His footsteps echoed throughout the realm of the dead, his lifeless eyes gazing on nothing particular, he was just staring at the grounds he walked upon. Loneliness he felt as he wandered, alone and dead. It was that single fact that constantly stayed in his head. His once red eyes, he thought, would be the cause of his death. Not his own ex-moirail. As he passed areas upon areas, recognizing barely anything and only gazing at one or two places, his hatred settled towards Gamzee.
His eyes brimmed with tears as he was responsible, responsible for his own death and most probably the others as well. Even if Gamzee wasn't responsible, he was the decider of fate. He had two options on the meteor, to either be his moirail and supposedly prevent such terrible deaths occurring or to kill Gamzee, meaning the outcome would be different. He chose to follow neither; breaking up with Gamzee in an act he thought was selfish.
Either outcome would mean more trolls would be alive and he wished he chose the latter, killing Gamzee so Terezi would also be less dependant on faygo and more like her energetic, usual self. His mind was so deep in thought that he didn't register the rock directly in front of him until he stumbled over it, smashing into the ground with a rather painful impact. Feeling weak and helpless, his eyes leaked tears of sorrow as he lay there, completely still and feeling mentally broken. It may have been a few minutes until he was interrupted by a gentle cough, but it felt like hours. Alerted to the presence of someone, he attempted to wipe the tears from his face before grumbling in feigned annoyance and glancing around.
Uncertainty of who it was ruled him but he didn't believe for a second that any would actively looked for him, not only making him unable to know who it was in a split second but also making him blame it on coincidence that someone had come across him. A single grey hand was outstretched as an offering, an invitation to stand up. Kanaya gave him a platonic, pitying glance. It was as unexpected as it was obvious that it would be Kanaya, anyone else would be unable to talk, warning him of their existence long before he was approached. However, her presence only worsened his state, recognition that she was also dead shocking him as he sunk further into sorrow, disbelief ruling over him.
"K-KANAYA?" His voice was shaking, as were his hands. How could she be dead? His stutter was a dead give away to the fact he was not only upset but that he could not keep up his façade for much longer. Cracks had already begun appearing in his mask, long before he died. Not only had those cracks begun but as he linked the pieces together, his heart sunk further as realization that she was dead. It was his fault that everything happened. Both had rushed at Gamzee in a blinded outrage, the outcome was obvious. Those pessimistic thoughts though were somewhat out of place; even Karkat knew that fate would never let her die so simply.
"DID GAMZEE K-KILL YOU TOO?" Pushing his voice louder to drown out his worrying, concerned tone he asked her the question that he dreaded less than the answer to it. If she nodded or affirmed his pessimism in any way then 'I would have flipped my shit, murdered the good for nothing clown in every time line and tortured every dead version of him and his STUPID FUCKING CODPIECE!' Karkat's thoughts made him seethe with an unbearable rage, not at Gamzee himself but more at his own inability to do anything accompanied by an unsettling feeling of guilt.
She gave him a small smile that turned into a slight smirk. "I Finally Got My Wish, The Clown Is Dead. Also, In Half. My Apologies. Also I Did Not Die By His Hand." Karkat perked up, giving her a fleeting smile. He knew something was out of place, Kanaya wouldn't dare lose to Gamzee, even if she had to resurrect herself as an imp she would still get revenge. She was, in his opinion, a far stronger person he could ever be. Yet if she died then there was a greater force killing people. "SO... IS EVERYONE ELSE..." He trailed off, finding it hard to say that word. Yet he still needed to say it.
"... Dead?" His voice cracked slightly as she looked solemnly at him. She wanted to refrain from saying the truth and lying would make him depressed when he found out. Karkat would most likely bear the burden and guilt, taking their deaths upon his shoulders and carrying that load alone. However this was not his fault and she would not stand by and let him falter and break, regardless of being dead or alive. "Karkat, look at me." She said in a kind, motherly tone as he glanced upwards.
