Less to do with Christmas and more to do with the theme of it.

Rated: K

Word Count: 2971

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

Cold and snowy - the two things Sasori hated most. However, his seasonal job was starting to become a runner up. He was just a normal employee working in retail. Unfortunately for him, his boss chose him to work on something seasonally special! Heck, he was even given a raise! Sasori couldn't say no.

Until he saw the tights.

The outfit, oh the outfit! So red and green and… jingly. Not to mention that it came equipped with pointy little ears!

An elf. A fucking elf. His boss had assigned him to work with Santa in the mall as an elf. Poor Sasori had been so excited for his new pay raise. If only he had known it came at a greater cost - his manly hood.

Begrudgingly, Sasori slid on the tacky clothes and snug tights. Every time he moved his head, walked, or even sniffled he jingled and jangled like a happy elf. Except, he wasn't too happy.

All day long for an entire two weeks, Sasori had to deal with screaming children. They'd pull the bell on his hat and shoes, and throw candy canes at him. Even so, Sasori held his temper as each little brat waited in line impatiently to sit on some old geezer's lap. When the kids finished, they'd slide down the fake snow mountain and he'd hand them a free large candy cane.

It was another work afternoon, and Sasori was already covered in icky sticky candy cane. As he sat on his "ice" block, he picked bits of peppermint from his hair. What kind of child chewed candy and then spat it at people!? How could a child state they've been good and then soon after commit an act of bad!? Sasori just couldn't understand kids.

From behind, the redhead could hear the tumbling of a child down the slide. With a heavy sigh, he stuck out a candy cane and soon it was ripped from his hand. The cane broke from the rough grasp and Sasori already knew what that meant. A piercing cry escaped the child's noise maker. He cringed at the high pitched screech. Just as Sasori expected, the mother of the crying child came over and began to lecture him about how to treat a child. The parents were just as bad as the kids!

After several bitchings and spilled tears, the redhead was allowed to go on his lunch break. The grumpy elf practically ran out of the building. He yanked his coat on and desperately dug through his pockets. Once outside, Sasori made a beeline for the sectioned off trash area. No one could bother him there.

Leaning against the wall beside a dumpster, Sasori packed his cigarettes before shakily whipping one out. Man, was it cold… The cold breeze easily blew through his tights. This brought a scowl to his face as he inhaled his much needed nicotine. At least his headache was going away.

Or so he thought.

"Scuse me mister elf…" A small voice chimed. "You're not s'posed to do that!"

Blinking, the redhead looked around. No one had ever bothered him on break before! A tug to his tunic brought his attention lower.

Long blond hair and a red pouty face. Not to mention the ridiculous puffy yellow jacket.

"Are you lost or something? You're not supposed to be back here," Sasori scolded the child.

The small human crossed his arms. "I'm not lost, un!" He pointed at the death stick between Sasori's fingers. "That's bad for you!"

Sasori glared at the kid. "I don't care…"

The blond gasped and stomped his foot. "B-But you're not allowed to!"

"Says who?" The redhead sassed as he took a puff of his cigarette. Was he really arguing with a child? Yes… yes he was.

The kid again pointed at his cigarette then at a sign on a nearby closed door. "The sign says no smoking! See the big slash on the cigarette? That means you can't do that here, un!" The kid gave him a smug grin and crossed his arms triumphantly.

The redhead's brow furrowed in frustration. He gave the kid a long stare, the blond gloating. Then it hit him. He looked around, searching for any cameras. Seeing that there was none, he smirked. Taking a long drag, he shrugged and huffed the smoke out in an extended exhale. "Still don't care."

The blond coughed, making a face as he waved the smoke away from his face. In retaliation to the grumpy elf, the little boy raised a winter boot to the older male's shin. "Meany!" the boy coughed.

"Ow! Hey!" Sasori snapped, cigarette dropping out of his mouth. "Ah, my cig! You little brat!"

The blond stuck out his tongue and mocked the other male. Seeing that the cigarette was still lit, he jumped on top of it snubbing the tobacco. "Now you can't break the rules anymore, un!"

The redhead scoffed and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. "Fuck the rules." He went to light the death stick, but the small boy surprised him once again.

"Y-Yeah! Fuck the rules, un!"

Sasori's eyes widened at the obscenity leaving the blond's mouth. "Whoa whoa whoa…" he laughed nervously. "A kid like you shouldn't say stuff like that. That's against the…"

The blond gave him a knowing looking.

The redhead sighed, "Right. Here's the thing, I'm an adult and you're a child. I don't have to listen to the rules, but you do."

"I'm not a child," the kid drawled.

Sasori snorted, "You're like what? Four?"

The blond gasped and pressed a hand to his heart as if he had been hurt. "Four? I'm seven years old and in the second grade just so you know, un!"

Sasori laughed at the child's statement. He laughed so hard that he had to hold himself against the wall, arms graphing at his sides. As he slid down the wall, the kid watched his every move. He laughed for a damn good minute.

