Recognition

TITLE - Recognition
AUTHOR - Tammy M. Parnell
EMAIL ADDRESS: LaLapine@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, as long as my name & disclaimer are on it
SPOILER WARNING: none
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: S
SUMMARY: Scully is recognized for her work, but Mulder doesn't want to join her at the banquet
KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully friendship
DISCLAIMER: The are not mine. They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, Fox Television, and the very talented, EMMY-winning actors who portray them. :)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Feedback please.

Would you want to see, if seeing meant that you would have to believe?
--Joan Osborn, One of Us.

Recognition
by Tammy M. Parnell

I can't go, Scully. The words were semi-apologetic as Fox Mulder shrugged his shoulders and returned his eyes to the Mac on his desk, not wanting to see his partner's reaction to his answer.

You can't go, Dana Scully repeated in disbelief, a hand on her hip accompanying her accusing voice. His tone had been the kind of casual answer one would expect to a movie invitation or impromptu lunch, not this. Why the hell not? she demanded.

Absently using his keyboard--though Dana suspected he was simply typing gibberish--Mulder mumbled something about a meeting with an informant. Sorry, Scully, he added lamely.

She tried to hide the hurt in her voice as she responded, arms across her chest. How convenient for you to just happen to be meeting an informant this particular weekend at such a precise time. His fingers stopped their motion as his eyes stared at a blank computer screen. She continued as she reached for her jacket and purse. Do you really think I'm that stupid? If you don't want to go, just say so. Don't lie to me. Her hand reached for the doorknob, her mind silently willing him to stop her.

Don't lie to me. He heard the echo of those words in his mind as his eyes finally looked over the monitor to meet with hers, uncharacteristically unshielded from her emotions. The anger and hurt there beseeched him to explain his rejection of her.

he began, genuinely sorry but unsure how to continue. It wasn't that he didn't want to accompany her to the awards banquet. In fact, he would like nothing more. But it was not what she needed. It was her night to shine, and his presence would no doubt put a damper on it all. He could see it now--the whisperings behind their backs, the pointed fingers, the label of Mrs. Spooky... that's what his presence would bring. But if he wasn't there, she still had a chance of a normal night. One where she could forget about the paranormal and just be herself. Have fun. Without me.

Dana watched her partner's eyes mirror his regret at his hasty answer, but she began to understand his reasoning. Setting her purse back down, she approached him. Mulder, I'm sorry. I should have realized you wouldn't want to go. I know you hate these kinds of things and the people that go to them. I was just hoping you could be there to support me. But I understand if you'd rather stay home.

Her compassion was undeserved, Mulder thought self-depreciatingly. Why did she always give him so much room to screw up and then come in and fix him up again? Why did she feel the need to defend him in earnest when all he'd done since she'd known him was to screw up her life? And even now, when she'd known he'd lied about meeting an informant, here she was again to forgive and forget, concerned for his well being. He at least owed her the truth.

It's not that, Scully.

Then what? she asked gently, knowing his shields of defense were down.

He put a friendly hand on her shoulder as his hazel eyes met her blue ones. I'm proud of you, Scully. You deserve this more than anyone. He saw her eyes moisten and realized that for some reason his opinion of her meant a lot to her. Guilt caused him to remove his hand and look at their feet. I don't want to ruin it for you.

Her voice sounded odd, her chest tight with the sound of her partner's earlier compliment. Mulder, what are you talking about?

Mrs. Spooky, was his only answer.

She let out a breath and shook it off. Oh, that.

Scully, you don't have to be Mrs. Spooky if I'm not there. You can just relax and have a good time.

By myself? her eyebrows were raised with a hint of amusement. Come on, she smiled. I need you there.

He met her eyes but shook his head. I can't, Scully. I'm sorry.

Maybe I like being Mrs. Spooky, she added, trying to change his mind, understanding his reasoning but hurt just the same. He didn't respond, and she sighed, grabbing her purse once again, and tussling his hair as an afterthought. I hope you reconsider, she told him with a gentle smile. You know, whether you're there or not, I'm still going to be who I am: Dr. Dana Scully, forensic pathologist, X-Files agent--and your partner. Period. And I wouldn't change any of that, Mulder.

