Instinct

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Instinct

It can be noisy inside your mind.

Listen. I can hear my heartbeat.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

Why doesn't Squall say anything? Surely he can hear it too.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

What if it's not just my heart beating? Maybe I'm having some kind of heart attack at the thought of what I'm about to do? Yes, that'll be it.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

I'm going to miss the shot.

Irvine Kinneas…you aren't going to miss the shot. Trust me, kid, I'm never wrong. What did your Instructors at the Garden say about you? Never fails to hit the target. Never misses. Expert marksman. Straight A's. You aren't going to miss the shot.

That's all very well, but that's in simulations. They never sent me out in the field. I'm going to miss the shot.

Fine. Miss the shot. Let the world be devastated by the sorceress. Just don't come whining to me. What about everyone else? What about Quistis? And Selphie? And Rinoa? They're counting on you, Irvine. You aren't going to miss the shot.

Three very beautiful girls. Ah, now that's unfair pressure. I can't think of them. Not when there's all this at stake.

Too late.

Selphie's face smiling at me…she's so cheerful. How can someone so small have such a big personality? Rinoa…what a beauty. But she has eyes only for Squall. Or that Seifer guy. Quistis…ah, the lovely Instructor.

Now imagine them lying still, devoid of life. Motionless. Cold. Dead, Irvine. Because of your failure.

Ah, now that's really not fair. Now I really am going to miss the shot.

Miss the shot, then Irvine. Miss the shot and suffer the consequences. Or shoot. You are not going to miss the shot.

What makes you so damned sure?

You think I don't know you?

Who ARE you?

Your instinct.

My what?

Your instinct. I'm the part of you that will go with that bullet.

Talkative, aren't you?

Someone has to be, don't they? Look at you, Irvine, you've gone to pieces.

Wouldn't you? It's…if this shot comes off, I'll have killed Sorceress Edea. My trigger finger will have changed the course of history. Do you think I want that kind of media attention? Really?

What did Squall just say to you? Think of it as a signal…a sign. That's all. It doesn't matter if you miss the shot.

Failure is not an option.

Damned conditioning! Irvine, it doesn't matter. Really.

Failure is not an option. I'm going to miss the shot. I'll get thrown out of Garden and Headmaster Martine will…

…will not care, Irvine. He'll be dead. They'll all be dead. You have nothing to lose by squeezing the trigger now. You are not going to miss the shot. You never miss. You keep saying so. Look at you. Sweat on the brow, tremble in the shoulders - you have got to get a grip.

"Irvine Kinneas!!!"

Squall, for God's sake, shut the fuck UP! He's breaking our concentration.

Oh, it's OUR concentration now is it? Well, you're going to miss the shot, remember.

I will not miss the shot.

Aha! A change of heart. Reverse psychology in motion. I'll get through to you yet. Why aren't you going to miss the shot?

For Selphie. For Quistis. For Rinoa and all the other beautiful girls. For Matron. For…for me.

For mankind, Irvine.

We will not miss the shot.

Fire.

(c) S Watkins, 2000