Snow White
Once upon a time in a magical trailer park, there lived a family of hard core low-income white folks. The father, White Chocolate, and his wife, Shaniqua, were giving birth to their first daughter. Shaniqua was a very beautiful ho with a fit build and immense breasts. Her blonde hair, though false, created a graceful eminence wherever she wandered and many men came to her, but none as wonderful as White Chocolate. As Shaniqua became more and more pregnant, she grew less beautiful and men no longer noticed her. Even still, White Chocolate continued to care for his wife.
It was a glorious summer day when the child was born, the smoggy sunrise turned a brilliant red and the smokestacks clouded the crepuscular rays. It was a girl and they named her Snow White because Shaniqua had felt the urge to do crack during her pregnancy. Shortly after child made her way into the world, the mother died and beauty did not return to her corpse.
Two months later, after the funeral, White Chocolate shooting up some Bloods when he came across a stunningly fine ho by the name of Jolisa. Jolisa was excited to become co-owner of the trailer park and to be the wife of a punk-assed Crip. Soon, White Chocolate and Jolisa were wed and the child had a mother; a step-mother. Jolisa was never left alone with the baby, for White Chocolate did not fully trust a meager ho with his offspring. White Chocolate was smart in is mistrust of his new wife, for her true intent was to destroy the child and keep the excess income to fund her rap career. However, Jolisa was a terrible rapper. Each day she would rap to the small hand-held mirror and recite, "Yo, mirror, mirror on my lap; who is the finest at gangsta rap?", and the mirror would always reply with, "Please stop asking, I already told you; it's you."
As the years passed and Snow White grew, she became a smashing young rap artist herself. She would create rhymes not about guns and prostitutes, but important issues like world hunger and communism. Her poetic talents surpassed those of her step-mother and this angered Jolisa and she retreated to the washroom where she stared at the mirror again. "Yo, yo, mirror in my hand, who raps the finest in the land?" The mirror took a moment to reply, for it had a Windows operating system and it was having technical malfunctions. Finally, it replied with "Things have changed a bit in time, for young Snow White lays down better rhymes." The step-mother's face grew red with anger and she nearly gave herself a hernia. The child would have to perish if her rap career were to ever take off. "Stupid girl, I'll do her in, though I'm her mother and that's a sin. But that young man down the street needs some money in order to eat, so if he does my bidding and I pay him a mass... then maybe he'll pop a cap in her ass?" The step-mother giggled with maniacal glee.
That afternoon, she ventured to the young poor man's trailer and proposed her offer, handing him several fives and tens. "You get the rest when you bring me her heart. I'll send the girl to the corner store in an hour, you catch up to her in the back alley and... do her in." The poor man understood. He loaded his gun and pulled out his old rusty hunting knife.
An hour later, the poor man headed out to the alley with his handgun and knife. Sure enough, the girl came bounding towards the store and the poor man took aim. Once she was in his range, he could not pull the trigger, for she was too beautiful and her rhymes excited him. Instead he told her to run down to the gay community by the river and so she did, being naïve enough to trust strangers. Instead of killing Snow White, the poor man decided not to kill anyone and sold his gun and instead bought a ticket to Mexico with the money.
It had been a week since Jolisa had seen the poor man, and Snow White was nowhere to be seen. White Chocolate had been asking his wife where the girl was, but every time he posed a question on her whereabouts, Jolisa made sweet love to him and he forgot about the girl entirely.
That night, Jolisa entered the bathroom and asked the mirror another question: "Mirror, mirror near the john, where the hell has Snow White gone?" And the mirror told her. Again, Jolisa was furious. This time, she would take matters into her own hands. She took White Chocolate's gun from the cabinet and loaded it with bullets, for her aim was imperfect.
It took her seven days to reach the homosexual community and when she got there, she found seven small men singing and dancing. She followed them to their home where she saw her step-daughter. "Snow White..." she greeted, grinning.
"Mother! It's been so long!" cried the girl, forgetting that it was this wretched woman that had threatened Snow White's life in order to further her rap career.
It was as she was running unexpectedly towards the Jolisa that a bullet from her own father's gun penetrated her heart, drenching the ground and some of the gay midgets with blood.
Several months later, Jolisa became a successful rap artist and the beautiful young step-daughter was forgotten.
Moral: rap is not judged on the lyrical quality of the song, it is judged by the rhythm and music. Also: don't trust your step-mother, especially if she's a ho.