I don't own any of this. I hope you enjoy.
Rory clung tightly to her father's waist, feeling a little ridiculous. She could feel the ends of her carefully curled hair whipping frantically in the wind where it had slipped out from under her father's extra helmet. A portion of her skirt was also billowing behind her, even though she was sure that she had securely tucked it under her thighs. She was worried that it would get caught in the back wheel of Christopher's Indian motorcycle. At any rate, she was sure that it would look a little worse for the wear by the time she reached her grandparents' house. She had barely suppressed an eye roll when her father had shown up on his big bike to take her to a semi-formal dinner at his parents' house. Apparently his need to rebel had only lessened slightly since he had fled to California after his graduation from Princeton.
She knew, intellectually, that she should be a lot more anxious about her upcoming meeting with Straub and Francine. However, after the tumultuous life she had been leading since the end of her freshman year at Yale, she was feeling numb. She couldn't muster the energy to care that she was supposed to make nice with the same people who, the last time she had seen them shortly after her sixteenth birthday, had basically told her she had been a mistake and everyone's life would have been better off without her. The dinner was just another uncomfortable society hoop, in a long line of uncomfortable society hoops, that she was forced to jump through to make sure that she wasn't disappointing anyone. It was exhausting, making sure that her Mother was happy, her Father was happy, her grandparents were happy…that she never let anyone see her doing anything that could be construed as falling outside the bounds of acceptable behavior. She just wanted to get this over with so she could go back to her dorm, change into her sweats and burrow under her comforter. She was even beyond movie marathon wallowing at this point.
The major stresses that had led her to this point had really started her freshman year at Yale. Being apart from her mother for the first time had illuminated how much she had relied on her. Lorelai was everything to her; her best friend, her confidant, her mother and father, and her guidepost. Without her, Rory had floundered socially. She had trouble making any close friends and she was appalled at how awkward she was around the opposite sex. She had never realized before how isolated she was. Instead of resenting Lorelai for never letting her develop her missing social skills, she fled to the safety of the familiar and spent as much time as she could in Stars Hollow. Academically, she had also struggled. Of course, her grades were stellar but she had been forced to drop a class during her second semester. The thought of failing to live up to everyone's expectations, on top of her crushing loneliness, had made it feel like all of the air was being sucked out of her chest.
All of the pressure had built up until she found herself having a full-blown panic attack in the arms of her very married, very ex-boyfriend, Dean. Dean had been the impetus of her next wave of problems. After providing her with comfort that she realized she probably shouldn't have sought from him, Dean had started following her around town, stealing private moments with her. It had all felt so familiar and so good to have him following her around, knowing that he thought she was perfect, that Rory hadn't discouraged Dean as much as she should have. The "Dean Situation", as she referred to it in her head, had culminated in Dean following Rory to her house during the test run of the Dragonfly Inn. Rory was still overcome with guilt every time she thought about what she was about to do when Lorelei had burst through the front door in a frantic ball of energy. She had been two thin layers of cotton away from losing her virginity to Dean and becoming the other woman.
Dean's mouth was hot and wet on Rory's left nipple as his hand scrambled at the waistband of her panties.
"Dean…Dean, please…" Rory whispered as her eyes fluttered closed. She placed her hand on his, trying to still it. She was trying desperately to think clearly through the cloud of lust that Dean was creating. She had been topless with Jess before, but he had never elicited this kind of feeling from her. Dean's tongue flicked over the peak of her nipple, causing her breath to hitch.
"Dean, I'm not sure we should…" she trailed off again as he bit down gently. Her body was flying and she wanted to let Dean pull of her panties down. She wanted to finally lose her virginity and figure out what the big secret was. She had been ready with Jess but he had left before she had gotten the chance to get that far. She had been ready pretty much for the past year but she had barely even been on a date, much less gotten to the point with someone where she would be comfortable enough to have sex.
Dean, though, was comfortable and familiar. She wanted desperately to give in to this. Two small points, however, where holding her back. One, she couldn't stop the image of Lindsay, Dean's wife, from flashing through her mind. Two, Rory felt like she had gone from standing across the room from Dean, fully dressed, to almost naked in two seconds flat. Everything was moving too fast and she felt completely out of control. She always imagined that Dean would be a gentle lover but his actions seemed frenzied and a little bit desperate.
"Rory…God, I've wanted you for so long," Dean moaned as he managed to inch Rory's panties a little lower on her hip. He pushed her toward the bed until she stumbled and flopped ungracefully onto the mattress. He placed a knee on the bed beside Rory and pushed her onto the mattress while crushing his mouth to hers in a bruising kiss.
