Your life in FMA (girls)
Chapter One
Welcome to Amestris my friend! You have just been officially chibified! Kudos to you. You are an adorable little bundle of huggable cuteness! Why? Cause what's the point in being a chibi if you're not cute? And cause I say so. Duh. Who's got her fingers on the keyboard here, eh? That's right, I do. Hey, maybe you're a smart chibi too! Well, we shall know soon enough. Point is you're cute. If you don't want to be…maybe there's something wrong with your chibi aura…go visit the local mystic and have your chakras read or something. *sigh* You're supposed to be adorable. Just thank me, okay? I'm doing you a favor. Seriously. You'll understand later.
Personally, I'd rather be scary than cuddly, but people don't seem to go for the creepy type. Hey, each to his own. Point is, if I made you a freaky little bugger, you wouldn't last very long. Human beings tend to kill the evil folks. Dunno why…
Now, here's what you need to know:
It's very simple. You are fifteen. You are an alchemist in training. Got that?
If you weren't able to comprehend that valuable information, I suggest you sign yourself up for the special alchemy class at the local academy. And if you don't know what I mean by "special"…well…you're lucky I made you cute.
See? Say thank you!
Thank me for this too: You now have enough of the national currency to purchase one and only one of these items:
A handgun
A kitten
A textbook on alchemy
A machete
None of the above!
…
Okalley-Dokalley-Eh!!! Off to Central HQ! You're going to try to take the State Alchemy Exam! Eh, what's that? You don't want to be a dog of the military? Too bad! I say you're taking the exam, so you're taking it! And if it's any consolation, you will be among many other dogs. HOT dogs. WOOT!!!
…
No, not the kind you eat! It was a play on words! Moron…
*sigh* (again)
Fine.
You can stop for lunch.
Poof, you have enough dinero to buy yourself a noonday meal. Chow down. But that's the last of your spending money!
You are having a nice, splendid lunch, which you may or may not be sharing with a kitten, depending on what you bought at the quiki-mart.
Yay for lunch woot yadda yadda…
Okay, can we go now?
Yes! Off we go!
We're off to take the exam! The wonderful exam of Central! Because-because-because-… because I said so!
Hey, look at the tall ugly man with a funny "X" across his eyes!
Let us point and laugh at him!
!!!
Oh!
Bugger!
!!!
Evil ugly man! Evil ugly man!
Run like hell!!!
Run like you've never run before!!!
No, wait…If you've never run before, you're in terrible shape.
Run like you've been running since you were born!!!
Aw, screw it, just RUN!!!
Dude, what was his problem?
Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy…
You've made it to Central!
Put on your thinking cap!
Now, what did you buy at the store? (this determines the outcome of your test. Ha! And you thought it was meaningless! Well, no, you probably knew there was a point, but…)
You bought a handgun. You are now Riza's sidekick. Riza, this is sidekick. Sidekick, this is Riza. Yay!
You bought… a kitten. Heh…You're REALLY wierd. And you fail. Waaaaaaa!!!
You bought a textbook on alchemy! You aced the test. Okay, maybe not aced…you uh… "B"-ed it. Regardless, you made it in!
You bought a machete! You chopped up the guy testing you. Real nice. Are you in, you ask? Well, honestly what do you think?
You didn't buy anything?!?!? You refuse to support our economy! Get out!!!
If you are in A or C, go to Chapter 2
If you are in D, go to Chapter 3
If you are in B or E, go to Chapter 4