"I don't get it. What's so funny?" the little boy asked confused.

The redhead shook his head and wheezed out one last laugh. "Seriously, kid, you should go find your parents before they send a search warrant out."

The blond sat down next to the redhead. "My ma and pa aren't here. My big brother took me."

"Then where is he?"

The kid shrugged, "Dunno. He told me to wait outside some smelly store, but he was taking too long. I really had to go pee, but he wouldn't listen to me. He told me to hold it. I tried, but I felt like I was gonna esplode, un!"

Sasori frowned, "So you just up and left?"

"I went to the bathroom," the kid explained. "I tried to find my way back, buuuut… I kinda got lost…" he mumbled.

Sasori sighed, "Of course you did. Why don't you-"

The blond interrupted him. "Hey, what's your name?"

"That doesn't matter-"

"My pa told me not to talk to strangers. I know you're one of Santa's elfs…"

The redhead gave the blond a stern look who returned it with a similar stare. "Sasori."

The kid smiled a big toothy grin. He stuck a small gloved hand out for Sasori to shake. "My name's Deidara."

Sasori shook the hand slowly. "You know, that whole talking to strangers things still applies even when you know their name. You shouldn't be walking around the mall by yourself."

"Why?" Deidara titled his head. "Because it's against the rules, un?" he giggled.

"Because it's dangerous," Sasori said seriously. "You're lucky I'm a good-... an okey guy. You could've been taken away by some crazy. We should get you back to your brother."

The little blond crossed his arms sadly. "He doesn't care about me."

"That's so not true," Sasori argued. He checked his watch and scrunched up his nose. He was already past his clock in time. "He has to care. He's family."

Deidara shook his head, "He's always mean to me! And… and you know what he told me!?"

"No, what?"

Deidara looked around and then motioned for Sasori to lean down. When the male did, he whispered in his ear. "He told me that Santa wasn't real, un. Crazy, right?"

Sasori rolled his eyes half heartedly. "Totally insane."

"Finally someone gets it," Deidara sighed dramatically.

"You're awfully smart for a seven year old," the redhead commented.

Deidara shrugged happily, "I'm home schooled."

"Your brother too?"

A shake of the blond's head. "He, uh… left school?"

"Explains why he'd let you wait outside a store alone." Sasori got to his feet, stretching. "C'mon, brat, we need to get you back to your idiot brother."

Deidara waved his arms, hands grabbing. "Help me, un!"

Sasori rolled his eyes and pulled the blond up. "What's with the marshmallow suit anyways?" he asked as they made their way back inside.

The blond grabbed Sasori's hand, holding it tightly so he wouldn't get lost. "Ma made me wear it. It's stupid and too big."

"I agree, but I suppose it's so you don't get sick." Sasori led the boy over to the Santa exhibit.

As soon as he jingled in, his boss started on a hot path toward him. "Sasori! You're nearly twenty minutes over break. What do you think you're doing? There are-"

Sasori gasped and tried to grab Deidara as the boy let go of his hand. He could only watch in horror as the little blond ran up to his boss and kicked him in the shin.

"Don't be mean to Sasori, un!"

His boss's face screamed confusion and anger.

Sasori swooped the blond up in his arms, holding the yellow puff up in the air and away from his boss. "I'm so sorry, but this kid just showed up while I was on break and-"

"Hey you! Hands off my little brother, you creep!"

Sasori turned around to face the angry voice to meet an even angrier face. Letting Deidara down, he tried to explain. "Look, if you were paying attention then maybe he wouldn't have ran off-" Deidara yanked on his tunic with a whine.

"What kind of sick pervert-"

"I didn't-!"

The blond's older brother moved the kid behind him and grabbed Sasori by the front of his shirt. Damn being short. Damn this brat getting him into this mess. Before Sasori could open his mouth again he got a face full of fist. Then he blacked out.

It only felt like a few seconds to the redhead, but a few minutes had actually passed. When he started to come through, the first thing he saw was the little blond boy drooling over him. The spit dangled just above the bridge of his nose and unfortunately for Sasori, it dropped due to Deidara's inability to suck it back up. The elf cringed, facing contorting in disgust.

"Sasori!" the blond beamed as if he had not just spat in the redhead's face. Or as if his big brother had not just beat the crap out of him.

Wiping the spit off his face with his sleeve, Sasori sat up. He looked around and took note that he was in the mall's mock prison. Greeeeeat. "Wait a minute… Why're you in here too?" Sasori asked. He looked around the small cell and then outside it. He could see the blond's brother sitting across from their cell angry and annoyed.

"I told him that I ran away and if you got put in here then I have to too! He didn't wanna let me, but I ran in here anyways!"

"That's stupid," Sasori snorted.

"You're stupid, un."

Sasori glared, "Hey-"

"I told them it wasn't your fault…" Deidara muttered.

The redhead rubbed his jaw. "If that's true, then why am I in here?"

Deidara shrugged, "Somethin about causing a scene and being late?"

