"
"We have visitors." Spike span round, taking in the face of the four visitors, his gaze coming to rest on Xander's face, his eyes widening.
"Xander..."
"No, no you can't. You...you can't be...you...you just can't." Spike moved to make his way over to the younger man, when Dawn stood up in front of him. Spike was too busy watching Xander to see the fist coming to connect with his face. When it did he certainly felt it.
"What the...?" Dawn threw herself at Spike, burying her face into his chest as she cried. Xander looked up into the blue eyes he so fell in love with, and stood up.
"I just...I just can't do this...I just...can't." Xander ran from the room, and round into the corridors, going as deep into the building as possible. Spike watched him go, looking torn between complete joy at seeing his lover again and despair at the knowledge of how much he had hurt the younger man. As he moved to follow, Willow moved to stand in front of him, the magic she was obviously refraining from killing him pooling in her eyes.
"I REALLY wouldn't Spike, you go near him now and he will kill you." Spike moved and collapsed into one of the chairs at the table, burying his face into his hands. The Wolfram and Hart team couldn't believe their ears as they heard quiet sobs coming from the normally sarcastic, non-feeling vampire. Spike pulled himself together and stood up. Over the next few hours the entire team waited for Xander to appear, which he eventually did. He moved quietly over to Dawn in the main lobby, and stood behind her, whispering to her, quiet enough so that Spike and Angel couldn't hear them. She nodded and turned to Willow and Buffy, telling them what Xander had just told her. The two older women nodded and made their way to the lift. Xander stopped as he reached the lift and turned to face the blonde vampire. Everyone in the office stopped and watched, they all now knew about the situation.
"How long?" Spike made to speak but Xander interrupted him. "Honestly, don't lie to me Spike please."
"Just under 8 months." Xander nodded, tears sparkling in his eyes. He moved to stand in front of Spike catching hold of his hand. He slipped the ring off of his left ring finger where it had lived since Spike had 'died', pressing it into Spike's hand, closing the vampire's fingers around it.
"What are you...?"
"I don't want it Spike. Any of it." He pressed a gentle kiss to Spike's lips before he turned to walk into the lift, facing away from the LA gang. Even without being able to see him, Spike and Angel both knew Xander was crying, they could taste the salt in the air and hear his quiet sobs.
Xander was silent throughout the entire journey. It wasn't until the flight back, when he curled up against Dawn and cried, completely, letting his emotions go. Dawn listened to him and cried silently for him, cursing Spike for hurting him, but not really being able to hate the blonde vampire, she had missed him. Xander soon fell asleep and rolled over, curling into the wall of the plane. She sighed and turned to Willow and Buffy, to see them both in tears.
Back in Rome
Over the next few days, Xander retreated into himself even more than he had after Spike died. The only person he would speak to was Dawn and had forbidden the others of speaking about what had happened in LA around him. Buffy, Willow, Dawn and even Giles could see that they weren't going to be able to fix this. Over the course of the next week they didn't have much time to try and integrate Xander back into the group due to the large number of potentials they located. However, after they had a lull long enough for them to decide to let Xander work through it at his own pace. That was all fine until they got a call from Angel in LA saying that they had a major issue and needed their help, Xander had refused to stay in Italy, insisting that he would be fine.
LA
As the entire Scooby gang, potentials and all, entered the Wolfram and Hart offices, Angel's gang was there to meet them. Xander purposely ignored Spike whilst the latter tried to make eye contact. Once they had been filled in on the big bad that was terrorising LA, each of their specified groups moved to their tasks. As Xander was about to leave with Wesley and Giles, Spike stopped everyone.
"Xander, can I have a word?"
"No." He tried to keep moving but was again stopped by Spike who had caught hold of his arm and span him round, stopping him with a hand on his neck, over the puncture wounds the blonde had given him the night before he died. He ran his fingers lightly over the two marks and Xander sighed gently.
"Please?" Xander nodded and moved out of Angel's office.
"What do you want Spike?"
"You."
"It's too late for that... You didn't want me 8 months ago so why would you want me now?"
"Because I love you." Xander scoffed and started pacing up and down outside the room.
"They why didn't you come and find me? Why did you let me think you were dead for 8 months Spike?"
"Because I was scared."
"Scared? Of what?"
"I didn't know if you were alive, if you had made it out of that fight alive. I didn't want to find Buffy and discover that you had died pet. At least if I stayed here I could tell myself that you were okay, you were happy, without actually knowing. If you had died I wouldn't have known." Spike's eyes shone and Xander's cold mask began to crumble. He shook his head, he couldn't let Spike hurt him again.
"It's too late Spike, I've needed you so much in the past year, and you didn't care enough to come and find out. That means this conversation is over, any conversation between us is over." Xander stormed back into Angel's office, Spike following close behind.
"You can't be serious Xander, I know that you still love me." By this time everyone stood in the office could see and hear what was happening.
"Yeah, Spike, I love you, I do, but I can't trust you."
"Wait, what did you just say?" Confusion spread across Xander's face
"I can't trust you."
"No before that..."
"Oh... well yeah... I do love you, but that doesn't change anything."
"It changes everything." Spike threw himself at Xander, pinning the younger man against the wall and kissed him. Xander's brain didn't even acknowledge that he was meant to be angry at Spike, all he knew was the vampire's overwhelming scent and those oh-so-familiar lips against his own. Xander clutched onto Spike's coat as he kissed him, one arm at his waist and one in his blonde hair. Angel had ushered everyone out of his office by then and was already sending groups off to their jobs. Spike dropped kissed down Xander's neck and latched on, sucking, leaving a deep purple bruise. Xander arched into the vampire's touch and ground into his hips. Spike pinned Xander's hips into the wall with his own and started drawing the climax out of the younger man. It only took a couple of minutes before Spike and Xander came, panting, leaning on each other and the wall for support.
"I am so sorry, Xan. I was just so scared that something had happened to you and that I wouldn't have been able to handle."Xander nodded gently.
"It's ok. It's done now, what's the point in wasting a second chance, together? Unless you don't want to be together, which I'd totally get I mean look at me..." Spike cut him off with a final kiss.
"I love you, I don't want anyone else, and I never will." Spike stood shakily, and pulled Xander towards the changing rooms in the building. He handed the younger man a pair of his own plain black jeans. He loved how Xander looked in his clothes and he decided to make the most of it. Mind you, he loved how Xander looked in general and he was never going to get tired of that. As they met up with the rest of the gang that had stayed behind, hand in hand, they learned that Angel had told Buffy about him and Wesley and the two men were now making out in a corner, and that Dawn had admitted that she and Andrew were together. All in all, they'd missed a lot. Spike watched Xander talk to Dawn and refused to relinquish his grip on the human's left hand. Spike smiled gently, which widened when an idea came to him. He pulled Xander out into the middle of the lobby, up to the start of the steps where everyone could see them. He spun Xander round so they were facing each other, kissing him gently and bending down in front of him.
"Alexander Harris, will you, when we get the chance, marry me, become my husband and live happily ever after? Well as much as you can with a 150 year old vampire." Xander chuckled.
"Yes, I will. I love you so much." Spike slid his mother's ring onto Xander's left ring finger and kissed him, deeply and passionately. As he pulled away and rested their foreheads together Spike and Xander both knew that this time, they weren't going anywhere.