Gallavich Week Part 5

When it Clicked

Mickey knew exactly when he realized he loved Ian. Although, thinking back, he knew those feelings had been developing for a while.

Their first few encounters had been all about the sex. Fucking ridiculously good sex, but just sex nevertheless. Mickey could tell that the redhead took it more seriously than he did, but if that was the price for a consistently good lay, Mickey could endure Gallagher's clinginess. After all, Mickey just had make sure to keep himself detached, and make sure Gallagher didn't try to kiss him or any other queer shit like that.

Then one afternoon, the kid had showed up to his house. He'd looked absolutely wrecked, so Mickey had agreed to meet him at work. Maybe a good fuck would help Firecrotch man the fuck up and get over his problems. He'd ignored the fact that Ian had wrapped his hand around Mickey's as he'd relentlessly pounded him against the racks of beer. But Kash had walked in on them fucking in the cooler, and Mickey had bolted. Self preservation was always a dominant trait of a Milkovich.

He didn't know what had possessed him to go back to the store and taunt the Arab. Cockiness? Had he wanted to brag that he was getting fucked by Gallagher too? Intimidate the guy into keeping what he'd seen to himself? Returning to the Kash and Grab that night didn't make sense to Mickey when he'd thought about it afterwards. He'd had a lot of time to think about that day while he was in Juvie... A lot of time to think about how Ian had run to his side, not even worried about the fact that Kash could have shot him just as easily as he'd shot Mickey.

Firecrotch had visited him, and that had surprised Mickey. He'd expected to see Mandy, but it had been the redhead on the other side of the glass. So, he had thanked the kid for the money in his commissary account, despite the fact that saying thank you was not something Milkoviches did. He'd avoided making too much eye contact, threatened the kid when he'd told Mickey he missed him... but Ian had just smiled at him, and Mickey had had to accept the fact that Gallagher really "got" him.

He'd been happy when Ian had been there with Mandy the day he got out, even though he had pretended not to be. They'd gone back to fucking on a regular basis. Ian had even gotten him a job at the Kash and Grab to satisfy his probation. Mickey liked being able to threaten little kids all day long. Things were back to normal. Until Frank had caught them in the act, of course.

Mickey couldn't let word reach his dad, and Frank had a big fucking mouth. The only solution he could think of was to kill Frank. Gallagher had warned his drunk of a father; Mickey hadn't been able to find him. Ian had begged Mickey not to kill him, but Mickey had reacted a harshly and ended things with Gallagher. By the time Mickey had found Frank, things had changed. Instead of killing Frank, he'd punched a cop in the face and had gone back to Juvie for violating his probation. At least his father couldn't get to him while Mickey was behind bars...

Except this time, Gallagher hadn't come to visit him.

He'd been on his best behavior to get out as soon as possible, and Mickey didn't know why he'd told the redhead that he'd been let out early due to overcrowding. Again, they'd picked things up where they'd left off. Mickey would even say that they'd become closer as friends. Except this time around, there had been one big difference: Ian had found another guy to fuck.

The old guy was obviously rich. He stopped by the store a few times, and Mickey followed them to see him buying Firecrotch drinks at some faggoty restaurant downtown. They'd talked in the street outside of the place, and Mickey had beat on the guy, only stopping because Gallagher had punched him in the throat with one of his fancy ROTC moves.

What bothered Mickey was not that Ian had been fucking other people. Mickey'd fucked plenty of other guys in Juvie. The problem was that this had looked like more. When he'd asked Ian what he saw in the old guy, he had said that he was nice, ordered him room service and bought him things. Mickey didn't buy that shit—Gallagher wasn't the superficial type. Ian must have known that Mickey saw right through his answer because he told him that another reason was that he wasn't afraid to kiss him.

Well, if a lousy kiss was all it would take, Mickey could do that, right? He'd agreed to help Ian rob the guy's house. When his cousins were inside, Mickey had run back into the van and kissed Gallagher on the lips. It was just a stupid kiss. Their first kiss, granted, but a simple one. He'd pressed his lips against Ian's and then ran back out of the van, flipping the redhead the bird on his way back to the house.

Then he'd gotten shot in the ass with a shotgun by the old man's crazy wife. Mickey didn't like to think about that. It had been his second time being shot because of Gallagher. He'd had to endure Ian's fuck buddy mocking him while removing the bullets. Then the cunt from DCFS had come in, and the Gallaghers had all been put into the system.

Mickey knew how shitty the group home that Ian and Lip were staying in was. His dad had been on a run with his brothers, so he'd told Gallagher that he could come over and spend the night. They'd watched action movies all night, smoked a few joints, drank a few beers. They'd fucked in the living room, in the kitchen, in the bathroom... It was their first time being able to go at it without the fear of being interrupted. Mickey had felt so relaxed.

