A/N: Wrote this as I was sorting out my thoughts and ideas for other stories I'm working on. It helped. Just meant to be taken as what it is; a crackfic. I won't say enjoy, because that's like saying "enjoy as I spit acidic liquids into your eyes!" Makes no sense, eh?
And so after Sasuke and Sakura were married, Naruto left the village to travel like Jiraiya once had, and he became the greatest Sage the world had ever known, in ever. He gave up his dream to become Hokage saying the duty was, "Too damn demanding" and that being a traveling sage had its perks like, "sleeping in whenever the hell I feels like it."
Kakashi married Shizune.
Iruka married Ayame.
Gai married Lee's mother, only then realizing that the one night stand they had years ago resulted in Lee's birth.
Lee married Tenten.
Shino married Hinata.
Anko married Genma, and they rode motorcycles, while eating dumplings and spitting toothpicks at shit.
Shikamaru married Ino, before his taking up position as Hokage and making Ino "Queen-Kage", according to her.
Temari married Kiba to everyone's surprise, but he explained that he had experience dealing with aggressive and strong women, referring to his mom, though he was dumb as rocks compared to Temari.
Tsunade killed herself to be with Jiraiya, while Asuma unkilled himself to be with his family.
Neji unkilled himself to reveal his dad wasn't even dead, to which later his dad came out of hiding saying, "It was a fake dead body our clan sent in," and that he "fucked up everyone involved who was trying to start mess with the Leaf that day, but needed to lay low for awhile."
The whole Akatsuki made a comeback, and moved to the Land of North America, more specifically, the Hidden United States Village.
They became the most well known J-pop band, with their hit, "Akatsuki Got Me".
Konan broke off from the group, and put out a hit, "Ain't no paperback girl", followed by, "Fuck Bitches, Jus' Get Dat Paper".
Gaara married and had 23 children, with only one girl, naming her after his best friend, to everyone's surprise.
Soon, she, too, would become Kazekage, and everyone would come to knowing her as Lady Kazekage Toph Beifong.