Rory turned her head, "Dean, please. I think we need to slow down." Rory tried to push Dean's shoulder, but she wasn't strong enough to gain any leverage.
"No, Rory. I don't want to wait for you any more," he moved his mouth to Rory's neck. His left hand was securely holding her right shoulder to the bed as his right hand continued to try to pull Rory's panties down while Rory tried to stop his progress. Rory was starting to panic just a little. She was quickly losing any semblance of control over the situation and Rory did not do well when she felt out of control.
"What about Lindsay? You have a wife, Dean." Rory's voice was starting rise and her breath was getting shorter as she felt panic start to overwhelm her.
Hearing Rory's words, Dean pulled back sharply. Rory was shocked at the anger she saw in Dean's eyes.
"What did you think we were going to be doing here, Rory?" Dean asked sharply. "If you were so worried about Lindsay, you shouldn't have come to me when you needed help. Hell, you definitely shouldn't have let me in your bedroom."
Rory felt tears welling in her eyes as her panic kicked up a notch. She had only seen Dean mad a couple of times but she had never seen him with so much malice in his eyes, and definitely not directed towards her.
"I'm so fucking tired of your little act, Rory. I know you want this as much as I do. You've been all over me for the last couple of months and I'm just here to take what you've been trying to give me." Dean finally tired of his struggles with Rory's underwear so he grabbed a fist full of cotton and yanked. Rory gasped as she felt the fabric cut into her flesh and heard several stitches pop.
"Dean, please stop," Rory's voice had reached the register of a whine and tears were now falling down her face. Dean yanked once more and painfully ripped her remaining clothing away from her body.
"I'm giving up everything for you, Rory," Dean growled at her, his nose almost touching hers. "The least you can do is open your goddamn legs."
"Dean, no," Rory commanded as forcefully as she could. She began to scramble in earnest, trying to climb away from Dean and off the bed. Any arousal she had felt was now completely overtaken by panic and a strong desire to make this situation go away. She could no longer see in Dean the sweet boyfriend she had dated at sixteen, but only the man who was filled with anger and resentment about how his life had turned out and her part in it.
Just as Dean's hand clamped onto Rory's upper arm to push her more firmly into the bed, the front door of the house burst open and Lorelai's voice could be heard calling for Rory. Dean's head snapped up and he loosened his grip on Rory slightly. Rory used the advantage to forcefully push Dean off of her. She scrambled for her dress and pulled it over her head and pulled open her bedroom door, wiping tears off of her cheeks. She was so relieved to get away from Dean that it never crossed her mind that her mother would take one look at her appearance, coupled with Dean slinking out the back door, and go supernova over the situation.
Rory stood awkwardly in the kitchen, frozen in a staring contest with her mother. Dean silently exited through the back door buttoning his jeans and carrying his shirt. He carefully avoided making eye contact with Lorelai.
"Mom," Rory started uncertainly.
"Rory, what the hell are you thinking?" Lorelei cut her off. "Did you…did you just have sex with Dean?" She paused for a second before continuing without allowing Rory more than a chance to draw in a breath to speak.
"How could you be so stupid, Rory? How many times have I told you that sex is not something to enter into without serious thought? You and Dean aren't even dating!" Lorelai's hand gestures were becoming more emphatic and her voice had risen steadily in volume.
"He's married, Rory! What's the matter with you?" she continued relentlessly, ignoring the tears spilling down her daughter's cheeks.
"Mom," Rory practically shouted, trying to be heard over Lorelai's rant. "Dean and I did not sleep together!" Lorelai closed her eyes, thankful for Rory's denial, but not completely convinced.
"Then why was Dean half naked? Why do you have sex hair?" Lorelai continued in an accusing voice.
"I'm not going to lie, Mom. We were definitely heading that way, but I stopped it because he's married and I just couldn't do it." Rory left out how the encounter had really ended, unsure of how her Mother would react.
Lorelai's mouth was pressed into a thin line as she nodded her head once and stared at Rory.
"So, if he wasn't married, what? You would have just jumped into bed with him?" Lorelei demanded.
"So what if I would have, Mom?" Rory asked, a little defensive now. "What would have been so wrong with having sex with Dean if he weren't married?" She tried to wipe some of the tears from her face, hating that she was crying while her anger was starting to rise.
