Yours For Now
Written for the prompt : Blake's 7, Avon/Blake
Moments of truth are moments only,
Eyes burning on the brink of empty beds.
James Merrill
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Yours For Now
It was over for the night, Avon lay back and waited. He couldn't move now, it was too soon, that much he'd learnt. He kept his breath even, quiet, trying to hide the sense of anticipation, of waiting for the right moment to leave.
"Close your eyes and go to sleep," Blake's voice broke the quiet. Avon tilted his head briefly in the other man's direction, saw Blake lying there sated, debauched and he swallowed, unwilling to let the thought travel further and to contemplate what he himself looked like.
He turned his head away again and closed his eyes. He folded his arms across his stomach, fists clenched even as he tried to make himself seem relaxed. He felt the bed dip and shift as Blake moved.
"Fuck! How can you be so tense after that?" he heard the words as Blake's hand shifted up and over his stomach, fingers covering one of his fists, trying to entwine with his own fingers. "Seriously, man, I don't know how you can still have that much muscle control left, because I feel like jelly."
Avon didn't say a word, had no idea what Blake was expecting, what etiquette required. It didn't seem to matter, the other man seemed happy enough to chunter on without any encouragement from Avon anyway.
Blake propped his head up on one hand even as he persisted in his attempt to entwine the fingers of his other hand with Avon's. "I don't get you . . . I want to . . . I want to understand. I don't want to mess up, but somehow I get the feeling that's what you're waiting for . . . just waiting for me to mess up and then this will be over and you'll happily put the blame on me."
"I have no intention of blaming you for this . . . There are plenty of other things on which I can find room for complaint."
Blake snorted a half-laugh as he pressed a kiss to Avon's shoulder. "I'm sure you have a long list just waiting for the right moment. Seriously I've never known you miss the opportunity to try and set everyone to rights about my intelligence."
"It is not your intelligence that I call into question, merely your rationality in the light of emotion and what you deem to be justice."
"God, what would I do without you!" Blake laughed affectionately. "You're just waiting for me to fall asleep and then you're leaving again, right?" There was no reply. "I'd like it if you stayed."
The words were simple and for a moment Avon wondered if there was truth behind them. He shut down the train of thought, forcing himself back to the reality. The truth was that Blake would leave or would make him leave, there was nothing that made him valuable beyond their current situation to the other man. Avon was expendable, even more so for his self-interest. He knew Blake could never forgive him for it, could never understand it and that sooner or later it would come between them as too much of a hurdle for them to overcome.
"Sometimes I wonder who hurt you so much that you don't let anyone in, not even a little bit, but you must want to. I believe you want to, otherwise you wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be . . . what are we, Avon? What are we?"
Avon swallowed painfully, pressed his eyes tight shut and wished the burning sensation in them would pass. Blake shifted again, his whole body in tight, melded to Avon's back, light kisses now peppering across his shoulders. "I'm not going anywhere and nor are you, no matter what you're thinking. You're more than good enough for me and I'm going to do my best to meet your high standards."
Blake paused for a moment to shift his other arm around Avon. "You're not going anywhere 'til morning, so get some sleep."
He'd finally managed to uncurl one of Avon's hands enough to slip his fingers through and hold on tight. "See, now if you want to escape, you can't."
Avon would swear he could hear the smug satisfaction in Blake's voice. He didn't know what he was really supposed to do now, so finally, finally he let himself relax enough to drowse while he waited for Blake to fall asleep.
Avon woke in the morning with a warm pressure against his back and the feel of lips soft against the skin behind his ear. It took a while for it all to come back to him and he spared a moment to wonder where this all was leading and how long it would take to get to the point where Blake took it all away again. Then he resigned himself to the moment and turned into Blake's embrace, allowing Blake to claim him anew.