This is a Touhou fanfic based off a musical called "The Mikado". I saw the jazz adaptation called Hot Mikado a while ago, and I had an idea: Since it's not actually meant to have anything to do with Japan, a Touhou version of this just HAS to be made.

Obviously, this is an AU, and my Touhous may not be your Touhous. Also, this is not indicative of my supported ships.

So, enjoy, and write a review if you liked it! ^_^

—

"But Shiki-sama, that's madness!"

"Komachi, enough is enough! I have HAD it with all you girls always flirting with each other! From now on, anyone caught flirting will be thrown into Hell for eternity– or at least until I decide otherwise! And SHE is going to carry out my order!"

—

It seemed that Eiki Shiki, the Yamaxanadu, had gone off the deep end. She had always been rather sensitive about her flat chest and was convinced it made her unattractive… or at least that was the most likely explanation. You could never really tell. Either way, the fantastical land of Gensokyo was now facing a great danger. With Eiki Shiki's ban on flirting established, it was as if a huge bomb had been planted, just waiting for one small spark to explode into chaos and confusion. And in a certain small town, the bringer of some very large sparks indeed had just swooped into the center of town on a broomstick.

"Awww yeah! Another perfect landing!" exclaimed the blonde witch as she skidded to a stop and jumped off her broom, prompting a few notable bystanders to glance in her direction. "Does anybody know where I can find a certain Reimu Hakurei?"

"Reimu? The red-and-white girl from the shrine?" asked Cirno.

"And who might you be anyway?" added Youmu Konpaku, who had been passing by.

"Me? Well, I happen to be Marisa Kirisame, the magician!" Marisa answered, taking an exaggerated bow with a sweep of her hat.

"Oh! Oh! I remember her!" said Cirno excitedly, giving a little jump. "I beat her in a battle a while ago!"

"You didn't beat her, she went easy on you," Youmu reminded Cirno (For the I-don't-know-th time, she thought) before turning to Marisa. "I think I recognize you now… So then, why are you looking for Reimu?"

Marisa sat down on her broom, and cleared her throat. "Well, lemme explain: Reimu and I have known each other for quite a while; we've crossed paths numerous times– and not always on the same side. But through all that time, I've realized–" here she flung her arms out emphatically– "I'm in love with her! But I've never been able to do anything about it, because she's gonna marry someone else." As Marisa said this, a menacing shadow suddenly fell over the girls, who looked up to see a winged figure with a parasol descending to the ground.

"That she is," said the vampire Remilia Scarlet.

"Oh, it's Bat-girl! It's been a while, hasn't it?" Marisa said with a smile before continuing with no further acknowledgement of Remilia's entrance. "Anyway, I heard Reimu's current bride-to-be is a huge flirt, and since the Yamaxanadu has made flirting punishable by instant banishment to Hell, God knows why– oh wait, only she does know why…!– I came here right away."

"WELLLLL," Remilia interjected with her distinct air of superiority, "you will be disappointed, because Reimu's current bride-to-be is Yukari Yakumo herself."

Marisa looked a bit confused. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Here's the thing. When Eiki Shiki set out that law, she made an unbelievably embarrassing mistake when she put Yukari, the Portal Master, in charge of banishing people. Yes, it makes sense at first, because all she has to do is lift a finger and you're falling through a portal straight to Hell. But Eiki Shiki must have forgotten that Yukari is not only the number-one flirt in Gensokyo, but is also incredibly lazy on top of the fact that Yukari must be banished before any, ahem, lesser flirts can. So, since our Portal Master can't permanently banish herself to Hell, it makes Eiki's law pretty much moot."

"…Okay, first answer me this: Why are you saying this about Eiki Shiki, Yamaxanadu? Not to mention Yukari?" Marisa asked, laughing a bit. Remilia always thought herself the princess, but this was a bit odd.

"Yukari is the Portal Master, and I am the Everything Else Master. …Nobody else wanted to work under Yukari, due to her laziness. So I stepped up."

Wow… Eiki Shiki's breast envy must've REALLY driven her mad, Marisa thought. "So… if Yukari's still around…"

Youmu put a hand on Marisa's shoulder. "Sorry to say, but you're kinda too late. Today's the day we celebrate the wedding of our Portal Master."

"What?! Whaddaya mean, today?"

"Yep! This afternoon, Reimu and Yukari are getting married at the shrine! There's gonna be a big party there and everything, and then they'll go off for their honeymoon…" Cirno said as she drifted happily through the air. Marisa was simply staring in shock as the others continued chatting about the wedding.

"I mean, I always knew there was something between Reimu and Yukari..."

"Have you seen their combo attacks?"

"Is there gonna be cake at the wedding?"

"QUIET, everyone!" shouted Marisa. "Do you mean to tell me I've come all this way just to find out Reimu Hakurei is MARRYING YUKARI YAKUMO?!"

Remilia shrugged. "Yes."

"Aw… crap."

—

Welp, first chapter done! :D Hope you like it.

I do ship Reimu X Yukari, by the way… I think I have an idea for the next chapter.