"You're not in a relationship with Dean! Even if you were, I think you're too young, too immature to be having sex! I'm not ready for you to have sex!" Rory could tell that the last part of her mother's rant had slipped out accidentally. Lorelai's reaction to the boys in Rory's life had always been negative and had always been over the top. Lorelai had always tried to weakly justify her reactions but it was starting to dawn on Rory that Lorelei's adamancy that Rory keep her distance from any boy she was dating had more to do with Lorelai's past than anything Rory or her boyfriends had done.
"I'm not sixteen anymore, Mom! I'm not going to stay a virgin forever!" Rory screamed. The residual effects of her panic were mixing with her anger at being attacked by her mother, making it impossible for her to speak rationally to Lorelai.
"You say you want me to talk to you about everything, to talk to you before I think I want to have sex, but you act like its this horrible thing every time I bring it up. What's so bad about sex? You love sex! You had me when you were sixteen so you were obviously having sex at some point prior to that! I'm nineteen! I want to grow up, already. What's wrong with that?" Rory finished her rant more quietly than she had begun. She loved her mother and desperately wanted her approval. She just didn't know how to deal with this particular facet of their relationship.
"Yes, Rory. I was obviously having sex at a very young age. But I made mistakes. I don't want that for you! I don't want you to ruin your life!" Lorelei shouted, emotion making her voice crack. As soon as she had uttered the words, Lorelai took a step back and put a hand over her mouth, shocked at what she had just said.
Rory broke eye contact with her mother and swallowed hard. "So, I'm a mistake? I ruined your life? Is that how you feel?" Rory asked quietly without ever looking back at Lorelai.
"Oh, honey, no," Lorelai whispered as she took a couple of steps forward and tried to reach out to touch Rory.
Rory stepped out of Lorelai's reach and finally lifted her head to glare at her mother, the hurt evident. She locked eyes with Lorelei for a second before she stepped back into her room and slammed the door. Lorelei heard the lock snap into place a moment later.
"Rory, honey, please. That's not what I meant. Please come out!" Lorelai desperately pleaded as she slapped the door with an open hand. "Please! You're the best thing in my life, you know I didn't mean that." She slipped to the floor as she listened to her daughter's gut wrenching sobs.
The next day the atmosphere between mother and daughter had been more than a little chilly. Lorelai desperately wanted to patch things up with Rory but she wanted even more to keep Rory away from making any life altering decisions with regard to Dean. She effectively shipped Rory off to Europe with Emily for the rest of the summer, ensuring that Rory would be far, far away from temptation until it was time to go back to Yale. The distance had made it more difficult for mother and daughter to go back to a normal relationship and, when Rory returned, things had still been strained. Rory couldn't help the hurt she felt at Lorelai's words and Lorelai was still angry that Rory seemed to be ignoring her warnings when it came to boys and sex. So, Rory had gone back for her second year at Yale missing the security of the one relationship she had always been able to count on.
While Rory was in Europe, she had been almost successful in blocking out what had happened with Dean. Her situation with Lorelai had been so much on her mind that she almost didn't think about Dean at all. She acknowledged that she had almost slept with him and she felt inordinately guilty about that fact. However, unable to reconcile her sweet, perfect first boyfriend with the angry, borderline violent man he had turned into, her memory had started to blur a little regarding the end of her encounter. She had begun to tell herself that she was sure that she had been mistaken about Dean's intentions. By the time she returned home from Europe she had convinced herself that everything with Dean was a misunderstanding that she could put behind her.
That fiction was shattered the first time she ran into Dean. He had informed her that he had left Lindsay so that they could be together. He had then yelled at her for ditching him and running away to Europe. She had, once again, been shocked by the level of rage he threw at her. She was also mortified that he had chosen to play out this confrontation in the middle of the town square. She had tried to walk away from him, as much to hide from her neighbors' curiosity as to end the confrontation. He had grabbed her arm and yanked her back to him. It had only taken him a second to realize that he had taken the confrontation too far. Rory had been so shocked by his revelations and his actions that she didn't even register how hard he had gripped her arm until she discovered the dark purple bruises blooming over her bicep.
She had hidden the bruises from Lorelai and played down the confrontation between she and Dean, sure that once she was firmly ensconced at Yale her problems with Dean would disappear. She was wrong. Dean had started showing up around campus at sporadic intervals. He didn't show up often and, thankfully, he didn't have access to her dorm but Rory still feared that he was going to jump out of the shadows at any moment. During their brief encounters, he had made it clear that he blamed Rory for the shit hole his life had become, for his divorce and for his financial problems. He also made it clear that the only way she could possibly make it up to him was to finish what she had started and be with him.