He was indeed, afraid to know her answer and by simply looking in to her eyes, despite how dead they may seem. The truth was present in her eyes and it shook him, everyone was dead. His hands were uncontrollably shaking so he pinned them to his sides, tears brimming until he could no longer hide his sadness, to which he wiped his eyes and hid them by the sleeve of his shirt. To hide the tears that dared to show his blood colour. Not that it mattered any more, but it still made him a mutated freak. Kanaya was speechless, opening her mouth before closing it; realizing words were too harsh to say regardless of sincerity.
Instead she did what she could for him, placing her right hand on his cheek, which was burning to the touch, she said the one fact and truth that didn't hurt as much. The truth that would not break him like all other words would. "It Is Not Your Fault Karkat." She knew this phrase would be an outlet for his self hatred but to step onto the road of recovery, you must first let out everything and admit the truth. "BUT I COULD HAVE STOPPED THIS! OR AT LEAST STOPPED GAMZEE! I COULD'VE KILLED HIM ON THE METEOR OR STAYED AS HIS MOIRAIL, THAT WAY HE WOULDN'T WANDER OFF WITH HIS CODPIECE AND FUCK EVERYTHING UP!"
His breathing became erratic as his emotions overflowed. Even Kanaya's reassurance wasn't entirely helpful yet it let him offload his emotions. She knew that, so she continued to listen to him profanities and rambling, listening as Karkat's voice decreased to whispers. "I Just-Just! Couldn't save everyone! I'm pathetic, my mutant blood proves I deserve a terrible fate, not everyone else!" The tears that had once brimmed his eyes were flowing like a river. Kanaya just stared at him, a realization settling in.
How long had he felt like this? How long had he been keeping all his emotions bottled up inside of him? Gamzee was supposed to be his moirail, it was not meant to be so... one-sided. He did not have a single quadrant filled, meaning he had not a single troll or human to turn to. She felt his tears soak into the grey skin of her hands as it still rested against his face. She was also surprised, it was inevitable that his blood color would be eventually revealed but she didn't think it would be like this. Not like this at all. Not because he was alone and crying. It was painful to look at her leader in such heart-wrenching despair.
Karkat stood there, his head bowing slightly as his gaze fixated on the floor, cherry tinged tears flowing as if he was a broken doll. All those sweeps he had spent hiding from his friends, hiding from those that would cull him, all for naught. Worse of all, he couldn't save his friends, no matter how hard he tried. That. That was what had finally tipped him over the edge. He slumped towards the floor, now hanging on to Kanaya's hand as if it were his lifeline. As if it was the cure to all the pain and agony that dwelled deep within him. That she was the only thing stopping him from drowning in his emotions. No, she was the only thing keeping him grounded.
To keep level with him, she crouched down to the floor and gently sat down before wrapping her arms firmly around his trembling frame. The dam to his tears had finally broke as his cries were much more audible and less restrained than before. The mask had been lifted and he was accepted as a mutant, as a failure, by Kanaya. Her maternal instincts activated as she whispered reassuring words into his ear, rubbing his back as he jolted with each sob. Though seconds turned to minutes, Karkat's sobs turning into small whimpers that were muffled, exhaustion had finally set in place.
She stayed there, hugging him despite the floor dirtying her dress. After all the sniffles and involuntary shudders stopped and Karkat was lulled into sleep, she began to wander whether it was the soothing hand running through his hair or the quite lullaby she hummed under her breath. She pondered whether it was just the presence and warmth of another person that made him feel wanted. Yet when these thoughts were present, it made her wonder. It made her feel guilty. Had she not paid less attention to her drunken girlfriend would she have noticed his growing depression and self-loathing? If only she realized sooner, even though it wasn't entirely her fault and she wasn't to be blamed, she could not help but blame it on herself. Instead of focusing on the past though, she realized that she was here for him now. That, was important.
Because now, she had an eternity to make it up to him.