Sasori rolled his eyes, "Well there goes my job…"

The blond hopped onto the bed and sat next to the older male. "Did Santa fire you, un?

"Something like that… You can go, yanno. You and your brother should probably get going home," Sasori stated as he started stripping off his elf-ly portions. As soon as he painfully removed his fake ears, Deidara screamed from beside him. "W-What!?"

"Ears aren't s'posed to come off!" he squealed, scooting away from Sasori.

The redhead flinched as he saw the blond's older brother walk up closer to the cell angrily. "What the hell's wrong with you!?"

"Y-Yeah! Wh-What the hell's wrong with you, un!?"

Both Sasori and the older brother snapped at the small boy, "Deidara!"

Sasori sank back in his seat as the older brother glared at him. There was no winning with this guy. "Deidara," the redhead started, "these ears aren't real. They're fake. See?" He held out the prosthetics for the boy to see. Then he moved back a piece of his hair to show the boy his ears. "See? I still have my ears."

Deidara stared in awe at the ears. He grabbed them with his little grubby fingers and began to inspect them. "Do all elfs ears come off?"

The redhead glanced at the big brother who seemed to be rolling his eyes. "Yeah, yeah they do. It's how we blend in with everyone else. Elves gotta find work during the other seasons too. We're also all not that short."

"But you're short," Deidara giggled.

Sasori's eyes twitched, "Looks who's talking ya walking marshmallow."

The boy grumbled and pouted.

"Brat," Sasori sighed. "You can become an elf too."

Deidara's eyes lit up at the suggestion. "Whaaat?"

The redhead nodded, "Try putting on the ears."

The blond eagerly slid the prosthetics over his ears, but to his dismay they kept slipping off. He whimpered, "I can't be an elf!"

At the sight of the crying child, Sasori got off the bed and crouched in front of the child. "No, no, no! Not true!" he assured the blond. "You just have to put it on with magic!"

Deidara rubbed his eyes and runny nose. "Magic?"

Man, this kid was a total crybaby over nothing. Sasori nodded, "It comes in this special teeny tiny bottle." The redhead reached for the top of his hat and pulled a small bottle out of the lid of the jingly hat. He held out his hand for the ears.

Deidara watched as the redhead spread the golden liquid inside the ear. Then the older man was pushing back his hair from his ear.

"Now you just put them on and… tadaa!" The redhead cheered. "Try pulling on it gently."

The blond felt up his ear and gasped, "I'm… I'm an elf!"

Sasori nodded and stuck on the other ear for the boy. "And no elf can be complete without a jingly hat." The male plopped the festive hat on the boy, it falling down his face as it was too big. "There…"

Deidara pushed the hat up and stared up at the redhead. The kid grinned happily before pulling Sasori into a tight hug.

The redhead stared in shock, being too surprised to return the gesture.

"How sweet," a new voice chimed.

At the sound, Deidara whipped his head around. "Papa!"

Sasori glanced over at the older man on the other side of the cell. Behind him was the angry brother, who seemed more annoyed than anything now.

"It seems you've made a new friend, Dei."

Deidara nodded, hugging Sasori even tighter.

Sasori flushed at the attention. "Honestly, sir, I was just trying to cheer him up and-"

The older man shook his head. "No need to explain yourself to me. You seem like a good kid. Why don't we get you boys out."

After several convincing from the old man to the security guard, Sasori and Deidara were free men… or free elves as Deidara put it. Despite being free, Sasori didn't feel any better. He had probably just lost his job after all.

"Thank you so much for bringing my son back. My oldest can be… irresponsible sometimes," the old man sighed. "Sorry if Deidara caused you any trouble."

Sasori rubbed the back of his neck. "Don't… worry about it."

"If there's anything I can do-"

"N-No it's okey! Really!" Sasori countered quickly.

The old man frowned but nodded. "If you're sure…"

Before Sasori could say anymore, Deidara's brother stood up. "I disagree. I overheard your boss… Dad, why don't you let him work at the diner?"

Deidara gasped, "Un! I could show you my dino set! And all my cool cars!"

Sasori opened his mouth to argue, but one look from the happy child changed his mind. There was no way he could say no right now. Not when Deidara was giving him those hopeful eyes. "You barely know me…" he muttered.

"Tis the season," the old man smiled. He dug through his wallet and handed the teenager a card.

The redhead sighed, "I… I'll stop by for an application tomorrow- ah!" He gasped as the blond hugged him tightly and squealed in joy.

"Alright Deidara," his father scolded lightly. "Come now, mama is waiting at home with dinner."

Deidara gave one last hug to Sasori and ran over to his family. "Okey!" He waved his small hand at the redhead. "Buh-bye!"

"We hope to see you tomorrow," the man smiled before leaving with his family.

Sasori watched as they left. Today had not gone as expected. He was friendly to a kid, got beat up, fired, and then offered a new job. What a day. Glancing at the card, he read over the info before flipping it over. On the back was a picture of the blond's family in front of the diner. Perhaps…