Sometimes she felt like she was going crazy because Dean hid himself so well and he never approached her while other people were around. If she needed witnesses, she doubted she would be able to find anyone who had actually seen them together. The only physical proof she had of his harassment was the bruises his grasping hands left on her when she accidentally let him get too close. She was dealing as best she could with the situation, living her life like Dean didn't exist, but there was always a niggling fear in the back of her mind that he would catch up with her one day when she wouldn't be able to run away. She had no idea how far Dean was willing to take his vendetta against her.
On top of the "Dean Situation", she had also been blindsided by her mother's relationship with Christopher. After Sherry had turned out to be pregnant, Rory was pretty sure that Christopher had used up all of his chances with Lorelai. He had played around with her heart and crushed her one too many times for Lorelai to ever take him back. Rory had once again been wrong. Even though Rory had maintained radio silence with her father, apparently Lorelai and Christopher had been in touch ever since Sherry had lost the baby and decided to break things off. Knowing how angry Rory was with her father, Lorelai and Christopher had kept their relationship relatively under wraps. They had decided to make their relationship public after Luke had tried to kiss Lorelai and she had had to explain to him that she was seeing someone else.
Chris and Lorelai had been dating for a little more than two years and Rory was just informed about it when she returned from Europe. She was furious with Christopher because, even though he had been on good terms with Lorelai, he had had almost no contact with Rory. She was also terrified that he was going to leave Lorelai like he had done so many times before and she would be the one left to pick up the pieces of Lorelai's heart. She didn't know if she was going to be up for the job this time since her relationship with Lorelai was so strained and she was dealing with the stress of the "Dean Situation" pretty much on her own. She had just been settling into the idea of her parents seriously dating when Christopher showed up on campus a week ago to drop another round of surprises on her.
Christopher had shown up at her door early on a Tuesday. She had opened the door expecting, hoping for someone else. She knew that she hadn't hidden her disappointment well.
"Hey, kiddo," Christopher smiled widely, bouncing a little with nerves. "Sorry for just showing up like this without any warning, but I was wondering if I could take you to breakfast?"
"I already ate," she looked down at her feet, avoiding Chris' hopeful eyes. Rory had been civil to her father since coming back to Europe but things were still a little chilly.
"Coffee then?"
Rory held up her travel mug, "I already have coffee." She paused awkwardly for a moment, not wanting to disappoint her father any more, but really needing to leave. "Dad, I actually have to go to class. So…um…"
"Right, right…you actually go to your early classes. That makes sense," he quickly agreed, looking a little sheepish. "I guess if I had gone to my early classes it wouldn't have taken my an extra year to graduate from Princeton."
Rory gave her dad a disbelieving look, "I really have to go, Dad." She refrained from rolling her eyes until she had stepped past him. It amazed her that he could casually refer to his irresponsible college days, completely ignoring that he had neglected almost all of his fatherly duties during that time.
Chris had caught up to her again that afternoon in between classes. It was freezing and she had no desire to hang out in the quad talking to her father. Still, she couldn't exactly run away from him either.
"Here, I got you some coffee," Christopher said, shoving a lukewarm cup into her hand. She took it, impatiently, along with the fistful of sugar and creamer that he dug out of his pocket. "I didn't know how you take it."
"Thanks, Dad, but I really have to get to class." Rory shifted her weight from foot to foot, looking past her father to her destination.
"Rory, please. I need to talk to you and I've been waiting out here in the freezing cold for an hour." His usually easygoing demeanor had taken on the slight edge of annoyance. "I know that I haven't been your favorite person lately, but I need you to get over that for a second."
"Fine, Dad. What do you need to tell me?"
Christopher took a deep, fortifying breath and looked into Rory's eyes, "Rory, your mom and I are getting married…we're engaged." He held his breath, waiting for Rory's response. Rory looked at her father for a stunned moment. She had heard him, but she was having trouble processing what he had said. Her mother and her father were getting married, about three years after she had completely given up hope that it would happen.
"What? When did this happen? Why didn't Mom call me?" Rory shot off quickly after she regained her voice. Tears sprang to her eyes at the realization that her mother had failed to share this momentous news with her but she stubbornly blinked them back.
Chris grabbed her arms and ducked his head so that he could look into her eyes. "Rory…don't be mad at your mom, ok? This is a good thing, your mom and me. This has been a long time coming and it's a good thing." Rory nodded her head, acknowledging what he had said. "I came to talk to you because Lorelai is making herself sick, worrying that you're not going to be ok with this. I need you to be ok with this and I need you to suck it up and be nice to your mom, ok?"