His eyes showed that he wanted to believe that statement more than anything, but he couldn't quite pull it off. He tried to smile as he answered, You'll have a good time. You can bring me back a doggie bag.

Good night, Mulder.

Night, Scully. He sighed as she left. Why was it so hard for him to give her this? Hell, she was right; he *should* be there, as her partner, as her friend. It was a miracle in itself that the selection committee would choose her to honor for her hard work and perseverance in the Bureau. He had never had ambition to be one of the honorees and had assumed that any association with him would be an automatic blackball. But Scully had made the cut.

Mulder smiled to himself as he absently reached for a sunflower seed. Scully deserved a hell of a lot more than a commemorative plaque and brief applause, but at least it was something. She was an amazing woman, and he had come to depend on her for so much. Just knowing she was on his side, would back him up no matter what the consequence, touched him beyond words. What he had with his partner was an incredible kind of bond, a relationship with which he had no equal and doubted he ever would. But somehow, he always felt that his side of the partnership was lax.

***

No one does it alone. The words were direct and to the point as Dana stared nervously at herself in her bathroom mirror, rehearsing her well-thought-out speech. Forget the stupid opening jokes where the audience politely laughs as everyone glances at the clock to find out when dessert would be coming. She was going to cut right to the chase. Every one of those agents out there either had a partner now or had one in the past. She was going to reel them in, make them listen, make them think, and most of all, make them realize what a wonderful partner she, herself had, though he would not be there to hear her praise.

Perhaps that's why it seemed easier. Saying words indirectly to a large group of people, though the words meant something much more personal to herself, was certainly easier than going to her partner face-to-face and telling him how much he was appreciated. Knowing he wouldn't be there added to her ease, though she hoped her speech would give him and the X-Files credibility with their colleagues--something she was sure the selection committee had not counted on.

Dana yawned and shook her head as she climbed into bed. They gave her very little credit. She knew that this recognition was merely a bone for a hungry dog, leading the way to a tempting feast. Though promotion had originally been her goal as a young agent starting out, her career had drastically changed course with her introduction to the basement and its cases of the paranormal. There were more important things to life than climbing the ladder to success. Mulder had shown her that truths were out there, needing exposure. And though he considered his not going along with her to the reception a favor to her reputation, little did he know her speech would contradict his reasoning.

Satisfied with her plan, though proverbial butterflies were dancing around in her stomach, Dana closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

***

The neighbors had come to his door twice to complain of the bouncing basketball against their walls and ceiling, so Fox Mulder had gone for a long, excruciating run. The crisp autumn night had cleared his mind, and his jumbled thoughts came to a semblance of order.

With Skinner's announcement of Scully's invitation to the banquet, a knot had begun forming in his already tight stomach, one that signaled an impending loss. Sure, he was proud of Scully, very much so. But this act was another attempt to separate the partners, he was sure of it. Normally, he would laugh at their ploys, knowing his bond with Scully could not be taken away so easily. But this was something she wanted, this recognition. Hell, this was something she deserved. But it was a step out. It was rare that after such awards for an agent to go long without being promoted. Someone as bright and talented as Scully would certainly get many new offers. Ones that did not include flukemen, EBEs, or hibernating mutants. Ones that would take her out of the basement and on the road to success. Away from me.

Mulder collapsed on his sofa and wiped the sweat from his face, the knot in his stomach causing him to take an uncharacteristic swig of Mylanta. He felt somewhat like a parent whose offspring would soon be leaving the nest. Scully deserved so many things, and though he would miss her terribly if she chose to leave, he would support her one hundred percent.

Her earlier reassurance had almost convinced him to join her at the reception, but aside from his distaste of jokes, he hadn't lied about concern for her reputation. But even more than that, he couldn't stand to see her up there, eating right out of their hands. He wouldn't stand there and watch her leave him.

Self-pity winning him over, Mulder curled up on his couch and tried to sleep.

