You sit there in your hive, unsure of what to do next. You've been crying for days upon days that almost felt like sweeps that you are unsure if you have any tears left to shed.. but there are. You shift your legs to sit cross legged on the bed as your mind swirls with so many thoughts and theories that you feel like you might be sick but you just can't let it go. Could it have been because you couldn't find him for so long and was a little occupied trying to free yourself from your kismesis' grip? Could it be possibly… because you had gained a decent amount of weight for being blind? You weren't sure on which of the millions it was but all you know is since the ectolab accident and you got your sight back as many bad things as good had come rushing at you. Your matesprit has left you despite any promises he has made.
'It's not that i stopped loving you Terezi…it was because you weren't around…and i'm kind of dating someone else"
And no matter how hard you tried to get him back and how hard you fought it was useless, useless…just like you are. You stir around in the agonizing thoughts as you lay down upon the bed now. You were lucky enough for the Striders to be nice to lend you a room while visiting for a while, but with having to see him around all the time, your bloodpumper just shatters.
"You'll like him Terezi, he's a nice guy"
No he is not, he stole everything you ever wanted and had right out from under you. Your body trembles as the dark, painful sadness washes over you again with a quite bit of angst as you throw the nearest object against the wall, praying it did no damage. You curl up in the covers, cuddling a certain scalemate close. One that was grey, black, and silver with red button eyes, and it smelled like him. You cuddle it closer and closer as you toss and turn in the dark void of thoughts that you just can't shake, the amount of things you did wrong and your panic sets in even more. What if you cuddle it so much it loses his scent? And you would never be able to smell the comforting scent that you love so much because you just love him so because times have changed? Times have changed…you close your eyes for a long moment as you open them again, a hand extending to the drawer beside you.
You pull out a lead of rope as you stand on your toes, hooking the other end to the secure beam upon the ceiling as it droops about a foot away from the bed. You stare through the looped hole for a long time, turning the scalemate in your hands as you swallowed hard, tears pouring down your face, you slip your head through the hole as you take the last step off the bed, clenching that scalemate tight as your last breath hitches in your throat and you just let yourself go still as your last memories flash before your eyes, your body limp… as the scalemate hits the floor with a squeak.
They say love is blind…but also that love kills.