ELEGYconclusion

TITLE - ELEGY--alternate ending (1/1)
AUTHOR - Tammy M. Parnell
EMAIL ADDRESS: LaLapine@aol.com
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, as long as my name & disclaimer are on it
SPOILER WARNING: Irresistible, Elegy
RATING: G
CLASSIFICATION: S
SUMMARY: Alternate ending for Elegy
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yeah, yeah, I know. It's been done. But *I* haven't done it yet, so...
DISCLAIMER: If they were mine, I'd have had a lot more friendshippy scenes on the show, so obviously, they're not!

ELEGY--Alternate Ending
by Tammy M. Parnell

No, Dana, don't cry now, the emotionally overwhelmed agent told herself. Not in front of him. The doctor said I'm fine, she managed to get out, wanting to be anywhere but trapped in the cold corridor with him.

I hope that's true, Mulder responded, tired of her lying to him about her condition, understanding her need for independence but wishing she knew when to give up the pretense and allow him to help.

His hazel eyes bored into her, and she couldn't bring herself to look at him. I'm going home, she said, her speech broken. Damn, he knows. He knows I'm on the edge of a breakdown.

Mulder watched her walk away from him. No, he thought firmly. Not this time. Let me come.

His words stopped her dead in her tracks, her back to him. He's not going to let this go, she thought shakily. She heard him come up slowly behind her.

Please, Dana.

That did it. The tears were rolling slowly out now. She knew what would happen if he made her look at him. And she was right.

Mulder walked around to face her, gently lifting her chin so she would look into his eyes. His hand lightly pushed her head towards him, against his chest, and she complied, arms wrapping tightly around his waist, tears sliding freely down her cheeks.

She remained in his embrace even after the tears ended, relaxed and safe. She remembered the last time she had allowed herself to break down in front of him--the terrible Donald Pfaster case. He had been there, too, even during her denial that anything was wrong, gently prodding, never pushing, until she had been ready to let him in. Just like now, with her cancer.

She pulled away slowly, wiping her moist cheeks. she said softly. I needed that.

He looked carefully into her pale blue eyes, concerned. His hand remained on her shoulder as he asked gently, Are you ready to go home?

She simply nodded and allowed him to guide her to the elevator and outside.

***

They had been sitting on Dana's couch for nearly an hour. Taking a sip of coffee, she continued to talk, comfortable finally in sharing her feelings.

The human spirit is more powerful than any drug; and that is what needs to be nourished. Dana smiled as she said the remembered words. I read that somewhere, but sometimes I feel like it's a bunch of b.s... The Bureau doesn't know about the medicine. I knew what I needed, so I got hold of it. Don't worry; I don't take it before work. It would make me too drowsy. Only at night, when it's too hard to sleep.

Mulder tightened his arm slightly around his partner, who was resting against his side. What kind of pain do you have, Dana? he asked gently, sorrow in his chest.

Well, there's the nosebleeds, of course. And the headaches. Sometimes they get pretty bad. I woke up last night wanting to scream it hurt so much. She glanced at him, worried she'd said too much. But his caring look encouraged her to continue. I don't tell anyone but my doctor what the symptoms are. I don't see the point. Oh, I forgot about the hot flashes. I didn't think I'd have to worry about THOSE for awhile, but the medicine brings them on. So I either get to have a killer headache, or wake up covered in sweat. Sometimes I even get both as a bonus. She gave him a grim smile and realized his eyes had moistened. Dammit, Dana, you made him cry, you idiot! Instantly her focus turned to her partner.

Mulder, don't. Don't do that to yourself. She turned slightly and ran a cool hand down his cheek.

I can't help it, Scully. I can't stand to see you hurting.

I'm okay right now.

But what about tonight? Tonight when I leave and you cry into your pillow instead of calling me? What about then?

It took effort, but she held his gaze. I'm sorry, Mulder. I know I should tell you, but it's hard. I'm trying. I really am.

I know, he responded, gently stroking her auburn hair. I know you are. But you'll try to spare me. I know you, Scully. You'll think, I can handle it myself. Why bother him?' But I want you to. I want to be bothered.

She smiled slightly but remained silent, leaning back into his arms. The silence stretched out for several minutes, though the pause was not uncomfortable. Mulder finally spoke up.

It just hurts, he said carefully. It hurts like it's happening to me, to see someone I love in so much pain. And there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Dana took a moment to absorb those words before she answered him. Slowly, she turned around once more to face him. She ran a gentle hand through his hair. You're so wrong, Mulder. You don't realize how much you mean to me, how much strength you've given me. Don't ever believe you're not helping me, because you are.

By sitting here? I should be out finding a cure, or--

No, Mulder. You should be right here. I need someone I love to hold onto me for dear life, or I might just slip away.

With that, Mulder stretched his arms and pulled her tightly against him. She returned the gesture, whispering against his neck, If you stay tonight, then you don't have to worry about me not calling.

I don't want to smother you.

Trust me, Mulder, she grinned in spite of herself, gently pulling back. I'll let you know if you're smothering me.

He returned her grin and reached for the remote. I think there's a Knicks game on.

Go for it, she said, content to be next to him.

He turned the TV on, for once not really caring about the Knicks. Only concentrating on the warm form snuggled up against him. He listened to her even breathing, noticing when it grew deeper and more relaxed. He turned the television off and settled back against the cushions, closing his eyes.

Somehow, he knew he would sleep tonight, without the TV.

THE END