A/N: I promise I'm working on Chapter 8 of Impact, but I had to write this one-shot. I've been dealing with a lot of bullying lately, both on and offline. And I've seen it happening to other people. But we all just look away, pretend like it doesn't exist. Don't tell yourself you don't do it, because you probably have. Whether it's a nasty comment on Facebook or on YouTube, a mean tweet on Twitter or just gossiping about someone behind their back. It's all bullying and it has to stop. So many teens commit suicide because of cyberbullying. Most don't want to die, they attempt as a cry for help. And that's what this story is. It's the story of a teen so harassed online by bullies that he tries to kill himself as a cry for help.
Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING! Please, stop reading this right now if this will trigger anything. I don't want to be to blame for anybody hurting themselves. Light Kames
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my mind.
White has got to be the most boring color in the entire universe. Nothing ever changes about it; it only gets gray after years of dirt and grime. But this was a hospital, so dirt and grime didn't exist. Kendall was beginning to get bored with staring at the white walls, white ceiling and white floor of his little room. He sighed deeply. The machines in the room made their respective noises and Kendall glared at them. He just wanted to rip them out and go home. The only reason he was in here was because of one stupid mistake because of a few words he heard.
Flashback
Nothing was different. At least not on the outside. Kendall was still outgoing and cheerful, always willing to help other people. He was always looking on the Brightside and was still getting them into trouble with his crazy teenage plans. But inside, Kendall Knight was an emotional wreck. He wouldn't show it on the outside, but he was becoming depressed.
Every day, Jett Stetson would tell him he was ugly and try to take Jo away from him. He tried to ignore it, but after a while he began to think he actually was ugly. He would look in the mirror and pat his stomach. He could see the faint lines of muscle, but in his mind all he saw was the fat. He'd rush to the gym and work out until he was ready to pass out. He was exhausting himself at dance rehearsals and even offered to stay late to practice for the extra cardio time.
Aside from exercise binging, Kendall's life around his friends wasn't any different. But when he got online, things were different. His Facebook page was filled with comments about how he was ugly, fat and couldn't sing. Sure, some Rushers defended him, but the hate was overwhelming. Twitter was the same. Tweets and Direct Messages telling him how much he sucked and that Big Time Rush would be better off without him. All the comments would piss him off so he just logged out.
This vicious cycle continued for almost three months. At first, Kendall didn't show that anything was bothering him. Sure, he lost a ton of weight and looked like a body builder. He was spending more time outside and not on his laptop, but nobody thought it was depression. They just figured Kendall was trying to be healthier. But, as with all things, you can only push them so far before they reach their limits and snap.
Three months after the bullying began, Kendall finally reached his breaking point. He was on his laptop in his shared room alone, doing an English project when he heard the blip of his AIM. He opened the little bubble and expected it to be James from down by the pool or Carlos from Palmwoods Park asking about the assignment. Usually they would try to work together, but nothing ever got done that way. So they had decided to work in separate areas, which Kendall was now finding to be a bad decision.
"You're so ugly. No one could ever love you, you whore. I hope you drown or fall out of the window of your apartment. You don't deserve to be a part of something so amazing you pathetic loser. Do everyone a favor and just kill yourself."
Kendall read the anonymous instant message while tears filled his emerald eyes. So many people had been telling him he was worthless, that this was the final straw. He was so sick of being put down, it was starting to affect him mentally. He wished someone could see how upset he was. He didn't want to doe, he wanted help. He just didn't know how to ask for it. Instead, he was prepared to take drastic measures.
Kendall knelt on the white floor of the bathroom he shared with Logan. He looked down into the clean white bathtub. He bit his lip when he realized that the floor and tub wouldn't be white much longer. He felt something moist on his face and he reached up to wipe the lone tear away. He took a shaky breath as he pulled his mother's razor off the shelf. He held the life-ending tool in his hand, staring at it. It was the only thing standing between him and sweet relief. He shut his emerald eyes as the blade pressed into the soft skin on his left wrist.