The next morning, he'd wanted to experiment a little with Gallagher. Ian had said he needed to get to work, but Mickey had insisted he stay. He'd gone to his room and brought out a set of anal beads for Gallagher to use on him, even though Ian had ultimately not been interested. They'd started fucking in the living room again, but that was when Terry had walked in.

Terry had been furious. The boys had made a frantic dash to put their clothes on. Mickey had tried talking his dad down, but Terry had gone right for Ian, punching him in the face so hard that the redhead had fallen back onto the couch. He'd punched Ian in the face over and over.

That was when it clicked.

Mickey couldn't stand there and watch his father hurt the boy that he loved. He didn't care what happened to himself, but he had to protect Ian. He jumped onto his dad's back, doing everything he could to stop the man. Terry was strong; there was nothing Mickey could do. He just hoped that the distraction would give Ian enough time to make a run for it. Terry knocked Mickey off of his back and beat him, only stopping to take out his gun and aim it at Gallagher as he tried to flee. With one final blow, Terry knocked Mickey unconscious with the back of the pistol.

Mickey didn't regain consciousness until "the Russian" arrived. She was a whore who his father ordered to "ride him until he liked it"—Terry apparently had the intention of making her "fuck the faggot out of him" while making Ian sit on the couch across from them and watch.

Mickey couldn't take the pain. He was aching and bleeding all over, but that wasn't the problem. He couldn't look at Ian's face—that was what really hurt... Seeing the redhead's eyes on him while some whore rode him—no, raped him. Mickey couldn't take it. He flipped the Russian over and started fucking her into the couch. He wanted to get it over with as fast as possible. He didn't want to see the heartbreak written all over Gallagher's face. He couldn't...

Mickey didn't talk to Ian after that day. He avoided the kid at all costs. God forbid his father see them talking... he didn't want his father to kill Ian because of him, and he was sure that was exactly what Terry would do. Mickey saw an opportunity when Ian confronted him the second time at the abandoned buildings they would shoot at. If he could convince Ian that he was no longer interested in him, maybe Gallagher would stay the fuck away. Mickey could do that... beat his love in order to keep him safe. Plus, Ian was making it so easy for him. He was begging for the blows. He'd told Mickey to admit that he loved him, but Mickey couldn't do that. He couldn't tell Gallagher how he felt... it was too dangerous. What would be the point? They were doomed.

Mickey had agreed to marry Svetlana. He didn't know if she was actually pregnant or if that was just something his father had made up as an excuse. Of course Ian had shown up to the wedding. The fucking kid just couldn't help himself, could he... He'd gone on and on about Mickey marrying someone who screws guys for a living. Didn't he get that it was just a fucking piece of paper?

Mickey's resolve to stay away from Ian had faltered. He'd reasoned with himself that as long as they were careful and kept their relationship hidden from Terry, everything could go back to how it had been before they'd gotten caught. Mickey couldn't help it... being so close to Gallagher was unbearable. Of course he gave a shit about Ian... How could the kid even think that he didn't care?

Mickey grabbed Ian with his had behind his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. They hadn't kissed since that first time in the van, but this was something else. This was all passion, all emotions... If Mickey couldn't tell Ian how he felt, he could show him. They fucked so hard that Mickey forgot about the horrible things that had happened to him. It was just him and Firecrotch, and it was perfect.

He'd gotten his tux back on when they were done and Ian had passed him a cigarette. He'd told Gallagher to wait for him while he went to get the wedding over with, but the kid had acted surprised that Mickey was still going through with it. He seriously didn't get why Mickey had to do this? He told Ian that not everyone could just blurt out how they fucking felt every minute. Thankfully Mandy interrupted them before the argument could get any more intense.

Over a month went by before Mickey saw Gallagher again. Svetlana had moved in and reorganized his whole room. Mickey was so happy to see Ian. He couldn't wait to talk to him. He told him that he was up to four sets of twenty reps with his weights, but Ian looked unimpressed. Mickey tried another angle: he told Ian to come to his room so he could show him something. The room was clean, and his wife had made him take down all of the Nazi posters. There was still no reaction from Gallagher.

Mickey asked Ian if they could pick up where they left off... told him that while Svetlana was out fucking dudes, he could do the same. Why wasn't Gallagher as happy about the idea as Mickey was? That was when Ian had told him he was leaving town and joining the army... Mickey had said he had to be eighteen but Ian told him he'd figured a way around that. Mickey asked how long, and Ian said it would be for four years, minimum.

