Dear Farther,
If I had written this letter to a different dad, I would've normally started this letter with a simple, 'I'm sorry', only I'm not writing to someone else. And I'm not sorry. After everything you did to me, shouldn't it be you saying sorry?
Well, I've decided to write down all that I need to say, since you never listened to me. It all started when Matt was killed. I realized a long time ago that it was you who killed him. It wasn't me, like you always said. It was you. You'd been drinking before you drove him to the airport. He told me so, when he came to see me before you took me away. You took me away from the one person that could help me…Freddy.
I hate you for that.
Just after Matt's death, I got sick again. It started with dreams, just talking to him, like we used to do before he died. I told Freddy, and he said I was just missing him and in time he'd go away. And he did. I went a whole year without speaking to him. The dreams went away around the same time that you went away to look after Grandma. Then after a year, you came back, with Grandma, and so did Matt. Only this time it wasn't dreams, I could see him. He looked like a normal person, but I knew no one else could see him. So I told Freddy that he'd come back. He didn't know what to do, and so he told you. If there is one thing that I couldn't forgive Freddy for- it was that he told you.
I hate him for that.
Then you made me go back to the hospital. I hated it there and you knew that. But, being the loving father you were, you ignored my feelings and sent me there anyway. Why? You made me leave the two people who could have helped me through. You and Freddy. I cared for you both so much. I loved you with all my heart, but I had fallen in love with Freddy. And the night before I left he told me the same thing. If only you'd have let me stay.
I hate you for that.
So you thought I was crazy, and maybe I was, but it was you who made me crazy. Every day you'd blame me for Matt's death, saying that if I hadn't called then you wouldn't have lost concentration and had the accident. But it wasyou. You'd had one to many beers before you drove.
I hate you for that.
A few weeks after I had gone, I learnt that Freddy had been in some sort of an accident. I asked to see you, and you came. I asked if I could go home and see him. You said that my home was here now, and that if I went to see him, I wouldn't go back. Summer, a close friend of mine, sent a letter to me a couple of days later. In that letter, was the worst news I could have received:
Freddy was dead
I called you to ask if I could attend his funeral and say goodbye to him for the last time. You refused to let me go.
I hate you for that.
That's when Matt started to stay at my side all the time. I wouldn't mix with the other people there, and I refused to take the tablets the doctor had prescribed to make me 'better'. Matt was the only one who I would talk to, even though he had died over a year ago. Thenone night, Matt said that someone had come to talk to me. And there was Freddy. He looked so real. He gave me the hug that you should've given me, when I told you about his death. After that night I didn't see Matt or Freddy again. It was that hug. It should've been you who gave me that hug. But it wasn't.
I hate you for that.
That hug held all the love that I needed to get better, and that love still surrounds me today. It's not you that gives me the love, but my brother, and the one who holds my heart close to his. And that is why, I have decided that tonight I shall tell you what I have thought over the last 5 years, in that horrible place, where all you do is stare at pure white walls, thinking the same thoughts over and over again. I was discharged 2 weeks ago, and tomorrow you shall receive you this letter. You will not be able to reply, for you won't be able to get in touch with me. I am going to live with some people who actually love me and care for me, unlike you.
I hate you for that.
There is one last thing. Even after everything you did to me, I still love you. I have always loved you and I always will. Whether you want to love me back, is up to you, I have no say in the matter, but always remember I will always love you, no matter what.
And I hate myself for that.
If you have lasted this long, I thank you for reading what I have written for you. But now I must go.
Goodbye Father.
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That night, Katie committed suicide at 10.27pm