Rory nodded her head again, looking down and sniffing a little. "I know, Dad. I know it's a good thing. I just…I just wanted this for so long and I had kind of given up hope…I just…I'm sorry. Of course, I'm happy for you."
Christopher rested his forehead against hers, "Thanks, kid. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry that I couldn't make this happen any sooner. I'm sorry that I wasn't around more while you were growing up. I promise I'm going to do whatever I can to make this a good thing for you, ok?" Rory nodded her head again and Christopher drew her into a tight hug.
Christopher pulled back, still keeping a grip on Rory's arms. "Ok, kid. There's just one more thing I have to talk to you about." He waited until she was looking at him again. "I talked to my parents about marrying your mom and we all agreed that this is going to change the situation a little bit."
Rory quickly looked around to see if anyone was listening to them, remembering for the first time that the exact nature of her relationship with Christopher was not supposed to be public knowledge. For a second she thought she caught a glimpse of tousled blonde hair, but dismissed it when she couldn't spot it again. She looked back at her father uncertainly.
"What do you mean, change our situation? I thought that we were all very happy with the arrangement that they don't acknowledge me and I never have to talk to them again."
"Well, what am I supposed to do when Lorelai and I get married? Pretend that you're my step daughter?" Chris laughed a little. "That's not going to work, kid. And I don't want that. I'm tired of pretending like I don't have a daughter…of not being able to pal around with you, attend your graduation, help you move into your dorm. It sucks, kid."
"So, what? I'm all of a sudden supposed to start going by Hayden?" Rory asked, her agitation growing. "Am I supposed to act like we've always been one big happy family and Straub and Francine have been doting grandparents? I don't think that's going to work."
"Rory, I need you to calm down," Christopher chastised, glancing around to see if they were drawing attention. "Of course it's not going to be that easy. I don't know exactly how we're going to approach this, but Dad seems to have some ideas. Something about wanting to keep you out of the public eye because Lorelai and I were so young and because there would be so much attention on you, being a Hayden and a Gilmore, and Dad just taking the bench at the Supreme Court." He was talking in hurried whispers now. They were broaching a subject that was taboo.
Rory had always been forbidden to reveal her paternity. As far as anyone knew, she was completely oblivious as to the identity of her father. From a young age Rory had been reminded repeatedly that she could be taken away from her mother if she were to tell anyone that Christopher was her father. She didn't know the details of the arrangement between Lorelai and Christopher's parents or what part Christopher had in it. All she knew was that whenever the subject of her father came up, she still felt like the pit of her stomach had been hallowed out as her mouth went dry with fear. Her mother had done a very good job of making sure that she never let it slip that she was also a Hayden.
"They want you to come to dinner this Saturday so they can get to know you a little bit better and we can figure out how we're going to work this," Christopher was still speaking quietly, trying to soften the unpleasantness of his request.
Rory immediately began shaking her head in denial, "Oh no. There is no way you're going to get me to have dinner with those people. They hate me." Rory could still feel the shame and hurt that she had experienced during the last meeting with Straub and Francine. Francine had sat quietly by while Straub had basically said that Rory was a waste of a good abortion.
"Rory, please," he was starting to sound exasperated that he was having such a difficult time getting Rory to see reason. "In order for me and Lorelai to get married, we have to figure out how to make it public that we already have a daughter together. This is going to be tricky since my parents have made sure that no one has any idea that you have any connection to the Hayden's. We need to figure this out with Straub and Francine and the fastest way to do that is to go to dinner, clear the air, and figure out a plan."
Christopher paused again, letting his words sink in before he went for the kill. "Rory, I want to marry Lorelai and she wants to marry me. If we can't figure this out with my parents, it's gong to crush her. Please…do this for your mother."
Rory nodded without looking at her father, "Fine, what time are you picking me up?" She hated that he had the ability to make her feel like she was some kind of hindrance, always keeping her parents apart in one way or another.
She and Christopher had finalized their plans and quickly left each other, both seeking heat after their extended conversation in the cold. So she was currently sitting on the back of her father's motorcycle, going to see two of her least favorite people in the world. Still, she couldn't seem to get her mind off of the one person who had been making her semester at least a little tolerable. Until recently, that is. What was really distracting her from the full anxiety about her upcoming meeting was Logan Huntzberger's abrupt absence from her life.