Mickey had frozen. The next few seconds had stretched on and on. He could feel the breath slipping from his lungs... could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He'd known Gallagher had wanted to enlist since he'd met the kid, but the reality of it all was just hitting him, and it was too much. Was Ian hoping Mickey would tell him not to go? That he was going to chase after him like some bitch? Gallagher had turned around to walk away, when all Mickey could say was "don't..."

He'd wanted to say don't go. Stay here. Don't leave me. But all that had come out was the one word. Why was he such a pussy?

Ian had stopped. He'd turned around and asked Mickey "don't what?" But again, all Mickey had gotten out was "just don't..."

Then Ian had left. He had walked out as if he didn't know that he was taking every piece of Mickey's heart with him.

Mandy had stood in Mickey's doorway and had called him out on being a pussy. He could tell she had figured out that something had been going on between him and Ian, but at that point, Mickey didn't care. He didn't give a shit about anything other than Ian leaving. His love was going to enlist and get his ass shot off in some God-forsaken desert, and Mickey wouldn't be able to stop him. Wouldn't be able to protect. He probably wouldn't see him ever again.

Mickey had never expected to accomplish much in his life. Maybe Ian was the one piece of joy he'd been able to have. He'd gotten almost three years with the redhead. Mickey should have been satisfied—it was better than nothing. And, if Ian was away at war, at least he'd be happy doing what he'd wanted to do since he'd been a little, wimpy teenager. So Mickey didn't run after him. He let him go. It was the only thing he could give it Ian at this point. That, and making sure Terry could never hurt him if and when Ian came back.

It had been different for Ian. There were many times when it should have clicked for him. He'd always known how he had felt about Mickey, but he hadn't known that Mickey had felt the same way about him.

But now that he recalled all the moments he'd had with Mickey, he laughed at what a fucking idiot he'd been for not seeing it. Mickey couldn't say how he felt, but he had shown it through his actions countless times. He'd met Ian at the store the day Monica had come back and hadn't made a fuss when Ian had held onto his hand while they fucked. He'd gone back to the store after Kash had seen them in the back room to prove that he wasn't just gonna run away and leave Ian to deal with things alone. He'd gone back to Juvie instead of killing Frank. He'd even told Ian he'd missed him after getting out the second time. They'd been a lot closer after that. Mickey had obviously been jealous of Lloyd. He'd agreed to help Ian rob his house and had gotten shot as a result—the second time he'd gotten shot because of Ian.

Mickey had invited him over to the house for that sleepover, and although the next day had been the worst day of Ian's life, the first night had been wonderful. Ian didn't know why he had been such a moron and hadn't seen the change in Mickey's demeanor. Why hadn't he noticed then how comfortable Mickey was around him?

He'd fought off his father to protect Ian. He'd married Svetlana to appease his father and keep Ian safe. Ian was such a fucking idiot. He hadn't seen all those things. He'd only wanted to hear the words, which he should have known Mickey wouldn't be able to say... it just wasn't his style.

Ian sat on his bunk in the barracks, with his cell phone on the hard mattress beside him, cleaning and reassembling his gun. They weren't allowed to have cell phones while they were away at basic training. Ian's phone had been off for a week now. He didn't know what had made him turn it on to check the messages. Maybe he had wanted to know that his family didn't hate him? He'd listened to the first few, and sure enough, they were all from Fiona. She had sounded so angry. Around the fourth message, the anger had turned into concern. She didn't want her little brother to get hurt. "Please, come home..." she had begged. He deleted that one, just as he had deleted the others.

The next message was from yesterday. It was from Mandy. Ian's fingers tightened over the phone as he listened to the message play.

"Ian... it's Mandy. I don't know how this fucking happened. He... he seemed fine..." There had been some crying before she had continued. "I came home and Mickey was aiming a gun at our dad. He told him that he was going to make sure that he couldn't hurt you when you came back..."

At this point in the message, Mandy had begun sobbing. "He shot him... Mickey killed him. I screamed... and that was when he noticed I was there, in the room, and that I'd seen everything..."

She'd blown her nose then. "He looked at me and smiled... he fucking smiled... and told me to tell you that you would be safe now... and then he shot himself."

Ian hadn't heard the rest of the message. He'd closed his phone and had gone back to cleaning his gun. He had a few more minutes to himself before he had report to the mess hall. He only thought about Mickey. His Mickey. The boy he loved, and the boy who so obviously had loved him too.

Ian picked up the gun he'd been working on. He put it against his head, and whispered "I love you too, Mickey."

And that was when it clicked for Ian.