***

Dana slammed down the phone Saturday night, frustrated with her stubborn partner. She had secretly hoped that having had time to think about it, Mulder would agree to go with her to the banquet. After ten minutes of arguing with words soon regretted, she had slammed down the phone before either could apologize. Great way to start off the night, Dana! she accused herself.

But determined not to let their angry words affect her evening, she checked her makeup one last time before heading out into the cool night.

***

What are you doing here, Mulder? Langley asked after ten minutes of his nonsense questions.

Mulder looked up in surprise at one of the Lone Gunmen. I needed your advice. This case is a tough one...

You didn't need our advice on *this,* Byers said thoughtfully.

Frohike added. You wanted us to tell you you're doing the right thing by making Scully go to the banquet by herself.

I didn't *make* her go by herself, Mulder defended. She could have taken a date.

Langley asked pointedly.

Mulder joked.

Only in my dreams, Frohike sighed.

Mulder said suddenly, how'd you guys know about the banquet, anyway?

Go on, Mulder, Byers instructed, ignoring the question. You still have time.

But I--

No buts, Langley added. Go on.

She'd be there for you, Byers pointed out.

Give her my regards, Frohike said. And if she wants to ditch you, she knows where I am.

Mulder smiled. I'll tell her. See you later, guys. He looked back before exiting.

They waved him away, and he hurried to his car.

***

Dana had joined A.D. Skinner at his table and was now trying to keep her breathing calm, the main course over with, and the honorees being called upon. She heard her name and received an encouraging nod from her superior. She smiled briefly as she stood. Doubts were beginning to creep into her mind, having noticed an older man in the background, cigarette in hand. And in spite of their earlier fight, she desperately wished her partner was there to support her. It amazed her that even after three years, he didn't realize how much she relied on him.

Nervously, she cleared her throat as she stepped up to the podium. She glanced at the crowd of her colleagues, knowing they were probably wondering why hadn't accompanied her--most likely guessing that she didn't want him there, didn't want to associate with him outside of work. This thought made her angry, giving her the strength to hold her head up and begin.

No one does it alone, she said, her voice strong and unwavering. As agents for the Bureau, I'm sure you can all appreciate the extensive training, instruction, and experience you have gone through to make it to where you are now. There are teachers to whom you are thankful, criminals who have shown you the necessity of our jobs, and victims who have allowed you to witness their distress, stirring feelings of compassion and determination within you as you feel the strength and weight of your responsibilities to the Bureau. It is our job to protect. It is our job to carve out a safe future for our growing families. This job can be tough enough when the suspect is easily identified. But sometimes, the criminal seems invisible, a master of disguise. Sometimes the criminal is not a thief, rapist, terrorist, or kidnapper. The mystery grows deeper as you realize that occasionally the suspect is one of us.

Dana paused for impact, noticing the slight movement of the Cigarette Smoking Man and the uncertain expression on Skinner's face. They were nervous. The rest of her colleagues were curious. She continued.

Three years ago I was assigned to a little-known section of the Bureau--the X-Files. Since then, I have seen things that most of you have only dreamt about, things I can't even begin to explain. But I have learned more than I ever thought possible. Doors have been opened for me, glimpses of alternative thinking have come my way. And even in my skepticism, my disbelief in things I've seen with my own eyes, I've come to realize that there are greater truths out there that even science has not discovered. There are mysteries within our universe that have been explored only by those higher in rank than us, things that they prefer to keep to themselves. It is not our job to question authority... However, when those who hold the power are abusing their status, then perhaps it is time we step in to seek out those truths that could be beneficial to all yet controlled by only a few.

I am not trying to start a revolution among you, she smiled slightly, noting the tension lessen at her words. I am just trying to explain certain aspects of my job you may not understand--and why the X-Files are a very necessary part of the Bureau. In spite of the little green men' stories I'm sure you've all discussed, the X-Files involve more than the possibilities of extraterrestrial life--which incidentally is strongly supported by science in certain evidence that contains materials foreign to earth. My partner, Fox Mulder, and I investigate the cases others are afraid to take. We follow up long-dismissed leads and have been called upon many times by the VCS to help them in explaining cases that have stumped them. Our solve rate is one of the highest in the Bureau, in spite of our reputation. And the greatest contributor to this success is teamwork. As I'm sure you all know, in your investigations, your partner is one of your greatest assets.