The pain was like nothing Kendall had felt before in his life. The pain quickly subsided and was replaced by a soft tingling throughout his skin. Kendall looked down at the blood flowing down his hands and into the tub. The splatters of red against the stark white looked like some sort of abstract art and Kendall chuckled softly. He quickly returned to the task at hand as he dug the razor deeper into his skin. He couldn't stop the whimper of pain that slid from his lips or the tears from falling as more blood came out, faster and heavier than before. He smiled and kept cutting himself, relishing in the light feeling he was getting. His vision grew hazy and he could feel himself slipping away.
As his vision grew darker and he began to feel lighter, he realized he needed to stop. Before he could put the razor down, however, he heard footsteps and the door opened. Through the haze in his sight, Kendall saw James' face and heard the scream from the tallest member of the band. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was hearing James' blood- curdling scream.
Kendall now found himself awake again. He was pretty sure it had been two days since he had flipped out. Since he had been awake, three different therapists came in and asked the same questions. The one that they always seemed shocked by was his answer to the famous question: "why did you want to kill yourself?" All Kendall kept saying was that he really wanted someone to notice him and tell him he wasn't worthless.
It seemed to be working since he wasn't being constantly seen by a doctor or nurse or anyone medical, for that matter. He sighed and sat back against the bed he was confined to. His muscles were protesting at the lack of motion from being stuck in a bed for 48 hours. Just as he was about to fall asleep again, he heard a knock outside of his door. He looked over and saw his four brothers standing there, holding flowers and some envelopes. "Hey guys. It's nice to see people that aren't doctors."
The three other boys rushed into the room and immediately hugged him. Logan was the first of the four to break the silence in the small room. "How have you been doing?"
Kendall smiled weakly. "I hate being locked up in here. It makes me feel like a caged animal." Logan nodded softly and the silence returned.
Carlos, not being one to avoid the true problem, looked at Kendall and asked the one thing everyone was thinking. "Why did you do it?" The following silence made a funeral sound like a college party.
Kendall played with the edge of the bed sheet and avoided making any eye contact with his three best friends. "I mean this. I really didn't want to kill myself. I wasn't sure how to ask for help."
His three friends' faces carried expressions of shock and concern. "What was so bad that you thought you couldn't ask us for help?" James asked. He was hit hardest by Kendall's incident and the lack of sleep was showing in the dark circles around his eyes and the dullness of his usually shiny hair. Kendall looked up at his brothers, tears silently falling down his face.
"I…I'm being bullied. By people online. Right before I cut myself, I got an Instant Message telling me I worthless and nobody would ever love me. I didn't want to kill myself, I really didn't. I just wanted someone to help me." Kendall looked away from his friends out of shame for being so weak. He was supposed to be their leader and he shattered. He suddenly felt very warm and looked up to see all three of his brothers holding him. They too were crying. Kendall rested his head on James' shoulder and cried into his shirt, enjoying being so close to his brothers.
"Kendall, you know you can always talk to us about anything, right?" Logan asked, wiping the tears from his face. Kendall smiled.
"I do now. I just wish people wouldn't be so mean." The other three boys nodded in agreement.
Carlos reached over Kendall and grabbed the remote for the small television set that was mounted in the corner. "Let's do something fun like watch hockey." The short Latino clicked the television on and turned it to the Minnesota Wild game. The four boys made themselves comfortable on Kendall's small hospital bed. Well, as comfortable as you can be when you have four teens on a bed made for one person plus all the monitors still hooked into Kendall's arms.
As the four of them watched the game, Kendall realized something. He always had all the support he would ever need right there. And he could talk to them about anything, and they would never judge him. Kendall smiled his first genuine smile in a month. No matter what happened after he got out, he'd never have to return. Because his cry for help was answered, and he knew he was going to make it.
A/N: Holy Schmidt. That took two weeks to write and I'm glad I did. Bullying has become such a huge issue in society today and we need to try and stop it. So, moral of the story is don't be mean, online or in life. Because something you say in your life could end someone else's. Love ya. Be looking out for Chapter 8 of Impact because it should be coming soon.