She relaxed a bit now, the next part of her speech flowing easily from her. Fox Mulder is my partner, my ally, my friend. He has been there for me when I needed someone but was afraid to ask; he has been there to support me, to fight for me, to keep me safe--and I have done the same for him. He is the driving force behind the X-Files. He keeps them open with sheer determination and his intense desire for the truth. He is an exemplary model for others to look up to--his passion for his work, his strength of character, his uncanny abilities and intelligence. His mind dares to wander where others are afraid. I was assigned to keep him grounded... And I have. However, more often I find myself flying higher on the wings of extreme possibility. He has opened up a new world to me where priorities have shifted. It is no longer my goal to seek out promotions and recognition. It is my goal that my partner and I find the truth, expose it, and use it for the good of humanity. We have been on the road to that goal for three years... Events have set us back, discouraged us. But the fact remains that the truth is out there. And we will find it.

I am hoping that our pursuit is what finds me up here tonight, that I am being recognized for all of our hard work, our sacrifices, and our dedication. I think I'm being optimistic. But I have learned that that is what's needed in order to succeed. I am grateful for this plaque, though there should be two names carved on its surface. On behalf of my partner, I urge all of you to realize the importance of everyone in the grand scheme of things. And I urge you all to continue your hard work and dedication to the Bureau in preserving and exposing truth and justice.

And though he could not be here tonight, I have to thank Agent Mulder, my dearest friend, without whom I would still be walking around in a fog of oblivion.

She smiled then, letting out a breath in relaxation. It was over. Waiting for the crowd's reaction, her eyes met Skinner's, and he nodded in support, taking a chance but clapping just the same. His break of the silence encouraged her audience to join in the applause, and Dana noted with satisfaction that the Cigarette Smoking Man had left the room.

Her eyes were scanning the crowd when she saw him--Mulder was standing in the doorway, his moist eyes locked with hers. He allowed a brief smile to spread across his face, and he gave her a thumbs-up signal. He berated himself silently--of course she had known the reasons for her recognition--and she wasn't playing into their hands. But best of all, she wasn't leaving him; she had just sealed her allegiance to him and seemed perfectly content with that decision.

She returned his smile and watched him as he disappeared back outside. He had heard after all--and she was glad.

Stepping down from the podium and quickly excusing herself, Dana hurried outside to look for her partner. A path wound crookedly along a large pond outside the banquet hall, and she could see a shadowy figure relaxed against a bench. Pulling her jacket more tightly around her from the night's chill, she headed towards him.

You just kissed any chance of promotion good-bye, he commented as she sat down beside him.

Did you hear the whole thing? she asked.



Then you know that I don't care about that.

You should, he commented, looking down at his hands.

Says who? Mulder, I want what you want.

You've already given up so much.

So have you, she reminded him gently.

A slight pause followed before he spoke again, I'm sorry, Scully. About earlier.

I know. We both said things we didn't mean.

He nodded, staring out across the pond. I didn't realize... His voice trailed off, uncertain of how to pose his thoughts.

He didn't need to. Dana reached out to clasp his hand. You are, she answered his unasked question. You are very important to me. More important than a stupid little plaque.

He looked up at her then with a crooked smile. Then you're spookier than I am, he said, raising his eyebrows.

She laughed, shaking her head at his comment. He reached up to brush a loose strand of hair from her face, and, impulsively, she wrapped her arms around him. He held her tightly against him, enjoying their rare closeness. You're important to me, too, you know, he said as he released her.

I know, she smiled again as she stood up, holding out her hand. Come on, Mulder. There's still plenty of food left at the banquet.

The way to a guy's heart, he grinned, accepting her hand.

She rolled her eyes as they walked back to the banquet hall, his hand resting comfortably against her back--Spooky and Mrs. Spooky, partners, and friends.



THE END